A story inspired by AlexHamato's Fic Challenge. This is what Master Splinter does in his spare time... Maybe.

I really had to post this. I haven't had this much fun in ages.

T! M! N! T! Does not belong to me!

"Are you sure you'll be all right?"

Splinter looked up at the concerned tone in his oldest son's voice. The elderly rat's four sons were going out for the night and were staying over at their friend April's place. After a battle with the Shredder, the mutants had been forced into hiding in their lair until it was safe. Tensions had risen high and after an accident involving a hammer, the shellcycle and Leonardo's birthday cake, Splinter had decided that it was time for them to get some fresh air.

For what seemed like the hundredth time that day, Splinter nodded at him. "I will be fine, my son. Have a nice time at Ms. O'Neil's."

Leonardo still looked worried. "You'll be okay, won't you? There's plenty of food and Don's made sure the burglar alarm is functioning perfectly."

Raphael rolled his eyes, coming over and putting a hand on his brother's shoulder. "Come on, bro. Dis is MASTER SPLINTER we're talkin' about. He can take care of 'imself."

"I know, I know. But the Shredder..."

"I will be fine," Splinter assured him, smiling slightly. "It is I who should be worrying. Have fun and be safe."

Raphael walked off, shouting at Michelangelo about something he had put into his bag. Leonardo watched them, sighing.

"Take care of your brothers," Splinter whispered, for he knew his other sons didn't like hearing him say that. It made them think that Splinter thought they would blow up something if Leonardo wasn't around.

Leonardo smiled slightly, bowed, and headed towards Michelangelo and Raphael, who were both having a heated argument about something. Splinter heard his eldest son say, "Mikey, we're not bringing a dead pigeon. April didn't find it funny the first time," and, "No, Don, you're not bringing anything explosive with you. You can still see where the hole used to be in her wall." He then heard Leonardo say, "Raph, I don't know what that is nor do I want to know, but you're not taking it with you."

Michelangelo delved into Leonardo's bag and pulled out some scrolls. "Well, you're like, not bringing these. We're all going there to chill out, not to watch a movie while you sit in the corner reading boring stuff."

Splinter's eyes closed briefly. Yes... he was looking forward to having the lair to himself. Very, very much.

When he opened them again, his sons seemed to have resolved their argument and were now grinning at him, arms wrapped around each other's shoulders in a friendly embrace. Splinter bowed as they left, listening to their argument continue outside where they thought Splinter couldn't hear them. The elderly rat shook his head fondly and got to his feet.

He wondered what his sons took him for. He was old, but he wasn't weak. It was amusing to watch them go out and fight, to hear them tell him to get some rest while they were gone. It was worrying yet hilarious to watch them run over to him, panicking, if he cut his robe very slightly in battle. He didn't know where they had gotten the impression that he was going to drop dead if he strained himself even slightly. And, from overhearing muttered conversations, he knew what they thought he was going to do.

"Watch some of his shows."
"Rest."
"Meditate."
"Clean."

Ah... how he hated being thought of like this. He was too polite to disagree with his sons, to tell them they were wrong and that he did other things. At times, he longed to snap that he wasn't an old fuddy duddy that had passed the highest peak in his life. But he couldn't bring himself to say it.

He went away from the TV and sat in front of Donatello's computer. His sons thought he was clueless when it came to technology. But that was justified. He didn't have enough hairs on his body to count the number of times his sons had observed him fiddle with his shellcell or crash the computer. The number of times they groaned inwardly and showed him calmly how to do things, much like he had done so many times during their childhood.

It was an act.

He opened the internet browser installed on the machine and went to his favourite site. It wasn't a site about gardening, parenting, martial arts or a fansite about his favourite shows. It was a chatroom.

Oh, if only they knew, he thought with a smirk.

Seeing a regular on, he proceeded to converse with them.

Big_Daddy: Ah... it's you.
Dark_Princess: Hello. It has been a while, has it not?
Big_Daddy: Only a few days.
Dark_Princess: That is a long time to me. ;)
Big_Daddy: Ha ha, most amusing. So what have you been up to?
Dark_Princess: Not much. My father has been... you know.
Big_Daddy: The usual? :P
Dark_Princess: Yes. Honestly, I cannot do ANYTHING without him asking me about it.
Big_Daddy: It's only because he cares.
Dark_Princess: -_- I know I know... I just want some privacy. So what have you been up to?
Big_Daddy: Looking after my children. They're staying at a friend's house.
Dark_Princess: I wish I could do that. :( But NO... I'm a grown woman and he still interrogates me whenever I go out.
Dark_Princess: Did you catch the latest episode of Dead-end Avenue?
Big_Daddy: Yes! I can't believe that Darren is Michael's sister.
Dark_Princess: Same. I heard the confession and nearly fainted. I cannot wait for tomorrow's episode.
Big_Daddy: Me neither, me neither.
Dark_Princess: I wish we could meet in rl. It is such fun chatting with you.
Big_Daddy: Me too. You are a kind person.
Dark_Princess: :) Thank you. It is nice to know that SOMEONE appreciates me.
Big_Daddy: Your father again?
Dark_Princess: No. He thinks highly of me. I am having a bad time at the moment.
Big_Daddy: :(
Big_Daddy: Do you wish to share it with me?
Dark_Princess: There are these... boys and they make fun of me.
Big_Daddy: How?
Dark_Princess: They call me names like Daddy's Girl, and when I try to be their friend... they abuse me and hurt me.
Big_Daddy: Why would they do that?
Dark_Princess: There has been a long dispute about various things. Sometimes, I wonder whether I should give into them and do what they want.
Big_Daddy: They sound like horrible people. D: Do not give into them.
Dark_Princess: I try not to.
Big_Daddy: :)
Dark_Princess: :)
Big_Daddy: I can sympathize. My family have been terrorized by another.
Dark_Princess: How so?
Big_Daddy: We can't go out without risking our lives. They attack us when we are visiting a friend's house, or when we are just out for a walk... Sometimes, they go into our home and fight us there.
Dark_Princess: You should call the police. D:
Big_Daddy: It wouldn't really solve anything, unfortunately. They do not leave physical evidence, but the emotional pain they leave behind...
Dark_Princess: It is so terrible. If I could, I would beat them up. You are a wonderful person who does not deserve this.
*Dark_Princess hugs Big_Daddy
*Big_Daddy hugs Dark_Princess
Dark_Princess: I have to go. I have private tutoring.
Big_Daddy: I hope you have a nice time.
Dark_Princess: Love you. xx
Big_Daddy: Love you too. xx
Dark_Princess signed out
Big_Daddy signed out

Splinter deleted the history and got to his feet, yawning. How he wished he was human sometimes. This person he talked to seemed very kind and caring and would be a great friend. Not that this person wasn't a great friend now. They had chatted many times and he always lit up when he saw her signed in. He wouldn't trade his sons for anything, including her, but sometimes...

He wondered what his sons would do if they found out he had what they would call 'a cyberwife'. He felt such a hypocrite, telling his sons that they were to keep their identity hidden while he often talked to a stranger on the internet. But being so bad made him feel so good.

And what his sons didn't know couldn't hurt them... right?

TMNTNMT

Karai turned the computer off. She leaned back in her chair, staring at the ceiling with her usually piercing green eyes. Now, though, they were dull as she daydreamed.

"Oh, Big Daddy..." she murmured.

"Mistress..." She jumped, getting to her feet and unsheathing her katana. A Foot ninja was at the door of her private headquarters. Thankfully, it looked like he hadn't seen anything.

"You must knock if you wish to speak to me!" she snarled. "Your news better be good, or I will have you severely beaten for your impudence."

"The turtles are at their comrade's house," he said. He was glad he was wearing a uniform; he was sweating like crazy. "Master wants you to lead us in an ambush."

Karai smiled coldly. "Excellent. I am most pleased with this news. I will be there in a moment."

And with that, they walked out.