Doctor's Orders
Dr. Joan Leland frowned at the letter in her hand, re-reading it for what seemed like the hundredth time. She didn't like the tone of it one bit. It didn't say anything specifically troubling – only that the Mayor would be paying her a visit later that day to introduce a new doctor to the staff at Arkham Asylum.
A new doctor wasn't unusual – the staff turnover was pretty high at Arkham. Their particular brand of lunatics weren't capable of being handled by just anyone, and what with the almost constant breakouts, attempted takeovers, and hostage situations, Dr. Leland couldn't say she blamed people for being eager to leave. She had been head doctor here ten years now, however, so she was pretty used to it.
What was unusual was the fact that the Mayor would be coming to introduce him. Dr. Leland always did the employee orientations, and they had always been perfectly adequate. Well, except when she had welcomed Dr. Harleen Quinzel and given her the tour around.
Dr. Leland should probably have listened to the warning bells going off in her head when Dr. Quinzel had claimed that she had "always had an attraction for extreme personalities." She should probably have been more suspicious when Dr. Quinzel appeared to be blushing and seemed unable to take her eyes off the Joker after he had winked at her. And she should definitely have been wary of the fact that Dr. Quinzel had seemed more than usually keen to interview him. At the time, those particular instances hadn't seemed important. In light of the subsequent events, however - Dr. Quinzel having an affair with the Joker, breaking him out of the asylum, and assuming her own criminal identity as Harley Quinn, the Joker's sidekick - they had taken on a more prominent aspect.
But hindsight was 20/20, and nothing like that had ever happened under her watch again. In fact, Dr. Leland congratulated herself on having done a pretty good job keeping the lunatics in line, or as in line as they could possibly be kept, and was also both surprised and pleased at the fact that she was still alive, let alone in her job.
But the Arkham inmates had a kind of cautious respect for her – she couldn't call it affection, or even a huge regard, but there was something that prevented them from killing her when all the other doctors seemed fair game. She saw it briefly when they could have easily pulled the trigger on the gun they were pointing at her during one of the many breakouts - something flashed through their eyes then, and they chose not to. She never knew what that something was, but whatever it was, she was grateful that it was there.
Maybe it was because she indulged them. Possibly too much, she often told herself, but she couldn't forget that these were people, as deranged and homicidal as they might be, and she couldn't help but empathize with them a little. It was why she let the Scarecrow keep books in his cell. It was why she let the Mad Hatter make tea every day. It was why she let Poison Ivy tend her plants. It was why she allowed Harley Quinn to have pictures of the Joker by her bed. It was why she turned a blind eye to the Joker visiting Harley in her cell. These were all things she probably should have put a stop to, but somehow she never had the heart to. If she had one weakness, it was being too tender-hearted toward the lunatics. But she couldn't help it. They were her lunatics, she knew them all so well, and, strange as it seemed, she felt protective of them. Not that she liked to admit this to anyone, even to herself. It wasn't very professional of her.
She was startled out of her thoughts by the buzzer on her desk. "Dr. Leland? The Mayor is here."
"Oh…please send him in," said Dr. Leland, folding the letter and putting it away in a drawer. She stood up, smiling and extending her hand as the Mayor entered, followed by an older, stern-looking man. "Mr. Mayor, it's a pleasure to see you again."
"And you, Dr. Leland," he said, shaking her hand firmly. "Allow me to introduce Dr. Eric Flint. Dr. Flint, Dr. Leland."
"Nice to meet you," said Dr. Leland, shaking his hand. Dr. Flint nodded but said nothing. "I'm sorry, Mr. Mayor, I don't have any information on Dr. Flint's previous employment or qualifications…" began Dr. Leland.
"That won't be necessary," interrupted the Mayor. "I have given him my approval."
Dr. Leland was surprised, but then cleared her throat. "You'll forgive me, Mr. Mayor, but as head doctor…"
"No, I'm afraid you are not," he interrupted again. "And therefore staff evaluation is really no concern of yours."
She stared at him. "I don't understand…"
"I'll be blunt, Dr. Leland," said the Mayor. "Your performance as head of this facility has not been all we have hoped for. Arkham remains a high security risk, and that situation has not changed during your time here, despite numerous financial and political support. Frankly speaking, you have not done your job as effectively as desired, and so you are being terminated with immediate effect. Dr. Flint is in charge here now. You will be transferred to a job at a different medical facility. This city is grateful for all you have done, but there comes a time when a change of leadership is what is needed to achieve the desired results. I'm sure you understand."
Dr. Leland didn't understand. She didn't fully process anything he had said. She was being fired? Just like that? Without a chance to defend herself at all? That didn't seem fair.
"Um…if you'll permit me to disagree with you, Mr. Mayor, I would be incredibly surprised if anyone can do better than I have done with these lunatics," she said slowly. "And I firmly believe I have done the best I can with the resources at my disposal…"
"And perhaps your best is simply not enough," said the Mayor, nodding. "I don't blame you, Dr. Leland – it is a challenging position for anyone. But clearly something needs to be done, and perhaps an injection of fresh blood will be just the thing. Dr. Flint is of a different school of psychiatry than you – perhaps he will be effective in reaching the lunatics in ways you were not."
"And what school is that exactly, sir?" asked Dr. Leland.
"The older school," said Dr. Flint. "That believes in treating these inmates like criminals, rather than indulging their eccentricities. People will never be cured by being coddled. We have to instill in them the desire to cure themselves by ensuring they no longer want to remain here. By making this an unpleasant place for them to be confined in."
Dr. Leland stared at him. "I don't understand. This is a hospital for the mentally ill…"
"No, it is not," Dr. Flint interrupted. "It is a nursery for psychotic children. And you don't teach children to behave by giving them toys and affection. You teach them to behave by disciplining them."
"Are you proposing to spank the inmates?" asked Dr. Leland, dryly. "I'll warn you, some of them might enjoy it. Particularly the Joker."
"And that is just the sort of comment I'd expect from the Joker," retorted Dr. Flint. "A man who doesn't take his therapy, or anything else, seriously. I believe you've allowed their personas to influence you too much, Dr. Leland. That's been a perpetual problem under your administration – it was a doctor you hired who was seduced by the Joker and is currently a patient in this facility, was it not?"
"I hardly think I can be blamed for Harley's…" began Dr. Leland.
"It's not a question of blame – it's a question of attitude. You've clearly conveyed the belief to your staff that these people are worthy of sympathy and compassion. You've let yourself become too close to your patients. You've become as resigned as they are to the belief that they are incurable."
"Well, if they don't believe they can be cured, what hope do we have of convincing them otherwise?" demanded Dr. Leland. "We can't force people to cure themselves."
"Oh, that is exactly what we can do," retorted Dr. Flint. "It's not particularly nice or pleasant, but we can do it."
Dr. Leland stared at him. Then she turned to the Mayor, angrily. "Mr. Mayor, I must object to this medieval attitude toward mental health…"
"Forgive me, Dr. Leland, but your objections are no longer anyone's concern," retorted the Mayor. "You are no longer in charge here. I suggest you resign yourself to that fact."
Dr. Leland had no intention of doing anything of the kind, but at that moment, one of the guards rushed into her office. "Dr. Leland, you're needed in the cafeteria," he said, breathlessly. "The patients are rioting again."
"Oh, for God's sake!" snapped Dr. Leland, rushing out of the room after him. Why did this have to happen today of all days? It was the last thing she needed – proof to the Mayor that she couldn't keep the inmates under control.
She raced into the cafeteria to see Joker pinned to the ground, laughing, as Poison Ivy strangled him. Harley Quinn was screaming at her to let him go, and pummeling Ivy, while Tetch and Crane tried futilely to pull Ivy off of him.
It was clearly one of the usual, ridiculous fights between Joker and Ivy – he had probably made some stupid joke, which Ivy had taken personally, and attacked him, and which had gotten out of hand really quickly. But Dr. Leland was in no mood for it today.
"Stop it now!" she shrieked, furiously. "Stop it, stop it, stop it! I do not need this right now, all right?! Just let go of him!"
The inmates were stunned by the anger in her voice, and Ivy let go out of sheer surprise. Joker sat up slowly, massaging his throat and staring at Dr. Leland. "Gee, Doc, what's up with you? You as bad at taking a joke as Pammie?"
Ivy seized him around the throat again and began beating him to the ground. "No!" screamed Dr. Leland. "I am in no mood for this, do you understand me?! Why the hell can't you people just behave for once?! It's your fault, all of it, your fault! And I hope you're happy, I really do!"
She rushed from the room, sobbing. Everyone stared after her in shock. "Was it something we did?" asked Joker.
"Maybe she's pregnant, Mr. J," said Harley, helping him to his feet. "Gals get all crazy and emotional when they're pregnant."
"Yeah? That your excuse?" he chuckled. She just stared back at him, and his face suddenly fell. "That ain't your excuse, is it?" he asked, with a slight note of desperation in his voice. "You ain't pregnant, are ya?"
Harley's face cracked into a smile. "Got ya, puddin'!" she cooed. "Joke's on you!" she purred, ruffling his hair fondly.
He slapped her across the face. "It ain't funny, you dumb broad!" he snapped. "And nobody plays jokes on me, get it?!"
"Don't you dare hit her!" shrieked Ivy, knocking him to the ground again and pummeling him.
"Oh, this is ridiculous!" snapped Crane, throwing up his hands. "Beat each other to a pulp if you like - I wash my hands of you all!"
"Yes, and it is time for tea," said Tetch, checking his pocket watch. "Mustn't be late, you know. Come along, Jonathan."
They sat calmly drinking tea at the table and watching while Joker, Harley, and Ivy fought. None of them could ever suspect how much things were about to change.