AUTHOR'S NOTE
Hi everyone! I realize it's been quite a while since I've uploaded anything... I'm sorry about that. My health was very, very poor for the past year or so, and I've just now begun recovering. I've been dying to write, but I'm struggling with Empty Shell Chapter Eight, so I've decided to take a break by writing this new story. I'm hoping that taking this break will help the writer's block.
Lately, we've been watching an anime called Snow White with the Red Hair; Akagami No Shirayukihime in Japanese. I'm really beginning to enjoy this one! I've especially started liking the character Prince Raj of Tanbarun... and I'd expected to hate him. The more I watched, the more ideas I got, and I just had to write this fic. It's not the best thing I've ever written by any means, but I really, really enjoyed writing this one, and I hope you enjoy reading it even half as much as I enjoyed writing it.
"Your highness?" Sakaki called out, knocking firmly on the prince's bedroom door. The younger man had disappeared not long ago, and it hadn't taken him long to figure out where he'd gone. It was going to take at least two hours for them to gather the horses and the supplies for the party they were building, hoping to find the men that had kidnapped Shirayuki. As soon as Raj had heard that it would take some time, he'd gone and hidden away. "Highness?" he called out a second time.
There was a long pause, followed by a quiet, "go away."
Sakaki sighed, gripping the handle and slowly pushing the door open. He stepped inside, staring at the Raj shaped lump under the covers on the bed for a moment before shutting the door. "Prince Raj, why are you hiding in here?"
"I'm not hiding!" the lump denied, letting out a dramatic huff and wrapping the covers around himself tighter. "Why can you never just do as I ask?" he asked, voice laced with a bit of anger and annoyance, but mostly just sounding tired.
The advisor frowned at the tone in his voice, going over to the bed and sitting on the edge. "It's understandable to be upset about Shirayuki's kidnapping, Prince Raj, it-"
"I'm not upset, I'm angry!" he snapped, trying to disappear further under the blankets.
Sakaki nodded softly, "I know, we're all very angry." There was complete silence after that, and Sakaki knew then that he'd struck a chord. His voice softened and he finally said, "but that's not what you meant, correct?" More silence. "You're angry with yourself," he stated, able to read the young prince quite easily. He thought back to last night - the prince had stayed up all night playing his violin, too afraid to sleep due to nightmares. He'd never seen Raj so shaken up in his entire life.
There was an even longer pause this time. So long, in fact, that Sakaki didn't think the prince would answer him. "Of course I'm angry with myself!" Raj suddenly exploded, having a tendency to lose his temper when upset, "if it weren't for me, she'd probably be just fine! You can't tell me that you can't see that!" Sakaki frowned, thinking quietly for a moment. The silence made Raj uncomfortable, and made him begin to question if he should apologize. The First Prince of Tanbarun was still relatively new to apologizing. When he felt the bed shift, he began to worry... he should really say something. He had to. Soon he could hear the door creaking open, wincing when he heard it shut, unable to get the apology out of his mouth. His heart sank. Even with all the fuss he'd thrown, he hadn't really wanted Sakaki to leave. He teared up just a bit, loosening his grip on the covers and preparing to spend the next two hours alone.
Just as soon as he'd completely resigned himself to that around five minutes later, the door slowly reopened. He listened, hearing it shut. There was a moment of silence before suddenly the covers were ripped off of him. He looked up at his aggressor in shock, annoyance and confusion, trying to will the tears back in to his eyes before his advisor could see them. "What do you think you're doing?" Raj asked between grit teeth.
Sakaki noticed the tears, but kept quiet about them. "I'm advising you, your highness," he explained, throwing the covers to the bottom of the bed, "and right now I'm advising you to get up and talk to me."
"There's nothing to talk about, Sakaki," Raj tried, attempting to sound firm but failing quickly. He knew there was no talking Sakaki out of this, but there was no way he was going to talk about any of this without a fight.
Sakaki kept his eyes firmly locked with the younger man's, saying simply, "Prince Raj, we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way, and once you choose the hard way there's no going back." He'd been contemplating different ways to handle the wayward but newly conscientious prince for a few months now, and he thought he might have the answer. He'd give Raj a chance, though.
Raj faltered a bit when Sakaki gave him that firm look, his eyes slowly flickering away from his advisor's eyes. He wasn't sure what he meant by the hard way, but he definitely had no plans on taking the easy route. He huffed a bit, throwing himself on to his side and curling up, saying in a very put-upon voice, "go away, Sakaki." Why did he keep saying that? He obviously didn't want that...
"Very well, highness, we'll do it the hard way," Sakaki mused, not sounding even remotely angry. He was willing to do whatever it took to get through to the stubborn child. He released his sword from his belt, setting it down on the prince's dresser, which Raj found rather strange. He approached the bed, quickly reaching down and scooping the younger man up by his waist, under his arm.
Raj made a rather undignified squeak and flailed a bit, "j-just what do you think you're doing?! Put me down!"
Sakaki moved quickly, sitting down on the edge of the large bed and positioning Raj over his lap in the process. He immediately pinned the younger man's legs between his own, locking him in place over his left thigh. Before the prince had a chance to say anything, Sakaki reared his hand back and landed it firmly on to the right side of his backside.
The hard swat elicited a loud yelp from the younger man, and a growl of displeasure. He pulled at the covers, trying to pull himself free as he expressed his concern, "l-let me up! People... people will hear..."
Sakaki found it odd how Raj's main concern was that people would hear, and not that he was being spanked. He supposed that was normal for royalty - the prince had to learn at a very young age that public opinion meant everything. It was rather sad, really. "That's not something you have to worry about, Prince Raj, I've taken care of that," he promised. He'd never get through this kid's thick skull with him constantly worrying that people were listening.
When Sakaki explained that he'd taken care of it, Raj almost instantly relaxed a bit... which the advisor took instant note of. Not only was no one listening, but now Raj knew where Sakaki had gone when he'd left the room earlier. Sakaki had never planned on leaving. For reasons he didn't understand, that comforted the prince. Just as quickly as he relaxed, he tensed back up. He couldn't be so complacent, he had to fight. It was the only response he could think of that would possibly be correct. It wasn't normal to relax, was it? He started yanking on the covers again and trying to wiggle off his lap. "You could get thrown in to the prisons for this," he tried, knowing very well that he could never actually do that to Sakaki.
"If getting you the help you need lands me behind bars, then so be it," Sakaki said firmly, pulling his hand back and landing a flurry of moderately hard spanks. Raj gasped and jolted forward, suddenly in stunned silence over what his advisor had said. Did he really care about him that much? Honestly he'd always thought he was mostly a job to Sakaki. To his dismay his muscles began relaxing again, and he forced himself rigid once more. He couldn't allow himself to relax. That was too strange.
Raj bit down on his lip, forcing out the words, "this isn't helping anything!" He liked to think he sounded at least somewhat convincing. Sakaki ignored the feeble attempt to convince him, slowly landing harder smacks to the seat of his pants. The prince kept trying to pull himself off of his advisor's lap by yanking on the covers, but he seemed to be going nowhere. He eventually gave up on that tactic and threw his right hand back to try to block the assault. Sakaki quickly and silently took Raj's wrist and pinned it to the small of his back, before going right back to landing even harder smacks to his backside. The younger man tried to pull his wrist free, to no avail. "Stop it!" he tried. Nothing. He tried again, "I don't know what you're trying to accomplish here, nothing will change." More silence and more spanking. He almost whined, "why do you even care?"
Sakaki stopped, arm poised mid air. "Why do I care? Highness, surely you can't be asking me that." Raj's head dipped a bit, not liking the surprise and disappointment in his advisor's voice. "From the moment I was born my family was involved with yours, you know," Sakaki reminded him, "when you were born, I was eleven years old. I watched you and the twins grow in to what you are now. Do you really think I don't care about whatever it is you're feeling right now?"
"I... no? I don't know..." Raj said quietly, sounding quite frustrated with his confusion. He groaned and buried his face in to the covers in frustration, shoulders tensing involuntarily.
Sakaki's voice softened when he saw how frustrated and tense Raj was. He took his free hand and gently rubbed his back, trying to calm him just a bit, "that's alright, you don't have to know." He felt the younger man begin to relax, so he simply kept rubbing big circles over his back for a while. Raj slowly began relaxing, occasionally tensing back up before inevitably relaxing again. He didn't understand how Sakaki could be so kind to him while also being so absolutely frustrating.
After around two to three minutes, Raj finally asked, "do you really have to pin my legs?"
Sakaki was surprised by the prince's question - he'd expected to be told to let him up again. "Are you going to stay put if I unpin them?" he asked, curious.
"If I must," Raj said, dramatically huffing and pushing his face further in to the bedding. Sakaki smiled just a bit at the huff, slowly removing his leg from overtop Raj's and reaching down to pull the prince's legs up on to the bed and back over both of his thighs as well. This position was a lot more comfortable, probably for both of them. He slowly let go of Raj's wrist, watching as the other man slowly pulled his arm back in front of him, folding his arms and burying his face into them.
Sakaki was impressed with the young prince's sudden acceptance. He patted Raj's backside in warning, bringing his hand back and landing it moderately, followed by many more. Raj gasped and jolted forward a bit, trying without avail to bury his face further in to his arms. "We need to talk about what's been going through your head, highness," he insisted.
"I don't, a-ah! I don't understand why..." Raj sulked, hanging on tightly to the covers with both hands.
Sakaki raised his right knee a bit, slowly moving the swats downward and to the very sensitive under-curve of his backside, causing the prince to yelp and kick a leg out. "You're never going to feel any better until you do," his advisor promised.
Raj actually turned his head to look back at Sakaki, asking in disbelief, "...really? That's... that's your only reason?"
"It's the only reason I need, Prince Raj," the older man explained, finding it rather sad that Raj was surprised by that.
Raj was struggling to understand that Sakaki wasn't doing this because he was angry with him. That he was doing it because it was the only way that he could think of that had even a small chance of pulling the younger man out of the hole he was in. Raj was, unfortunately, extremely stubborn, and was still struggling to talk about anything that was bothering him. His entire life Raj had been used to complaining about all types of things, but in comparison to his current problem, those complaints in the past were so stupid. What had he been thinking, being such a spoiled little brat? No real man would threaten to fire a servant for not using extravagant enough floral arrangements. No real man would whine like a child when a woman didn't want to have sex with him. Only a monster would have her hunted down and poisoned. No. He didn't deserve to talk about any of this. He didn't deserve to feel better. He had to deal with this by himself.
After struggling inside of himself for a few moments, Raj finally said softly, "I have nothing to talk about." His voice was quiet, but had a hint of finality to it. He meant what he'd said - he had nothing to talk about.
Sakaki sighed softly, knowing that this meant he'd have to push the prince a bit further. He had to show him that he meant business, and that he had no plans on dropping the subject or going anywhere. "Very well, Prince Raj, we'll just have to take things a step further," the advisor explained.
Raj wondered what he meant by a step further, but he soon found his answer. He paled when he felt Sakaki reaching underneath him to unbuckle his belt. When he felt him unbutton his pants he began flailing his legs, hurrying nervously, "t-this... that's not necessary, Sakaki!"
The prince's advisor wrapped his left arm around his waist, holding him in place as he finished unbuttoning his pants and beginning to push his pants down over his hips. They were finely tailored pants, so he was careful not to be too rough with them. He watched Raj's reactions carefully as he finished pushing the pants down to his knees. The prince was definitely squirming, but he was by no means attempting to get up. He was wondering exactly what it was that was keeping the younger man over his knee. The truth was, if he'd thought for even a moment that he was damaging the prince emotionally, he would end this immediately. Either way Raj didn't seem in a particular hurry to get up, despite the situation. He did, however, bury his face as deeply in to his arms as he possibly could, groaning in frustration.
Sakaki wasted no time, wrapping his arm tighter around Raj's waist and rearing his hand back. When the sharp smack landed, the prince couldn't help but yelp loudly and jolt forward. Oh, wow, okay... that hurt a lot more over his undergarments than it did earlier. A few more swats in he began squirming, whining loudly, "Sakaki!"
"I know," Sakaki said oddly softly, the softness permeating Raj's defenses a little and forcing him to relax, even the slightest bit. The younger man let out a small whimper, which wasn't really all that out of character for the prince, but Sakaki knew that it probably meant that Raj was beginning to become more receptive. He slowly increased the speed and severity of the swats, inching them downward every few seconds, wanting to make sure that every inch of his backside was covered.
Much to Raj's dismay, that also seemed to mean the rather sensitive under-curve of his backside. When Sakaki focused there, Raj gasped and cried out a bit, "w-we can talk!"
The moment the younger man said that, Sakaki pulled the spanks away from his under-curve and back to the curve of his backside. He gave him a small, tight squeeze around his waist, encouraging softly, "that's good, highness, now talk to me."
Raj whined a bit when Sakaki didn't completely stop. He found it somewhat odd that Sakaki was being so gentle and kind with him. The advisor usually didn't hesitate to tell Raj he was acting ridiculous, sometimes in a rather harsh fashion. Well, Raj probably wouldn't have listened to a word he was saying if he did that right now... maybe the older man knew that. "There's... there's a lot," Raj said, sounding a bit lost. He wasn't sure where to start.
Sakaki swatted a bit softer now, not wanting to stop just yet, wanting to make sure Raj had the appropriate encouragement to talk. "That's alright, just take it one step at a time," he said gently, "start with the biggest thing, and work your way down."
Raj grabbed the covers tightly in his fists when he said that. The biggest thing, huh? Well, that wasn't hard to name. He took a deep, shuttering breath, pausing for a moment before saying hesitantly, "I... have been a pitiful prince."
The older man frowned, stopping when he heard him say that. He gave Raj's waist a squeeze, dropping his right hand to his lower back and rubbing. The prince took a long, shaky breath and let it out, melting just a bit at the rubbing. "You struggled a lot until recently, that's true," Sakaki agreed, about to continue before Raj cut him off.
"I didn't struggle," Raj challenged, "I refused to learn."
Sakaki took a deep breath and let it out, "I won't deny that." Lying or sugar coating things wouldn't help the younger man. He was going to have to be completely honest with him. "You're right, highness, you were a spoiled, naive, selfish brat," the advisor said, being brutally honest. He could see Raj's head dip and his shoulders slump in shame, so he hurried to finish his sentence. "That's what you were. What you are is brave, diligent, conscientious, and eager to learn," Sakaki promised, voice confident. He meant what he'd said.
Raj's breath hitched for a moment - he hadn't expected to hear that. His heart swelled for a moment, feeling overcome with emotions. He fought the emotions back, shoulders shaking a bit. After a long pause, the prince said in an unbelievably small voice, "I'm fairly certain my father doesn't agree with you." Oh, wow, Sakaki had no idea how to respond to that. What the prince was saying was true, but Sakaki definitely didn't want to say that out loud. He promised himself not to lie to the younger man, though. Raj bit down on his lip at the silence, "you can't tell me I'm wrong, Sakaki... Rona and Eugena aren't the only sneaky ones in the family. They learned how to eavesdrop from watching me." Raj took a shaky breath, steeling himself and saying, "my father thinks I'm an idiot." He said that so casually, but Sakaki recognized that small layer of hurt underneath his voice. It nearly broke his heart.
After a few moments of very intense thinking, Sakaki asked, "do you mind if I'm perfectly blunt with you, highness?"
Raj looked back at him with a look of disbelief and frustration, "are you saying you're not already doing that?"
Alright, fair enough, Sakaki thought. He'd been painfully blunt with him lately; Raj had asked him to tell him when he felt he was lacking something as a prince. He smiled a bit at the younger man, before saying with complete seriousness, "your father can, at times, be a rather pernicious man." Raj blinked, staring at Sakaki for a moment before cracking a small smile and chuckling just a bit - he'd never heard anyone actually verbally articulate that about his father before. He buried his face back in to his arms and let out a small sigh. The older man rubbed Raj's back up and down for a moment, thinking hard on his words before finally saying, "it's only natural to want to please your father, Prince Raj... but if he can't see the changes you've made, then he's very obviously blind."
Just like that, it seemed Raj's mind transported elsewhere. "If... if I'd been better faster, though..." the prince said quietly, voice laced with exhaustion, "if I hadn't tried to force Shirayuki to be with me, she might not be in this situation right now. And now, now that we're about to go look for her, all I can think about it how terrified I am. I... I'm a coward."
Sakaki knew that part of that was very likely true, and he'd promised himself to never, ever lie to Raj about how he felt about his behavior. "That may very well be, highness," he said, rubbing a hand gently over the prince's shaking shoulders, "but you are not the man that broke in to her room. You're not the one that knocked Obi unconscious, and you're definitely not the one that kidnapped her. These men have made their own choices, and you had no bearing on those choices. This was not your fault." Raj looked back at Sakaki, eyes wide and trying to read him. He needed to know that Sakaki wasn't just saying that to make him feel better. Sakaki smiled softly at the prince, before continuing on, "and there's nothing wrong with being terrified."
"There... there isn't?" Raj asked, not completely sure he believed him.
Sakaki shook his head, "highness, bravery doesn't mean not being afraid. It means pushing yourself to move forward, even when you are. So if you're terrified, that's alright. It's only human. If you're terrified then tell me, I'll never judge you for it."
There was a very long silence, but Sakaki kept quiet, able to tell that the younger man had something he wanted to say. "Sakaki?" Raj asked quietly.
"Yes, your highness?" he asked, but didn't push, giving him all the time he needed to say what he needed to say.
Another very long pause, followed by an almost silent, "I'm terrified."
Sakaki softened his voice, "I know... and that's alright, I promise you. You shouldn't feel ashamed of being scared." He squeezed Raj around the waist once more, "we're going to find the men that did this, Prince Raj. I know it's difficult to understand, but this wasn't your fault."
"Then why does it feel like it's my fault...?" Raj asked quietly, sounding extremely confused. Guilt was still a very new concept to the previously selfish prince.
Sakaki smiled softly, "because you're growing in to a good, decent person, Prince Raj." He kept rubbing his shoulders, the shaking dissipating just a bit. He did his best to explain, "I know you feel extremely guilty about the way you once treated Shirayuki, and all of your people... but I promise you, highness, what has happened to her is not your fault."
There was a long silence, Raj trying to digest what Sakaki had said. Finally he asked softly, "how... h-how do I make it stop, Sakaki...?"
Sakaki's heart nearly broke at that. The poor kid hadn't been taught well enough as a child how to handle being wrong. He had no idea how to handle guilt. Sakaki did his best to figure out how to answer that. "Most of it will just take time," Sakaki informed him sadly, feeling how the prince's shoulders slumped at that. He sighed, thinking for a moment before continuing on cautiously, "highness, you've done all I've asked. You've spoken with me about what's troubling you, openly and honestly. I'm inclined to allow you up." There was a pause, and Raj didn't interrupt for once. "However, if you think that me continuing on might help your guilt, even a small bit, then I would advise you to stay put," Sakaki explained, "it's your choice."
The silence was palpable, and the air was so thick you could likely cut it with a knife. Sakaki didn't push him for an answer, he knew this would take some thinking. Raj had no idea what he wanted to do - he couldn't believe he was even considering this. He was considering it, though. He felt miserable and guilty, two emotions he had only just recently come to understand, and here Sakaki was, offering him help... no matter how small and temporary that help might be. "I... Sakaki, I..." Raj tried softly, biting down on his lip a bit, "I want you to do what you think is right, I... I don't know what to do."
Sakaki's eyes widened, not having expected an answer like that. He didn't know that the prince's trust in him extended that far. He was unbelievably touched. "I understand," he said softly, rubbing his back once more before moving his hand back to the prince's rear. Raj tensed up a bit and Sakaki crooned, "it's alright, highness, I'm going to take good care of you." The young prince's muscles almost melted in to a puddle from that simple promise. He wasn't entirely sure why he felt so comforted, despite the fact that he knew this was probably going to be terrible.
Sakaki was deep in his own mind, trying to think of ways to push the prince in just the right ways. He knew one thing for sure, this was probably going to have to end in tears if Prince Raj was going to move forward. The thought of being the one to cause that created a huge knot in his chest. This wasn't going to be easy. He patted Raj's backside for a moment, before hooking his fingers in the waistband of his undergarments. He knew the younger man wasn't going to like this, and he was right. Raj's hand shot back with intent to grab on to his clothes. Just before he reached his waistband, though, he suddenly stopped, laying his hand at his side and hanging on to Sakaki's pants. The prince seemed to be trying very hard to trust Sakaki. The older man smiled softly at that thought, carefully pulling the undergarments down to join his pants at his knees. Raj tightened his grip on his advisor's pants, tensing up as he felt the air meet his skin. Sakaki took his left hand, reaching down for Raj's hand and taking it in his own, holding it to the younger man's side and giving it a firm squeeze. He looked like he'd needed something to hang on to. Raj took a deep breath and let it out slowly, body melting just a small bit.
Once he felt Raj relax and he felt it was safe to move on, he took his right hand and gently patted his backside. He brought his hand back, landing it firmly and quickly. The prince cried out and jolted forward, whimpering and trying to hold still. Sakaki winced when the younger man jolted, knowing that it had to hurt. Still, he pulled his hand back yet again and began peppering his backside in firm, quick spanks. He definitely wasn't messing around... the swats were a lot harder and faster than before. He felt Raj hold on tightly to his hand as the spanking picked back up. He squeezed the younger man's hand, beginning to think that maybe now would be the right time to start talking. "You're right that you were once a selfish, naive prince, Prince Raj. You will never hear me lie to you about your actions. I'll always be honest with you about how I feel - it's my job as your advisor, and as your friend," Sakaki explained as he slowly moved the swats further down. He raised his right knee a bit so he could perk his backside up for better aiming, focusing some good, sharp swats to his under-curves. Raj whimpered and cried out every now and then, but let out a clearly pained yelp when he began focusing on that sensitive area. When Sakaki also called him his friend, he felt a lump raise in his throat. No, he wasn't going to cry. He wished Sakaki would put his knee down - he felt way too vulnerable right now.
Sakaki knew that if the younger man was going to get what he needed, then he might have to really step up his game. "You never have to worry that you'll fall back in to those ways again, highness. I promise you... I'll be right here to put you back over my knee if that gets even remotely close to happening, is that understood, young man?" he asked firmly, trying to give Raj that emotional push that he needed. He caught his thighs a few times to emphasize his point, knowing that had to sting rather badly.
Raj's breath hitched at how Sakaki was talking. The prince was really beginning to feel very small, and it was becoming difficult to hide it. He wanted to trust that Sakaki would make sure he wouldn't become the monster he'd been before. He really, really did. He took a deep, shaky breath, swallowing hard and whimpering, "yes, sir." He yelped loudly when he spanked his thighs, whimpering louder and kicking out.
Well, that was unexpected. Sakaki had expected the 'yes', but not the 'sir'. It felt strange, honestly, since that was what he usually called Raj. No matter what, though, the fact that Raj trusted him that completely was simply staggering. "Good boy," Sakaki tried, noticing how small the younger man seemed to be becoming, and quickly. Raj bit down on his lip at that praise, squeezing Sakaki's hand tighter. With that response Sakaki decided that the young prince could use some more praise. "I know you're guilty, Prince Raj," he started, making sure to spread the spanking evenly between his bottom, under-curves and thighs, "but you need to understand that you've worked undeniably hard to become the kind, intelligent, brave prince that you are now. I've never been as proud of you as I am now."
That lump raised higher in the prince's throat. He squirmed and kicked his legs out frantically as the spanks got harder and faster, the sting seriously beginning to build up. He teared up a bit, asking quietly, "you... you're...?"
"Very proud of you, yes," Sakaki promised firmly, squeezing his hand as he moved the swats down to focus on his under-curves. "I know Shirayuki is, as well. You've worked so hard to become a prince she could be proud of, and I know we can both rely on you."
There was a long pause, and then Raj asked with a watery voice, "y-you.. you can r-rely on me...?"
"Absolutely," Sakaki promised, voice confident, but soft, "I know you're scared, but you and I are going to team up with Prince Zen and his people... and we're going to find her, and bring her back."
Raj's shoulders shook harder, his voice breaking as he asked almost silently, "d-do you promise...?"
Sakaki marveled at how childish the prince sounded. He did his best to keep the spanking sharp and quick, struggling a bit with how watery Raj's voice was. He squeezed the younger man's hand, his voice firm, but gentle, "I promise you, Prince Raj, I will do everything in my power to help you find her. We won't rest until we do."
Raj sniffled a bit, kicking his legs a bit harder - his pants had been kicked down to his ankles by now, only really hanging on by one ankle. He wasn't nearly as gentle with the fine material as Sakaki had been. He clenched his eyes shut tightly, tears beginning to run down his face silently. He yelped every few spanks, staying oddly quiet for a good while before saying so softly it might have been missed, "Sakaki, you... y-you don't have to call me p-prince right now." It actually somehow felt strange to be called that in this situation.
Sakaki's eyes widened, not expecting that at all. He couldn't help a small smile from creeping on to his face - he felt unbelievably honored. "Alright," he said softly, raising his knee to get better aim at his under-curves and thighs. "I promise you, Raj, we won't rest until we find her," Sakaki said, with conviction. Raj was beginning to kick and squirm more weakly, finally letting out a small, audible sob. The advisor knew he had to push him. He gently rubbed the back of the prince's hand with his thumb as he peppered his backside with sharp smacks. As he swatted his under-curves he reminded him, "I'll always be here to make sure you don't move backwards, Raj... I won't let you become that person again."
Raj's shoulders shook harder, soft cries able to be heard between yelps. He was no longer squirming or kicking, just laying still over his lap and asking so softly, "do you promise?"
Sakaki squeezed his hand again, swatting his backside a few times and answering just as softly, "I promise, Raj... I'll be right here to take care of you."
Raj held his breath for a moment, holding it as long as he possibly could to try to fight the emotions threatening to spill out. When Sakaki noticed him holding his breath, he landed two good, hard pops to the prince's thighs. Raj yelped and finally exhaled, shoulders heaving and trembling.
Sakaki could see that he was hanging by a thread. "I know you're not used to expressing your emotions, Raj," the advisor said, still getting used to calling him Raj. However, if the younger man had said he didn't have to call him prince while spanking him, it had to have been for a reason. "I know it's hard to believe, but emotions aren't always weakness. Right here, right now, it's safe to show me everything you're feeling." He drew his hand back, landing it sharply over the center of his bottom, saying firmly, "you don't have to hide from me, Raj."
The prince gasped at the smack to the center of his backside, letting out a long whine that quickly turned in to audible sobbing. He had a handful of covers clenched tightly in his fist, other hand hanging on tightly to Sakaki's, shoulders heaving as the sobs quickly got louder and more out of control. The older man finally stayed his hand, rubbing his back in gentle circles and crooning softly, "it's all over, shhh..." Sakaki couldn't help but immediately begin trying to comfort the prince. Causing him this much distress was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. He really hoped it had helped. Oh God, he really hoped so. Raj's sobbing just got louder, not even beginning to know how to turn it off now that it had started. Sakaki slowly let go of the younger man's hand, reaching down and carefully pulling his undergarments back up and in to place for modesty's sake, careful not to rake them over the sore skin. He'd leave the pants where they were - he was sure the prince's bottom was a bit too sore for them right now.
Sakaki reached down and slowly helped the prince up, encouraging him gently, "come here, Raj... I've got you." He'd almost called him highness, but stopped himself. It took Raj a moment to realize what Sakaki had said, eventually trying to get himself up in to a sitting position, but struggling to do so. The cries were ripping out of his throat and his body was shaking, almost falling over when he finally got up. He covered his face with one of his arms as he sobbed, not wanting Sakaki to see his face. Sakaki caught him before he could fall, pulling him in to his arms and holding him as tightly as possible. Raj gasped softly when Sakaki wrapped his arms around him, not really used to anyone comforting him so directly. He took a long, shaky breath, before breaking back down in to loud sobbing. He flinched at how loud his own crying was, burying his face in to Sakaki's chest to muffle it. The prince slowly reached up with his right hand, gripping Sakaki's cloak tightly and yanking a bit. Sakaki let him bury his face, feeling how he hung on to his cloak. He held him closer with his right arm, reaching up with his left hand to cradle the back of his head. Raj just cried harder when he felt his hand on the back of his head, taking his left hand and slinking it around Sakaki's waist and hanging on to the back of his shirt.
Sakaki could feel how Raj was beginning to go limp against him, not really able to hold himself up anymore from how hard he was crying. "Raj," the older man prompted gently, "I'm going to lay us down, alright?" He wanted to make sure he wasn't pushing any boundaries. He knew that the prince would only be able to take so much boundary pushing in one day. Raj quickly nodded, exhausted and struggling to stay upright. Sakaki nodded, beginning to let go of Raj to move... immediately stopping when Raj whimpered and hung on tighter, crying in a rather panicked fashion. The advisor realized very quickly that letting go of the younger man was not an option. "Shhh, it's alright..." Sakaki crooned, "I'm not going anywhere, it's alright... it's alright." Raj slowly began calming, still sobbing but definitely sounding less panicked. Sakaki held the prince closely against him, letting himself fall backward on to the bed, taking Raj with him. "Alright, now... move up on to the bed with me," he instructed softly, their legs still hanging off of the bed at their knees. Sakaki shifted himself to the left and on to the bed, and Raj worked very hard to follow him.
"Good... that's good, good boy," the older man praised without thinking, moving his head to the pillow. Raj was still hanging on tightly to Sakaki's cloak and shirt, face buried firmly in to his chest. He quieted and stilled a bit at the praise, whimpering pathetically before breaking back down in to a loud fit of sobs. Sakaki wasn't sure why what he'd said had upset the prince so much, but after a few moments of thinking, it hit him. He smiled sadly, saying firmly, "you are." Raj shook his head fervently, sobbing a bit harder and hiccuping. He noticed the hiccup - poor kid wasn't used to crying for so long. "Shhh, nonsense..." Sakaki crooned, carding his fingers through his now disheveled hair, "you're a very good boy, remember I said I would never lie to you about how I feel."
Raj hung on tighter to his advisor, crying just a little softer, not able to help but melt at the older man's words. Sakaki smiled softly as he felt him melt, continuing to shower the younger man with praise, murmuring, "I'm so proud of you, Raj." The prince's chest twisted - he'd never been told that with such sincerity before. He let out a little pained sound, crying harder for just a moment before going back to a normal volume. He was so happy to hear that, that it almost hurt. Sakaki made a small, sympathetic noise, holding the prince as closely as possible and murmuring, "I know, it's alright... just give it all to me. With me, you can cry as hard and as long as you need to." He needed to get the younger man to understand that he didn't have to hide anything.
The prince sniffled a bit, before nuzzling his face further in to Sakaki and just letting himself sob. A lot of these things had been building up for several months now, and finally letting them surface was exhausting, and painful. The tears raged on and on for what felt like forever, the younger man not really knowing how to close the massive flood gates that were now open for the first time since he was a small child. Sakaki never faltered, holding him as closely as he possibly could, carding his fingers through his hair and making calming noises. He whispered his praises every couple of minutes, making sure the prince understood exactly how he felt about him. After a few minutes, Raj clung on a bit tighter, whimpering softly, "I... I'm terrified."
"That's alright," Sakaki promised, holding him tighter for a moment before taking his hand off of the back of his head and using it to rub his back in big, gentle circles, murmuring, "that's always alright."
Raj melted against his advisor, still crying softly as he said, "I'm t-terrified... but I'm not a coward." His voice betrayed that he wasn't completely confident in his statement. He looked up at Sakaki with big, puffy, bloodshot eyes, looking for some kind of affirmation, "I'm... I'm going to find her."
Sakaki smiled proudly at Raj when he looked at him, saying confidently, "that's right, and I'm not going to leave your side the entire time."
Raj visibly relaxed against Sakaki, laying his head back down on his chest and closing his eyes, crying quietly now. His heart swelled from the proud look Sakaki had given him, though he'd never admit it. He felt a good measure better, but for some reason the tears weren't stopping. "I'm s-sorry, I... I can't seem to stop," Raj sniffled, biting down on his quivering lip to try to hold back the tears still trying to escape.
Sakaki gave him a soft smile, even though he couldn't see it. "That's nothing to apologize for, I promise," he explained gently, carding his fingers through his hair, "you just have to let it happen. It'll stop on its own eventually." He hardened his voice just in the slightest way, "stop trying to fight it, understood?" There was a long pause, followed by nodding and more sobbing. Sakaki softened his voice again, praising, "good boy." Raj cried a bit harder for just a moment before returning to his normal volume. Oh, he could get used to hearing that. People had praised him up and down his entire life... but when Sakaki did it, it was truly genuine.
Another five to ten minutes passed, the prince crying and sniffling the entire time. Eventually, the room fell quiet, and all that could be heard was Raj attempting, and failing, to breathe through his nose. Sakaki reached under his cape and in to his pocket, pulling out a large, embroidered handkerchief. Sakaki began gently cleaning the younger man's face first, making sure he wiped up all of the tears and other bodily fluids first. Raj allowed him to do that, too tired to care at this point. However, when the older man bunched it up and held it to his nose, Raj looked up at him with an inquiring and put-upon look. "What?" Sakaki asked, plugging one side of his nose to make it easier to blow and saying with a completely straight face, "I've been wiping your nose since you were five years old, do you really think now's any different?"
Raj looked up at Sakaki, really studying his face and looking for any signs that this actually bothered the older man some how. The advisor held his face as it was - he'd meant what he'd said. The prince seemed to think for ages before finally lifting his head up, taking a deep breath and blowing hard. Sakaki was definitely relieved, pulling the handkerchief away just long enough to fold it again and hold it back to his nose, plugging the other side this time. "Once more," he prompted gently, and this time Raj didn't hesitate, blowing even harder. Sakaki noticed the immediate relief on Raj's face as he took a deep breath in through his nose.
"...Thank you," Raj said quietly, feeling kind of bad for using Sakaki's handkerchief like that. Before the older man could answer, the prince laid his head back on his chest and said quietly, "I'm so tired."
"I don't blame you," Sakaki replied, petting his hair back and asserting gently, "but before you take a nap, I need you to drink some water." Raj let out a tiny whine when Sakaki attempted to peel himself away from the prince. "It's alright, I'll come straight back, I don't even have to leave the room," Sakaki promised. Raj released a small huff, before finally letting go of Sakaki's cloak and shirt, slowly. His advisor rolled off of the bed, getting to his feet and going over to the pitcher of water that a maid had left in the room earlier. Raj's hands now felt painfully empty, so he reached over for one of his pillows and pulled it in to his arms, still feeling rather small. Sakaki poured the water in to one of the empty glasses on the tray, picking it up and bringing it to Raj. "I want you to drink the entire thing," he instructed.
Raj let go of the pillow when Sakaki came back, sitting up and wincing a bit as his backside hit the bed. He looked at the water, whining a bit, "the entire thing?" One would think he was asking the impossible of him.
"I know, it's a lot," Sakaki said, putting up with Raj's childish attitude for once, knowing he was sore and tired, "but you're dehydrated, trust me... you need to drink or you won't feel very well when you wake up." Raj stared at him for a moment, thinking about how when he woke up, they were going to set out to find Shirayuki. Sakaki was right, he needed it. He sighed dramatically, taking the glass from Sakaki's hands and beginning to drink. After a few sips, the prince began drinking rather greedily, finishing the glass in less than five seconds flat. Apparently he was thirstier than he'd realized. Sakaki wasn't shocked by that. He took the glass from him when he was done, asking, "do you want any more?" Raj shook his head, just wanting to sleep. Sakaki nodded, walking across the room to set the glass back down before going straight back to the bed. He peeled the covers back, ushering the prince to get underneath them. Raj quickly crawled under them, kicking his pants off underneath the covers... they were only hanging on by one ankle anyway. When he was done he looked up expectantly at Sakaki. He wanted him to lay down, too.
Sakaki undid the tie on the bed's curtains, letting them fall before he laid down next to the younger man, slowly beginning to lay down on top of the covers. Raj looked at him strangely, and Sakaki raised an eyebrow. "Won't you be cold?" the prince asked.
The advisor was surprised when he heard what the younger man had said. "I didn't think you'd want me to come under the covers," he explained. Raj looked down, looking like perhaps he'd said something wrong. Raj had been second guessing himself a lot the last few months. "Would you like me to?" Sakaki asked.
Raj slowly looked up at Sakaki, asking cautiously, "is that wrong...?"
Sakaki smiled, shaking his head and ruffling the prince's hair, "not at all." He got back up to his feet, kneeling down and untying his boots. He slipped them off, not wanting to dirty his sheets. He peeled the covers back and slipped underneath them. Sakaki made sure the curtains were properly shut before laying down next to Raj. The moment Sakaki was under the covers, Raj latched right back on to him. His hands went right back to their previous positions, one gripping his cloak and the other slinking underneath him to hang on to his shirt, laying his head on his chest again. Sakaki couldn't help but smile a bit when he felt him hanging on. He wrapped one arm back around him, pulling him in closer and running his fingers through his hair and occasionally scratching his scalp lightly. The prince took a long breath, letting it out slowly and closing his sore eyes, completely and utterly melting against his advisor as he scratched.
"Sakaki," the prince murmured quietly, already half asleep against the older man.
Sakaki kept him held closely, continuing to scratch his scalp, "yes, Raj?" Calling him that was still strange to him.
There was a bit of a pause before Raj finally whispered, "thank you... for caring."
"Raj..." Sakaki started, absolutely blown away by what the younger man had said, "you never have to thank me for that."
"I do..." Raj argued softly, yawning and nuzzling closer to him, "no one... no one has ever bothered. I suppose I am exhausting."
Sakaki frowned, squeezing Raj against him tightly and insisting, "oh, kiddo... I'd do it a thousand times more if it meant helping you."
Raj's muscles melted at that promise, especially enjoying the nickname. He whined quietly, "maybe not a thousand times... it really hurt..."
"I know," Sakaki said quietly, holding the prince closely with one arm and reaching down with his other hand and cautiously rubbing his sore bottom. He wasn't entirely sure if it would be welcome - it was a rather personal thing. It looked like he didn't have to worry, though, as the moment he began rubbing Raj completely and utterly melted. Still, he wanted to be sure. "Is this alright?" he asked, careful not to rub too harshly.
Raj nodded, stretching a bit and hanging on tighter, murmuring quietly, "yes... please, don't stop. It helps." Sakaki smiled, nodding and continuing to rub the sore skin. He strained a bit to reach further down, paying some attention to his under-curves and thighs. He was sure they hurt the worst. Raj let out a long, contented sigh, mumbling, "Sakaki I... m'tired..."
The advisor grinned, gently patting his backside and going back to rubbing, "get some sleep, Raj... I'll stay right here."
"Promise...?" Raj asked sleepily, struggling to stay awake.
Sakaki kept rubbing his bottom in soft, calming circles, murmuring, "I promise, I won't go anywhere. Now get some rest... I'll wake you up when it's time to go." Raj nodded, not really looking forward to sitting on that horse, but currently too tired to care. Knowing that Sakaki would stay right here with him, he finally allowed himself to succumb to the sleep that had been trying to claim him for almost twenty-four hours now. Sakaki smiled as the prince finally went limp, feeling how his grip on his clothing loosened a bit. That sure hadn't taken long. He kept rubbing his backside even while he slept, just wanting to make sure Raj stayed completely relaxed while he was asleep. The next few days were going to be very rough on Raj, and Sakaki was going to make sure the younger man was at least somewhat rested.
He looked down at the prince in his arms, unbelievably proud of how much he'd grown in the last few months, let alone the last hour. Sakaki vowed to himself right then - he would always be there for Raj. He'd make sure the younger man grew in to the prince he aspired to be. He would make sure that Raj never, ever saw himself as pitiful again.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Well, that's all for now! I'm not completely sure if I'll be writing a Chapter Two just yet, though I do have some ideas. It's great seeing you guys again!
Johnna