His Biggest Mistake
He had a big gob. Tried, trusted and proven fact. He could ramble for hours if someone let him, trying to master the sentences that would keep getting away from him. So, of course, Rose would just blame him running out of time on that.
It was all lies. As a Time Lord, he could see timelines, and he knew a good estimate of how much time they'd have left on Bad Wolf Bay. But he was just completely thrown off by Rose. Her… declaration. And he knew what he should say. What he felt.
But when he watched her slightly hopeful eyes, and felt the seconds ticking away, he just kept on babbling. Blimey, he wanted her to know –more then anything else. He didn't want Rose, his Rose, to be lost forever in a parallel world, and think he never cared for her more then another companion. Because Rose wasn't just another companion. She was special. Brilliant. Fantastic. An all around amazing person.
That's why he couldn't tell her. He knew her, Rose. He knew that if he told her, she'd wonder and wait and hope. She had too much faith in him, Rose Tyler. Because she thought he could do just about anything, and while he loved to keep up the illusion… He couldn't. He couldn't save her, couldn't keep her, and could never keep anyone. Couldn't save everyone.
Not… not explicating on the issue was for her own good. Yes, if she thought –knew– his feelings, she'd expect him to do anything, punch a hole in the universe even, to bring her back. She would for him.
But, he couldn't. Bringing her back to earth would only end when he stood over her grave. Because Rose was carefree and trusting and reckless. And he… he loved that about her. So full of life, she was. He couldn't kill her. Not again. And he couldn't risk her not being able to live a full and happy life because he made her wait. He couldn't have her wait for him, because, he couldn't come back.
He loved Rose. He couldn't risk her, not her life. Because she said forever and meant it too. He'd lost so many companions, but he couldn't lose Rose. She wouldn't leave him, not when she got older, or it became too hard on her emotions, or when her life was at risk, or… She wouldn't. Rose Tyler: Defender of the Earth. But, what she didn't realize was that forever wouldn't last years and years and years. It'd end in her untimely demise. Rose: dead because he had her risk her life one too many times.
And he'd be the cause of it. So, he babbled, as he felt the seconds slip away, until her eyes were panicked and she was slipping away. Gone. Forever.
A tear slipped down his cheek. He hoped she'd be happy. That she wouldn't be alone. That she'd live a long and happy life. But most of all, he hoped that he hadn't just made his biggest mistake.