I wrote this in one-sitting, didn't really know what I was going for but I guess it's my attempt at what I had envisioned after the sneaks/promo and what happened prior to that shoulder-moment.
The governor had called. The freaking governor had called. Meredith and Nathan had been paged to Miranda Bailey's office and surprised by the official call that had thanked them for their service on flight 348, praised them for being a credit to their hospital and the community, only then to be invited to an upcoming gala that was recognizing citizens from Seattle. One thing had led to Sabrina's, and then two bottles of champagne, four shots and a burger split between them had laid the foundations for another whirl at their four-times-in-one-night record.
It turned out 'hanging out' and having a 'conversation' with Nathan wasn't so bad after all, Meredith had realized. Even though she had used it against him early on, the fact that he was so laid back, cool and unconcerned about the small stuff put her at ease. As much as she loved Seattle, it hadn't always been the easiest place to avoid drama and devastation, and she'd had enough of that to last her a lifetime.
She craved laid-back and cool.
So it wasn't a surprise to her when they'd tumbled into a cab and she'd given her address as the only destination, twisted in her bed-sheets and gotten down-right porny. Again. He was speaking a truth when he said that she couldn't stay away; for a vapid narcissist who loved the chase when drunk and tipsy, she certainly seemed to be the one who was making all of the moves.
So when she woke with a full-bodied ache at 5:30am in the morning, a throbbing headache settling behind her eyes as her alarm blared, she was ready to just call it all in, if not for the hand that settled at the crease of her hip and thigh. She felt the hand around her midriff curl back around her and pull her closer.
"Ugh," she groaned as her muscles tightened.
"Was that an ugh, Riggs, or just an ugh?" Nathan's breath tickled her ear as he pressed his lips to her skin, sending a shiver down her spine.
"How're you alive?" Meredith grumbled, annoyed that he seemed to be so perky when she felt like someone had hit her with a sledge-hammer, "and why're you still here?"
She was sure that she'd been clear when it came to sleepovers in their talk on the flight home from Sioux Falls. They still hadn't had that talk, but from what they were willing to delve into she'd included no sleepovers. Although she and Riggs were making something of whatever it was they were doing, it didn't mean she could lower the wall she had around her kids and their comfortability.
"Hello to you too," Riggs scoffed, pulling away so he could look down at her curled into the pillows.
"We said no sleepovers," she hissed, not giving into the smirk on his face.
"We did," he confirmed, "but when I tried to leave you changed your mind. Remember?"
"I did not," Meredith crossed her arms indignantly, looking up at him with that look of disapproval that only caused him to smile wider.
"No, I told you I was going to leave and you clearly said 'stay', and then I asked if you were sure and you said 'shut up'. You say that a lot to me, come to think of it."
"I did?"
"Mhhm," he hummed, while smoothing his fingertips over her cheek.
"I did, didn't I?" Meredith dropped her head to his chest slightly embarrassed.
She felt her shoulders drop as the memory pierced through her porny fog of a brain. She still wasn't completely used to waking with someone spooning her again, not since…well, not since Derek. While a few months ago that had been something that had unsettled and frightened her and had almost sent Thorpe running for the hills, Nathan's being there was a lot easier than she'd anticipated.
"Do we have time for…?" Nathan asked, massaging his thumb into her thigh crease, eliciting that heady spiral of arousal that traveled up and in between her legs. Maggie had an early shift and the kids were up at all hours of the morning for cartoons, usually beginning with Ellis snuggling with her until breakfast…but a quickie would make her feel so much better than she did…and he was giving her that look.
"Fast," she breathed, "I mean it. Fast or nothing."
He needed no more motivation from her.
Her legs opened for him as he settled over her, pressing his weight into her, skin on skin, as she ran her hands up his strong forearms and looped them around his neck. His hands married the skin of her rib-cage as her fingertips anchored in his hair, scratching, tearing and pulling into a hurricane of pleasurable pain.
"Mmh," Nathan groaned, trailing his lips over her cheek, down her neck and into the junction between her neck and shoulder before gently biting down, eliciting a gasp from her as she writhed underneath him.
He continued the trail, hitching over her skin with warm breaths until he reached her nipples, delicately raking his teeth over each one until they stood pert.
"Holy crap," Meredith breathed, her fingers sliding into his hair and gripping hard.
He couldn't wait much longer.
He moved his hands down to the creases between her hips and thighs and thumbed a pressure into her skin, before lining her up more comfortably. Her hand came between them and she gripped his member, offering one, two pumps before guiding him to her.
"Yes," she breathed, her back arching as he slipped into her, delivering on that promise to be quick. The friction was incredible. She had once told Maggie that the orgasm train would never run through vagina city again, but boy was she wrong. It was these moments that she would reflect on later, these moments of guttural pleasure that she completely gave into desire and abandoned any semblance of loyalty to Derek with such ease. It was frightening as it was pleasurable, all sorts of conflicting emotions that she couldn't quite pin down, but most of all it tugged at that fluttering happiness, that warm, calming feeling only her children could tug with gummy smiles and chocolate-covered fingers.
It was a happiness that didn't have to be unconditional.
She could choose it.
She wanted to choose it.
"Ungh, god…ah…faster," she pleaded as she felt him bend her leg towards her chest, pushing even deeper than he had been going, her muscles burning at being stretched again.
"Fuck..Mer," he bit into her shoulder, one hand sliding to her hip, clenching at the skin as he came closer to the edge she was teetering on.
"…almost.." she moaned, burying her face into his neck as he felt herself climb higher, his five o'clock shadow scratching along her cheek as he groaned into her ear.
Everything was heading for complete satiation, or it was until the sudden staticky wail from the baby monitor.
"No, no, no…" she struggled to catch her breath, feeling Nathan still as Ellis' little cries sounded from her side table, "damnit," she pushed at Nathan's chest and felt him pull away so she could move off the bed.
"Not fast enough," Nathan shrugged from his position on the bed, "we can call it four and a half."
"What?" she furrowed her brow, barely listening as she scanned the room for her robe so she had something half decent to tend to the baby in, "where is it?" she panicked, trying to locate it before Maggie beat her to the nursery.
"…what's up, Sweetie?"
"Damnit," Meredith cursed.
She could feel Nathan's eyes on her as she scrambled around and kicked at their clothes on the floor, hoping that he didn't think she was some basket-case as she ripped open her drawers and grabbed the nearest to decent clothes she could find.
"Aunt Maggie's got to go to work now, but Mama's not in until later. I'm sure she'll want cuddles…" Maggie's voice filtered over the monitor, followed by the padding of footsteps down the hall.
"Oh god, go in the bathroom," she tossed Nathan's shirt at him with a hiss, feeling her stomach drop as Maggie tried to open her bedroom door. Nathan obliged without so much as a grumble and she tripped over their clothes to shut the door behind him, her heart racing as Maggie struggled with the lock.
"Mer?" Maggie called, "why's your door locked?"
"I'm coming," Meredith tried to keep her voice balanced as she rushed back over to the door and unlocked it, stepping outside and pulling it closed behind her.
"Hey, Lovebug," she greeted Ellis with a wide smile, reaching for her in Maggie's arms, "did you miss Mama, sweet girl?" She could barely look Maggie in the eye and she knew her sister would call her out on it sooner or later, but Meredith didn't quite have it in her to act completely at ease.
"Are you okay?" Maggie questioned, giving her a once-over, a little confused.
"I'm fine," Meredith shrugged, hoping that the heat on her cheeks wasn't as noticeable as it felt. Ellis' little whimpers seemed to subside as Meredith swayed on the spot, resting her cheek on her head.
Maggie's eyes narrowed, sensing the lie.
"Is there -"
"Don't," Meredith begged, still blocking the doorway, hoping Maggie would get the hint and just drop it.
"There is!" Maggie whispered excitedly, "is it Thorpe? It's totally Thorpe, right? He said he'd wait for you…you're so lucky, Mer, he's really hot."
It was sometimes a blessing that Maggie was so oblivious, or airy as Meredith liked to think of it. She felt awful, and she knew it was going to come back and bite her in the ass, but Maggie made it so easy to be able to escape the torrid secret she'd been keeping for months.
"We weren't supposed to fall asleep," Meredith promised, "I'm just…this is all…I don't know," Meredith sighed as she led Maggie down the hall and towards the staircase so they could take it to the kitchen. She lowered a squirming Ellis into the playpen in the kitchen and reached for a couple of mugs and Ellis' sippy cup, flicking the coffee machine on and grabbing the milk from the fridge - or what little of it that Alex had left.
She could sense the burning curiosity coming from Maggie and she was surprised that her sister, happy-kid-extraordinaire didn't have more to push her on. Diane passing had mellowed her out a little, but Maggie had never been one to let things go.
"Was it good?" Maggie finally burst, "c'mon, I need details. Deluca brushed me off and my ex-boyfriend is married, even my Mom told me to be sluttier and I'm still here watching the Bachelorette on Monday nights. I need this."
Meredith was hesitant. Her teeth raked across her bottom lip as she argued with herself internally, every move she made to lie and twist the truth post-Sioux Falls was an extra, pre-meditated layer of betrayal and she was fully aware of that. Before South Dakota she could easily justify he actions as needing no explanation, because her relationship with Nathan was nothing. She had pushed Nathan so far from reach and warded him off, she'd fought it and stayed away the best she could so that the guilt of her initial lie that night all those months ago wouldn't have to surface, ever. She'd fixed it…until she'd gone to that damn hotel.
The dual storms had cancelled flights all over the Mid-West and their unexpected Sioux Falls layover had become a weekend excursion, which had turned into room-service and a lot of sex. She'd confronted that last obstacle that was in the way of her progression with Nathan, and in doing so she had decided to extend that lie she'd been trying to protect her sister from.
It was selfish and she knew it.
"I…" she trailed off, unsure of what to say as she tipped the sippy cup of warm milk she'd just made onto her wrist, before passing it to Ellis who began to guzzle it down, "it's good," she finally settled on.
"Just good?" Maggie pried, disbelief evident in her voice, "that's worse than saying nothing."
"Maggie," Meredith chuckled nervously as she poured their coffee into mugs.
"What? I'm your sister, you can share this kind of stuff with me, sisters before misters and all that…and if you're worried about Ellis, she's golden. Aren't you, girlie?"
The baby was blissed out and milk-drunk, passed out in her mound of blankets.
"See? She doesn't care."
"Fine," Meredith relented with a sigh. She curled her fingers around her mug for comfort, thinking about the past few days that she'd been able to experience with Nathan. While she hadn't intended to be so reckless since coming back to Seattle she couldn't complain from a satisfaction point of view.
"It's dirty and it's hot," she admitted, hiding her smirk behind her mug, "he's a giver."
"I would've guessed, military doctor and all that. They're the ultimate self-sacrificers," Maggie sighed dreamily, which made Meredith more than uncomfortable knowing that she was probably thinking about Nathan's military background.
Meredith let out a deep yawn and rubbed her eyes, feeling the throbbing subside a little more, but not enough to make her feel any better about the day ahead. She was going to have to stock up on ibuprofen and acetaminophen.
"Didn't get much sleep, huh?" Maggie curled her lip into a smirk, eyebrows raised.
Meredith merely shrugged back, the warming of her cheeks enough to answer Maggie's question. She wasn't about to let her sister in on the fact that the average of her and Nathan's rounds of sex hadn't dropped below four unless you counted the public indecency of their car and plane escapades. At the time they had been the adrenaline rush she'd needed, but looking back on it made her feel like a terrible mother and role model for her kids. She'd keep those sordid moments to herself…and Alex, because he had been that man-whore once. She'd combust if she had to keep it entirely to herself.
"Eugh, I hate you," Maggie sighed, draining her mug.
Meredith watched as Maggie dropped her mug in the sink and then leaned down to stroke Ellis' cheek, promising to see her later. The little information she'd given to her sister seemed to appease her and Meredith shoulders relaxed a little more as the tension seeped away.
"You're really okay though, right?" Maggie turned to her, a little more serious in her tone, "I mean, I can get Riggs to cover my surgeries if you're not. We can clean out the garage this time and recycle a lot of those boxes."
"I'm good. No freaking out," she promised. Though she knew that was a complete lie if she was being honest with herself. There was a reason she'd settled on the no sleepovers rule and she was regretting it in that moment.
"Okay, well I've gotta get going, but I'll see you at the press conference," Maggie switched topic excitedly, "I can't believe I know someone who had a viral surgery. Did you know it trended on Twitter?"
"It did?" Meredith lifted her brow in surprise, "because the last thing I got on there was Amelia screeching for Bailey's blanket."
"She's still mad about that," Maggie warned, "Bailey calls her Not-Mommy now and she's a little resentful."
"When is she ever not mad at me," Meredith huffed, much to Maggie's chagrin.
"And that's me out, I can only handle one drama at a time these days," Maggie responded, before slipping her coat on and grabbing her keys, "I'll see you in a few hours. Good luck!"
Meredith let out a pent up sigh once Maggie had run out of the front door. Anything she said to her sister from here on out without admitting what she was doing to Nathan was pretty unforgivable. The coffee, guilt and her hangover all settled uncomfortably in her gut and churned.
"Mama's a horrible person," she told the toddler as she reached into the playpen and pulled a sleepy Ellis against her, sippy cup still tucked into her mouth, "I'm going with what Daddy said on this one, no dating until you're thirty."
Moments like these always reminded her of her mother, back in those days when she'd warned her in that morbidly stern way of hers, not to be "ordinary", not to let someone dictate her life…she wondered what her mother would think of everything since.
Meredith paused at the last stair on her staircase and shook her head with an unsurprising grin.
Her mother couldn't have cared less.
She put Ellis back in her crib, watching her peaceful sleeping face for a few more seconds, then poked her head into Zola and Bailey's room, satisfied to find them still sleeping and gently closed their door with the stealth of a tired and exhausted Mom. There was no avoiding the Nathan situation in her bedroom any longer.
"You're still in one piece," he commented as she slunk into the room, dropping one of her medical journals that he'd been reading on the sheets.
"We're terrible people," Meredith admitted, collecting a fresh set of clothes and heading for the shower, checking her face in the mirror and feeling a little haggard as her blood-shot eyes stared back at her, "she's going to hate me."
"At least we're terrible people together," Nathan tried to lighten the mood, "it was getting lonely being the bad-guy."
"Yeah, well, this isn't my first rodeo," she admitted, "my intern year defined was pretty much the year of tequila and apology."
"Now, there's a story…" Nathan came to lean against the door-frame.
"You don't want to know about that," Meredith promised, testing the temperature of the shower spray.
"Is that where you got the nickname Medusa?"
"What?! How do you know about that?" Meredith balked at the smirk plastered across his face.
"The halls whisper," he teased.
"Yeah, well, you can listen to those whispering halls on the other side of this door," she returned, pushing him back over the threshold of the door-frame.
"Oh, come on! I was joking…" he groaned as she locked the door behind her, "you know, sharing a shower saves water and gets me out faster."
"Yeah, well, Medusa isn't sharing today," he heard her muffled voice call back.
"I don't even know why they want me at this thing, I keep telling them it was all you," Nathan said as he messed with his hair in the mirror in the attending's lounge. It was true. He was currently tying his tie and gelling his hair because Bailey was insisting that he join Meredith on the victory parade and give the reporters the story that hadn't been put down since they landed in Sioux Falls. It was a fine line for him, because while he was there and while he'd made a save of his own, Meredith's save far outranked his and he didn't want to impact that credit. She deserved it all.
"You saved Ass Face," Meredith quipped from across the room, as she poured two cups of coffee from the machine and tipped some milk into Nathan's, "You deserve some credit. Anyone else would have let him walk off into the light."
Nathan let out a guffaw. He knew Meredith could be sassy, but sometimes she hit him with some outright dark humour and he could barely hold it together in fear of going straight to hell. Meg was a bit more cautious in that regard, not that he liked to compare, but it felt refreshing to hear someone be a little more blunt, who didn't sugar-coat the situation and make it more palatable.
He turned to her, a grin set on his face at the sight of her heading over with a mug outstretched for him. He thanked her, his fingers meeting hers for a split second before she retreated to the couch.
"How long until we have to be at the press conference?" Meredith asked over the rim of her mug, sheltering that tell-tale smirk that sat at the corner of her mouth.
Nathan glanced down at his watch for the time, projecting his own smirk.
"Fifteen minutes," he said.
"That's enough," she asserted, shoving her mug onto the coffee table with a look of distaste, "this coffee sucks anyway."
Nathan was about to throw his own mug down and follow Meredith to the nearest on-call room when the door to the attending's lounge burst open to an enthusiastic Maggie, effectively ending the moment.
"There are so many people turning up, Mer, even the Seattle Times! Do you think the governor is going to show?" she rambled, plopping herself onto the couch next to Nathan with a beam plastered across her face, before stealing his mug and taking a sip. She seemed so unaware of the moment that she had walked into, and Nathan tried not to let his disappointment show as he settled himself back into the couch. He couldn't say the same for Meredith though, glancing over at her coyly and seeing the weight of frustration settle on her brow as she pretended to busy herself with her phone.
"He already called us, so I don't think so," Meredith answered..
He knew it was a turn of phrase that probably didn't register with Meredith, but to hear the word 'us' come from her own mouth was affirming. She had put so much emphasis on them being apart, that he was "not one of those people" she wanted to take care of that it felt incredible to hear the narrative change.
"I still can't believe you guys were going to the same conference and didn't even know. That guy was so lucky to have two surgeons on board."
"He was lucky to have Mer on board," Nathan glanced down at his watch, seeing the minutes fade as they neared the time for the press conference. There was no room for some stress relief now, "I was just the assist and I wasn't even sure we should do it. She's the reason he's alive."
"I'm sure you're just being chivalrous," Maggie knocked her knee against his in jest. Sidling that little bit too close for him, but not enough for him to be able to say anything about it without making the whole thing awkward. He'd promised to keep it quiet with Meredith while they took time to figure out what they were going to be to each other, when to tell Maggie, whether the kids would come into it…they needed more time and he had to be careful and courteous about that. Things had gotten a little hairy earlier in the morning and he knew that it had knocked Meredith a little. Their conversation to retrieve his car from Sabrina's had gone from being more careful to the decision that they had to tell Maggie after the press conference.
It was the last obstacle next to Owen, and Nathan had promised to shoulder that burden for her.
He caught Meredith rolling her eyes in the background, almost certainly over her sister's affection for him. While Meredith took her sister's feeling to heart and protected them, he knew she had a little jealous streak from what she'd said about Candace on the plane.
"You know I have a good story about a straw, a set of car keys and a collapsed pulmonary artery on a dirt road, but a brain bleed and a cocktail straw? Not mine," Nathan reiterated, hoping Maggie would lessen his inclusion. He'd already had the hospital question his accounts of his and Meg's relationship and that had gotten him into hot water time and time again. He wasn't afraid to set the record straight anymore, especially now that both Meredith and Owen seemed to be on good terms with him.
Especially Meredith.
"Okay folks," Miranda Bailey walked into the lounge, a binder tucked under her arm, "the conference is about to start, are you two happy with the brief?" she looked between Nathan and Meredith, receiving nods from the pair, "good, keep it light and keep it detail-limited, not a lot of the general public want to hear about cocktail straws and brain matter over dinner, no matter how much ER they claim to have watched," she warned.
"Good show," Maggie turned to Riggs, "but not entirely accurate."
"Pierce, you might want to get in there now, all the spots are being taken."
"Crap!" Maggie jumped to her feet, "and I promised video for posterity!"
"It's not like there aren't going to be fifty cameras in there anyway," Meredith groaned, dumping her mug in the sink as Maggie fled the room with her iPhone in hand. Nathan could tell that she wasn't looking forward to having her face plastered over the five o-clock news.
"Press can be intrusive," Bailey warned, "don't feel like you have to answer anything you don't want to. They've got some background information, they always do, so like I said - light and careful. Do me proud."
"Cocktail straw to evacuate a brain bleed not enough already?" Nathan quipped, cheekily.
"She knows," Bailey lowered her voice with sincerity, turning to Meredith,"I always raise my babies well."
Meredith nodded, offering a small smile and that was enough for the both of them.
"Okay, I'm going to go and set up the introduction, good luck," and with that Bailey left the room too.
"You ready?" Nathan pushed himself to his feet.
"I guess," she uttered, not taking her gaze off of the spot on the floor in front of her. He could tell there was something nagging at her.
He gave her that look, that one that told her that he didn't quite believe her and she rolled her eyes at him again.
"It's just…Derek was waiting for this. Waiting for me to shine. He spent his entire career overshadowing mine, promising things and then taking them away, he supported me, but there was never any room for me to be this when he was that, y'know? It's just…" she trailed off.
"Hard to see what you can be without him? I get that," Nathan sighed, feeling that sentiment. He'd been so distracted with Megan, spent a lot of time arguing and picking at each other that he couldn't give himself fully to the job he'd undertaken. There was always something dragging them out of that light and into that unhealthy, obsessive place. They'd both held each other back and never learned how to find that balance, not even at the end. It would always be a regret of his.
They found themselves in one of those moments, like when they were back at the church and talking about their ideas of weddings. There was nothing really to be said in the moment, just that mutual understanding that took your breath away for the moment, in a world where it felt like you were the only one who would ever understand. It was a feeling that was both sad and uplifting, and he was glad that he could share in that with her, because - for all intents and purposes- it was healing.
"We should get going," she murmured, her eyes a little watery.
"We should," he nodded, finally taking that chance to look away. As much as these moments drew out some of those underlying issues, there was a certain sting that lingered enough to warrant a few seconds of recuperation. He always wondered whether that would come and go for the rest of his life, that grief. But for now, the sting wasn't as bad as it had always been.
"Thank you."
He felt a tug on his sleeve as he moved to open the lounge door.
"For what?" he turned around.
He'd cherish those next few words.
"For letting me shine."