I've been crying for hours and I can't really recall why. Wiping my eyes and turning on my bed to look outside, I see the moon, it's full tonight. I breathe out slowly, wincing slightly, ow... I rub my arm, stupid maroon, my arm twitches, stupid twitching. Stupid me, stupid, stupid me. I choke back a sob, really? Why am I crying? Shake it off, forget about it.
TA: you okay?
AA: yes im 0kay thanks f0r asking
My eyes are puffy and swollen, I sit up. I want to tell him that I'm not '0kay.' I haven't been '0kay' for awhile. But no, I can't talk to him, not right now. I can't talk to anyone right now, not when I'm feeling so down and out, spinning around in my own head, dammit I'm dizzy.
Slowly I get up and stumble out of my room, everything is quiet as I walk down the long dark hallway to the bathroom.
"Ah!"
I trip, hitting my forehead on the wall, I slid down, keeping it on the wall. It hurts, I'm getting a headache, I whine in pain. Stupid! Stupid, stupid, stupid! I take a shaky breath and relax my body, tension built up to much to stand. I reach up and slowly grip my shoulder, letting my nails sink in, and scream in fustration and pain.
"God dammit! WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?!"
I bang my head against the wall. Can't even walk right... My knees start hurting from kneeling to long, so I move to sit against the wall, rubbing my arm, and frowning as I pass over lumps of scars and cuts. My phone goes off again, shifting I pick it up. I blink a few times, trying to make my vision less blurry, I sigh slightly.
CC: )(i, Aradia! 38D
AA: hell0 feferi
CC: )(ow are you? Sollux told me you were feeling down.
Oh that stupid... I growl, cursing Sollux under my breath, I didn't want her to know.
AA: im 0kay i d0nt kn0w what hes talking ab0ut
CC: You know you're not a very good liar. 38/
"God dammit! Why?!"
AA: but im n0t lying
CC: T)(en w)(y were you screaming?
How did she-
CC: Come get the door!
I groan and slowly pull myself up.
AA: y0u are s0 dead
TA: what ii do?
AA: sleep with 0ne eye 0pen
I slip my phone into my pocket, grabbing a sweater and slipping it on, opening the door slowly. Feferi nearly tackles me to the floor.
"Ah!"
She giggled and hugs me.
"Sorry!"
"I-Its okay."
She looked at me and frowned, starting to glare, I flinch back.
"What happened?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You forehead! It gots a big bruise!"
"What?"
I jump up and run to the bathroom, looking in the mirror.
"Ack! Stupid! Ahhh!"
Feferi comes up behind me as slam my hands on the counter top making her flinch.
"God! I'm so damn stupid!"
I slap my hand over my mouth and scream into it. Feferi shakes her head and pulls my hand away, papping my cheek.
"You're not stupid, Aradia."
"You don't know!"
She frowns at this, I really hate yelling at her, but I can't think right now.
"I'm so sick of this! Crying every night and not knowing why, sick of this color!"
I pull up my sleeve, Feferi gasps. I freeze, what did I just do?!
"A-Aradia..."
"Stupid! Ugh! God dammit!"
She takes my arm and looks it over, shaking her head, she digs in the medicine cabinet. I look to the side, ashamed and guilty. Feferi pulls out the first aid kit and starts fixing my wounds. I feel her eyes on me after she finishes wrapping up my arm. I can't bring myself to look at her, she paps me, wiping away my tears.
"What's wrong, Aradia?"
I swallow hard, chewing on my lip.
"Please?"
Sighing, I turn to face her. Her face is soft, not mad, more sad. I choke up, sinking to the ground, she kneels beside me, pulling me into a hug.
"It's okay... Shooooosh, you're okay..."
I cry into her shoulder, holding onto her, I feel her pap my back.
"I'm so stupid!"
I cry out, Feferi sighs.
"You're not stupid. You wouldn't be my moirail if you were, I don't like being around stupid people."
I let out a empty laugh, Feferi shakes her head.
"I'm not kidding, Aradia."
I stop and look down.
"I know..."
She smiles sadly.
"Why didn't you just come to me? That's what I'm here for."
"I-I didn't want to bug you..."
"Aradia. You're not bugging me, I'm always happy to help."
"I-I'm sorry..."
"Shoooosh, don't be."
She paps my cheek and helps me up, we both go and sit on the couch. I sit quietly.
"C-Can we not talk about it right now? I mean... Later, I-I really don't want to talk about it right now..."
"I understand, but we're talking about it, okay?"
"Okay."
She smiles, I smile back and yawn. Feferi pats her lap, I lay my head down and close my eyes, she runs her hand through my hair, humming softly. I yawn again and slowly drift off, thank god for my wonderful moirail...