A/N: Dedicated to grleviathan, another loyal reviewer! Hope you like!

"I can't fucking believe it."

Phil shook his head in disbelief as he watched Randy Orton, of all people, manage to get his niece to fall asleep long enough to lay her in the crib the hotel provided. He had tried everything he had read about how to calm babies in all the hundreds of books he had bought. They were pretty much the same things Randy had done. The only difference is they had worked when he'd done them as opposed to when Phil had done them and Lucy had screamed bloody murder for hours.

"What can't you believe?"

Phil turned over to look at his lover and sighed. "Randy got her to quiet down and go to sleep. I don't understand how. I tried the same things he did. She just hates me, I guess."

John smiled and walked over to Phil, wrapping an arm around his waist. "Lucy doesn't hate you, baby. You're just new to this. Randy has years of experience; he's a dad and he's good at this."

"Well, at least he's good at something besides failing piss tests," Phil rolled his eyes, unable to admit one of the people he disliked most in the world had actually helped him.

John's smile faded and he shook his head. "Not funny, Phil. Randy didn't have to come up here and help tonight. He did, though so the least you can do is show some gratefulness and respect."

Phil averted his gaze from John's and remained silent. He watched as Randy pulled out the blanket from Lucy's crib and strode towards him.

Randy extended his hand and held out the blanket. "Don't put this in her crib. Her pajamas are warm enough and blankets in the crib are discouraged by every pediatrician known to man. If you feel she's needs more, get a swaddler."

Phil frowned and took the blanket from Randy's hand. "A what?"

Randy sighed and looked over at John. "Look, you need more help with this than I can give you tonight, Punk but if you want me to go to Chicago with you after tomorrow, I can help you out."

Phil recoiled away from Randy at his uncharacteristically nice gesture. He knew it was only being extended to him because he happened to be dating Randy's best friend.

"No, I'm good. I think I can handle it when I get home. I'll hire one of those baby experts or something,"

John frowned and stared at Phil pointedly. "Phil, Randy is offering to help us; for free! Why would you want to hire someone you don't even know? We know Randy and we trust him! He's a great Dad."

Phil moved away, over to the second bedroom in the hotel suite he'd turn into Lucy's temporary nursery and closed the door. "No, John. You know him; you trust him. I don't. Just forget it. I can learn this on my own."

John sighed and shook his head before looking over at Randy apologetically. Randy shrugged and walked over to clap his back. "No worries, Johnny. I'll still be here if you need me again tonight, OK."

John nodded and hugged his friend. "Thanks a lot, Ran."

Randy pulled away and headed for the hotel room door. Before he exited, he turned back towards Phil and raised an eyebrow as he glanced at Lucy's closed door. "I'd open that door if I were you. You don't have baby monitors, you know."

Phil glared at Randy's smirking face before turning on his heel and opening the door to the nursery part way. He heard John laugh softly behind him and the door shut as he let Randy out. He sighed and walked over to the bed, dropping down flat onto it and covering his face with his hands.

"I love how fucking funny you think this is." Phil uncovered his eyes and turned his glare onto his boyfriend. "I'm terrible at being a father and it's hysterical to you. You're just having a ball laughing it up with your moron friend!"

"All right, Phil; that's enough,"

Phil's glare softened and he found himself turning away at the stern tone in John's voice.

"This situation sucks; I get it. You lost your sister; your best friend. You found yourself with a 5 month old kid; a kid you could've handed over to your mother but a kid you chose to keep because it was your sister's wish. This is all still new to you and you haven't gotten the hang of it yet. Instead of pushing people away, why don't you just try accepting the help they're offering you! You're never gonna be able to handle this on your own, you know. You're gonna need help but if you keep pushing people away, you're gonna find yourself alone soon enough."

Phil shrugged and turned back over, focusing on the ceiling of the room. "Just leave then, John. I figured you weren't going to stick around now anyway. My life is no longer fun like it used to be and I knew you would get sick of playing supportive boyfriend after awhile. Just go now and save us both the trouble."

John sighed and walked over to the bed, shoving Phil's legs to the side so he can sit. "Phil, I never said that. Stop putting words in my mouth." He ran his hand up Phil's leg and squeezed his knee lightly, willing him to turn over. "I don't plan on leaving you. I didn't plan on leaving you before Lucy and I don't plan on leaving you now that she's yours. You have to learn how to be a Dad and if you'll let me, I will help you and learn with you. I love you, Phil. Don't push me away,"

John's voice was barely a whisper by the time he finished speaking and Phil found himself looking over at him. He sat up and placed his hand over where John's rested his against his leg. "You're right, Johnny. You're right about everything! I'll apologize to Randy tomorrow and beg him to help me because it's clear I have no fucking idea what I'm doing."

John smiled and shrugged. "We'll learn together; in time. Don't try to rush it, baby."

Phil shook his head. "I just feel like I'm drowning here, John. Lucy loved me when I was just her uncle but now that I have to raise her, she seems to hate me! I mean, I can't even get her to stop crying! I did the same thing Randy did and she refused to stop with me but with him, she was done in 2 minutes!" He stood up and began to pace the area around the bed. "She's taking all my focus and that's fine but I'm just so overwhelmed. I can't even grieve my sister's death!"

"You have me to lean on, Phil. Use it! If you need a break, ask me. I will gladly take Lucy and give you some time," John stood up and walked over to Phil, stopping in front of his path. He pulled him into his arms before he could be stopped and held him tightly. "You're not alone, baby. You will never be alone while I'm around and I will always be around. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

John stroked gentle fingers down Phil's back, petting him, trying to soothe him. How typical, he thought, as Phil turned to him and hugged him fiercely, burrowing in against his body. John's feelings of aggravation towards his boyfriend ended before he even realized it and he found himself calming the man.

Phil clutched John against him. His mouth moved against John's neck, placing kisses and nips. One of his hands snaked down to palm John's dick through his shorts. When that wasn't enough to satisfy him, Phil unzipped the shorts and slid his hand inside, shamelessly rubbing John through his boxer-briefs as he bit his neck.

John groaned. "Phil...You drive me fucking nuts."

"That's mutual." Phil pulled back from John's neck and stared into his eyes. "I'm all fucked up, Johnny. I need you more than ever right now."

"You got me, baby. I'm not going anywhere,"

Phil clung to John's body, his teeth back in John's neck. "Good," He pulled his hand free of John's shorts, but only so that he could slide it up under John's shirt and pinch one of his nipples as they kissed.

"I'm sorry for being a dick earlier; with you and Randy. I know he's like your family and I shouldn't talk shit about him." Phil's voice was soft. "I didn't mean it. I love you. I'm so fucking stressed out. I don't know what I'm doing with Lucy and I can't fail her; I can't fail my sister but I miss her so fucking much..."

John reached up and ran his fingers through Phil's shorn hair. "It's okay. I get it."

Phil pulled John tighter against him. "I need you," he repeated.

"We have a great big bed now, all to ourselves and Lucy is sound asleep," John said.

Phil met John's eyes. "Tell me..."

Phil's voice held the barest edge of pleading. John reached up and traced a fingertip over his full lips, which parted under his touch. Phil pressed in, grinding against John.

John grabbed Phil by the hips, holding them together as he pressed against Phil and gazed into his hazel eyes.

"I love you," John said softly, "and I need you, too."

With that John leaned in and kissed Phil, wrapping his arms around his neck. He ran his tongue along the seam of his lips. As Phil opened his mouth he pushed his tongue inside. He kissed Phil with all the passion he had inside him, he moaned deep in this throat as he felt Phil return the kiss with as much vigor. Phil placed his hands around John's waist and moved closer. His pants were digging into his erection so he brushed himself against John's leg looking for some relief. He heard John moan even louder with that movement.
Finally, John broke the kiss. Phil groaned and tried to pull his mouth back, but John pushed Phil against the bed and knelt in front of him.

"Oh, God." Phil gasped.

John unfastened Phil's pants and pulled out his erection. He gently stroked Phil with his hand, then reached down and gave his balls a little tug. Phil jerked at that and dug his fingers into the desk.

"Johnny,"

John smirked at that whimpered plea and opened his mouth, sticking his tongue out. He ran it up Phil's length, circling the head and tasting his pre-cum. He moaned at the taste and felt Phil tremble. He opened his mouth further and took the tip in, sucking softly. Slowly, he found a perfect rhythm, bobbing his head up and down and sucking firmly. Gently Phil thrust his hips forward. He wanted more and began to push his hips forward insistently. John obliged and took him deeper into his mouth and began to suck harder. Finally he relaxed his throat and took the entire length of Phil's cock. He sucked as hard as he could, flicking his tongue along the underside of his head.

Finally Phil gave one last thrust into John's mouth; He felt his orgasm boil out of his balls, through his cock, and down John's throat. John sucked and with each shot of cum he hummed to heighten the feeling. John gave Phil one last squeeze to drain every last drop out of him. Phil stood there, spent. He let out a shaky breath. Slowly, he looked down and watched as John stood up.

John gave Phil a long, leisurely kiss as he began to pull off the small amount of clothes he still wore.

"Lay back," John ordered as he began to take off his own clothing.

Phil kicked off his pajamas and underwear and watched as John's body was revealed, his mouth watering in approval. Finally John stood in front of him, naked. He grabbed him and pushed him down harder onto the bed. Laying over him, John began to kiss Phil. He filled his mouth completely and rubbed himself against Phil's hardening cock.

John continued to deepen the kiss, all the while stroking Phil's body. He trailed his fingers up his sides, and over his shoulders. In turn, Phil ran his hand along John arms, finally bringing them up to the back of his head and threading his fingers through John's short hair. John moved his lips from Phil's mouth, causing him to moan again in protest. It quickly turned into a gasp of pleasure when he brought his lips to Phil's throat.

John trailed small kisses along Phil's throat down to the base, where he settled to suck. John kept his attention there, flicking his tongue as he sucked. By the time he moved his lips lower he knew Phil would bear his love bite for a few days but he didn't care.

Phil was lost in his own haze. He had gotten to a point where all he could do was clench John's head and let sounds of pleasure escape through his breathless lips. Those sounds turned into an ecstatic cry as he felt John's lips cross over his nipple. John began to move his mouth lower, kissing, sucking and nipping along the way. He was likely leaving more marks, but he was so far gone from lust that he really could not control himself. He worked his mouth down to the puddle of pre-cum formed on Phil's belly. As he began to lap it up he felt Phil buck his hips up. John lifted up, sitting back on his heels, and urged Phil to turn over. Taking a deep breath, Phil complied. He felt John lean over his body as he searched the nightstand for some lube.

Phil felt John pour some lube onto his backside, feeling it pool between his cheeks. John placed the bottle back onto the stand before gently probing with his fingers, circling the cool liquid around his entrance. Slowly he pressed two fingers inside him, then scissored them apart. Phil gasped at the sensation. John took this as encouragement and pushed the fingers in deeper. Gently, he worked the fingers inside Phil but finally he could wait no longer.

John pulled the fingers out and rubbed the lube over his shaft, then pressed the head of his cock against Phil. Well oiled, John slipped in easily. Phil shuddered at the feeling and relaxed his body, welcoming John into him. John leaned over him and began to push in further. In small increments he continued until he was fully inside. Phil pushed back against him and gave a moan as he felt John brush his prostate.

John withdrew a little then pushed back in. His whole body was tense. After weeks away from Phil, he knew he wouldn't last long. He gave one more thrust and lost it.

"I need more, baby." He couldn't stand it any more. He thrust hard against Phil, pushing in and out quickly in a long deep rhythm. Thankfully, he felt Phil pushing back into his thrusts. John slammed his hips against Phil, pushing as deep as he could. He tried to form words to tell Phil how he felt but could get nothing past his lips save sighs of pleasure. He leaned further over Phil's back bringing his mouth to the back of his neck. Phil then grabbed his left hand, twined their fingers and brought it under him to hold against his chest, over his heart. John then heard Phil's declaration.

"I love you, Johnny."

The very tenderness of it was his undoing. He felt it start in base of his skull and work its way lightning fast along his spine to his lower back. With that John shouted out as he felt himself erupt. His fingers on one hand dug into Phil's hip to hold him steady and the other clenched their joined hands tightly. His released racked through his entire body and with each spasm he slammed his hips against Phil. He squeezed his eyes shut until he finally collapsed onto Phil's back, his breath coming in short pants. John's pulled back slowly, pulling Phil into his embrace.

"I love you more, Phil."

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