After Her Life
Summary: The reality of Cordelia's death hits home. Hard. Takes place right where "You're Welcome" left off.
Author's note: It's not all that good, but I couldn't just let her go out like that. I mean, seriously. You have to have some respect for her...I mean she's been there since day one!
Spoilers: Huge spoilers for "You're Welcome" (the 100th episode of the show), so if you haven't seen it...then this spoils the ending. A lot.
Rating: PG-13, for the 7 short paragraphs of Eve and Lindsey icky-ness.
Disclaimer: Once upon a time, Joss Whedon woke up and decided to write a movie called 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'. He did, and although it did not do as well as he had hoped, he was asked to revive Buffy as a television show. So he did. Three seasons after Buffy had been on the air, he made a spin-off from Buffy called 'Angel', making up various characters, places, and events for his new show. Now as you should notice, my name was not in that little story- Joss's was. It says that he made up the show, places, events, yadda, yadda, yadda. So they are not mine- don't sue me!
"Who was that?" Winnifred Burkle, more commonly known as Fred, asked curiously as she walked into Angel's Wolfram and Hart office and over to his desk, where Angel was standing, trapped in pensive/brooding mode as per usual, if not a bit more than normal. "Angel?" She called out cautiously, looking up at her boss as well as close friend. She was afraid to go over to him, for fear of what might be going through his head. Perhaps there was another thing like with the parasite demon thing Eve had sent after him, but she was sensing more than that.
The expression on the brooding vampire's face clearly stated that he was in shock, as though he could not believe what had just happened. He looked almost frozen in time, his black office phone still clutched tightly in his hand, almost as if he wanted to strangle it, the irritating sound of the dial tone echoing throughout his office. He could not react to his surroundings; he just wanted to slip away into nothing. Wolfram and Hart did not matter to him anymore. Nothing much did at that point in time.
The one person he wanted most of all at that point in time was gone. It was nothing like the Buffy incident either. In theory, with Buffy he could have gone after her if he really wanted, which he did. He just knew it would not be best for them. But this
This was just too much. He was unprepared for this to happen. He was off his guard, just focusing on Eve, or more specifically, what his liaison had been up to for the past couple of weeks. Ever since that deal with the parasite, he could not rest at ease since he had the knowledge that she could do something like that again.
"Angel," Fred repeated again, walking vigilantly over to Angel as she looked into his large brown eyes. "Who was that?" she repeated as she gently grabbed the phone from him, hanging it back up as she placed it on his desk. From the way Angel was acting, she was guessing the call did not convey any good news.
After what had seemed like an eternity, maybe even more so in Angel's eyes, the vampire answered. "The hospital."
Fred frowned in confusion, trying to think of what business the hospital had in calling them. None of their employees were in there as far as Fred knew. Unless...Gasping, she stopped suddenly, the thought she did not want entering her mind going to it. "Oh," she began, not wanting to form the words in her mouth. "Is it about Cordy?" she asked in fear, her voice beginning to crack slightly.
Angel nodded slightly as he brought Fred in closer to his body, one hand going to her left shoulder and the other one picking up her head, allowing her brown eyes to meet his, letting her know that this was serious. It was not just some prank or whatnot, just the Powers That Be playing a joke on them. It was real. "She didn't wake up, Fred." He swallowed hard, trying to get the next two words to form inside his dry mouth. He did not know if such a thing was possible, but he had to try. He had to believe it. There was no mistake in it- it was the truth. "She's dead."
"No!" Fred screamed quickly in denial. "No!" she yelled again as the warm tears began filling her eyes. Unable to think clearly, the young scientist found herself going into Angel's opened arms, sobbing on his smooth silk red shirt, her face collapsing like a tower made from toothpicks, or a wet paper bag. She could feel his arms wrapping around her small body as the two of them stood there, not knowing what they should do.
She felt numb, certainly not ready to cope with reality. Her body was shaking with sadness and anger. Anger at the doctors for not doing anything to help. Anger at the higher power that had possessed Cordelia's body to give birth to itself, knocking her into her coma in the first place.
The only means of comfort she had were Angel's muscular yet calming arms around her body, protecting her from the evil of reality in the world around them. The evil that she never really had experienced first hand. No one she had ever cared about as much as she had cared for Cordelia had ever died before. Both her parents were alive, as were all of her close friends. Well, that was how it had been yesterday, and how she had presumed tomorrow to be. But things change, and change is not always for a good thing.
Certainly they would have to tell the others. Charles, Wesley, Harmony. Oh god, Fred thought to herself. Harmony. Of all people, Harmony would probably take it the worst. She and Cordelia had been best friends almost all their lives. Not wanting to think about that, Fred turned back to Angel, large tears continuing to roll down her cheeks.
"Angel," Wesley Wyndam-Pryce announced, walking inside with a few pieces of paper, Charles Gunn right behind him. "We have a matter of importance here, and" Wesley's voice trailed off into nothing as he saw the woman he loved sobbing. "What happened?" he asked, sounding genuinely concerned as he ran over to her, dropping his papers on the floor, not caring what a mess he made.
Still sobbing, Fred managed to pull herself away from Angel's soothing arms for a second, dabbing at her eyes with the sleeve of her light blue shirt. She frowned, tears coming back to her eyes as she remembered Cordelia telling her that the shirt was perfect on her. Looking back on the occasion, Fred realized that Cordelia probably was only saying it to be nice, but the thought was there. ," she managed to get out in between her sobs.
"What about her?" Gunn asked casually.
"She...she...she didn't" The words would not form in Fred's mouth. She had to accept the facts and live with them. People do die, it is part of nature.
"Come again," Gunn stated, a look of perplexity making its way onto his face.
Angel sighed heavily, placing a consoling hand on Fred's back before looking around the room, his gaze meeting Fred first, followed by Gunn, and ending with Wesley. "What Fred is trying to say is that, well, that" He paused for a second, trying to think of what the best choice of words would be. Nothing to blunt as if to make it seem like he did not care, since he did. Cordelia was...practically the whole world to him.
"Angel, man, just say it," Gunn commanded, the suspense nearly killing him.
"She never woke up!" Angel yelled out loud, the anger obvious in his voice. "The hospital just called and said that. Cordelia Chase is dead! She never did wake up!" There. It was out. Wesley knew, Gunn knew. The entire first floor of Wolfram and Hart probably knew the awful truth from how loud Angel had been. But Angel did not care about that. He was in pain and more pain than just the physical type. Emotional pain was tearing him apart bit by bit.
"Oh," Wesley replied, mostly to himself as a way of grasping the seriousness of the situation. Angel's harsh words hit him home hard, like nothing ever had before. Worse than the time Angel had fired them. Then, they knew Angel was still around. Theoretically, if they wanted him, they could have still spoken to him. None of them had wanted it at that time, but the option was there.
But this...This was different. Cordelia had been one of Wesley's closest friends, right along with the rest of Angel Investigations. But nowÉnow that could not happen. He had always known from the start that there was a chance that Cordelia would never wake up from her comatose state, but he had never imagined that it would actually happen.
All those times, it had just been the two of them. Goofing off and making fun of Angel on various occasions. The fact that he was always brooding, his unachievable love for Buffy. The two of them had picked up on almost everything there was to Angel.
She had been there since the first day Angel Investigations was actually in business, alongside Doyle and Angel. Doyle had died, and shortly after Wesley came back to Los Angeles, teaming up with them. Thinking back, Wesley missed those days. The days before Wolfram and Hart. The days when things were easier and better.
"Uh, boss?" Harmony ventured warily, walking into Angel's office with a fresh hot mug of pig's blood, a little tiny portion of otter thrown in there for flavoring. Her blond hair was pulled back perfectly, out of the way in a sophisticated style, as always.
"Not now, Harmony!" Gunn commanded harshly without turning around to face the blond secretary. Sure, Harmony had no idea what was going on, she could not. But stillÉshe was there in Angel's office when Angel's world was falling apart right in front of him.
"But, boss," Harmony began again, stepping a little further on the gray carpeted floor, her hair swinging as she did such.
"Harmony, now is not the time!" Wesley snapped at Angel's secretary from his position next to Fred. The young scientist was still crying, though she had begun to calm down a little bit.
Harmony frowned in confusion once again. "Geez, what's wrong with her?" the blond vampire asked innocently, gesturing at Fred with a quick nod of her head.
"Nothing!" Gunn began before Angel interrupted by clearing his throat. "What?" Gunn asked a moment later, looking skeptically over at Angel.
"Harmony deserves to know," he stated clearly , turning his attention on his secretary. "Now, Harmony, please don't stake me for telling you this," he began, holding back the truth for a second as he waited for Harmony to assure him that she would not.
"Tell me what?" Harmony asked, fear beginning to creep out in her tone of voice. Judging by everyone's facial expression as well as Fred's lingering tears, Harmony was unsure if she wanted to know the information she was about to be told.
"Problem taken care of," Lindsey announced proudly as he walked into his apartment. The well expected Eve was already there as usual, sitting on his bed while fiddling with the buttons on her shirt, undoing them slowly, one by one.
"So she's dead?" Eve asked excitedly as she finished unbuttoning her shirt. Although it was a bit on the unfortunate side, especially since Cordelia was mostly just an innocent bystander, it had to be done. She smiled eagerly, waiting for the reply she would be getting, her shirt hanging at her bare shoulders, waiting for Lindsey to take it off.
Lindsey nodded in response. "She's dead," he stated clearly, walking swiftly over to Eve and pulling off her shirt for her, liking what was underneath much better. "Angel Inc. will never even know that she was awake." He paused for brief moment, knowing that his statement was not completely true. "Well, except for our buddy Angel, but it's only to torture him."
A wicked smile crossed on to Eve's perfectly smooth lips. "Perfect," she replied with an evil tone of voice, glancing up and kissing Lindsey on the cheek, followed by a kiss on the lips. "What comes next?" she asked.
"Well, that's only for me to know," Lindsey told her honestly. From the way he was saying those words, Eve had doubts that he actually knew what came next in their plan. It was not as if they had never talked about it, for they had on numerous occasions. The Senior Partners still had no idea what they were up to, and Angel's Fang Gang would presumably be dealing with their tragic loss and would not realize until it was too late. Which, for Eve and Lindsey, would work out perfectly.
"Men," Eve muttered under her breath as she began pulling Lindsey's plaid shirt off of his body, tossing it onto the floor. "Well, I can name a few suggestions," she began sexily.
"I concur," Lindsey replied as he pulled Eve's black skirt off, the two of them flopping over onto the soft and inviting queen sized bed.
"I don't...I don't believe this," Harmony stated mournfully. "How could she do this to me? Cordy was my best friend, like, my whole life." Though they were not forming, it was obvious that tears would soon be following Harmony's words. "We did everything together. Sleepovers, hair and make-up all the way up to setting each other up with guys and whatnot. I just...I can't believe she's gone."
"I can't believe it either," Fred stated in the same tone of voice. "I mean, we did things too. Not so much with setting people up, but there was that time...before the ballet, I remember. She took me shopping and picked out the most fantabulous dress for me and everything. That night she proved to me that I mattered. I mean, yea I know I had helped before that, but in the beginning, I'm almost positive that she was only tolerating me because Angel made her. But that day, man, we clicked or something. It was remarkable."
"How did it happen?" Harmony demanded, preventing Fred from babbling any further, folding her arms over her chest.
Angel shrugged, almost as if feeling unimportant. "Her heart just...stopped. There was nothing anybody could have done. It was her time," he whispered softly, still not fully able to comprehend the idea that the woman he cared about most was gone.
"No, it wasn't her time. Her time is long from now when she's a wrinkly old little lady!" Harmony screeched, the tears finally forming within the blue balls of her eyes. "I mean, I knew her and then she justÉleft. She wasn't supposed to! I mean, now she's just a dead body like all those other bodies in some empty cemetery where no one cares about them anymore, and I can't live with that!" Tears were quickly running down her smooth cheeks, dragging whatever makeup she had on along with them. "It's stupid! Why couldn't it have been someone else who died?"
"Harmony," Wesley began, walking over to the vampire girl. "Look, I'm going to miss her too, but you have to come to reality here for a second. It was her time."
"I'm not ready for it to be her time!" Harmony hollered back at him, her words echoing the thoughts of every one else in the suddenly vast seeming office. "I mean, I know I was going to live longer than her, 'cause hello immortal, but stillÉI just can't believe my best friend is gone." The was an undertone of sadness in her voice, which was beginning to crack.
"None of us can," Gunn responded aloud. He had seen what death did to people, and it was never good. Especially when it hits home like this. He had not felt this bad since George. George his friend who had been killed by vampires. But that death was different. If he knew that it was going to happen, Gunn would have went with him and Rondell. And they could have prevented the whole thing from happening.
But Cordelia. Angel had said it himself, no one could have prevented it. Even if they had been there, by her side at the moment it had happened, they could not have stopped it. It was not anything supernatural they could blame for her death. It was natural.
Natural deaths. Those were the kind that hurt the most. Supernatural deaths have things to blame, vengeance to take for it. Usually those deaths are associated with evil vampires or demons. But natural deaths. There was nothing that could be blamed. Nothing that could have been done. It all boiled down to nothing.
"Who's gonna tell her parents?" Wesley asked, breaking off the silence in the room. He knew for a fact that Cordelia had not been on good terms with them when they had last spoken, but still, her parents deserved to know that their only child was gone.
Harmony nodded, raising her hand slightly like an innocent school child. The innocent school child whose best friend does not die. "I guess I will. I mean, they know me and all."
Angel nodded. "Right." He sighed heavily, realizing that there were things that would have to be done. Cordelia's funeral, for one thing. All the people. "And Harmony, while you're at it, could you maybe mention it to any of the Sunnydale people you can get in touch with? I'm just thinking that Cordelia might have wanted them there."
"Sure, no problem," Harmony agreed instantly, standing up as she began walking out of the office to her desk. All the phone numbers of everyone she had ever met were stored in there somewhere. Certainly, it would not be that hard to track down everyone. "Oh, boss," she began curiously, turning back around to face Angel. "When's the funeral gonna be?"
Angel sighed heavily, thinking of the best answer. Certainly he did not know. He could have it arranged through Wolfram and Hart, but he knew that was not in Cordelia's intention. His face wrinkled into a frown as he turned to Wesley helplessly.
"I'll get on it," Wesley answered, walking over to the phone, dialing the number he unfortunately knew by heart.
"Get on what?" Lorne asked in confusion.
"Oh, god, could someone catch Lorne up?" Angel asked in annoyance. Certainly it was not Lorne's fault that he did not know. Lorne had actually been doing his work for the past hour or so, so there would be no way for him to know. It was just, although Angel had been saying the words all day, he still was not used to the fact that it was the truth. Cordelia was gone and would not be coming back.
Fred nodded as she waked over to the red-horned green demon. "It's about Cordelia"
Three weeks had passed since the tragic event. Relatives, friends, and just people Cordelia knew had been notified. The funeral, the event that seemed to make her death official, was over and done with. The people who had attended had already gone back to their homes, or where they were staying for the time being at least.
Reality had come back as people were going back to work, trying to get back into the normal swing of things, the daily flow. Angel frowned, walking down the lonely sidewalk. Sure, people had adjusted to her death. They had not known her the way he had. Not even Wesley or Harmony could come close to feeling the emotions he was going through. It all still seemed like a dream to him. Actually, more like a nightmare, but still. There was that lingering sense saying that things were not supposed to be like this.
He could not bear it much longer. If it had not been for Buffy and the rest of his friends at Wolfram and Hart, Angel probably would have staked himself, leaving his ashes to cover Cordelia's grave. That was what he wanted to do before.
Though they were very supportive, no one could dull the pain in Angel's heart. It still remained as strong as it had the moment the voice had come over the phone saying that Cordelia was taken away from the world. He could not remember what kind of voice it was, whether male or female, but he did not care anymore. All he wanted was Cordelia.
But that would not be happening. It was, in fact, a natural death so there was nothing Wolfram and Hart could do that would bring her back. Nothing anyone could do, actually. Though he was still in his nightmare-like state, he was beginning to snap out of it. All he needed to see was one thing. One thing. Its size was not that big, probably only about a foot and a half wide and two and a half feet tall, but he needed to see it. Though it would be painful for him to look at, it would bring closure to his problem.
He was ready for it, he had decided. Walking through the abandoned cemetery at night, obviously, Angel knew that he could handle it. Whatever were to come, he could do it. It was a normal part of life, and although Angel had never been normal, he had to act like things would be fine. Given time, he knew they would. Although Cordelia would always be in his heart, he knew that he could settle down without her being there. He had adjusted to her coma, so certainly with enough time he could accept the fact that she was dead.
Approaching the tombstone, tears filled his eyes. There it was, right in front of him. The one object in the world that could bluntly state that Cordelia Chase was gone. Kneeling down in front of it, Angel placed the flowers down. Daffodils, her favorite.
Cordelia Jennifer Chase
January 14, 1981-February 4, 2004
Devoted friend
She helped save the world
In more ways than imaginable