Avert Your Eyes
A/N—I just wanted to make a quick disclaimer, I do not own my wonderful inspiration for this piece, The Love Letter by Blaqk Audio, the song is the creation of the amazing and amazingly talented Davey Havok and Jade Pudget!!
Some say that stories of Love and Loss are the best, because at the end the lovers part ways for whatever reason and everyone ends up happier because of it.
I hate those stories.
They lie and deceive. Sure I used to love them…I thought they were romantic and, yeah, a bit sad, but sad doesn't always mean unhappy, does it?
But then I loved.
I loved, was loved and had love till I thought I would burst. At one point I didn't know if I was worthy of so much attention…
But then I Lost.
That was when I began to understand all those stories of Love and Loss. Those insipid characters that always cry or sigh, or reminisce sadly. But sad doesn't always mean unhappy, right?
I was so naïve.
There was never a hidden happiness or underlying message of contentment. It was just as it said.
It was sad. Morose. Depressing. Bleak.
And when my own story of Love ended and my story of Loss began I realized that too quickly I had assumed that they were a story together, and not equal in their truth. And I wished that I had never loved at all.
I wish that I had never loved at all…
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
I still remember the first time I saw him after we "parted ways". It was cold, windy, snowy, but not that pretty type of cold. It was bleak, fitting perfectly to my mood.
It was December 24Th.
Christmas Eve had begun all white snow, pristine weather, blue-grey clouds (the kind that hurt to think about for too long; they were the same colour as his eyes…). Harry and Ron had some last minute shopping to do, as always, so Ginny and I were dragged along.
We mushed through the thick layers of snow and sleet that covered the extent of Diagon Alley. We had just come back out of Flourish and Bott's and I had my arms laden with new books, still musty with disuse.
And he passed by.
Of course, I noticed him as soon as he stepped out of Madame Milkin's. He looked thinner, but that was probably just a lack of Mrs. Weasley's cooking. His hair was shorter-out of that ridiculous ponytail I'd always hated. I was struck by how tired he looked.
Draco-Gods, even his name hurt-stood slightly slumped. He had bags under his eyes, and his clothes all looked wrinkled.
As soon as I caught sight of him, I was stopped in my tracks; unable to move, breathe, think. But I felt the pain. It was as if he was carving my heart right out of my chest.
My arms went lax; Harry scrambled to catch my purchases as they fell, and I struggled to stay upright.
As I openly stared, Harry handed Ron and Ginny my things and tried desperately to catch my attention.
But I was spellbound. I was biting my lip harder and harder as he came nearer.
Just as he was passing, at the very moment that our eyes should have caught, locked and stayed, he averted his eyes.
His eyes, those eyes, those very eyes that I could have described blindfolded and with no words. Those eyes that I would have once, and still probably would, be content to gaze at, into and dwell in for eons. Those same stone eyes.
Those were the same eyes that now shied as if I was unbearable.
I stood motionless until he turned to corner, out of sight. Then I collapsed. I brought my knees to my chest and tried to keep the pieces of myself together.
I felt like I was breaking. There was a hole where my heart had once laid, before he stole it from me…it hissed, and ached, and burned trying to widen and spread until my whole body lay smoldering.
Only Harry knew. Ron and Ginny had never believed we were seriously. But Harry knew.
He had been there when I came to the Burrow, sobbing, when the others had left. He was the one I had tried to explain my pain to after we "went on our separate paths". He alone knew that Parkinson had threatened me for making him miserable when we "drifted apart".
So as the others stood flabbergasted at my apparent breakdown, Harry cradled me, picking me up from the slowly melting snow and instructed them to meet us at the Burrow after they rounded everyone up. I wondered idly if my burning was melting the snow.
Then we went to the Burrow, and he carried me to Ron's old room, laying me on to the bed, my head on the pillows worn soft from generations of use.
Sobs wracked my body as I lay crying until I fell unconscious, though the tears still seeped through my closed lids.
As I slept fitfully, full of nightmares, everyone was gathered downstairs. My hand on the family clock, which was added just before the war, had moved to Extreme Danger. They were told to leave me be, and I was watched by Mrs. Weasely until Harry returned.
When I awoke, I lay in his lap, my head buried in his chest. Tears I had thought long dried up leaked onto his robes as I felt his hand run up and down my back, stroking my hair, trying to soothe me fruitlessly. I stayed like that even after the tears did run dry, after he stopped murmuring and we continued in silence, after Christmas mourning dawned. I was mute for the longest time, content to fill my head with the sounds of distant memories…
" 'e's left 'arry," I moaned in a whisper as the memory of the day before faded out of my ears.
"I don't know what to do without him." I could feel Harry's eyes on my face, but I averted my eyes to sightlessly gaze out the window. He nestled his chin into my hair and looked out the window where the golden-pink sun was rising, so unaware that I lay here dying a soulless death.
"Live," he replied.
"I can't."
A/N2—First I want to clear up, just in case, that Harry and Hermione? Are a NOTHING!! Like serious brother-sister, your momma is my momma kinda thing okay?
I would have said this BEFORE the story, but I had a feeling no one would read it, so the other thing I wanted to say/ask was that I wanted to let everyone (or really the, like, FIVE people that MIGHT read this, lol) that I am thinking about writing a companion piece to this, something in Draco's Point of View. If you would like to see it, please say so in your review!! Thanks! Love you guys! Remember to Review!!