Snape's Big Solo

by Goose

If there is ever a Harry Potter musical, this will be the first song rejected.

Disclaimer:  I do not own Hogwarts, Filch, Lockhart, Snape, or ABBA.  I have merely kidnapped them for a little while.

Author's Note:  If there is ever a Harry Potter musical, this will be the first song rejected.  It has no tune, but you can sing it if you like.  It amused me, at least.  I dedicate this to Nisha Kole (because she sang bits of Harry and the Potters songs, which I hade not heard in their entirety but am downloading them now) and Minja (because she is my Official Muse) and everyone else on the Forensics Bus (because you guys rock)!

Snape's Big Solo

By Goose

I don't sing

I am the most hated teacher at Hogwarts

(Filch doesn't actually teach)

My hair is greasy

Or maybe just really shiny

I used to be evil and maybe still am just a little bit

And I don't sing

I won't sing

Lots of girls want to have my children

And maybe some boys as well

Because I am angsty and complex

Rarr

My sexiness came as quite a shock to everybody

But I won't sing

You can't make me sing

Fans make me have sex with all the characters

Even Lockhart

That is very wrong

And a little traumatizing

No one can ever make them stop the insanity

But you can't make me sing

Okay...

So maybe I do rock out a little bit

When I'm all by myself

But who can resist ABBA?