Go Ninja Go Ninja GO!

Kai lifted up a big rock and then set it down. "This rock really rocks!"

Cole came up to his fiery buddy and kicked him in the fiery butty. The lad held his tush tush in the pain of the chaos. Kai never believed in miracles before, but today he most certainly did.

"Dude, the raisin-flavored Oreo filling is an abomination. We must destroy the snakes!" cried Cole as he readied his favorite tortilla.

Kai nodded in agreement and held out his tongue for the Falcon to land on. Cole clapped for the magic of Kai's Lego tongue.

"My! My!" said a sinister voice from above. It was none other than the dastardly Pythor and his angel wings of glory. "I grew these for the love of my life!"

"Who's that?" said Cole. "Link the Toader?"

"You dare!" cried Pythor.

"I wish the world would love my kindness!" screamed Jay at the top of his Lego lungs. "I wish I was as good-lookin' as dat hunk from the Lord of the Rings!"

"Who can be more fab?" remarked Pythor.

"According to my calculations, I am the most fab individual," said Zane as he jumped up and sliced the wings off of Pythor with a strong attack of his stars. Pythor fell to the ground and wailed about the feeling of pumpernickel between the toes.

"Fear not, knave!" cried Jay as he gave a wet, sloppy smoocha to a duck. "This duck is now named Nya! If I say it, then it must be true!"

"You're a great man," said Kai about to cry from the joy resonating from within his ripped plastic.

Zane saw the Falcon on Kai's tongue and felt deep love in his heart for French waffles and Belgian toast. "I watched that on the telly and won ten goldfish!"

Cole gasped and swallowed a grasshopper. "DUDE! Pancreases are people too!"

"Indeed!" said Jay as he stared into the eyes of Pythor. Pythor stared back and ate Jay's head. Jay screamed because that is actually what he is canonically known for.

Kai spit out the Falcon and screamed for the Banjo-Kazooie sequel. "PIANOS!" he said angrily. He then bit a spare tire and leveled the playing field. "PIANOS AND DUMPLINGS!"

"Porkchops and applesauce!" said Zane sneakily and with a proper attitude named Kevin.

"Cole!" yelled Cole as he stared at himself in Gorgeous Town.

"Feelings are felt!" said Jay as he ate a pickle-flavoured popsicle. He loved his hair, but not as much as he loved Fernando's bandana. Octopuses hurried to the emergency room and saved lives one by one. This was all thanks to Jay, the best Ninjago character.

"It's a miracle!" said Kai into a microphone. He stood up straight and practiced his yoga.

"You dudes are not good at cooking soup, are you?" said the ever wise Sensei Wu. "I am changing my name to Borris and my hair will turn gold."

"The Golden Hair Guy?" said Kai amazed.

"Wait, I thought they only talked about the GHG in legends," said Jay.

"Apparently the Golden Hair Guy is a legend passed down by the Sensei's of Ninjago City's past," said Zane. "According to said legend, the Golden Hair Guy is a title given to only the most worthy of all ninja."

"Zane, you're pinkies are stupid and not good for llamas," said Cole rudely. Zane cried about the insult and Cole smirked at the camera, tore off his shirt and flexed his abby goodness. Pythor almost sang when he saw the glorious ripped plastic and he decided that if he ever had a son, he would name the lad after Cole's abs.

"We are the Backyardigans!" screamed Jay holding a doughnut in his own two hands. Zane cried louder when he saw the lightning-wielding ninja with all the power of that delicious delicacy.

"Jay, you're a toadhead and I wish you'd stop!" said Wu. His beard engulfed his body and he walked around on it. He walked up to Jay and stole the priceless doughnut. "This is what I thought! This is the power of the Golden Hair Guy. This relic will choose destiny for a fellow."

"Sensei Wu, you're hotter than Cole," said Jay. Sensei Wu was so surprised by this compliment that he fed the Falcon some porkchops and applesauce. "Sensei Wu, you are the hottest in all the land!" cried Jay even louder. Sensei Wu felt the power of his hotness scream at life. He quickly took off his shoes and sold them to a walrus.

"Oh, look! A kayak!" said Zane. He hopped in the kayak and took a trip down the tunnel of love. "I am with Pixal and she is my best friend. You losers are toady and dumb! Smell ya!"

"Bye, Zane! I hope you find that which you are looking for!" cheered Kai as he saluted with his stylish rump in the process of being hot.

"COLE!" screamed Cole as he flexed harder and accidently killed a lone tuba.

"Cole killed the tuba and the tuba was like a brother to me…" wept Sensei Wu. Sensei Wu died that night and all the ninjas felt so sad and not happy.

"Oh my nose!" wailed Lloyd. "We can bring the Sensei Wu of hotness back if we find all seven Chaos Emeralds!"

Lloyd's sayings were wise and sounded cool and great and wise and fishy. Jay socked Lloyd with a boxing glove named Butch Hartman. Then the world got saved by rampant beetles.

Jay was in trouble now, so he had to go on the lam and become a hobo. He became a fabulous hobo though and bought out a mansion. He kissed many ducks who all were then named Nya and the glory of Jay saved the world.

Cole was busy flexing in front of another mirror. "GRR!" he grred. "GRR!" he grred again. "GRR! My soul says! GRR!" He stopped grring and looked at his hair. "My hair is made of plastic and the souls of kind camels cannot keep up with caramel cannolis…" He wept bitterly. "My love is no longer my hair…" With that, Cole removed the hair and was now a baldy. He saved worlds just like Jay because of his hot baldness.

Kai and Zane became heroic too and didn't die from stupid things like fishing. Zane got a cool toe and Kai used it to drive to Melbourne at the speed of spaghetti. "Who is Pete?" asked Kai one day to his icy bro.

"Oh no…" said Zane and then he blew up. Kai freaked out and saved Zane's head and gave it to a guy at the local pizzeria.

"Yo, you need to save my Joyconboyz," said Kai in a dark tone. He then returned home for his surprise birthday party and got married to April the Giraffe. The marriage of Lego and giraffe transformed Kai into a turtle named Samuel and the world was now a better place.

But who was the Golden Hair Guy? Turns out the GHG was in everyone the whole time. However, Lloyd still won the lottery and became the world's greatest professional. The clocks work better now thanks to Lloyd and his passion for conserving energy and orcas.

THE END