A/N: I am still working on The Hell You Are but I was inspired to write this so I hope you enjoy! The poem is mine...
As Rachel sits at her desk writing she ponders what her life has been like. When she was just a little girl she imagined great things. Her fathers would continue to adore her for the rest of their lives and perhaps she would find her mother. All of her classmates would be in awe of her voice and she would have tons of friends. She would be the most popular girl in school and rule the place with her boyfriend or girlfriend. After all, true love knows no gender. Then she would grow up to take Broadway by storm and maybe she'd dominate the big screen as well.
However, at the tender age of eight she didn't know she only had four short years until her fathers simply stopped coming home or that in eight years' time her birth mother would force her to find her, only to disregard her pleas to be her mother. She also didn't know that she would be the biggest loser in school or that she'd fall for the most popular girl of WMHS. The HBIC herself, Quinn Fabray.
My heart yearns for your love,
But to you, I am invisible.
Despite the fact that she'd offered her friendship to Quinn on many occasions, Quinn refused to accept. Rachel's fingers come to a stop on the keyboard as she recalls the first time she'd ever seen the gorgeous blonde.
It was the first day of freshman year and Rachel was incredibly excited. High school meant new friends, more activities, and most importantly: Glee club! However, just beyond the excitement was a bit of nervousness. During the previous year she'd heard girls talking about their older siblings either getting or giving slushie facials. They also spoke of a ritual in which every morning the head cheerio and her minions would walk down the halls and terrify everyone.
That year there was a new head cheerio. A freshman had managed to usurp the senior that originally held the position and that made her more terrifying than any head cheerio before her. Suddenly the hallway of students shifted, making a clear path down the center for the new rulers to walk.
Rachel anxiously looked over and saw the new Queen Bitch, but instead of being frightened, she was infatuated. So when the Cheerios passed by her she smiled brightly in hopes of making new friends. Sadly and as expected, she was ignored.
My pulse races as you pass,
Still, my transparency haunts me.
Something inside of Rachel changed that day and she found herself with a new goal: befriend Quinn Fabray. Unfortunately, it was the thing that set the tone for the rest of her high school career and would eventually ruin her life. Throughout everyone's life there is one defining moment that will make or break you and unbeknownst to her, it would break her.
I see you in the hall,
You're friends all laugh when I say hi.
After several weeks of planning and re-planning Rachel decided to just gather all the courage and confidence she could find and approach the HBIC. So one morning before class Rachel put on the brightest, most confident smile she could muster and approached Quinn and her fellow Cheerios.
"Hello, my name is Rachel Berry and I was hoping to speak with you about Glee club. Would you, by any chance, be interested in joining?" The three girls stared at Rachel for a moment, trying to gauge the seriousness of the question.
Once they realized she wasn't joking, they all burst out into loud obnoxious laughter. Though Rachel could see the compassion in Quinn's eyes, she knew what was going to happen. So when Quinn snapped her fingers and Rachel found herself covered in various flavors of slush, she wasn't the least bit surprised.
Your eyes show compassion but you laugh too,
Now mine are empty, aside from the tears threatening to spill.
She gained Quinn's attention that day and she hasn't been free of it since. The attention wasn't quite what she wanted for it was all negative.
Now, when you walk by,
I finally have your attention.
Right after Spanish was when the first slushie came and holding the cup was none other than Quinn Fabray. In that moment Rachel realized that for the rest of her high school life, she'd be a slushie victim. She would be one of the select few losers to be bitch slapped by an iceberg for three more years.
Yes, she expected that but what she didn't expect was her crush's parting words and the evil glint in her eyes. "Blue looks good on you Treasure Trail, have at it boys!" The next thing she knew, a seemingly endless amount of jocks approached her and one by one delivered ice cold blow after ice cold blow.
But instead, I wish to be unseen,
The compassion is gone and is now mirth.
From that day on, Rachel was never the same. Inside she was broken. Somehow she knew her Broadway dreams would never come true so what did that leave her with? She was her voice, theater was her only talents, and she couldn't make friends. Hell, even her own fathers, the men who were supposed to love her unconditionally, had moved on to bigger and better things and left her behind to fend for herself.
At one point she thought she'd found a family in the club she created but that didn't last. They all hated her and never failed to remind her every chance they got. Eventually the pain grew to be too much and she found peace in the form of a blade. That, of course, didn't last long and ultimately led to her destruction.
That day she'd found herself slushied after every class, which was only slightly more than normal. After her last shower, she found she couldn't stand it any longer and dug out her emergency kit and set to work. She only allowed herself four cuts, reminding herself that she still had glee. After cleaning away the blood she bandaged herself up and set out for the best part of her day.
Eventually, she came to the conclusion that someone up in the sky bored an ill will towards her because she found herself tumbling from the uncoordinated hold of one Finn Hudson and landing on her side.
She knew her arm wasn't broken and she wasn't seriously injured so she couldn't quite figure out why everyone was staring at her, mortified. Then, she felt the cold air on her upper arm from where her sleeve had ridden up and the warm sticky liquid she felt could only be blood. "Geez Man-Hands you really are a freak." Quinn sneers at her.
That was how she found herself typing out a mass Facebook message of goodbyes and a more personal one to Quinn Fabray. The disgust in those achingly beautiful hazel eyes was still fresh in her mind as she types out the last few sentences.
Your eyes haunt me, even in the end,
Until finally, I find my sweet release.
Now I find solace in never being forgotten,
Across your soul, my name is written in red.