Title: How to get a Girl For Dummies
Category: Books » Twilight
Author: dreamerized
Language: English, Rating: Fiction Rated: T
Genre: Humor/Romance
Chapter 1: Another Fruitless Attempt
It was another typical summer day at Forks High. The sun was non-existant, the students were as happy as students could be and the teachers were dead boring and thinking up new challenges in which they could offer awesome prizes like golden onions.
Edward Cullen was trying in vain to capture Bella Swan's attention. Nothing new there. This time he was doing gymnastics that even the USA gymnastic team would be proud of.
"Look what I can do Bella!" he hollered.
"Very nice." Bella walked away, continuing to read the book and muttered under her breath, "You vain big-headed ape."
"Big-headed ape?" Emmett Cullen repeated. "What's my brother doing now?."
"Why the hell did you do that?!" Edward screeched, pulling out his hair. "You messed up my chance with Swan! You made me look like a complete idiot!"
"I did it because I found it highly amusing. And actually, you made yourself look like a fool. I mean, who in their right mind would attempt to do gymnastics? Other than you and that weird girl Angela Weber or something," Emmett said coolly. "But then again neither of you are in your right mind."
"That's not the point! You made me look like a freakin' chimpanzee!" Edward shrieked into Emmett's ear.
"Actually," Emmett pointed out. "You looked like a gorilla, so technically you're wrong, though they are rather closely related in the Primate family –"
"Shut up! I don't need a monkey lesson from you!" Edward screamed, ending Emmett's brief period of intelligence.
"Anyway, why do you care so much about looking stupid in front of Bella? If it were anybody else, you would just laugh it off with them! Wait a minute…you 'like' Swan don't you?" Emmett shuddered.
"No!" Edward blushed furiously. "What made you say that?"
"…I heard that Edward Cullen has the hots for Bella Swan," the gossip queen, Jessica Stanley walked by. "And I also heard Angela Weber was an escaped mental patient. Claims that there is a government conspiracy going on and that wearing underwear is bad luck…"
"Ahh, if you want a girl, why didn't you ask me?" Emmett put an arm around Edward, I'll teach you every trick in the book."
AN: Sorry, this first chapter was just to set things up so it was short! Another thing to keep in mind? The setting is Forks High, a boarding school! This is important for later chapters. :)
Lastly, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW before I update again!