My Life-Changing Weekend With Logan Echolls
Janey and I were going to The Cabin. Of course, Tom, Janey's shiny, brand new fiancé, was joining us. It had been several months since I'd been able to get away to drive up to The Cabin for a weekend. After Great Uncle Billy passed, I couldn't bring myself to go up alone.
The Cabin. A misnomer if ever there was one. It was actually a huge house on the lake in Somewhere, CA. Owned by my family for three generations, I had recently been named sole owner as beneficiary of my uncle's estate. I always loved going up to The Cabin to see Uncle Billy. As a child, it had been a vacation wonderland our parents had taken us to every summer, most Thanksgivings and even a few Christmases. We loved it there. As we got older, it became a safe-haven to escape to whenever we either needed or wanted to get away. The day I got my driver's license was an even bigger deal because it meant I could finally just drive up whenever I wanted. I did, frequently. I loved going up whenever Uncle Billy and Aunt Bunny were there. But as I got older, they spent less and less time in the States. Aunt Bunny loved to travel and Uncle Billy loved Aunt Bunny, so they travelled.
At first, being there on my own was nice, but a little boring. When I was given permission to invite others to join me, it became a favorite weekend destination for many of my closest friends. We made it up almost every month. And on those rare occasions I was truly alone, I used the time to explore the surrounding area, both on foot and by car. I hiked, I read, I wrote some stuff, I built a lot of fires when the weather turned cold, I cooked, I swam and sunbathed, stargazed and even learned to navigate using a compass.
When Aunt Bunny died so suddenly, Uncle Billy began spending a lot more time there. I tried to go and see him as much as possible. By then, most of the friends I'd made in school had moved away to pursue their careers, and my research kept me occupied as much as a full time job would have.
Janey started coming with me after she graduated from high school. She loved spending time there almost as much as I did. She would have been with me much sooner, but her conservative father was unwilling to let her out of his site for an entire weekend. I asked him once (him being my older brother, the Robert Kennedy Carmichael) if he considered me a bad role model for his daughter. A politician at heart, he answered only by saying "She'll be 18 soon. Then it's her decision." It was true. I had made a few questionable choices in my youth. My brother made the right decision.
Janey loved hanging out with Uncle Billy and listening to all his stories even more than I did. It was her idea to start getting the footage when we did. It killed me that I had never thought of it. She met Tom while she was putting her Oscar winning documentary about Uncle Billy together. Watching her win that award was unbelievable. She took UB to the ceremony as her date. He was so happy and proud. Plus, he was the hit of all the crazy Hollywood after parties. It had been a ridiculous night. Losing him less than six months later was the most painfully agonizing time of my life. Things were so hectic after being named his sole beneficiary. There was a lot to do, many decisions to be made and it came at a time when I was finishing a crucial stage of my research project. There had been no time for getting away.
When I finally realized that I was on the verge of a mini-breakdown, I made a sudden, command decision to leave my research assistant in charge of things at school for a few days and get the heck out of dodge for a while. The text to Janey was sent practically before I realized I did NOT want to be there alone with so many memories. She responded in less than 2 minutes, suggesting that we expand the party.
Yes, you can invite Tom to join us, I texted back. She encouraged me to invite some friends along, but what she really meant was that she wanted me to bring a guy to balance out the numbers. Ever since getting engaged, she'd been actively trying to fix me up.
I'll think about it.
That means no.
It means I'll think about it.
I did think about it, and came up with nothing. There was no one I was interested in getting to know better. Well…almost no one. I had not seen Logan (in person) for years, which was a shame. I had always liked Logan and had wished for some chance to get to know him better after meeting him. But senior year had flown by and no opportunity presented itself. Once or twice I had been almost ready to just call him and talk to him, but I chickened out. A senior guy can go after a freshman girl if she's hot and he has money. But if a senior girl shows interest in a freshman guy, she's desperate, hard-up and no doubt a total skank. And if he has money, she's a gold-digger besides. So for the one year that we attended Neptune High at the same time, I was "forced" to watch Logan from a distance that might as well have been as wide as The Grand Canyon.
FLASHBACK: It's June of 2003. Lizzy is celebrating graduating from Neptune High. She is the hostess of her own graduation party, which is in full swing.
My parents left me on my own to plan and host my own graduation party because that was the graduation gift I had asked for. They went to The Cabin, taking the twins with them, leaving Bobby K in charge. He got called away about an hour before blast off. It was fine. This was not going to be a house-trashing orgy of teens out of control. Yes, there would be loud music, underage drinking, recreational pharmaceuticals and probably some furtive make-out sessions. Big whoop.
Trina showed up with Logan in tow. He was quiet, sullen and withdrawn. I wondered if he believed that Trina had crashed. Although she was not in my circle of friends, we had always understood each other. Her direct kind of cynicism was off-putting for some, but I kind of liked it. Those of my friends who didn't like her all that much were way too cool and classy to ever make any guest of mine feel unwelcome. And Trina was not one to let something like not being welcome keep her from what she really wanted. She was easy to please. Logan, not so much.
Although I was older, Logan was already a few inches taller than me. I smiled up at him while Trina made the introductions. I don't think he noticed. Sincerely happy at that moment regardless, I spontaneously gave Trina a hug. "Thank you both so much for coming. Please make yourselves at home. There's so much food. I went a little crazy. Let me show you where to find everything." I took them on a quick tour of the first floor of the house, highlighting the kitchen and dining room, laden with a truly obscene amount of food and drink, the big sitting room where the band was setting up, the patio and deck just off the sitting room and of course the bathrooms.
Wishing I could be clever and funny, I settled for showing them to the keg and filling a cup for each of them before getting one for myself. Less than two minutes later Trina saw someone she said she "desperately needed to talk to" and was off, leaving Logan and I awkwardly sipping our beers in silence. I had spent so much time hoping he would be there that I didn't spend any time considering what I would do if he was.
"So how did you like your first year at Neptune?" He shrugged, stared off in the general direction of the pool and muttered something about it being all he could have ever hoped for. "You sure seemed to be having a good time at the dance last month."
This got his attention at least. "You were there?" There was a note of apprehension in his voice. Logan had been the center of attention that night. (Flashback-within-a flashback: a school dance. Some are indeed dancing. Most are watching the antics of Logan and a group of his buddies as they enter, tossing something back and forth, running around the dance floor and up and down the risers, all the while reciting some sort of chant. As they get close to where Lizzy is sitting with a few of her besties, she sees that the object being tossed over their heads is a giant dildo. A few of the younger girls nearby react just as the boys hoped, screaming and shrinking away in mock disgust. Lizzy's attention is squarely on Logan and for a few brief moments it seems as if he's looking right at her. But a second later his attention is claimed by the massive purple phallus whizzing towards his cranium. Trying not to look like she's staring, Lizzy leans over to listen to what Sadie is whispering in her ear as if it is the most amazing thing she has ever heard, all the while watching Logan out of the corner of her eyes as he expertly snatches the silly thing from its current trajectory and just as fluidly launches it hurtling in the direction of young Dick Casablancas.)
"I think I remember you," said Logan tentatively. "You were sitting with Shari Sutherland, right?" I nodded. So he had seen me after all. Feeling nervous and silly at the same time for being so nervous, I was on the verge of asking him whatever became of the toy they'd been playing with that night, when he followed up with, "Is she seeing anyone, do you know?"
"No clue," I replied as casually as I could while hiding behind my beer for a few seconds. Hearing my name called from inside, I quickly excused myself and headed inside to see what was up. Feeling foolish, I decided to just enjoy my party and let Logan sulk by himself if he chose to. That approach lasted all of 15 minutes. Once I got Zach (my erstwhile "boyfriend" – he came out of the closet during his first week of Dartmouth) and the band dealt with, I went right back to spying on Logan. Under the guise of hostessing I circulated, spoke to my guests, drank more than I should have, ate almost nothing and smoked a joint with some well-known stoners, all the while keeping Logan in sight. He did not want for company. I think every unattached female there practiced her wiles on him at one point or another. He wasn't biting. He was not having a good time. I needed to do something about that.
As the party started to break up, I went in search of Trina to thank her for coming through. I found her…nowhere. She'd gone, leaving Logan behind. That was when I started formulating a plan. Counting on Logan to continue to isolate himself, I began to see my departing guests off. Forty five minutes later I found Logan standing on the front porch. He had quite recently discovered that he'd been ditched. "Logan, there you are. I've been looking for you."
He could not quite hide his distress and embarrassment, but tried to cover with his understated brand of shrewd, self-flagellating humor. "I've been ditched." I could have gleefully slapped Trina at that moment for leaving without at least letting him know. He'd been abandoned by every member of his family and he knew it.
Wishing I could say something to make the anguish in his eyes go away I said, "Trina asked me to give you a message. She had something she had to take care of right away, but she'll be back first thing to scoop you up." I looked up at him, hoping it had sounded convincing. If he knew I was lying, he didn't let on.
After a moment he said, "I can just get a cab home. It's no big deal."
"And let you go to a big empty house all alone? Not on my watch. And anyway, I need your help."
A smile began to tug at the corners of his mouth. "You need my help? What with?"
Since I had no idea what I was going to get him to help me with, I vamped, "Just, come on, be a pal, there's a good chap." Something I had overheard him say once. His eyes narrowed, but the smile grew a little. I held out my hand. "Whataya say?"
He thought about it and then, indulging me, took my hand and said, "Lead on MacDuff." I got him to come with me as I scooped up any remaining glasses, while he got the empty bottles, cans, cups and paper plates of half eaten food. It took a while and I found a few opportunities to get close without literally putting it in his face, so to speak.
I knew he was only 14, but he probably didn't know that I was only 16 and most likely less experienced than he. Mostly I wanted him to kiss me, but I wanted it to be sweet and romantic and hot and to happen organically. I couldn't make it happen over the empties, so I needed to up the ante. "Okay, almost done."
Deadpan, he presumed, "You want me to wash the dishes."
I made a face. "Of course not, don't be ridiculous. As if I would ever ask the Logan Echolls to do something so mundane as wash the dishes." This earned me an honest to goodness grin, quickly suppressed, accompanied by some actual eyebrow movement.
Loganlike, he replied, "Cuz picking up the trash is so glamorous." He was so fucking quick.
"That's enough of your sass, young man."
"Sorry ma'am." This earned him a nipple twist. Left nipple. Only a short one, but he had not been expecting it. Gotta love that element of surprise! (I have brothers).
"Owwww!" He stepped back, perhaps only then realizing how closely we'd been standing. One hand went to the assaulted area protectively. "You little… (thank goodness he cut off the next word)…so and so."
"Do not ever call me that again."
After a moment, he'd recovered. Turning back, but not coming any closer, he answered with a little salute, "Yes, sir!"
Suppressing a smile, I walked past him towards the hallway. Turning back, I threw him a glance over my shoulder. "You comin?" Surprising myself, I held out my hand again. This time, I held my breath as he considered his next move. An eternity passed before I felt his fingers touch mine as he took my hand again. Without another word, I led him from room to room, turning off all but a few lights.
Logan noticed. "Methinks it's getting dark in here."
Having cleverly orchestrated our journey to stop in front of a particular door, I turned to face him. "You don't miss a trick. Do you think you can handle it Logan?"
"I'm beginning to wonder. Just what do you have in mind?"
I smiled at him. I had a secret. "It's time." With my free hand, I turned the knob of that particular door, revealing…a staircase. We were going to the party-within-the-party. As we descended the dark staircase, Logan mused, "I sure hope you don't have a kill room down here." I almost lost it. God damn, he was a funny mofo.
My closest friends were all hanging out in the basement. The crowd had grown as a few, who had been single, met someone also unattached at the larger party and extended an invitation. I was relieved to see that Mitchell, who had been dropping hints about being my "plus one" had taken my hint to cut his losses and make a new friend, giving the adorable Mindy (who truly liked Mitch) her chance to strike. Looked like she was in there like swimwear.
They were waiting for me, but only because I had the key to the wine cellar. "Finally," yelled the very loud and outgoing Graham as I walked through the door. "What the FUCK took you so long, cuz?" He stopped dead in his tracks when Logan followed me inside. He was clearly surprised. But a moment later he glanced back down at me, a little grin spreading across his face. "Ah."
"Graham, you know Logan Echolls, right?" Wordlessly I made sure he knew that if he was rude or uncool, I would not be pleased.
"Everybody knows Logan Echolls." He did me proud, came forward hand extended. "Good to see you man, welcome."
Leaning past me, Logan took Graham's hand, casually placing his left hand oh so softly on my shoulder. My tummy did a little flip. "Thanks, good to be here."
Another voice was heard above the din. "Is that her? Is she here?"
"She is indeed, brother." Graham responded to the disembodied voice as I rewarded him with a hug. "You wanna get up off the floor now?"
Following the voice, I walked over to the fireplace. Patrick, twin of Graham, was face down on a faux zebra skin rug, getting a walk-on-me-massage from both of his current gal-pals (both Jennifers by the way). The three of them were almost always together. While Graham was more skilled in entertaining the masses, Patrick was an expert at interpersonal relations. He knew how to get people to want to do what he wanted. Not in a sleazy, manipulative way. He never took advantage of anyone unless they deserved it.
"Ladies?" They stepped off and helped him up. As the threesome joined us, I sized up the crowd and saw a couple gossips who were probably already tweeting that Logan was there. For myself, I didn't give a damn. I knew it would only add to Logan's rep. Anyone in the know knew that GraPa threw the best parties and tried like hell to get invited. This was the first one I had been permitted to attend.
Patrick showed no sign of surprise when I introduced Logan. He did however give me a laser-eyed glance, his eyebrows raised ever so slightly, which, for Patrick, spoke volumes.
I shrugged. "They're your rules."
"So they are," He agreed, unphased.
"Rules?" Logan queried.
Patrick explained, "The group participation portion of the evening is for couples only."
"I see." He turned to me and said, "So you're only using me for my body."
"Pretty much. Any objections?"
With a grin Logan replied, "Nope."
"Enough chit-chat!" Graham was impatient and probably a little horny. He was currently without a steady gf, or reasonable facsimile. Patrick was "loaning" him a Jennifer for the celebrations. "We're going to need at least four bottles for starters."
"Alright, keep your pants on." For Graham this was like asking him to remove said garment.
Patrick just looked at me and said, "Well done, cuz."
"Me? What the fuck did I do?"
"What?" bellowed Graham, tossing his pants away, "are you still doing here? Champagne por favor. Mach schnell.
To Logan I said, "Give me a hand?" He started to applaud. "Alright," I growled at him, grabbing and dragging him with me towards the back of the house, extracting a key from my back pocket.
"Is there a party-within-a-party-within-a-party?" His cleverness was a massive turn-on. He was driving me crazy.
I turned and looked at him - and saw a real smile in those eyes. I was very nearly undone there and then. But I recovered, smirked and said, "No," repressively. "As if anyone would ever do such a thing." He laughed then and my fine motor skills ceased to function. I dropped the key and bent quickly to pick it up. Belatedly I realized I had just performed at least the first half of the classic Bend and Snap, immortalized in Legally Blonde, directly in front of him. I was indeed losing it. Something had to give. Hadn't he figured out yet that I liked him? I really, really liked him. What did a girl have to do, for heaven's sake?
By some miracle, the key slid into the opening and I was able to escape into the relative darkness of the wine cellar. Logan followed me and I closed and locked the door. I wasn't taking any chances with the cousins only a few feet away. Eschewing the bright overheads, I navigated past the sitting area by the dim lighting shining on the racks of wine bottles. Along the back wall, my father had had a row of refrigerators installed to keep champagne at the proper temperature. Taking it all in, Logan said, "This night just keeps getting better and better."
Striving to resist the urge to wrestle him onto the sofa and climb on top of him, I entered the code into the digital keypad. Swinging the door wide, I crooked my finger at Logan. As he approached, cheerfully compliant, I said, "If you would be so good as to grab that case of champers, I would be ever so grateful."
"Happy to oblige, ma…m'lady." Good save, dude.
Closing the door and relocking it, I turned to Logan. It was now or never. "Before we rejoin the party, there's something you should know. Trina didn't crash. The party I mean."
"She didn't?" My instincts had been correct. He had been upset and maybe even embarrassed by the idea.
Shaking my head, I confessed, "The truth is…she just came right out and asked me. I think she heard that Patrick and Graham were throwing one of their famous parties for me. She wanted in." Logan rolled his eyes in disgust. "Look, I know you two don't always get along, but I was happy to have her…under one condition. That she bring you." Logan just stared at me, said nothing. But that perpetual smirk was gone for once. "It was stupid of me, I know. I mean," lest he misunderstand, "I should have just had the balls to invite you myself. I'm sorry Logan. I should have been honest with you. If I had, maybe you would have had a better time."
"Aren't you the dark horse," he said, his voice soft. The way he was looking at me gave me hope.
Emboldened, I said, "There's something else." Shyness threatened to overtake me. I fought against it. "Here's the thing. Graham and Patrick are notorious for throwing parties with a lot of…kissing games. I was trying to make something happen before, upstairs, but I am not smooth. Now I'm just trying to make the best of it. So unless you want our first kiss to be public, you better make a move."
He just looked at me silently, his expression unreadable. My stomach seemed to be trying to take a vacation by way of my throat. A moment later, Logan walked away without a word. I'd blown it. I stared at the spot where he'd been standing just moments ago. And then I was out of my body, having one of those super-awesome out-of-body experiences people talk about when they've been through some life-changing event, or whatever. I was hovering near the ceiling over by the corner, watching Logan walk over to the tall table behind the sofa and set the case of champagne down. Watching him turn around and lean back nonchalantly against the same table. Watching him cross his hands in front of him and look at me, contemplatively.
I'm not sure what brought me back to my terrestrial vessel. Maybe it was the thing with the hands. I'd noticed Logan making that kind of deliberate gesture before and was always intrigued. 'Intrigued,' snarked my inner voice. 'That's putting it mildly'.That's enough outta you, I replied silently. Looking at Logan, I thought, enough indeed. Enough fucking around. Enough time wasted already. I found myself staring at those hands. But looking wasn't enough any longer.
I let my eyes travel slowly from his hands to his torso, still kinda scrawny but promising, then up to his shoulders, which were hinting at future possibilities. I let my gaze dwell a bit longer on his neck, jawline and mouth. Yup. Looking was not gonna do it for me. I had to close my eyes and swallow hard before looking in his eyes again. When I did, I found, gratifyingly, that I was no longer feeling quite so nervous…or worried about making a fool of myself. Maybe because he was looking at me with the most honest, open, direct, unprotected expression I had ever scene. It took my breath away.
"Come here." It was said simply, with no undertones or hidden meanings, free of all artifice. I walked over to him. "You made Trina bring me to this little shindig?" I nodded. His eyes were glittering. He could not hide his incipient grin. "You told my sister that if she wanted to come to your party, in order to suck up to…"
"My cousins, Patrick and Graham." I furnished.
"Thank you…to try to suck up to your cousins, Patrick and Graham, that she had to bring me with her."
"Well, I did not say it quite that way, but, yes, that was the gist of it."
He was full-on smiling at me. "I was Trina's price of admission to your soiree," he mused rhetorically.
I supplied him with what he clearly wanted. "That's about the size of it."
Chuckling softly, he declared, "That is marvelous. Best thing I've heard all day." As mesmerizing as this was, I could see the kernel of another question in his eyes.
I prompted him. "You have something else to ask me."
"Were you…watching me all night?"
"Pretty much. I guess I was not as discreet as I thought."
"No, you were…not obvious at all. I only noticed because…I was sorta kinda tryin to keep tabs on you…too."
Now this was news. "You were? Really?"
In response, Logan reached up and gently pushed my hair back. "Yes, really." Softly he caressed my cheek with his thumb. "I was hoping you'd come talk to me again. But you seemed to want to talk to everybody but me." I had no response for this, but mostly because his touch was having the most startlingly pleasant effect on me. There was this strange, magnificent tingling where his fingers touched my face, as if he was somehow drawing an invisible, electric tattoo. When I felt the fingers of his other hand brush against the tips of my left hand, I believe I actually began to experience an altered state of consciousness. All I could do was silently pray that he might kiss me before I passed out. He seemed to understand this because mercifully, miraculously, he did just that. Leaning forward, he kissed me softly. For a few moments I held back, but that was all I could manage. I stepped closer, deepening the kiss. His hand slid behind my head and he pressed me closer. Feeling quite brave, I opened my mouth even as I placed both hands, flat, against his stomach, only his shirt separating us.
Truthfully, my recollection of the next little while is a bit fuzzy. I can say it was a most enjoyable interlude. Even at 14, he was a good kisser. When he started pressing soft kisses down my neck, I began to forget literally everything, including the fact that there was a room full of people waiting for the two of us, including my two over-protective cousins. Before I knew it, my hands were under his shirt and sliding around his waist to spread appreciatively along his back. He pulled back immediately, taking my hands in his. "Where's the fire?" At the time, I thought it was just about the coolest thing I'd ever heard anyone say. He picked up the champagne. "Come on. Everyone's waiting."
END FLASHBACK
Janey came over to help me finish packing. We were determined to leave nothing behind if we could help it. Tom was joining us shortly and then we would be on our way. About thirty minutes after she'd arrived, she suddenly stopped what she was doing. "Oh my god!" She looked over at me. "I totally forgot to tell you!" She actually walked over to me. Uh oh. "Now, don't be upset."
"What did you do?"
"Nothing! At least…nothing to be upset about. It's just…Tom has a friend staying with him for a few weeks…so I, uh, I invited him to join us."
"When you say you invited him to join us…"
"Join us at The Cabin, Aunt Lizzy, for the weekend."
I stopped packing books I would not have read anyway. "Let me see if I understand. You invited someone I have never met to come to The Cabin without asking me? Without even telling me, really. Now why would you think that might upset me?"
"You're really mad at me right now, aren't you?"
"Janey!"
"I'm sorry Aunt Lizzy. You're right, I absolutely should have asked you first. It's just, well, I met him last night and he's really cool. The three of us were hanging out and he had us in in stitches the entire time. He's got this quick wit. He's really funny. I don't know, I can't explain it. I just have this feeling you're really going to like him."
Alarm bells were going off in my head. I took a deep breath. Smiling deceptively at my eldest niece, I counted to five in my head. "Janey, look at me and swear to me that this is not some lame fix-up. Tell me the truth." It would not go well for her if she gave the wrong answer.
"No! I swear, really Aunt Lizzy, it's not like that. I would never ambush you like that." After a moment she had to add. "At least not on our first trip back to The Cabin since…" I searched her face for any sign that she was dissembling and found none. Reassured a little, I decided that since it was practically a fait accompli, I should just have fun with it. I was so excited to be going to The Cabin that nothing was going to ruin my weekend. Tom would be there as a buffer and if this guy turned out to be half as vivacious as Janey was making him sound, how bad could it be?
Janey was eyeing me apprehensively. I shrugged and said, "Okay."
Clearly, she had not been expecting this response. "Okay? Wait, really?"
I adopted a pragmatic view. "Sweetie, as long as he can bathe and feed himself, I'm fine with it."
Janey was instantly relieved. "Well, that's good, cuz they'll probably be here any minute now." As if on cue, the doorbell rang. Janey squeeled and ran towards the door, singing, "They're here! They're here!" I followed more slowly, wondering what it felt like to be so happy to see someone after only a few hours. When I caught up to her, she was already enveloped in a passionate embrace with her future husband. I could see a figure standing near the door, but his face was in the shadows and partially obscured by the happy couple. I regarded them, mesmerized by the obvious love that they had for each other. I wasn't the only one. Tom's friend, similarly entranced, stepped into the light…and time truly stopped. External sensations, sound in particular, fell away. Logan.
Blinking quickly, I kept staring, afraid to breath, expecting to realize that it wasn't really Logan, just someone who looked a lot like him. Blink. A WHOLE lot like him. Blink blink. Exactly like him. Blink. Him. Shoving aside all the cogitation I would have to do on just how "funny" life can sometimes be, I took advantage of the fact that he had not yet seen me. I registered several things simultaneously. In addition to growing at least a few more inches since the last time I'd seen him, he was a bit leaner, his facial features sharper, but more at ease. He had filled out as well, his shoulders and chest wider and more muscular. I could see also all the pain and suffering he'd experienced written on his face. He'd been through more in the last 12 years than any one person should have to deal with in an entire lifetime. He looked amazing.
My throat suddenly constricted and my eyes flooded with unshed tears. As the physical world rapidly returned, I took an uneven breath and impatiently banished the tears robbing me of my view. I placed a hand along the wall, needing to feel something tangible, needing that connection to reality. Truthfully, the next few seconds were excruciating, mostly because I was afraid he either would not recognize me, or remember me, or both. I saw his eyes shift (like he was in slow mo for Chrissakes) from Janey and Tom, to where I was standing in the hallway, and our eyes met for the first time in almost ten years.
The instant he clapped eyes on me he straightened and took a small involuntary step forward, his eyes suddenly wide and focused. They darkened immediately and he shook his head as if not able to believe what he was seeing. I knew how he felt. My brain did not seem to remember how to make my legs work. Still gazing at him silently, I was instantly filled with an unshakeable happiness. Circumstance had once again brought us to the same place at the same time, and in that moment I could have asked for nothing more. I took a deep breath this time and held it, whilst simultaneously attempting to commit every single solitary detail to memory, for all time.
Logan still had not moved again, not spoken. He seemed as transfixed as I felt. He looked like a starving man who had suddenly found himself at a sumptuous buffet. I was vaguely aware that Janey and Tom were watching us and that there were tears streaming down my face. And then somehow I was standing just a half-step away from him and he was looking down at me, his eyes wide and intent, but now shining with some unshed tears of his own. His mouth opened but he did not speak. His breathing was quick and shallow. He raised his hands and I did too, reaching for them tentatively. For a moment it was as if neither of us was willing to touch the other, for fear that this was not real somehow. And then his fingertips brushed mine, and it was just like that night in my father's wine cellar, when he'd kissed me for the first time.
My eyes shifted from his hands to his eyes and he was smiling at me now. I wondered if he was thinking about the same thing. "Lizzy?" My name was hardly more than a whisper. He still was not sure he could trust it. At the sound of his voice, spontaneous laugher welled up from inside me. Not wishing to break the spell, I clamped a hand hard over my mouth. Later, Janey told me she had never seen me so happy. That it was like the sun was shining on me for the first time. He touched my face so tenderly, as if afraid I might break. I placed my hands over his, pressing them close, turning to feel his fingers against my lips as I spoke for the first time. "Logan," like he was the answer to a question I didn't know I was asking. I didn't recognize my own voice.
A moment later, I was swept up in a crushing embrace that obliterated everything else. I wrapped my arms around his neck and prepared never to let him go again. I breathed him in, which was not easy. His arms were like steal bands around me. Not caring, I tightened my hold. He straightened, lifting me effortlessly off the floor. I settled in, reveling in the feel of him against me, until I became aware that Janey and Tom were watching the two of us, agog and wanting the 411. Tom cleared his throat.
"Buzz off," Logan murmured absently.
"Logan, I can't breathe." Immediately he loosened his grip, but was not ready to release me. "Funny," he observed in his understated way, "I feel like I'm breathing for the first time in years." I just goggled at him. Was this really happening? Was I really looking into his eyes? I wanted to be sure. I slid my hands to his shoulders, ran my fingers along each collarbone and up his throat. He seemed to enjoy it, so I continued my impromptu exploration until my hands framed his face. "How are you here right now?" I felt like I was dreaming. Logan smiled and said, "Must be fate."
We just sorta stared at each other, enchanted, until Tom asked, "You planning on carrying Liz around all day, good buddy?"
"Thinking about it friendo." This was said in such a casual, offhanded, Logan-like way that, to me, at that moment, it seemed like the funniest thing I'd ever heard. I began to chuckle softly, but pretty soon, the chuckles had become full-on belly laughs. I had to bury my face against Logan's neck and strive to suppress the urge to just let go.
Taking a deep breath, I made the effort to return to the sane, relatively uncomplicated day-to-day I'd been enjoying for the past several years. "Okay," I breathed, still feeling quite exhilarated. "Tom's right." Pulling back, I said, "We'll never make it to The Cabin this way." Logan looked at me like I was a present under his own personal Christmas Tree. Looking in to his eyes, I knew what he was thinking: screw The Cabin. I held those eyes, grinning like a fool.
Slowly, Logan lowered me to the floor. "Tom's right. We'll never make it to The Cabin this way," he repeated agreeably. Before letting him let me go, I took a deep breath. I knew he was practically trouble personified, but at that moment, I was okay with it. It was indeed going to be a great weekend.