He didn't have a heart, he couldn't be in love.
But he was in love, no matter how impossible it was for it to be true. He had tried countless times to rationalize the feelings he had for his best friend. Perhaps, he had thought, that it was mere attraction, combined with a high value for their friendship.
This only made him question himself further; could he value anything? Was value, like love, another privelage only for those with a heart? He had always considered their friendship a sort of brotherhood, but was brotherhood possible between two beings without hearts?
In the end, he always returned to the impossible truth. He loved Roxas. He was in love with Roxas. He felt a bond between them stronger than brotherhood, and he couldn't help but wonder if Roxas felt it too. But how could he? Neither of them had hearts. Neither of them even existed, really.
Maybe, he thought, if it really is possible that I love Roxas, then it must be possible for him to love me. It was comforting at the time, but the questions he had already asked himself over and over would be sure to haunt him again later.
He had always thought that Roxas was the dreamer, the romantic. In contrast, he had always thought of himself as the cool, collected realist. He wasn't sure anymore; now it seemed that he was the one who needed to be pulled back into the world of reason and that Roxas was the one who had everything figured out.
Roxas made Axel feel alive. Axel realized this the night that caused him to question himself, and to question his feelings. He remembered feeling Roxas' thin, gentle fingers becoming intertwined in his thick, flame-colored hair and thinking to himself, "I may not exist, but I am definitely alive."
It couldn't just be attraction, although it was most definitely there. He was mesmerized by Roxas' delicate features and his soft, heavenly skin. He often found himself paralyzed, enchanted by his fierce yet reassuring blue gaze. But when he rubbed Roxas' soft, bare shoulders or ran his lips along his narrow jaw-line, he felt something else. He wished it possible for Roxas to never have to leave his side, to never feel any pain or to experience any misfortune. Axel was convinced that it could only be love.
But, of course, without a heart there was no way he could love.
It wasn't long before he found himself kissing Roxas' slim, silky lips again. He wanted so badly to lose himself in the moment, but he knew that he had to confront his uncertainty.
Surprisingly, before he could procrastinate any further, Roxas beat him to it. He pulled away from Axel's face slighty and whispered, "Axel, I love you."
Axel, hiding his anxiety, snorted. "You can't love me. You don't even have a heart, remember?"
Roxas pressed his head against Axel's chest. "But I don't need a heart to love you."
And that was it. That was all he needed to hear.
Roxas really did have everything figured out.