He was afraid. He hated it, but there it was. He closed his eyes and dreamt of soft petals under his fingers. He could smell smoke and hear loud shrill voices. He could feel flesh meeting flesh as skin split and bone took its hits. He was afraid of ghosts. He rolled over, determined to get a few hours of sleep before he was on watch. Only children were afraid of ghosts and the other boogeymen that occupied the scary stories told at night around campfires. Ghosts were dead after all; they couldn't hurt you. Then again, walkers were dead too. Daryl opened his eyes and looked up at the concrete ceiling. What are you so afraid of little brother? You a pussy?

…

"Hey Glenn," Daryl called. Glenn was standing by the stove talking to his sister-in-law as the blond stirred a pot of porridge. Both Glenn and Beth turned to look at Daryl as he approached and both had smiles for him. "I need to talk to you about the run tomorrow. I can't make it."

Glenn frowned. It wasn't a frown of anger or disappointment, rather it was one of genuine confusion. Daryl went on almost every run. People were so used to him going on every run in fact, that when the council was planning runs making the roster always started with the phrase: So it'll be Daryl and who else? Daryl had never minded this before, but he sure as hell minded now. He would never have volunteered for this. "Is something wrong," Glenn asked.

"Nah, I just gotta go on a hunt," Daryl said.

"Why," Beth asked. "We're not low on meat."

"We will be by the time I get back. This'll take at least four days. Sides, it's dear season and I want to get as many of the rascals as possible while they're plentiful." Daryl's heart was pounding against his breastbone so hard he was sure his friends could hear it.

"Well who can we get to replace you on such short notice," Glenn asked. "I don't trust anybody inexperienced with something this important. Like you said, we'll be gone a few days."

"Michonne's due back today. She's more than able," Daryl said.

Glenn gave Daryl a doubtful look. "She never stays for more than a night. She'll want to be right back on the road come morning, hunting for the Governor. I doubt she'll do it."

"She'll do it if she sees we're in a spot. She's as loyal to the group as any of us."

"Well I guess we can ask her when she gets here," Glenn said. "Sure you can't come?"

Flakes of ash dancing in the wind drew his eye to the white sky. The sky was white, like snow or the petals of a Cherokee rose. That wasn't right. The sky is blue. "'M sure," Daryl said.

Glenn shrugged. "All right." That was that. He didn't question Daryl any further on the topic of the run. Daryl realized he had allowed himself to become all worked up over something that wasn't even a big deal. He was disgusted with himself. "Daryl? Earth to Daryl," Glenn said.

Daryl looked at the younger man. "Sorry, what?"

"I said Carol was looking for you earlier," Glenn said.

"Ooh, Carol was looking for you earlier," Beth teased as she stirred.

Daryl rolled his eyes at Beth's mockery. Half the prison was convinced that Daryl and Carol were screwing. Of course the other half was convinced that he and Michonne were screwing, so as far as he was concerned they were all idiots. "She off watch yet?"

"Yeah," Glenn said. "She went down to the well to get some water for the showers."

Beth made a face. "Yeah it's awful when we run out. Especially if you don't check before you start your shower and then you're halfway through and there's no water. Ugh, the worst."

Daryl scoffed. "Yeah, even worse than when the maid forgets to leave one of those little chocolates on your pillow when she makes your bed every morning. Just the worst."

Glenn laughed while Beth shot daggers at Daryl with her eyes. "At least I shower."

"Yeah, you always smell minty fresh," Daryl agreed. "It ain't natural."

"I prefer minty fresh to odeur de walker guts," Beth said.

"Well we're just gonna have to agree to disagree," Daryl said. "I gotta go find Carol."

"Tell Carol I said hi," Beth called out loudly as Daryl left the kitchen, causing almost every occupant to turn their heads and look at him. Some snickered and whispered to each other.

Daryl shook his head and chuckled to himself as he made his way outside. "Brat,"

Carol was right where Glenn said she would be and plenty pleased to have someone help her carry her buckets of water to the main tank. "I wish we had a better system for this. If we were at the foot of a hill instead of on top we could use gravity. Of course then we would have to redesign our sewer system, so perhaps this is the best scenario." Carol seemed cheerful and her joy had an infectious quality that helped soothe some of the anxiety Daryl was experiencing as a result of the worries that had kept him up last night, or perhaps it was early this morning.

"Hm," Daryl responded.

"Something on your mind?"

Daryl shook his head. "Just like listenin to ya talk," he said.

Carol laughed, but she wasn't laughing at him. She was just laughing. Daryl had learned to tell the difference. "I don't think I've ever heard that before. My voice is hardly soothing."

Daryl shrugged. "Ain't got nothing to do with that. Lots of folks talk just cause they're afraid of the quiet. You ain't like that. You always got something worthwhile to say."

Carol smiled at him. "Idle chatter never served me well."

Daryl nodded. It had never done much for him either. "Glenn said you wanted somethin."

Carol nodded. "Judith will be teething soon. That'll be hell on everybody if we don't plan for it. I want you to look for teething rings and certain meds while you're on this run," she said.

Daryl frowned. "Best talk to Glenn about that. I ain't going tomorrow."

Carol gave Daryl an inquisitive look. "Any particular reason why?"

"I got a hunt," Daryl said.

Carol narrowed her eyes. She saw right through him. She always did. In that moment Daryl wished Carol was as guileless as Glenn. Of course then she wouldn't be Carol. "Why do you have to go tomorrow?" Carol's tone was casual, but Daryl knew she would pick apart every word he said, turning them over in her mind as she tried to decipher their real meaning.

The lie popped into his head and he went with it. "I'm going to teach Carl tracking."

Carol pursed her lips. "Is that so?"

"Well, we're still trying to convince his old man. But he's close to givin in and if I postpone the date we'll lose all our headway." Daryl pretended to be fascinated with the tree line.

"Since when are you so invested in teaching Carl hunting?"

Daryl shrugged. "Kid's going stir crazy. I thought I would help him out is all."

"He seems fine to me."

Daryl continued to avoid her gaze. He knew that if he looked at her she would see the lie written all over his face. "We all need our space sometimes, Carl as much as anyone. He may be a kid, but he ain't like those ones you read to at story time. He needs to be treated like an adult every now and again. I figure this'll let him blow off some steam before he and Rick get into it."

Carol didn't say anything so after a few moments Daryl forced himself to look at her and see the doubt on her features. Once their eyes locked she spoke. "Are you lying to me?"

Daryl shook his head, a deep guilt settling into his gut. "No,"

Carol shrugged. "Okay, I'll talk to Glenn about the teething."

She trusts you asshole. She smells the horseshit all over you, but she trusts you so she's gonna go with it. You've got the trust of a good woman and you're using it to lie to her.

…

"So let me get this straight." Rick was standing in front of a barrel of water splashing the cool liquid onto his face. He grabbed a towel and wiped the sweat and water away before turning to face Daryl. They were right outside Rick's garden, with a great view of his peas. "You want to use my son as a tool so you can lie to Carol?" Rick was holding back a smirk as he spoke.

Daryl sighed. "'S about the size of it. The kid's always wanted to learn anyways."

Rick nodded, unable to contain a chuckle. "So what's this big lie?"

"Ain't no point in lyin about it if I gotta tell you," Daryl pointed out.

Rick was still smirking. It was starting to get annoying. "Is it something bad?"

"Just don't want to tell her the truth is all. Man's gotta have some secrets. It's hard enough keeping anything to yourself around here. Everyone's so close together."

Rick nodded, conceding that this was true. "Well… Carl has always wanted to learn."

"I'll keep an eye on im, you don't gotta worry about that."

Rick waved his hand like the thought was an annoying fly. "I know he's safe with you."

"So I can take im?"

Rick bit his lip. "He's been doing well lately. I think he's… settling. I guess I'm a little worried that I'll let him outside the gates and he'll come back having lost all his progress."

Daryl nodded. He wasn't going to ask Rick to gamble his son's mental well-being for his stupid secret. If Rick said no that would be that. He'd just have to tell Carol that he and Carl failed to convince Rick. He'd have to buy the kid's silence though. "All right," Daryl said.

Rick gave Daryl an appraising look. "Are you okay?"

Daryl frowned. "Course I am, why wouldn't I be?"

Rick shrugged. "Just not like you is all, lying to Carol."

Now Daryl was really annoyed. "I told ya-"

Rick cut him off. "I know, I know. It's your business. Anyway, you can take Carl."

That threw him for a loop. "Really?"

Rick nodded. "He has to go outside the fence at some point and I know exactly what'll happen if I'm the one that takes him. I'll be watching his every move, he'll be all defensive, we'll be at each other's throats in five minutes and it'll be a huge mess. You take him and let me know how he does. He won't be so on guard around you." Rick splashed water onto his shirt.

"Thanks," Daryl said.

"Do you need to talk? I know it's a secret, but if there's anything-"

"I gotta go actually. I'll see ya later."

…

Daryl was on watch in the guard tower when he heard footsteps on the ladder. He knew who it was by the sound of her tread. She came in quietly and moved to stand next to him without a word. Just as he loved Carol's talking Daryl loved Michonne's silence. He knew that sounded bad, but he had a feeling that if he ever told her she'd understand. Some people felt awkward in the quiet, but not Michonne. They could spend hours together, following a trail, waiting out a storm or standing watch, and it would never be tense or filled with pointless distracting chatter. When Michonne spoke it was to say something important, and he never felt pressured to speak when he was with her. It was nice. They stood like that for five minutes before he initiated conversation. "No sign of him?" Daryl didn't look at her when he questioned her, and that was another great thing about her; she never insisted he look at her when speaking.

"If he was ever there he didn't leave a sign. But it's possible he went through."

Daryl grunted in acknowledgement. "You woulda seen somethin. He ain't a light touch."

"Hmm," Just like that the conversation was over. There was no need for either of them to draw it out or provide closure. They both said what they wanted to say. Daryl had kept his eyes on the trees the whole time. Ten minutes went by before she spoke again. "Why don't you want to go on the run tomorrow?" Michonne cut to the point with her words as well as she did with her sword, and this question was the first time Daryl had ever not been grateful for that.

"No reason,"

"Liar," Michonne said in a genial tone.

Daryl scoffed. These women can see right through me. No wonder everybody thinks I'm sleeping with them. When did I become so damn transparent? "Whatever you say," he said.

"Did something happen on the last run?"

"Nah, picked up a new guy. That's all. Name's Bob; you should meet him."

"He good people?"

"Think so, combat medic. Useful skills."

"Especially now."

Daryl released a loud breath, but didn't reply in any meaningful way.

"It's far. Be gone four days at least. Something you want to be here for?"

"'M taking Carl hunting."

"Rick okayed that?" Michonne sounded surprised.

"Gotta go out sometime." The nighttime chill was burrowing into Daryl's bones, and he considered pulling on his poncho, but he didn't want to move. "We'll only be gone a few hours."

"Seems like something that could wait."

"Figured you could handle it."

Michonne snorted in annoyance. That was the first break in her calm demeanor, but like a pool of still water once the ripples started the surface never really immobilized again. "So I'm just supposed to let him run free while you and Carl go on a nice nature hike," Michonne asked.

Daryl felt the guilt again. He wondered if keeping this secret was really worth lying to the people closest to him. Well, in for a penny in for a pound. There was no need to clarify on who the 'him' was. They both knew. That was how they'd gotten so close to begin with, chasing the Governor together. "It ain't like that Michonne. Anyways, you could use a break. It ain't so good to be away from people all the time. Spending some time with Glenn, Maggie and Sasha could be good for ya." Daryl chanced an awkward glance at her, but she was faced away from him.

Minutes went by and it still wasn't awkward. She would reply when she wanted to. A lot of people would get nervous when faced with a protracted silence from an aggravated conversation partner, but Daryl knew the longer she was silent the less likely her reply was to be an angry one. Michonne used the quiet to calm down, not to stew. "Don't pretend this is me."

"I'm not. I just…" Daryl glanced at her again and this time she met his gaze.

"Give me something. It doesn't have to be everything."

Daryl nodded. "I can't go. If you won't cover for me and I can't find someone else I'll go with em. But I… I don't think anything good will come of it. I think it'll be real bad."

Michonne nodded. "Then I'll go," she said.

Daryl couldn't hide his surprise. "Just like that?"

She smiled at him. She could be so warm at times. She hid under the still cool water that was her countenance, but a fire burned under there and it warmed him. "Just like that."

"Thank you."

She looked to the trees again. "You'd do the same for me."

…

"Tell me what you see." Daryl hadn't expected Carl to be disappointed when he told the boy he was taking him hunting, but he hadn't anticipated just how excited he would be. Carl had been up at the crack of dawn and ready to go. Rick had hesitated before returning Carl's gun, but only for a moment and Carl had accepted it with all due solemnity. Now they were about a mile out from the prison surrounded by trees. The clean air and forest sounds were doing a lot to clear Daryl's head. Teaching Carl was the perfect distraction from his harried thoughts.

"Where?"

"Look for a minute before you ask for a hint," Daryl said. Daryl's admonishment was not in a cruel voice. It sounded more like a suggestion than a reprimand. Carl took that well.

After a few seconds Carl pointed. "There?"

"Good, what is it?"

Carl scrunched up his face. "Tracks, small… Is it a squirrel?"

"Bigger," Daryl said.

"Um… Rabbit?"

"That just a guess?"

Carl blushed. "Yeah," he said.

"Well it was a good one, cause that's what it is."

Carl grinned at his teacher. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Doing this, taking me out here. I needed it. My dad he… He's been kind of intense."

"He's just worried about ya."

Carl nodded. Daryl could never figure out what it was that made people want to open up to him. He didn't realize it was the fact he didn't pressure them to do so. "I know. I just wish he trusted me. I love my dad and I know he loves me. Sometimes though… I think he wishes he didn't love me, that somebody else was his kid, somebody he didn't have to be ashamed of."

Daryl stopped dead in his tracks and turned to look at Carl. Carl seemed a little surprised by the sudden attention. A lot of the time talking to Daryl was like talking to one's self, without the stigma attached to doing so. Daryl rarely felt the need to comment. "That ain't true."

Carl shrugged. "I know he's disappointed in me."

Daryl shook his head. "You know jackshit if you think your dad's ashamed of you or disappointed in you. Your dad is crazy proud of you. You needed to grow up fast. You did."

"I shot that kid. He's still mad at me about it."

Daryl snorted dismissively. "He ain't mad at you, he's mad at himself."

Carl was starting to get frustrated. "How do you know?"

Daryl shrugged. "I don't know anything. You've got no reason to listen to me. But I ain't never seen somebody as proud of their boy as your dad is of you. He sees the way you look after your sister, the way you never shy away from a task just cause it's hard. He thinks there ain't ever been a better kid than you and I'm inclined to agree with him." Daryl looked up at the sky and for a moment it was white. It was snow and the petals of a Cherokee rose. "If your dad weren't proud of you he wouldn't bother watching you, wouldn't think you worth the effort."

Carl stared at Daryl. "You're really smart sometimes."

Daryl was still looking at the sky. It was blue again, always had been. Daryl looked down at his young charge. "Sometimes huh? I'll remember that." Daryl chuckled when Carl stuck his tongue out at him. He really was still a kid. Daryl had to remember to tell Rick that.

"You know what I meant."

"I know we ain't gonna catch anything if we stand here jawin all day."

Carl smiled. "Let's go find that rabbit."