The blood still stained patches of Lexie's pale, creamy skin. She could see the slightly pink hue that covered her hands. It was Alex's blood. It was the blood that had been spilled because of something she had done. It should've been hers, not his. He had paid the price for the pain she had inflicted on another man.
It hadn't been intentional. She would never willingly hurt another human being. Yet, she had caused a man to become a widower. She had unplugged the machines that had been keeping his wife alive. There was another man that Lexie had hurt. She had broken Mark's Sloan's heart by sleeping with Alex. She had twisted the knife in his heart by declaring her love for Karev.
Lexie knew that Mark loved her. He had very nearly proposed to her, but she knew that it would never work. He would never be able to actually settle down and be a family man. He would never be able to understand how much more mature she was than him and the fact that he would still have to wait for her to grow up.
Alex had been married before. He knew how to make a life with someone. It hadn't been his fault that his marriage to Izzie had failed. Cancer was too much stress for the best of people. It didn't make either of them weak to sign the divorce papers.
"You're good with him." Her voice was like wind chimes. Lexie could feel the muscles in her body stiffening at the mere sound of the woman's arrival.
"I didn't expect you to show up." Lexie admitted as she smoothed a hand over Alex's hair. His eyes fluttered gently but he remained asleep. His fingers tightened around hers and she couldn't keep the soft smile from forming on her cracked lips.
"He's my husband." Izzie said simply as she crossed the room to Alex's bedside. Her eyes flickered to the machines that monitored his vitals before falling back to his face.
"Ex-husband." Lexie corrected as she squeezed Alex's hand tightly in her own. This blonde woman scared her. Isobel Stevens had the power to take this man from her and she had already faced that horror once. She couldn't bear to go through that pain again. "He's doing well. Without you, I mean. He's doing well without you."
"Alex always does just fine by himself."
"He's not alone. He has me." Lexie reminded her. The stress of the shooting was still simmering in her veins. People had died for no reason that day. Reed and Charles hadn't had a fighting chance. Meredith's baby hadn't had the opportunity to even draw breath.
Lexie could feel the tears stinging her eyes as she thought of her sister's heartbreaking confession early that morning after they had checked on both their lovers. "The morning of the shooting I found out that I was pregnant. By the end of that day, I wasn't any more."
"Thank you for saving him." The words were hard for Izzie to say. She should've been there to protect him, to keep Alex alive. She had taken vows before their friends and God to be with him through better or worse. Yet, she had been the one to walk away. She had turned her back on all the promises that they had made and all the dreams that they'd had.
Lexie was surprised by the rage that was heating her body. She could feel her face turning red as she tried to focus solely on Alex's hand in hers. She could still hear him asking for Izzie as he had nearly bled to death. The memory still brought back the stabbing pain in her heart. "I didn't do it for you. I did it for me. I saved him for me and so that he has a chance to be the wonderful man that I know he can be." Lexie sucked in a shaky breath, finally summoning the strength to meet the blonde woman's eyes. "I didn't do it so that you could come back and break his heart again. I did it for me."
"I know that I made some mistakes, little Grey…"
"Shut up!" Lexie released her grip on Alex's hand and jumped to her feet. The chair's metal legs scraped against the tiled floors. Her entire body began to quake and the hospital around her ceased to exist. "Just shut up! You broke him. You broke him and then you left. I was the one who was here. I picked up the pieces that you left shattered on the ground. I fixed him."
"You need to calm down." Izzie took a step forward, raising her hands in front of her chest. She had never seen Lexie Grey this upset about anything before and the sight was beginning to frighten her. "Take a deep breath."
"Don't tell me what to do. You don't get to walk in here and tell any of us what to do. You have no right to be here! This is my life now." Lexie gestured wildly around her. The air thickening in her lungs as the rage made it harder to breathe. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest as the blood raced through her veins. "I love him. You left and now I love him. I never wanted this. I was perfectly happy with just the sex. It got rid of the pain that had filled me after I lost Mark. Then it wasn't enough. He changed. I wanted more. Now I love him."
"Lexie." Meredith's voice rang out through the room. It seemed to echo off the empty walls. "It's okay. Calm down." She made her way across the room, glancing quickly at Izzie before turning back to her younger sister. "Its okay, Lex."
"She can't just come back." Lexie could feel the tears cascading down her cheeks. She felt her sister's arm wrap around her waist. She fought against the hold, straining to make her point known to the blonde woman that threatened to destroy everything Lexie had come to love. Meredith was murmuring softly, trying to soothe the little sister that had come to mean the world to her.
"Izzie's not going to hurt you." Meredith assured the petite brunette carefully, sending a look of pure warning at the blonde who had once been a very close friend. "Go out in the hall. Christina is out there waiting." Lexie turned to argue, to continue the fight that she had engaged in. "Don't keep her waiting. Go see Christina."
Meredith waited until her sister was safely out of the room before facing Izzie. "She's overwhelmed right now. It was supposed to be her, but it wasn't. It was Alex. She loves him and he got shot." She checked Alex's vitals and made a note in his chart. "I know what that feels like. Derek was shot too. My love couldn't save him." She bit back the rush of emotion that still threatened to knock her onto her knees. "Be careful with my sister, Izzie. I really would hate to choose sides."
"We were friends once." Izzie smiled as she remembered all the nights that she had spent in Meredith's kitchen, baking away all of her problems.
"We're still friends, Iz. Things are just a little different now." Meredith pressed a hand to her stomach, cradling the empty hole inside of her that only two other people knew about. "You've missed a lot." She would've told Izzie. If things hadn't changed, she would've cried on the blonde's sympathetic shoulder. Now she turned to the sister that she had never wanted, the sister that she had resented the hell out of. "Please don't hurt her. Lexie, I mean. She's been through enough."
"I still love him, Mer." The words slipped through Izzie's lips before she had a chance to even think them. "What if I want him back?"
"Then we fight." Meredith admitted as she glanced through the window at her best friend and her little sister. "We fight for what we both think is best. I just really hope that there are no casualties." Silence fell on the room and the only sound was the beeping of Alex's machines. The girls stared at each other helplessly as they realized that maybe, just maybe, they weren't friends anymore after all.