There is supposed to be time for everything. There should be a time to be
happy or sad. There should be a time to laugh or cry. There should be time
to celebrate or mourn. There should be a time for hope or depression. But I
suppose I never got any of my times. In my home the display of emotions
were simply forbidden. At home I was nobody, never aloud to have an opinion
much less speak about it. My parents believed that people who could express
their feelings openly were surely pawned by the devil. The devil cursed
humans with love, hate, fear, guilt and shame simply to torment humans into
a life that could only end up in pain. If you were able to ignore the
devil's gifts then certainly you could ignore what was unnecessary pain.
Of course my parents never realized that in their state of mind they expressed just as much emotion as an average person would. Mom and Pa were angry at a world that didn't see the devils presence. They were depressed, loathing in self-pity and bad-tempered. Worst of all they were ignorant and unable to see how they rest of the world lived normally.
My siblings and I were young and often didn't know what to make of our parents beliefs. Surely if Mom and Pa believed it was true then it had to be. They couldn't be wrong. Parents are always right when it comes to such matters, aren't they?
We were left confused, not knowing what was right. When we went to school all we saw were people acting out in devilish ways. Often my sisters, brother and I were teased and taunted for being so quiet and depressed. Even after we were humiliated there wasn't a thing we would do, just continued on pretending not to understand. We knew that if Mom and Pa were to ever find out that our feelings were revealed at school, there would be a punishment at home.
Often I would wonder how my parents tolerated having children. They were never affectionate towards each other; actually at times they looked as though they loathed one another. How could two people so distant from reality make love a number of times to created four children? And when each of us was an infant how could they control the cries for love? Since I was the youngest out of all four children I couldn't find out how, but my oldest sister Daisy who was five at the time of my birth once told me stories that sent chills up my spine. She had said that whenever I was to cry out for an unknown reason Pa would soak me in ice-cold water until I stopped my crying. Daisy wouldn't tell me any other stories so I went to my other sister Lily who was only a year younger then Daisy. But Lily was useless because she would never defy our parents. I didn't bother to ask my brother Joshua because he was less then a year older then me and remembered just as much as I did.
I was so eager to find out about my parents, what had made them the way they were? Was it some horrible event that changed them? Or had they always been this way? At times I felt as though I lived with two lunatics, they would do most anything to please God and steer clear of the devil. They even had their children named after what they considered God's gifts of nature. My two sisters were named after pure flowers, Daisy and Lily. My brother Joshua was given the name of God's human son translated to the modern language. And I was named Brooke, a crystal clear stream in which to wash away your sins. Actually my full name was Brooke Lynn Sweeny, but my parents later found out that Brooklyn was a city and like any other city there was the devil. So they would simply call me Brooke, although I secretly loved the full name Brooke Lynn and knew one day that when I escaped I would demand to be called by my full name. However, right then I didn't know that I would be leaving home sooner then expected. And I certainly never expected that after leaving I would want to go back.
For me, time was always an obstacle. I tried not to think of the day, week or month. For it would send me into a deep depression. I constantly told myself that the day I reached sixteen I'd be long gone from my house of horror. But now I was only fifteen and had what seemed to be an eternity of time to waste before I could begin my real life. That's how I always thought of it, I was simply put here to live with this so-called family until I was old and mature enough to begin what would be a wonderful fancy life filled with laughter, tear and any other emotion I wanted to show!
My parents thought they had taught my siblings and I well. They thought they were so smart by being able to mould four small children into blank little followers of God. But, oh were they wrong! When I turned fourteen I realized there sick games and allowed myself to be normal. My brother, Josh and I would go down to this thin river stream; there was a special place we would sit, right beneath a huge Weeping Willow. It was our sanctuary, there we would both go just to laugh until our stomach hurt or cry until or eyes had run dry. We would have long talk about our lives after this (for Josh believed to that where we were living was simply only a temporary residence until it was decided our real lives would start.)
Josh and I had a really close really relationship, it was by far better then the relationship I possessed with my two sisters. My eldest sister, Daisy was already twenty and still living at home. How I pitied her, but at the same time I was disgusted because she had the freedom to leave and yet couldn't find her way out the door! I promised myself no matter what the circumstances were I would never allow myself to become like Daisy. She repeatedly told me that the only reason she was still gracing us with her presence at home was simply because she hadn't found an eligible husband yet. And certainly she could never start a life without a charming man by her side. Then there was my other sister, Lily. Now she was a different story all together. Lily was the absolute child that Mom and Pa were hoping to raise. She was so like our parent that I didn't talk to her unless I had to, and she certainly never talked to me. Nevertheless, she was my nineteen- year-old sister who also refused to leave home sweet home. But it wasn't for the same pathetic reason Daisy had, oh no Lily had an even more pathetic reason… she just didn't want to go. She once told me in these exact words "Why leave here when I have everything I could possibly want. Beside Mom and Pa told me that they would leave me the house when they died."
Our home wasn't anything special; actually it was pretty far from special. We lived in West Virginia on the outskirts of a small coal-mining town called Lubbington. In fact Lubbington was so small I'd be surprised if it were even on a map. But unfortunately I had never been giving the pleasure of owning a map. We lived in a small one-floor cottage out in the hills. Surrounding our home were trees of every different kind. They were so abundant that it seemed as though one day the cottage would be swallowed between them and forgotten. However, there were dirt trails that lead through the forest and into town. Josh and I had to take those dirt trails every morning into town to attend our school. We'd both be graduation this year. Even though Josh was a year older then I, but since I excelled in so many of my classes I was advanced. This was the summer that Josh and I would finally make our plans to leave. It was the summer that I was anticipating ever since I was born.
Of course my parents never realized that in their state of mind they expressed just as much emotion as an average person would. Mom and Pa were angry at a world that didn't see the devils presence. They were depressed, loathing in self-pity and bad-tempered. Worst of all they were ignorant and unable to see how they rest of the world lived normally.
My siblings and I were young and often didn't know what to make of our parents beliefs. Surely if Mom and Pa believed it was true then it had to be. They couldn't be wrong. Parents are always right when it comes to such matters, aren't they?
We were left confused, not knowing what was right. When we went to school all we saw were people acting out in devilish ways. Often my sisters, brother and I were teased and taunted for being so quiet and depressed. Even after we were humiliated there wasn't a thing we would do, just continued on pretending not to understand. We knew that if Mom and Pa were to ever find out that our feelings were revealed at school, there would be a punishment at home.
Often I would wonder how my parents tolerated having children. They were never affectionate towards each other; actually at times they looked as though they loathed one another. How could two people so distant from reality make love a number of times to created four children? And when each of us was an infant how could they control the cries for love? Since I was the youngest out of all four children I couldn't find out how, but my oldest sister Daisy who was five at the time of my birth once told me stories that sent chills up my spine. She had said that whenever I was to cry out for an unknown reason Pa would soak me in ice-cold water until I stopped my crying. Daisy wouldn't tell me any other stories so I went to my other sister Lily who was only a year younger then Daisy. But Lily was useless because she would never defy our parents. I didn't bother to ask my brother Joshua because he was less then a year older then me and remembered just as much as I did.
I was so eager to find out about my parents, what had made them the way they were? Was it some horrible event that changed them? Or had they always been this way? At times I felt as though I lived with two lunatics, they would do most anything to please God and steer clear of the devil. They even had their children named after what they considered God's gifts of nature. My two sisters were named after pure flowers, Daisy and Lily. My brother Joshua was given the name of God's human son translated to the modern language. And I was named Brooke, a crystal clear stream in which to wash away your sins. Actually my full name was Brooke Lynn Sweeny, but my parents later found out that Brooklyn was a city and like any other city there was the devil. So they would simply call me Brooke, although I secretly loved the full name Brooke Lynn and knew one day that when I escaped I would demand to be called by my full name. However, right then I didn't know that I would be leaving home sooner then expected. And I certainly never expected that after leaving I would want to go back.
For me, time was always an obstacle. I tried not to think of the day, week or month. For it would send me into a deep depression. I constantly told myself that the day I reached sixteen I'd be long gone from my house of horror. But now I was only fifteen and had what seemed to be an eternity of time to waste before I could begin my real life. That's how I always thought of it, I was simply put here to live with this so-called family until I was old and mature enough to begin what would be a wonderful fancy life filled with laughter, tear and any other emotion I wanted to show!
My parents thought they had taught my siblings and I well. They thought they were so smart by being able to mould four small children into blank little followers of God. But, oh were they wrong! When I turned fourteen I realized there sick games and allowed myself to be normal. My brother, Josh and I would go down to this thin river stream; there was a special place we would sit, right beneath a huge Weeping Willow. It was our sanctuary, there we would both go just to laugh until our stomach hurt or cry until or eyes had run dry. We would have long talk about our lives after this (for Josh believed to that where we were living was simply only a temporary residence until it was decided our real lives would start.)
Josh and I had a really close really relationship, it was by far better then the relationship I possessed with my two sisters. My eldest sister, Daisy was already twenty and still living at home. How I pitied her, but at the same time I was disgusted because she had the freedom to leave and yet couldn't find her way out the door! I promised myself no matter what the circumstances were I would never allow myself to become like Daisy. She repeatedly told me that the only reason she was still gracing us with her presence at home was simply because she hadn't found an eligible husband yet. And certainly she could never start a life without a charming man by her side. Then there was my other sister, Lily. Now she was a different story all together. Lily was the absolute child that Mom and Pa were hoping to raise. She was so like our parent that I didn't talk to her unless I had to, and she certainly never talked to me. Nevertheless, she was my nineteen- year-old sister who also refused to leave home sweet home. But it wasn't for the same pathetic reason Daisy had, oh no Lily had an even more pathetic reason… she just didn't want to go. She once told me in these exact words "Why leave here when I have everything I could possibly want. Beside Mom and Pa told me that they would leave me the house when they died."
Our home wasn't anything special; actually it was pretty far from special. We lived in West Virginia on the outskirts of a small coal-mining town called Lubbington. In fact Lubbington was so small I'd be surprised if it were even on a map. But unfortunately I had never been giving the pleasure of owning a map. We lived in a small one-floor cottage out in the hills. Surrounding our home were trees of every different kind. They were so abundant that it seemed as though one day the cottage would be swallowed between them and forgotten. However, there were dirt trails that lead through the forest and into town. Josh and I had to take those dirt trails every morning into town to attend our school. We'd both be graduation this year. Even though Josh was a year older then I, but since I excelled in so many of my classes I was advanced. This was the summer that Josh and I would finally make our plans to leave. It was the summer that I was anticipating ever since I was born.