Warnings: Spoilers for Conquest, obviously.
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She once read a tale about a man who was melancholic because the sight of the blossoms of her namesake disturbed him until he realized there were bodies underneath the trees. Imagine it, he said, dull, white petals that became a bright, beautiful pink when nourished by human blood.
It was an old legend. There are no bodies buried under any of the trees in the sakura groves of Shirasagi, but the cherry blossoms had been blooming when the Nohrian army marched into the capital, spilling the blood of Hoshidans in their wake. If there were any shred of truth in the story of the dead under the cherry tree, then the bloom this year would've been the most brilliant.
She wouldn't know. She didn't see. The petals have already fallen by the time she had been in any position to see them.
It is late spring with summer around the corner when an ambassador from Nohr arrives at the front gates of Castle Shirasagi. The red bean mochinext to her tea is still half-eaten. Sakura is alternating between picking at the crumbs and reading through a book on Hoshidan law without fully absorbing the contents when somebody slides the door open.
She tears her eyes away from the page to see her sister close the door to join her at the chabudai. Hinoka has always been self-assured and confident, but wearing a crown that should have been their brother's and a formal kimono too extravagant for someone so straightforward and honest, Sakura has never seen her look more out of her element. Hinoka is settling in, but sometimes, such as right now, it's clear that she has yet to fully adjust from her role as warrior princess to queen.
There is something Hinoka wanted to say, but she is seems to be having trouble saying it. It is unsettling to see that Hinoka struggle. "You... you don't have to do this, you know."
There is a sense of hopelessness with the way Hinoka says it. She never showed weakness before, at least not before her. Sakura had always thought that her sister was invincible – she was so brave and strong, what did she have to be afraid of? – but if the war had taught her anything about Hinoka, it was that she is as human as Sakura is.
Sometimes, Hinoka needs to let her vulnerability show before someone she trusted unconditionally. While it felt like the sisters have lost everything at times, the truth is they didn't because they still had each other. That is why, not matter how unworthy she is, Sakura wants to be someone her sister can have faith in. Hinoka has been looking after her long enough. It is time for her to do the same in return, even if what she did could not measure up.
"I don't mind," Sakura replies, "I can do this."
Hinoka still looks uncertain. When Sakura had been assigned to work alongside the ambassador King Xander sent to Shirasagi as a sign of good faith, it had been a decision made upon careful thought on both the queen and her advisors. Sakura is to accompany Xander's youngest brother during his stay as a diplomat and working with him to set an example for their still bitter people.
Far to used too relying on her own strength for everything, Hinoka would have done it herself, but not when she has duties elsewhere and not when she still harbored some of the same feelings her people did, so she had been forced to turn to her younger sister under the reasoning that Sakura is well-liked by the commoners for her kindness and her accepting nature would make it easier for her to work with a former enemy and vice versa.
"I wanted to talk to you before you met with him today," Hinoka says, "I may be the queen now, but... but I still want you to rely on me as an older sister. If you are in trouble, if it ever becomes too much, come to me, alright? We'll figure it out together."
This makes Sakura smile. She didn't want to drift away from Hinoka after the latter became queen, studying government in hopes of being able to stay close to her as an advisor despite knowing her shyness and reserved personality would make it difficult for her to make her voice heard, so she is happy to hear that Hinoka felt the same way. They were the only family they had left, after all.
Even so, Sakura isn't sure if she liked the idea of adding to her sister's worries. "O-okay," she replies, "I would like that. Um, I guess I should go shouldn't it? I don't want to be late. It would be...rude."
"Yeah, I guess you should," Hinoka rises to her feet, "I have a meeting with Yukimura now, but walk with me for a while?"
"Thank you." Sakura pushes the plate aside, promising she would finish the mochi later, and stands, picking up the yumi lying at her side as she does so. She hesitates when she sees Hinoka's gaze fall on the weapon in her hands. "Oh, um, I'm sorry," she murmurs, "I guess I should leave this here, shouldn't I?"
"No," Hinoka said, shaking her head, a hand resting on the hilt of the katana at her side, "Take it with you. Even if you can't use it, it'd make a nice statement. Ryoma... Ryoma and Takumi may be gone, but you and I are still here."
It may be peacetime, but the weapons the sisters carry with them serves as a reminder of what way paid to see the war's end. Hoshido was able to keep its independence thanks to King Xander, so it is all the more prudent that their newfound allies and their own subjects understand that, despite their losses, the Kingdom of White Night is nonetheless unbent and unbroken.
Hinoka smiles though her tired eyes as she walks sees Sakura on her way. "It makes me a little sad that you're growing up, knowing you won't be needing me to take care of you anymore, but I'm proud of you, Sakura."
("I'm happy to see you like this, Sakura. Whatever happens, I'm proud of you–")
Pushing memories of anouther sister down, Sakura replies in conviction. "I won't let you down."
She says goodbye to Hinoka and makes her way to the wing that was allotted to the Nohrians' use. There had been a much surprise when Prince Leo had showed up with only one of his retainers. Some had took it as an insult as it suggested King Xander still believed Hoshido is so weak that his brother did not need any more protection than that and others simply thinking the less Nohrians there are within their borders the better.
The two men are conversing just outside their rooms when Sakura approaches. It is not Leo who takes note of her arrival first, but his subordinate. The man's single blue eye catches sight of her and he grins wickedly.
(She is in Fort Jinya. A Nohrian soldier breaks through and grins when he sees her. She raises her silver bow, but its useless. She is still weak, still powerless, unable to fight back when a hand in a black gauntlet takes her by the arm–)
She almost backs away. Almost runs back to Hinoka because she talks big, but when it comes to acting, she runs away like a coward. Almost abandons what she had promised herself she could do because it would be so much easier.
Almost, but she doesn't. She is not in Fort Jinya. She is in Castle Shirasagi and they are not her enemies, not anymore. She could do this. If she could talk to a Nohrian prince without any problems, she would be able to talk to anyone, right?
Sakura grips the Fujin Yumi tightly as if she could somehow draw strength from her fallen brother, from the kind, gentle Takumi she remembers playing dolls with as children instead of the vengeance-driven man she remembers from the last days she spent with him, through the weapon he wielded proudly in life. She numbs herself to everything except her objective, takes a deep breath, and forces herself to speak.
"Ah... Pr-Prince Leo?"
The first thing he does when he faces her is to scrutinize her from head to toe, silently assessing her as she him. His mahogany eyes are bound to be better practiced at detecting weak points than her's, but she sees how he notes the bow she holds before her first, then the way her right foot is positioned a step behind her left. His gaze makes her uncomfortable, not in the same way his retainer's does, but just because she hates it when people look at her so intensely without saying a word.
She wonders what he sees; a little girl trying to play at being an adult, surely. Her grip on the Fujin Yumi tightens.
"Princess Sakura," is his curt reply accompanied by a brief incline of his head towards her, just enough to be considered respectful to – she realizes this with a jolt – the heir to the throne of a foreign nation.
"I-I hope you rested well after... after your journey?"
"Well enough," he answers, voice neutral, "Queen Hinoka was very accommodating and generous in her hospitality."
"Th-that is good to hear," she says, trying to depict the hidden meaning of his words. Didn't Corrin mention something about having trouble sleeping on futons on his first day here as well? She couldn't remember for sure, not that it mattered anyway. "Um, well, my sister – the queen, I mean, thought it would be beneficial for us both if I... if I gave you a tour of our capital?"
Before Leo could reply, he is interrupted by an amused snort and a laugh. When the one-eyed man notices that he has the attention of the two, he merely shrugs in an unapologetic manner. "You put on the innocent act, but I can see right through you," he says to Sakura, smirk widening, "Feigning shyness, using your sister as an excuse when all you wanted to do is spend some quality time with my Lord Leo? How naughty."
Stunned, Sakura doesn't know how to respond. "I-I don't," she stammers, cheeks burning in humiliation, "I-I didn't mean..."
"Oh come now, there's no shame in admitting it."
"I-I..."
"Niles."
The disapproval is clear in the way his lord says his name. "I was only teasing milord. There's no need to chastise me."
Leo glares. What would have broken Sakura, Niles rolls his eyes at. "Alright, fine. Please accept my most humble apologies, Lady Sakura. It will never happen again."
"T-that's fine," Sakura says automatically. "I-I accept your apology."
"Great. If that's all, I'll be on my way." Pause. "Have fun on your date."
"I-It... it's not–" Sakura tries to say to salvage the situation, but Niles is already gone. Is he really going to leave his lord on his own like this? She doubts it. "Um..."
"I apologize for my subordinate's behavior," Leo says, coming up to her to stand by her side. "Niles can be... inappropriate at times, but he's been in my service for so long, I sometimes forget that kind of conduct in a retainer of the royal family is undesirable."
Too late, she realizes she had spoken to his shoulder rather than the man himself, she quickly corrects this mistake and takes care to make eye contact when she speaks again. "Just... just surprised by his, um, forwardness is all and I guess it-it does sound a bit like... a date."
"Did Queen Hinoka really suggest it?"
No it wasn't. It was actually one of the more tolerant governors who proposed the idea. He said he was not object to having a Nohrian as a guest in their capital so long as he respected their culture and ways. Hinoka had approved the suggestion and passed it onto Sakura. Leo did not have to know that, however. "Y-yes," she says, the lie feeling heavy on her tongue, "S-since Hoshido is very different from Nohr, she thought it would make it easier if you had a guide with you... th-that is, if you want. I mean..."
She is half-hoping he would refuse. Her experience with his retainer had shaken the confidence she had spent the morning building up. She's made enough of a fool of herself today.
Instead, Prince Leo of Nohr says, "It would be rude of me to refuse such consideration. Please, lead the way."
Sakura always enjoyed visiting the town. Walking down the streets and browsing the wares, even if she didn't end up buying anything, was one of her favorite things to do. Sometimes, she would see an accessory and think that Hana would like it, or a piece of embroidery with a pattern she recognized as one Azura was quite fond of. The people were friendly and, usually upon recognizing her as their princess, were happy to offer her samples of the food they had on sale with a smile, offers she accepted out of politeness or, in the case of sweets, because she couldn't stop herself even if she wanted to.
Today, however, she does none of that.
When the people see her first, they greet her in a the same way as usual – polite, but warm. As soon as they see who she is accompanied by however, their smiles become strained and the tone of their voices become distant. Hinoka had admitted that she never expected acceptance to come easily, but also knew that if Hoshido's leaders did not try to build the bridges of friendship with their new allies, the people could not be expected to do so. Sakura is witnessing first hand just how difficult the task is going to be. Seeing a Nohrian, one of the family for whom Corrin betrayed them for, in the streets of their shining capital did nothing to help soothe the acrimonious thorns in their hearts.
If Leo notices, he does not let it show. How iced over did a person's heart have to be in order to be immune to all that enmity?
This tour is nothing like the one Sakura led Corrin on with her siblings so long ago. She tries to talk to fill some of the silence between them, but she finds that she often drifts in and out of conversation. For his part, Leo is an attentive listener to everything she says and when it seems they're about to fall into silence again, prompts her with clarifying questions that she does her best to answer or explain.
She doesn't know if he's doing it because he's genuinely interested in what she had to say or because he can't stand the awkward tension between them either.
They eventually reach the town square where everything came crashing down. Though some of the buildings have been rebuilt since it was destroyed, most of it is still rubble. It brings back memories of happier times of when she walked by the statue with her family or played with Hana in the square and then those of the moment that started it all. Lost in thought, she didn't notice she stopped walking until Leo asks her a question.
"Is this where it happened?"
He could have been referring to a number of things: Is this where my mother was killed? Is this where Corrin first turned into a dragon? Is this where Azura nearly died trying to bring him back to his senses? Is this where so many innocent Hoshidans died because they were collateral damage?
Is this where my family started falling apart because of your's?
"Yes."
In the background, everyone goes on in their day-to-day business; people talking, vendors calling out to passerby's, children playing in the streets. She doesn't pay attention and she almost misses the next two words Leo has to say.
"I'm sorry."
Sympathy is the last thing she would expect from him when he just seems to be a very cold person. When she looks up, he is staring straight ahead at what was once a statue of the Dawn Dragon.
Seeing him standing where Mother died because his father sent her son to Hoshido as an assassin... Unflappable in the face of thinly veiled hostility, untouchable even when everyone around him hated him, seems to stir her heart out of the deadened state it has been in since she was taken prisoner in Fort Jinya.
Hinoka was wrong.
Hinoka was wrong about Sakura not being a hateful person because right then and there, she realizes she hates them all. She hates King Xander for claiming his birthright while Ryoma was dead and buried, hates Princess Camilla for calling herself Corrin's older sister when Hinoka is the one who dedicated her whole life looking for him, hates Princess Elise for extending a hand of friendship out of pity while flaunting her perfect family about, hates Mother for sacrificing herself to protect her "true" son, hates Corrin for choosing them even after she did, hates King Garon for kidnapping him in the first place, hates Azura for not letting her say goodbye, hates Ryoma for not being the invincible big brother Sakura always thought he was, hates Takumi for being right about everything, and hates herself for not being stronger because surely that would have made a difference.
But most of all, she hates him. She hates Prince Leo for offering his condolences after his hand and magic played a part in cutting the lives of so many wonderful people short, for being here when her brothers were not, for reminding her how to feel when it would have been easier to live the rest of her days in a state of numbed shock because at least that way, she can't be hurt anymore.
The Fujin Yumi trembles and in the end, she is so pathetic she can't even express her anger properly, ducking her head down and meekly muttering something even she's not certain of what she said.
Later that day, she skips the meeting she promised Hinoka she would attend. Her retainers find her alone in the archery range, shooting arrow after arrow, not caring about how off her aim is or how sloppy her technique. After all, what is the point when Takumi is no longer there to correct her or beam proudly when she makes a perfect shot?
Notch, draw, release. She repeats the words in her head as she performs each action as it makes it easier to tune everything else out. It feels nice to be able to vent, to be able to take it all out on something.
"Lady Sakura, it's me." She would recognize the voice of her best friend anywhere, but Sakura doesn't want to face her right now. Though she loves Hana dearly, she doesn't know if she wants her friend to see her in such a state of distress.
"Don't," Subaki says quietly, "Leave her be. Sometimes this is the only way that helps."
Thanking Subaki in her mind for understanding because she isn't sure if she could speak at the moment, Sakura continues as if she hadn't noticed her retainers at all. Notch, draw, release. Over and over and over until all the targets are pierced though with off-center bolts and she can't find anymore arrows save for the ones she already fired.
Her iron yumi clatters to the ground. Panting, exhausted, eyes blurred, Sakura winces when she rests her hands on her knees and leaving stains of blood on the white fabric of her clothes, but doesn't stop because the pain gives her something real, something present to think about.
She does not protest when her retainers gently guide her back to her room. Subaki applies a salve to her bleeding and blistering hands and carefully bandages them while Hana holds her close and tells her over and over again that everything will be alright as though saying it enough times will make it come to pass.
When she is finally on her own again, she doesn't have the energy to do anything except crawl into her futon and wonder what the future holds.
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A/N: I know I could've picked an easier topic to write my first Fates fic, but what can I say? OTP calls and I know a good plot bunny when I see one. The prompt x0whitelily0x posted on tumblr was an idea for a post-Conquest Leo/Sakura fic with Ambassador!Leo. Though this is still a shipping fic, it's largely going to be Sakura centric. There's going to be about 4-5 chapters total, but finals are coming up so don't expect Part 2 until May.
Grief and depression are...weird things. No experiences or handles them the same way in real life, but in fiction it can be tricky to do right. I actually find the idea that "Sakura instantly forgives Corrin and the Nohr siblings because everything they did was for peace" to be less realistic than "Sakura briefly takes a level in jerkass because she's a young girl who's recently experienced tragedy and loss and is trying to work through the aftermath." She may be the sweet little sister of the Hoshido family, but being shy and quiet doesn't equate to being a doormat and it certainly doesn't mean she's incapable of negative emotions under certain circumstances. At least that is my reasoning for portraying Sakura as such in this fic. I do, however, promise a happy ending.
The story Sakura refers to in the beginning is partially based on the poem "Under the Cherry Trees" by Motojirō Kajii that was published in 1927-1928. The bit about white petals turning pink isn't in it, but I thought it worked, so...