Author's Note: One-shot of Ice King's life. Song-fic! Disclaimer: I don't own Adventure Time, or the song (Who I'd be, from Shrek The Musical).
The Ice King sat on his bed, and sighed. "I wonder... Finn is such an awesome person. He saves princesses, the world, and he has so many friends. He's a flipping hero. And what am I? I'm an old evil Ice fart. I steal the princesses. I'm hated by everyone, even the penguins. No one likes me. I'm fat. I feel like I am only here to ruin people's lives, and be a giant butt." He said aloud. He was alone at the moment, Ice Queen was out somewhere. The tears fell. He couldn't help it. His existence was just so... lonely. He remembered an old saying: The hero's fate is sad, at times, but the enemy's is even worse. It's torturous and sad.
That made him wonder "Who would I be? If I wasn't myself?" he said. " Who would I be? He picked up his old microphone. He switched it on. He cleared his throat. " Who would I be?" He asked himself, aloud.
I guess I'd be a hero—with sword and armor clashing looking semi-dashing, a shield within my grip. Or else I'd be a Viking, and live a life of daring, while smelling like a herring, upon a Viking ship. I'd sail away. I'd see the world.I'd reach the farthest reaches. I'd feel the wind. I'd taste the salt and sea, and maybe storm some beaches. That's who I'd be. That's who I'd be.
He was on a role, now. In fact, he was on such a role, that he failed to notice he had visitors.
I could be a poet, and write a different story—one that told of glory, and wiped away the lies. Into the skies I'd throw it. The stars would do the telling, the moon would help with spelling, and night would dot the i's. I'd write a verse, recite a joke, with wit and perfect timing. I'd share my heart, confess the things I yearn, and do it all while rhyming. But we all learn. But we all learn.
"I'm like an ogre" He thought.
An ogre always hides. An ogre's fate is known. An ogre always stays in the dark and all alone. So yes, I'd be a hero and if my wish was granted life would be enchanted, or so the stories say. Of course I'd be a hero, and I would scale a tower to save a hot-house flower, and carry her away. But standing guard would be a beast. I'd somehow overwhelm it. I'd get the girl. I'd take a breath,and I'd remove my helmet.
"Yes, that's who I'd be, I'd be just like Finn, except, me." He thought.
We'd stand and stare. We'd speak of love. We'd feel the stars ascending. We'd share a kiss. I'd find my destiny. I'd have a hero's ending. A perfect happy ending. That's how it would be: A big bright beautiful world…but not for me.
He stopped for a moment, faltering, thinking of his sorrowful fate. Suddenly, he heard a voice behind him. He turned around to see Ice Queen, and Gunter with her, too.
An ogre always hides. An ogre's fate is known.
He almost smiled. He knew his fate. She had the same one, almost.
An ogre always stays in the dark all alone.
Even Gunter, the small penguin, he had feelings, too.
You're all alone.
Ice Queen, though, her fate was a bit different. She just longed for someone to love her. But, so far, no one did.
I believe the storybooks I read by candlelight.
So yes, I'd be a hero and if my wish were granted, life would be enchanted, or so the stories say. Of course I'd be a hero, and I would scale a tower, to save a hot-house flower, and carry her away.
He thought "I do need someone like Gunter. Someone to help me, and stay by my side."
All alone. You need a pal, My calendar's open. Ya need me.
A perfect happy ending. That's how it should be.
The Ice King stared at his feet for a moment. "It's okay, Simon. Someday... things will be different." Ice Queen said, her pitying eyes on him. Then, they heard a cough. looked around. There stood Finn, Fionna, Jake and Cake. "Oh, great, now the heroes are here." Ice King thought bitterly. "And, with my luck, they probably heard everything. Wait- I wonder how much they did hear. And, as if he heard every thought that popped into Ice King's head, Jake responded. "Enough to get at least 1,000 views on facebook." Everyone glared at him.