Hobbit – Bag End Bakery – Here goes muffin

Part 1

"Argh! What are you doing? Enough, stop, stop!"

A little startled, Kili looked up from the puff pastry with which he was fighting, his face glistening with sweat. He blinked and shook his head, trying to shake his damp hair from his face and inadvertently sprayed the dough with said sweat. Eyes widening in horror, Kili hoped Mister Baggins hadn't noticed the inclusion of sweat to the pastry and turned his full attention on the irate gentlehobbit, all as his pastry slowly oozed butter onto the warm counter.

Across the room, Fili stopped mid-stir, his bowl of choux pastry emitting a large plume of steam as he did so.

"Mister Fili, you don't add yeast to choux pastry! It does not need… Did you even read the recipe… and Kili, you are working puff pastry in direct sunlight near the oven, are you in … no, just no!"

Mister Baggins looked as red in the face as Kili felt, and he tried not to smile at how flustered the poor fellow looked. It was a wonder that he was not clutching his head in dismay, or thrashing them severely with a branch. For someone who protested as much as he did that he was not a baker, Bilbo Baggins certainly took baking seriously, very seriously.

"Please, please, my good dwarves, we wasted more than enough ingredients yesterday trying to make toffee apples, and I... I…" Bilbo clutched at his heart, like the very memory of their disastrous efforts yesterday pained him. Kili shot his brother a worried look. Was this it? Was Baggins kicking them out after only one day of their baking efforts and messing up his kitchen? The sad thing was, their somewhat deformed toffee apples had still gone down a treat on campus, and they'd sold out in under an hour. As ill-conceived as trying to make caramel had been, it had nonetheless proved successful.

Their plan today had been to make croissants and churros, even though neither of them had the slightest idea on how to make either pastry. Fili had found a recipe for each and upon review of the technique required, both had agreed that folding and mixing dough had seemed easy enough. They could both fry an egg, ergo they could fry churros. Croissants seemed simple enough to make, it simply took folding pastry over and over again. As Dwalin frequently bellowed at them during sword drills and in the forge, "He who dares, wins!" so, they had dared to brave the mysteries of pastry. Clearly, Bilbo Baggins held more with Balin's adage of "Only fools temper steel in the mud."

Fili wiped his brow, shooting the timepiece on the wall a glance as he said, "Mister Baggins, we'd appreciate any help you'd care of offer."

Bilbo shook his head, fiercely, but nonetheless said firmly, "Muffins, Master Dwarf. Muffins are the answer! You will make muffins!"

Frowning, Fili asked, "Aren't they awfully dry, Mister Baggins? I can't say I've ever had a good muffin before." In fact, Fili recalled choking down a dry bran muffin in desperation once, when the cafeteria had nothing better on offer.

A strange light glistened in Bilbo's eyes and Kili swore he stood a little taller as he said, "Then you have not truly lived, young Fili. Muffins are a staple breakfast food in this borough and for your purposes ideal to sell to hungry students. Better yet, they are simple to make and take limited preparation time."

Conscious of the time and his approaching Micro-Economics in Post-War Lindon lecture, Fili sighed and said, "Thank you, Mister Baggins. We'd appreciate the help."

Kili shot his oozing pile of melting pastry a regretful look, mostly as he really enjoyed a good croissant, but agreed that time was indeed of the essence. Early morning lectures would be starting soon, and they wanted to catch all the hungry, cafeteria-avoiding students. If he could not offer them croissants, muffins would definitely suffice.

"Do we have the right ingredients, Mister Baggins?" Fili started to say but Bilbo cut him off with a wave. "We may need more milk, and a few other things, so here's what I want you to do."

Fili was dispatched post haste to the sunrise market several streets over with the most precisely vague instructions of his life.

Go to Daisy and Hyacinth's stall and buy whatever berries they have available, but if the blackberries are too tart, go Ms Maragret circumspectly and buy almonds, pecans and raisins. If Jasper is in town, be sure to buy his best cacao and cinnamon. Don't let Vernin persuade you that ginger supersedes poppy seed, and do not under any circumstances buy Mistress Bracegirdle's Royal Stilton. Her mature cheddar only.

If his brother had left with a slightly dazed and bemused expression, Kili was nonetheless pleased that he did not have to brave the bustle of the market, nor try to remember all of the injunctions Bilbo had ordered. Fortunately, Fili had a knack for memory and would probably return with most, if not all of the ingredients.

By the time Fili returned with Hamfast Gamgee in tow, both struggling under the weight of his purchases, Kili and Bilbo had whipped up a near dozen standard, plain muffin batters in eleven separate mixing bowls. Both ovens were primed and ready to bake and Kili was working on the twelfth batter mix, while Bilbo greased a dozen muffin pans.

Abandoning his pans, Bilbo hurried over to help Fili with his load. "Well done lad, what did you find? Master Gamgee, thank you for your assistance."

Hamfast doffed his hat and mumbled, "I saw the young gentledwarf trying to fend off both Miss Violet and Miss Frieda Proudfoot without dropping his blueberries, Mister Baggins. Most persistent those two young hobbits. I feared for his safety."

Fili coloured pink around his impressive moustache and Kili grinned.

Bilbo however sighed and nodded, "Thanks indeed, Master Gamgee." He peered into the two large baskets Fili had brought and a broad, delighted smile broke over his face. "Oh, how wonderful. Fresh blueberries and cherries and I see Jasper was available."

Fili, recovering from his blush, nodded. "He also had ready-made chocolate which I purchased." There was a note of wariness in Fili's voice, uncertain if this would be received well by the very particular Bilbo. He had made the purchase fully prepared to eat the chocolate if Bilbo did not want it, which would not be a hardship.

Fortunately, Mister Baggins beamed, "Wonderful and there is enough to do two batches of chocolate muffins if you wish." He smiled up at Fili, clearly very pleased at the prospect.

Fili however still appeared unconvinced about the muffins as if his foray to the market had worn his already low enthusiasm for muffins even lower. "Mister Baggins, are you sure about this. First lectures start in an hour and this looks like a lot of muffins."

Popping a handful of blueberries into his mouth, Bilbo waved a part comforting, part dismissive hand at Fili. Once he was able to speak, he laughed, "No need to worry, Master Fili. Muffins are always a good choice. Is that not so, Master Gamgee?"

Hamfast looked up from where he was cautiously inspecting a bowl of batter and nodded, "Oh, aye, Mister Baggins. I'd walk a mile for a good cheese muffin. Iffen you're making cheese muffins with that Bracegirdle cheddar, I'd buy a dozen right now."
Bilbo opened his arms expansively as if Hamfast's testimony was proof enough.

"Come now, enough lolly gadding. Let's get these muffins going." Bilbo clapped his hands together and Kili beamed at his brother. Curious and perhaps hopeful for a free sample or three, Hamfast stayed to help. Fili sighed and assented.

Bilbo was right. Most of the work was done already and they started on the simpler varieties first, washing the berries and chopping raisins and nuts. Hamfast grated cheese and then trotted into the allotment to pick some chillies from the bushes he looked after. Kili carefully chopped the prepared chocolate while Bilbo crushed the cacao. Fili peeled pears and oranges, and then placed the pear slices in the oven to soften and sweeten them. He then zested the oranges and lemons creating several mini piles of rich aromatic pieces which filled the kitchen with their fresh scent.

The first six trays (a dozen muffins in each tray) went into the ovens within twenty minutes. Kili took a moment to stare through the oven doors, curious how they were going to turn out. Bilbo had combined the ingredients with flair and ease, while Kili had watched. In the largest oven were three varieties of muffins:
orange, lemon and poppy seed;
mixed berry;
and cranberry and orange.
The smaller oven had another three varieties of muffins:
raspberry, raisin and pecan;
blueberry and almond;
and cinnamon nut.

By the time Bilbo was contemplating pulling the first tray out, they had the last six trays ready with the next six varieties:
cheese and chives;
cheese and chilli;
pear and orange;
strawberry and chocolate;
chocolate chip;
and double chocolate.

The kitchen was filled with a heavenly smell of baking, citrus, fresh chocolate and cinnamon. Kili's mouth watered as Bilbo extracted the cinnamon nut muffins, and pierced them gently with a thin metal skewer. When the skewer came away clean, he triumphantly declared them ready.

The muffins containing the fruit he left in the oven a little longer, but eventually the orange, lemon and poppy seed, cranberry and orange and raspberry, raisin and pecan nut muffins came out with a flourish. Hamfast hovered close by like an eager child, his eyes wide as he smelled the orange, lemon and poppy seed. "Oh, Mister Bilbo, those smell a treat!" Kili had to agree, his stomach rumbling with anticipation.

Once all trays were out, the last six trays were popped into the oven, and Bilbo with some ceremony showed Kili and Fili how to extract the hot muffins from their tins without breaking them, his swift twist of a blunt butter knife popping the delectable things gently onto a cooling rack. They set to the task willingly, conscious of the time.
While the muffins were still warm, Bilbo sliced one into four even pieces and offered the amateur bakers a taste of their efforts. It was a cinnamon nut muffin, the nut being both pecan and almond and Kili took a bite of his portion without hesitation. Its texture was cake-like, light, warm and delicious, and the mix of nut and cinnamon rolled over his palate more pleasingly and Kili heard himself groan in appreciation. "Oh, that's good."
Hamfast had a similar expression of wonder on his face, happily chewing on his entire portion. Kili popped the rest into his mouth and closed his eyes, savouring each morsel. What had his life been like before muffins? Empty, so empty.

Bilbo was humming to himself as he ate too and had pulled a jar of sugar close. "Could do with a sprinkle of sugar and cacao powder I think. Needs a little something, something." He sprinkled some sugar over the tops of the muffins, humming a little as he did.

Fili, however, was staring at the half-eaten piece of muffin in his hand like it was a mystery and a wonder. Kili, certain his brother was lost in thought, reached over to steal the remaining morsel, and Fili growled at him and shoved the rest into his mouth. "Good, huh? Kili smiled, mildly chiding his brother's earlier doubts. Fili nodded, moustache bouncing and poor Hamfast was eyeing out the other muffins in a most fixated manner.

"Beggen' your pardon, Mister Baggins, but shouldn't we test all of 'em, for quality purposes and such?" Hamfast's expression was earnest and sincere, without a trace a guile and Bilbo laughed. "I suppose we should, Master Gamgee. If the Masters Durin do not object."
Mouth still full, Fili shook his head and Kili cried, "No objection!"

Still laughing, Bilbo shrugged his shoulders and said, "Alright, you remove them from the tins and select one of each to test. But mind you wash your hands first. I'll put the kettle on."

It was one of the hardest things Kili had ever done – gently removing delicious muffins without shoving each one into his mouth the instant it fell onto the cooling rack. Idly he wondered why Bilbo was boiling water, but his mind was focused on the task at hand, determined to extract perfect muffins without devouring them on the spot. He contemplated 'accidentally' damaging a few in the extraction process, as they couldn't sell damaged goods, but he resisted the temptation. Fili would not be impressed, although judging by the diligence at which his brother was applying himself to 'muffin extraction', he was having the same thoughts. Kili grinned.

The room was filling with early morning sunshine, turning the trees and plants outside into golden-brushed green beauties. Bilbo opened the window to let in a cool breeze to help the muffins cool, and the fresh morning air was rife with the aroma of roses, wildflowers and leafy trees and lifted the already heady scents of warm muffin and spices to heady heights in the kitchen. It probably tormented the occasional passerby who had the misfortune to smell baked goods with no chance of partaking.

Once five 'quality control' muffins had been placed on a plate, Bilbo offered each of them a mug of strong, sweet tea and they tucked in the muffins. Each one seemed to surpass the last. The mixed berry was sweet and tart, while the orange, lemon and poppy offered its own unique sweet and tart combination. The blueberry and almond were exquisite, and Kili nearly didn't try the raspberry and raisin one for fear of losing the prior sweet flavours. He did though and happily munched the orange and cranberry in quick succession. Hamfast sat back in his chair with a happy smile, sipping the end of his tea. "Oh, Mister Baggins, those were fine indeed. Fine, fine. Could do with half a dozen more, I tell ya."

Bilbo nodded, wiping crumbs off his face. "I agree, Master Gamgee, I agree. Nothing like a good muffin to break fast." Fili had been strangely quiet throughout, even though he'd devoured his allotted pieces with gusto. It was unusual for him to sulk, especially over a thing as silly has being proved wrong on the delights of baked goods. Kili raised an eyebrow at him, and Fili shrugged, slowly savouring his last piece, lost in thought.

They'd have the hurry with the last trays to make the first bell, so it was best if they got the remaining muffins ready for sale quickly, so Kili stood and cleared his throat. "Mister Baggins, thank you so much. These are wonderful. The students are going to go wild. I brought several large baskets…"

"Café!"

Kili stared at his brother who was staring them all in return and particularly at the muffins. "Café! Kill, don't you see – Café!"

Confused, Kili held up his mug and said, "It's tea, brother of mine. Not café. What are you..."

Fili stood, his eyes wide and face flushed, "Yes, yes, that's it. Don't you see? The muffins went great with tea! They'll go even better with café!"
Fili grasped Bilbo's hand and cried, "Mister Baggins, you were so, so right. Muffins aren't dry and boring. They are perfect, but you want a cup of something warm and sweet to go with them!"

Slowly Bilbo nodded. "True enough."

Hamfast eyed Fili like one would a strange weed or odd looking beetle found on a rose bush, but he rumbled his agreement, "Aye, Master Dwarf. A good cuppa tea goes down a treat with muffins and toast. Even with a good scone or three."

Delighted, Fili nodded, and said more to Kili than anyone else, "Exactly! And what do students love more than tea?"

"Café," Kili replied, the tail end of Fili's idea dawning on him.

"And what have Bombur and Bifur been working on for months?"

The proverbial sun rose in Kili's mind and he snapped his fingers. "A portable, compact café dispenser! With that foaming function, that Ori is obsessed with."

"Exactly!" Fili beamed. "Why sell only one part of the meal. We could sell them both the muffin and the café!"

Kili joined his brother on his feet, his mind racing. "We'd need cups or mugs. Something disposable. Thick coats to protect us from the heat."

Hamfast cleared his throat, "Fred Bolger sells cups made from stiff, thick paper – for big parties and picnics. They might be a bit hot to hold, but…"

Both dwarves turned to Bilbo, their faces alight. "Mister Baggins, please, could you…"

Smiling, Bilbo gestured kindly and said, "Hurry. Hamfast and I will get the muffins ready to go."

Kili just about tripped over his feet as he raced out of the door, hot on his brother's heels. This was going to be incredible!

TBC – next chapter to be posted shortly. This work is complete and is not a WIP.