Disclaimer: No I don't own them, but it is sure a lot of fun bringing them out to play. :)
A special thanks to AlElizabeth for beta'ing my story.
Summary: Dean's never really given Sam a chance to apologize for letting him get turn.
Tag/Spoilers: 6x5: "Live Free or Twi-hard"
6x12: "Like A Virgin"
I'm Sorry Dean
Sam is sitting at the table, waiting for Dean to arrive. He was literally shaking in his seat. His laptop sat abandoned in front of him. He was supposed to be finding out more information about the victims of the apparent vampire attacks that have been occurring around the town. When Dean had stepped out to get dinner, Sam was fine, or so he thought. He was reading up on the last victim when he read how they were attacked.
The family of Ashley Simon sat with the younger sister. The younger sister was out with her older sister when they were attacked. She said that she was frozen in fear while something attacked her older sister.
The photo that was with the article showed the girl looking nonchalant at the camera. When a flood of memories flooded Sam's mind. He remembered running down the alley seeing that vampire toss Dean. Then he sees the vampire cut his wrist and his blood goes into Dean's mouth. But what hurts Sam the most is his memory of how he felt while this happened. He's looking at all this take place and he stops and watch and then he smiles. He's actually excited that Dean has just been turned.
Sam starts to feel sick. He gets up and rushes to the bathroom at the same time Dean is walking into the room.
Dean comes in the room just in time to see Sam slam the bathroom door. Dean puts the bags of food that he's carrying and walks over to the bathroom.
"Sammy," Dean lightly knocking on the door. He could hear that Sam's sick behind the door. "Sammy, you okay?"
"Give...me...a minute," Sam gasped. "I...can't…"
"Sammy," Dean slowly opened the door. He found Sam leaning against the tub sitting on the floor. "Sammy, what's wrong?"
Sam had his head in his hand. Dean could hear him mumbling something too quiet to make out. Dean walked over to Sam.
"Please Dean," Sam almost begged, "Just give me a minute."
Dean nodded.
"Alright, Sammy. I'll be right out here."
Dean was really worried now. Sam was not like this when he left thirty minutes ago. He walked over to the table and refreshed Sam's laptop. Maybe if he saw what the kid was looking at, he could see what got Sam all worked up. Dean was about to read the article that was on the screen when the bathroom door opened. Sam walked out of the bathroom and slumped down on his bed with his back towards Dean.
Dean got up from the table and walked over to Sam's bed and sat on the opposite side so that their back were to each other. Dean knew Sam would be at more ease to talk if he didn't think Dean was looking at him.
"Sammy," Dean prompted. This was a big thing for him, chick-flick moments and all that were out of bounds but it was clear something was eating Sam so he'd just suck it up and see if he couldn't put a smile on his kid brother's face again.
Dean could hear Sam's breath hitch behind him.
"You want to tell me what's going on?"
"Dean."
"I'm right here."
"I'm so sorry." Sam gasped out.
Dean turned around on the bed so that his leg was hanging off the bed. He looked at his brother's back.
"Sorry for what, Sammy?" For a split second Dean wondered 'what has he done now' and then stopped that train of thought before it could leave the station.
"Why didn't you just kill me that night?"
"Whoa. Whoa." Dean wanted to get Sam to speak without him looking at him, but that last statement let Dean know he had to look at his brother. Dean got up and rounded the bed until he was right in front of Sam. Sam had his head down. His hair covering his face.
"Sammy, look at me."
Sam shook his head.
"Come on, Sammy." Dean knelt down in front of Sam. "Look at me."
Reluctantly, Sam looked at Dean. Dean could see all the hurt and anguish in his baby brother's eyes.
"Come on Sammy, what is all this coming from."
"The victim."
"Yeah," Dean said. "What about her?"
"Her sister set her up." Sam got up from the bed and walked over towards the table. Dean got up and followed his brother over towards the table and sat down across from him.
Sam pulled the article up and turned the laptop around so that Dean could read it. Dean read over the article and still was a little puzzled why Sam was acting the way he was.
"Okay, Sammy," Dean turned the laptop back towards Sam. "I guess I'm not getting it. What does that have to do with you asking me why I didn't kill you."
"Dean it was my fault." Sam was practically yelling at Dean. "I remember everything that I did when I first got out of the Cage. And I know what I did to you."
Dean closed his eyes and lowered his head. He knew where Sam was going with this and he didn't want him to.
"Sam..."
"Dean," cutting off Dean. "if you say that it wasn't me one more time, I'm going to punch you." Sam was on the verge of raging at this point.
Dean was taken aback at what was just said. Still with an almost dare on Dean's face. "It wasn't you."
"Dammit Dean!" Sam got up from the table. "It was my fault. I can still remember what I felt when that vamp rubbed his bloody wrist across your mouth." He started pacing the room.
"Sammy,"
"NO!," cutting Dean off. "You should have killed me that night. I've hurt you too much. I could have stopped it and I didn't! I let it happen! I wanted it to happen! You should have killed me."
Dean got up from his chair and was over at Sam's side in seconds. He stood in front of Sam to keep him from moving. Dean grabbed hold of Sam's wrists.
"Stop. Sammy, just stop." Dean said. "It was me. I was rusty. I shouldn't have gone alone."
Sam shaking his head. "No," trying to get out of Dean's grip, but Dean held firm. "No, you are not going to turn this on yourself again. It was my fault. I stood by. I didn't help. I let you get turned. That's all on me."
"Fine, Sammy," Dean said looking at his distraught little brother. "What do you want from me? What is it you want me to do? I've already told you, it wasn't you. The shell that let me turn was not my brother. You, Samuel Jonathan Winchester, are my brother." Sam couldn't help but smirk when Dean called him by his full name. "You are the one that I raised. That I know would follow me anywhere. You may have the memories of what your body did when you didn't have a soul, but I know your heart. And I know that the Sammy that I raised would have my back. The Sammy that I raised would take a bullet for me. The Sammy I raised that had his soul wouldn't have stood by and watch me get turn. The one I raised, the one that is standing here in front of me right now, would have beheaded that vamp before he even got it in his head to try and turn me. But I will tell you this, I'm glad that it happened."
Sam looked at his brother, confused. He was about to say something but Dean cut him off.
"Let me finish," Dean said. "I'm glad that it happened. When I first worked with him, I thought I had my brother back, but after I got turned I knew. I knew I really had to find my baby brother. The man I was working with. That was by my side was not my brother. And I wouldn't have stopped until you came back to me."
Sam lowered his head until it was on Dean's shoulder.
"I've already forgiven my baby brother for everything that happened when he was soulless. Now I need you to forgive yourself."
"I'm so sorry, Dean," cried Sam.
"I know you are," Dean gripped the back of Sam's neck and squeezed a little. "Like I said I've never blamed you, Sammy. So stop torturing yourself over this."
They stood there like that for a few moments. Dean was willing to stand there forever as long as Sam needed to, but his stomach had other plans.
"Are we good?" Dean asked. There was a nod on his shoulder. "Good, you think you can eat?" Sam lifted his head and looked at Dean.
Dean groaned in disgust. "You look like shit." Sam couldn't help but to smirk at that. "Go clean yourself up and I want you to try and eat something."
Sam walked back to the bathroom and cleaned his face like he was told to. Dean shook his head. It didn't matter if Sam was five, fifteen, or thirty, if Dean made a request for him to do something Sam would do it without question. That was always something that Dean was always proud of.
Dean walked back over to the table, put up the laptop and got everything together for their dinner (which was probably cold by now). Sam emerged from the bathroom. Dean couldn't help but smile at him. Sam looked so much like he did when he was five: Hair messy and too long, hazel eyes large and round.
"What?" Sam asked.
"Nothing," Dean said. "You think you can eat with out bringing anything back up?" Dean knew that if Sam got too upset that it would be hard for him to keep things down especially since he already been sick earlier.
"Give me my damn food," There was no heat behind those words and Dean couldn't help but laugh.
They sat down and ate their lukewarm dinner actually enjoying each others company. Dean looked at Sam and realized that everything that just came out, needed to come out. Sam needed that closure from this. Dean already had it, because he convinced himself that it wasn't Sam. Now Sam finally knows that Dean never held a grudge about what happened. And they both know that if ever anything comes for them, big or small, that they have each others back.
The End
A/N: I hope you have enjoyed my little one-shot. Please be kind and review and let me know what you think of it! :)
A/N: I haven't neglected "Never the Same." I will get back to that story. Just please be patient with me.
Many hugs and kisses to you all
Mandancie :)