Hello, my dearies, it's Aleta here. This may not mean anything to you but that's your fault and not mine. So there. Nyah nyah nyah nyah nyahhhhh.

So, for those of you who have never heard of me previously - I really can't blame you - I'm Aleta. I'm a sixteen year old girl, I live in the UK - and yes, my dear Americans, I do have a British accent (oh yeah, be jealous) - and I have decided to read My Immortal, chapter by chapter, whilst giving you my views on it. Because everyone is simply desperate to know my opinion, right?

For those lucky ones who have never heard of My Immortal then allow me to relieve you of your blissful existence. My Immortal is a Harry Potter fanfic. Not just any Harry Potter fanfic, however, it is the worst Harry Potter fanfic in the history of the world. Possibly the worst fanfic in the history of the world - but let's not get carried away here, eh?
So let's get on with this. Everything from here on out belongs to Miss Tara Gillesbie, the author of the atrocity we call My Immortal, and not me. So don't come crying to me when it melts your brain. The bits in italics will be mine, though, so I'll try my best to make them interesting.

...

Chapter 1.
Good start. Snappy.

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik)
Yes, I get it. However I am not laughing. If it was funny I would be. Please take not of that fact.

2 my gf (ew not in that way) raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling.
Well, first off, this has hints of homophobia. This may or may not be intended - Tara might simply be stupid enough to think that saying 'ew' doesn't imply disgust - but I think that this is a rather grim development. Also, please tell me that Raven has not been editing the Author's Notes. If she has then I might as well give up and go home as they seem to be an indicator of just how useless the rest of the spelling and grammar is. I am not goddess of the English language and will make mistakes on that account but I don't think it's possible for one to make that many mistake is one sentence by accident. But anyway.

U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! MCR ROX! my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
Cute name...? Or not. If I had a name like that I would get bullied to within an inch of my life. Aleta isn't exactly common either so I guess I'm not really one to talk about ridiculous names.

and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name)
Wish my parents were psychic.

with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears
Now, some might expect me to go on about the word 'limpid'. I will not do so. Limpid means clear and bright. An impressive vocabulary you have there, Tara. However, I'm wondering how your eyes can be like tears. It would have made more sense if she had said 'and icy blue eyes from which limpid tears often spring forth'. At least that sounds slightly more poetic. It is also extremely melodramatic but still.

and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!).
I know who she is. Can I 'get da hell out of here' anyway? Nah, just kidding, I wouldn't miss this for the world.

I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie.
No. Just... just no. Incest is not sexy. Also, if you're not related to Gerard Way then how come your surname is 'Way'? Parents name you after him? I doubt it.

I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white.
This may sound picky but shouldn't that sentence say 'and' instead of 'but'? After all, most vampires have teeth that are straight and white. And pointy. Very pointy. All the better to eat you with! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha... Erm, sorry about that. Let's get back to Ebony, shall we?

I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen).
Y'know, I always assumed that Hogwarts was in Scotland. Maybe because I live in Scotland but mostly because it takes the train several hours to get to the school after leaving Platform 9 and 3/4. But maybe that's just me.

I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell)
I couldn't. After all, it's not like you mentioned your gothicness numerous times previously, is it now?

and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there.
Even though, here in the UK, we don't have any Hot Topic stores. I'm not going to go on a rampage about how it's a Muggle store because I bet Muggleborns and halfbloods still buy clothes from non-magical stores. Ebony hasn't mentioned her lineage yet, after all.

For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots.
Two points. Firstly, wouldn't a leather skirt be rather ... sticky? Secondly, pink fishnets sounds a bit, well, slutty. No offence meant to all those pink-fishnet-wearing girls out there.

I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow.
Trying out a natural look, were we?

I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
Sort of rude, I guess, but since we don't have any backstory to this I will make an allowance. Maybe a prep once jinxed her owl?

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Draco Malfoy!
Dramatic chord...

"What's up Draco?" I asked.
There really should be a comma after 'up'. Buck up, Raven!

"Nothing." he said shyly.

Since when did Malfoy do anything shyly? Wasn't he the kid who sauntered right up to the Boy Who Lived and told him that the guy Harry was sitting with on the Hogwarts Express was a blood traitor and that he, Malfoy, would be a much better friend?

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.
Bit of an anticlimax there, really."Hi." "What's up?" "Nothing." End of conversation. Can't believe I actually gave it a dramatic chord. I want that dramatic chord back! Give me my dramatic chord back!

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz!
It'd be much better if you said 'thanks' instead of 'fangz'. A plot would help too, I guess, but why bother with such mundane details when you can have Costume Porn? And so much of it too.

...

I'll have Chapter 2 up soon, dearies.