The oil fields of Dillon dried out when Tyra Collette was nine years old. It didn't really mean much to her at the time, except that her daddy picked her up at school now instead of Mindy.
More important at that time was that her best friend and across-the-street-neighbour Lyla Garrity had told her that they couldn't be friends anymore because Lyla didn't want to climb trees or wear jeans any more. Lyla wanted to play with make-up and wear skirts. That's what Lyla's daddy said big girls did.
Tyra knew better 'cause her daddy told her while he wiped away her tears that girls, big or little, could do whatever and wear whatever they liked. They could climb trees and play with make-up, wear skirts or jeans. Tyra thought about it as she hiccuped and wiped the last of her tears on her daddy's shoulder while Mindy pulled faces at her from the kitchen. Tyra decided she'd rather play baseball like her daddy did on Wednesday nights and Saturday mornings.
So her daddy went next door to the Presley place and borrowed a mitt that would fit Tyra's hand and took her outside with his wooden bat and old, scarred ball. Tyra never knew that her daddy's team didn't play anymore 'cause the Dillon league collapsed along with the oil fields like lots of other things in the town. They pitched and hit the ball until Tyra's arms hurt from swinging a bat too heavy for her small skinny arms. She laughed and laughed when her daddy didn't catch the ball whenever she hit it just right.
The next week Lyla Garrity started gymnastics. But no matter how much she begged her mama or daddy, they wouldn't let her sign up for little league baseball, even if her daddy did play in the back yard with her everyday and tell her how great she was. After a crying fit that ended with her mama screaming at her to get to her room, Mindy wriggled her way under Tyra's bed with her and explained.
She explained how daddy picked her up from school now 'cause he wasn't working now that the oil was dried up. She explained that the reason some times he couldn't catch the ball was cause he was real sad and his medication made his arms and eyes not work together at the same time. Mindy explained that without daddy's job their parents didn't have enough money for some things. One of those things was baseball.
Tyra didn't cry about it anymore and she did her best not to ask for anything that cost money after that. She didn't ask to go on the overnight school excursion to the Alamo, she didn't ask for lunch money on Fridays, she didn't ask to go to friends birthday parties 'cause she knew she'd have to buy them birthday presents. The only thing she asked for was her daddy to play baseball with her.
But Tyra's daddy got sadder and sadder and soon he didn't get out of bed much.
On the last day of school before spring break she came home with Mindy to find her mama crying as she wrapped up picture frames and put them into boxes that were scattered all over the house. Tyra had seen this just the other week when the Presley's had packed up house and moved to Dallas. Mr Presley had given her the mitt that Tyra and her daddy had played with in the back yard.
She held Mindy's hand tight and asked if they were moving to Dallas too. Her mama sniffed and smiled at her, wiping hair out of her face with the back of her hand and said no. Just to another house in a different part of Dillon. Mindy shook Tyra's hand out of hers and slammed her bedroom door upstairs. Tyra's mama sniffed again and asked if she wanted to help. She showed Tyra how to use a little bit of adhesive tape on the corner of the newspaper to hold it down so her mama could put everything into boxes without anything breaking.
All the while her mama cried and asked her questions in a funny high pitched voice sniffing all the time, like, how would Tyra like to meet lots of new kids and make new friends, and wouldn't she love living closer to the Alamo Freeze, and maybe she'd be able to stop there in the afternoon sometimes when she started at the other Dillon middle school after spring break.
Tyra didn't cry even though she didn't think any of those things sounded real good if she couldn't sometimes pretend Lyla was still her friend by sitting next to her at school anymore. But she didn't want to make her mama cry more so she said it sounded great. Her mama asked if she wanted to eat pizza out of the box in front of the television for dinner tonight, like a mini picnic as a treat for helping her so much with the packing, but Tyra said she wasn't real hungry and maybe she could just have some Lucky Charms instead.
Later she went upstairs to see her daddy, climbing into his bed with him made her want cry too 'cause when he wrapped her in his arms he didn't really wake up at all. But she didn't.
She asked Mindy when daddy was going to get better and they were going to move back home again cause she was going to miss Lyla, but Mindy just called her a dumbass and then called Lyla a naughty word before saying that they weren't never coming back here again, but Tyra would see Lyla again in high school, not that it would matter cause Lyla was a bad word that Tyra wasn't allowed to say. Mindy wasn't allowed to say it either but her daddy was too sad to notice any more.
Tyra spent her whole spring break cycling around her new block not seeing any kids her age except that once that she saw two boys in Panther shirts riding too fast for her to catch.
Her daddy spent her whole spring break sleeping.
Tyra didn't cry when Mindy came to find her one day and told her that daddy was real sick and their mama had taken him to the hospital, even though Mindy was crying. She knew her daddy was sick 'cause his bones stuck out at his wrists that were almost as small as her arms now.
She didn't like her new school much either. There were more boys than girls and they didn't care about anything much except the Panthers. The girls were just as boring 'cause all they wanted to do was bake cookies and pretend to be cheerleaders. All Tyra wanted to do was play baseball and climb trees. For her tenth birthday, Tyra didn't have a birthday party even though her mama said she could invite as many friends as she wanted, including Lyla Garrity. But Tyra didn't really have any friends any more and all she wanted was a chocolate birthday cake she could share with her daddy.
Chocolate cake was her daddy's favourite.
She didn't cry when Mindy came to her school on a Wednesday morning before lunch to take her home cause her daddy had died. Mindy was crying and angry all at the same time cause her daddy had done a suicide. Tyra didn't know what a suicide was but she knew she hated it 'cause it took her daddy away from her, she knew what dying was.
Tyra had a panic attack the next morning and couldn't breath right for hours when her mama wouldn't get out of bed, just like her daddy.
Mindy held her and rocked her, pulling her hair behind her ears, telling her that mama was okay 'cause couldn't Tyra see that her chest was moving, couldn't Tyra hear that mama was snoring a little, that she sounded like a kitten purring. Tyra fell asleep in her big sisters arms and when she woke up, she was in bed with her mama who was holding her and running her fingers over Tyra's eyebrows whispering that she was okay, everything was okay.
Tyra didn't cry at her daddy's funeral either, just sat on her mama's lap while the priest talked about how Jesus was a shepherd who called this member of his flock home and Tyra thought it was all pretty funny that the priest thought her daddy was a sheep.
Lyla gave her a hug and said she was real sorry, and maybe Tyra would want to come play with her some day and did Tyra like her new black mary janes. Mrs Garrity gave her a real tight hug and still smelled funny like she always did, like burning roses. Even Mr Garrity who'd she'd only ever met once gave her a hug and said he was real sorry, though he left before he said anything to her mama. He held Lyla's hand as Lyla jumped a small puddle not wanting to get her shoes wet and Tyra decided right there and then that she would never play with Lyla again. It wasn't fair that she got to keep her daddy when Tyra couldn't.
Her mama made her go back to school on Monday even though she didn't make Mindy go. She punched a girl in her grade who pushed over one of the little kids who was in the lunch line and was sent to the counsellors office. There was a boy there who was also in her class, his name was Tim, his hair hung in his eyes and down to his shoulders. He was sitting in a waiting chair, kicking his feet and chewing on his fingernails.
He told her that he was sorry about her dad, his dad was gone away too. Tyra said her daddy wasn't just gone away he was dead and could never come back and hasn't Tim ever owned any pets that died and never come back? He said yes, but none of his pets ever died, his big brother Billy said when they got old and tired he took them out to Old Man Perry's farm to live and why did Tyra always wear jeans, didn't she know that girls were meant to wear skirts.
Tyra kicked him on the shin and said they were not, her daddy had told her girls can wear whatever they want, even jeans and what did he know anyway 'cause only girls were supposed to have long hair. Tim looked like he was gonna kick her back but the administration lady came and sat at her desk so he settled on pinching her real hard and quick. He told her that all the girls he ever saw with his big brother wore skirts so obviously her daddy was wrong.
Tyra turned away from Tim, looking out the window to the play ground and saw almost all the girls were wearing skirts. Maybe her daddy was wrong, or maybe he was right, but it would never matter 'cause he wasn't ever going to be able to tell her anything ever again.
Tyra cried.