Author's Notes: Written for Aubry. Many thanks to alwayssomethingelse and girlonabridge for beta, and to Neelee for cheerleading
i.
After Janet's speech, Gill's retirement party really gets started. Julie Dodson is still not entirely convinced that her friend is okay, but on this night, at least, she's determined to be happy for her. She's determined to have a good time, too, keep the pleasant buzz she's already got going. As soon as the speech is over, Julie uses her strategic position at the back of the crowd to move off quickly to the bar before everyone else has a chance to drift in its direction. It's one of the benefits of being tall, and it seems that Mitch and a few others have had the same idea. She's surprised, though, to find that Janet has beaten her there - the much smaller woman is already waiting with her forearms resting on the bar when Julie arrives and sidles up beside her to wait her turn.
"You must have moved like lightning," she says, to catch Janet's attention.
Janet turns her head to smile at Julie. "Funniest thing. The crowd just parted for me. I suppose there are benefits to public speaking."
"Few as they are," Julie agrees, smiling back. "It was a great speech; thanks for giving it. God knows if I stood up in front of a bunch of cops, I'd probably just start telling them what to do. You were perfect. Are. Don't know what Gill'd do without you." Julie closes her eyes for a moment after her mouth stops. God, she must have more of a buzz on than she thought, if she's already sliding into indiscriminate affection. When she opens her eyes again, she finds Janet peering at her with an expression of benign amusement.
"Don't think Gill would have let you give the speech," Janet replies after a moment. "You know far too much."
Julie laughs. "Don't know about that," she says. "You know as much as I do."
"Really," Janet says, voice musical, eyes too knowing by half. "Doesn't have to be male is news to me."
Julie feels her face heat up, knows she's turning pink. "I probably shouldn't have said that," she mutters, and has to look away from Janet a moment later, lest all her secrets be laid bare under that gaze. Truth be told, Julie's always been a little bit afraid of Janet's perceptiveness, which is probably why her relationship with Janet, despite their both being close to Gill, has always remained quite firmly in the 'friends of friends' category.
"What can I get you, ladies?" The cheerful voice of the barman interrupts Julie's line of thought and rescues her from any awkward questions Janet might have been inclined to ask. Julie motions toward Janet, who was, after all, there first, and waits while she orders a glass of wine.
"A pint of the house ale for me," she says when her turn comes, then glances at Janet. "And maybe something stronger. D'you fancy a shot?"
Janet hesitates, looks ready to decline, but then seems to change her mind. "Oh, go on then. What of?"
"Something sweet," Julie answers, half to Janet and half to the barman. "Like youthful indiscretions." And that's the closest thing to an admission Janet's going to get out of her.
She sees Janet smile as the barman plucks a bottle of chambord off the high shelf. "Jam donut?" he asks. "Doesn't get much sweeter than that."
"Two," Julie agrees, and they wait while he rims the glasses in sugar and pours a generous helping of the liqueur into both, then tops the shots off with Baileys.
"To youthful indiscretions," he says as he slides them across the bar. Julie pays, and she and Janet pick up their glasses.
"Cheers," Julie says, lifting hers.
Janet taps her glass against Julie's, but speaks before she downs it, looking Julie dead in the eyes. "Whatever you should or shouldn't have said, Gill didn't seem to mind, did she?" With that, she tips her head back and swallows the shot. Julie, momentarily discomfited, hurries to do the same. The alcohol is sweet in her mouth and hot down her throat, and her head spins for a moment when she rights it.
Janet is setting her shot glass down on the bar and picking up her wine. "Thanks for the drink," she murmurs, and slips off into the crowd with a cryptic smile.
The taste of sugar and raspberry lingers on Julie's tongue, and she remembers that youthful indiscretion.
ooOoo
It happened by accident. It was 1984, about a year after Julie's mother died - cancer, slow and lingering and painful, with plenty of time for confessions but no moment that felt right - nine months since Julie decided that the rest of the world and the people she loved should know the real her. She cut her hair off and stopped wearing makeup, bought a pair of Docs and came thudding out of the closet, daring anyone to stop taking her seriously.
They were still in uniform, she and Gill, but they'd become friends within days of meeting on the job, and Julie's revelation didn't alter that one bit. Indeed, Gill's response went from casual indifference to a rather frank curiosity, probably once she realised that Julie was perfectly comfortable speaking candidly to friends.
"So, those clubs down on Canal Street," Gill asked one day, over lunch in the station's canteen, "do you ever go to those, or are they mainly for men?"
"Sometimes," Julie answered, after she'd finished chewing her bite of sandwich. "Well, not usually Canal Street, because they are mostly men, but there are others around. Depends if I've got someone to go with." Julie preferred going dancing with a date to picking up at a club, usually.
Gill smiled at her. "We should go. You should take me." There was a twinkle in her eyes, cheeky and flirtatious.
Julie took a sip from her cup of tea to distract herself from the sudden frantic beating of her heart. Was this...? She and Gill were friends, nothing more, but Julie had been nursing a fairly raging 'attracted to the straight girl' thing for Gill almost since the day they'd met. It wasn't something she'd expected anything out of, really, but now... Was this just Gill's continuing curiosity about Julie's lifestyle, or was she asking Julie to take her on a date? Was her curiosity perhaps less innocent than Julie had assumed?
Julie didn't want to ask. Didn't want the invitation to be retracted if she was wrong, didn't want to pin Gill down if she wasn't. She took another bite of her sandwich, affecting an ease she didn't feel, chewed and swallowed before she responded. "All right. How's Saturday?"
She was no more certain when Saturday came. When Julie arrived at Gill's place that evening, she half-expected to find Gill looking hopelessly straight, but when she answered the door it was in a pair of tight leather pants and a white off-the-shoulder top, through which her black bra was visible. When she turned to let Julie in while she fetched her bag, Julie found it was all she could do to to step inside the door and breathe, torn as she was between staring at the way the leather cupped Gill's firm backside and the way her long hair - teased at the roots then braided into a tail accented with a glittering, bright pink streak - swung at her back.
The club Julie took Gill to was one that you had to knock on the door of to be let in. There were others in the area that were less cloak-and-dagger, but none of them were illegal, and for her first night out at a gay club, Julie thought Gill might appreciate the illicit theatricality of it all. She seemed to, eyes wide as they made their way in. The air was thick with cigarette smoke and throbbing to the beat of Madonna, and the dance floor was a press of bodies, boys grinding on each other and ladies with their hands one another's hips, and Julie elbowed Gill in the ribs and leaned in close. "Let's get a drink," she said, pitching her voice to the 'club whisper' - anywhere else a shout. "You look like a tourist!"
Gill's eyes snapped to her, a guilty look on her face, but Julie just smiled, moving off through the crowd with her hand outstretched so Gill wouldn't lose her as they made their way to the bar. They clustered into the messy queue, right beside a drag queen who towered over even Julie, and Julie leaned in close to Gill again. "Rule number one of a place like this," she said: "try not to stare."
Gill smiled up at Julie, the curl of her lips more playful than it had any right to be. "I'll just look at you, then, will I?"
"Not what I meant!" Julie replied, but she could feel the big dumb grin on her face, and Gill was watching every twitch of it.
Drinks. They needed drinks, got them - two apiece because of the line. Downed the first quickly then found a corner and took a little longer with their second, smoking and doing a bit of discreet people watching. Gill took it all in with a smile and wide, curious eyes, and Julie found herself watching Gill, trying to decide if it was the curiosity of a straight woman, or the kind of eye-opening that happened when you finally discovered something you'd been looking for all your life. She couldn't figure it out, and they weren't yet drunk enough for Julie to ask.
To that end, they returned to the bar as soon as they'd finished their second drinks, this time downing shots before they joined the crowd on the dance floor. They started off dancing together, just the two of them, but before long they were welcomed into a group, making instant, transient friends when Gill's shoulder bumped into a bloke and he turned, pulling her against him for a few moments before his boyfriend did the same to him. The lad leaned down to whisper/shout something in Gill's ear, and then Gill was tugging Julie by the hand into their circle of friends.
The night progressed like that, with Julie losing track of how many drinks they'd had, dancing and smoking and laughing with their new friends. "This is great," Gill said on one of their jaunts to the bar. "I feel so safe here!"
And she was, surrounded by gay men who might dance up close but only had eyes for each other. A few women sidled up to her on the floor, and she danced with them for a time but pulled away as soon as things got heated, and that was accepted, too.
"Is she straight, then?" One of the lads they'd met shouted in Julie's ear, after the third friendly rebuffed advance. "Or is she yours?"
"Fucked if I know!" Julie called in response, with a helpless grin, and the bloke laughed.
But as the night wore on, the dancing got closer. The boys started to pair off, disappearing into dark corners, and Gill and Julie ended up dancing as a duo again. Drinks downed, they found themselves beside two lesbians who couldn't have been less aware of their presence, grinding against each other and thoroughly lost in movement.
Gill reached up to grab Julie's shoulder, tugging her down so she could talk. "You haven't shown me that," she shouted, voice a drunken mixture of long vowels and enthusiasm. "Haven't shown me how you dance."
Julie caught Gill by the waist, because she'd gone up on tiptoes and was in danger of stumbling. She hardly felt steadier herself, brain buzzing with booze and and energy. She kept a hold of Gill's waist, leaned in close to answer her. "Because I don't know what you want from tonight. What are you looking for?"
Gill smiled, squeezed Julie's shoulder. "Want to have a good time. Want to have the best time. Show me."
Julie felt herself smirk. Somewhere, she was dimly aware that Gill's answer was not quite what she was hoping for, but she felt drunk and wild, nerves all afire, and here she was with her very attractive friend in her arms, being asked to show her a good time. Julie could do that. She could definitely do that.
She slid the hand that had caught Gill's waist down, brought her other up and curled them both around Gill's hips, then tugged her close, pelvis to pelvis. Smiling, she held tight to Gill and gyrated in time with the music. Gill's leather was hot under her hands, a literal second skin. They moved like that for a time, Gill finding her rhythm and arching into Julie, letting her other hand come up to Julie's shoulder too, using that grip as leverage to slide herself down Julie's body, back up again. Julie felt more than heard herself growl, skin taut and vibrating. She pulled back and spun Gill around, just as quickly curling her arm around Gill's waist again and tugging her in so that Julie's whole body was pressed against her back. Julie got a thumb under the waistband of those pants, used the grip to pull Gill's arse against her and grind to exactly the rhythm she wanted. Her other hand found Gill's thigh, and Gill reached back to find one of hers, and Julie let her eyes close and her head fall back as they moved.
Fuck, Gill was really into this. Good at it, too. She spun in Julie's arms, turning back to face her again, and her eyes were alight, mouth a wild smile. Julie sucked humid air into her lungs, pulled Gill close again, but this time, instead of pelvis to pelvis, she deployed the true Lesbian Move, slipped her leg between Gill's and pulled Gill against her thigh. Gill looked up at her, eyes widening, but Julie just smiled, quirked an eyebrow, flattening her hand against the small of Gill's back and pressing her thigh into Gill's crotch. She loosened her hold for a moment, enough to let Gill pull away if she wanted to, but Gill arched an eyebrow right back, curling her own hand around Julie's hip and tugging her in tight.
Jesus, it was hot in here, hot between them. The music pounded through them, driving them against each other, frenetic. Julie watched Gill's face as Gill rode her leg, watched Gill's eyes close and her throat pulse as the strobing light caught on glitter that had come loose from her hair. Gill's hand gripped Julie's belt and held her, close enough that she felt plenty of friction herself, pressed up against Gill's writhing hip. They swayed, gyrated, missing some of the beats of the music but finding a rhythm all their own. Gill's throat arched in abandon, the flimsy fabric of her top clung to her, sweat-damp, and against it all that growing friction, the heat of Gill's body rubbing against Julie's and the way that made her cunt tingle and ache.
"Fucking hell," Julie said, head spinning, wanting to give voice to her desire and knowing the music was loud enough to drown her out. "You're fucking beautiful. I want to rip your clothes off."
Or so she thought. In the next moment, Gill's eyes were open again, and they were dark with arousal. She reached up with the hand not tangled in Julie's belt and caught her around the back of the neck, tugging her down, and then their lips were crashing against each other, a kiss every bit as wild as the dancing.
Julie's head was spinning even more as they parted, blood beating hot. Gill kept hold of her, shifted her mouth so it was by Julie's ear. "Take me home," she demanded. Julie didn't need to be asked twice.
oOo
They barely made it out of the taxi before they were snogging again, half in a hedge in Julie's driveway with her fingers tangled around Gill's braid. Gill's hand was inside Julie's jacket, fisted in the fabric of her top, pulling Julie against her with all the strength she had.
"Inside," Julie hissed, when they broke apart. "It's the third door on the right. Can't make too much noise going in, okay. Mary's got exams next week." Mary was Julie's flatmate, studying medicine. Wanted to be a forensic pathologist.
Julie caught Gill's hand and tugged her down the drive. She got the door open and ushered Gill inside, closed it and promptly dropped her keys. They clattered noisily to the floor and Julie hissed "Shit." Gill giggled, holding herself upright against the wall, and Julie looked at her, hip cocked, loose strands of hair floating around her face where Julie's fingers had tugged them loose. She toed the keyring out of the way and caught Gill around the waist, tugging her close for another kiss that ended with Gill pressed up against the wall. Julie's fingers found their way under Gill's top and onto her skin, and she felt Gill's abdomen quiver under her touch.
Julie jerked her head to the side. "My room's just down here," she murmured, but Gill stopped her before she could move.
"Slap," she whispered, voice urgent, and Julie stopped, looking down at her, chest heaving but eyes suddenly earnest. "I've never... I want you to know. I've never been with a woman before."
Julie smiled and the expression felt crooked on her face. "It's okay." She kissed Gill again. "You do want to, don't you? We don't have to." God, it would be torture, having Gill in her room when she was so on fire, but even drunk and horny, Julie didn't want Gill thinking she owed Julie anything.
"I want to," Gill breathed, wrapping her fingers around Julie's belt. "Please, get me in there." Julie tugged Gill away from the wall.
Julie's bedroom wasn't as much of a mess as it could have been. Her underwear drawer was hanging open and there were a few tops discarded on the floor, but she'd made her bed that morning, thank god, and there was only one half-drunk mug of tea on the dresser. She wasn't too ashamed as she led Gill inside.
They didn't fall immediately onto the bed. Julie shrugged her jacket off and tossed it over the open drawer, bent down to tug at her shoelaces and kick her boots off, then turned to face Gill, who was leaning against the doorframe, watching her. She'd discarded her pumps just inside the door.
"You're not as much of a grub as I thought you'd be, Slap," she said. "Congratulations."
"You caught me on a good day," Julie replied, smiling. "Cm'ere."
Gill did, closing the distance between them until it was non-existent, until their arms were tangled around each other again, mouths hot against one another's, and Julie couldn't believe this was really happening, this thing she'd imagined a dozen times but not dared to hope for.
"I can't believe you heard me," Julie muttered, when they broke for air, as her fingers found the hem of Gill's top and tugged it off over her head. "Can't believe you heard anything over that music."
"Heard what?" Gill asked, reappearing from behind the fabric.
"Heard..." Julie started, then laughed. "Oh god. You didn't." Which meant that look, that kiss, it had all been Gill's doing. No prompting at all. Jesus. Shit. Her hand found Gill's waist again and she felt her fingers tremble.
"Heard what?" Gill asked again, smiling.
"I said," Julie murmured, feeling her cheeks turn pink even as she backed Gill toward the bed, as she lowered her head to press a kiss against the base of her throat, "that you were fucking beautiful, and that I wanted to rip your clothes off."
Gill made a guttural sound as the backs of her knees hit the bed and she dropped onto it, catching Julie's arm so she didn't sprawl. "Sounds good to me," she said, smiling up at Julie. "As long as you take yours off too."
"Gladly." To demonstrate, Julie wrapped her arms around her middle and yanked her top off without a moment's hesitation.
Gill scrambled back up the bed as Julie joined her there, crawling on and following until she had one knee either side of Gill's and her arms caging Gill's shoulders. Gill reached up and trailed her fingers over Julie's abdomen, looked up at her and wet her lips with her tongue. "What now?" she asked, and managed to make it sound like a challenge.
"Now," Julie said, a playful smile turning her mouth up as she rolled her hips against Gill's, "we pick up where we left off."
She dove in. Her lips found Gill's throat, collarbone, her hands slid over skin. At Gill's urging, she reached around her to unclip her bra, sliding the straps down over her shoulders and pressing open-mouthed kisses where they'd been. She ground her hips down against Gill's and felt Gill lifting her own in response, and when she'd tossed the bra off the bed she covered one of Gill's breasts with a hand and lowered her head to the other, tonguing the nipple and sucking it into her mouth. Gill made noises, strangled and decadent, and Julie gloried in them, wanting to give Gill that good, best time she'd asked for (maybe if you do, she'll keep coming back for more). Gill's own hands were reaching out, grasping and stroking where she could, but really Julie was more interested in making sure Gill felt good than in slaking her own need. This, all of this, was enough for her.
It took her a few moments to recognise that Gill's voice had gone from incoherent moans to whispering her name - or, well, calling her Slap - first breathlessly then more urgently, to draw her attention. She lifted her head to find Gill looking at her, smiling. Smiled right back.
"Slap, come up here," Gill said, and Julie did, shifting again so she was at eye level with Gill.
"Mm?" she asked, grinning.
Gill's hands snaked up to cup her face, slide back into her hair. She tugged Julie down for another kiss, then took a moment to focus again. "Slap, this is amazing. You're spoiling me. But I am really light-headed, especially on my back. Do you think we could, maybe -" and here her lips twisted wryly "- get on with it? I'd like it if we could get off before we pass out."
Julie just looked at her for a moment, trying to decide whether to be offended or not, but then she laughed. "God, is this why they say don't sleep with your friends? Because they'll be absolutely honest? All right. Could be I was just avoiding those pants." She pressed another kiss against the corner of Gill's mouth, then shifted back.
"They're new," Gill said, as Julie worked the button and fly undone. "Don't you like them?" Her mouth made a pretty little pout.
"Oh, I like them," Julie said, getting her thumbs into the waistband. "Especially the way they cup your arse." She gave a tug. "But that, I suspect, is going to be the problem." The pants barely budged. "I mean, did you pour them on?"
Gill laughed. "I didn't think of that."
"Well think about it now, Sweaty in Leather," Julie said. "Better start wriggling." Gill did, and Julie tugged at the waistband, gripping it tight and working the pants down over Gill's arse when they started to move. It took some effort, and more because Gill kept laughing, but eventually Julie pulled them off over Gill's feet and waved them victoriously.
Gill collapsed against the covers for a moment, chest heaving. "Bloody hell," she sighed at the ceiling. "Remind me never to wear those again unless I'm with someone who's got a vested interest in getting them off me."
Julie didn't fail to notice the 'someone' instead of 'you', but she tried not to think about it, her denial made easier by Gill pushing herself up in the next moment and crawling over to her in nothing but her knickers.
"Hey you," she said, smiling and reaching for Julie's belt buckle. "I thought you were getting your kit off too."
"Yes, ma'am," Julie replied, grinning and telling herself, again, to take this for exactly what it was. Gill's delicate fingers worked her belt undone, and Julie reached behind herself to unclip her bra. She shed it over her shoulders, then climbed off the bed for a moment to rid herself of her jeans and knickers. When she crawled back on again, Gill was waiting for her, kneeling and watching her intently.
"I'm less light-headed now," she murmured, staring. Julie stifled a shiver brought on by the intensity of that gaze, had to remind herself to breathe as Gill reached out for her, hands sliding onto Julie's hips. Her fingers splayed out and she traced the lines of Julie's body with a sort of reverent curiosity, curling back around her arse, then feather-light over her sides and stomach and up to cup her breasts, thumbs brushing over Julie's nipples and teasing them taut. Julie watched her, frozen in place as Gill explored, kneeling there with her arms by her sides and her skin ablaze.
"Bloody hell, Gill," Julie breathed, when she finally found her voice again. "Are you planning a sculpture?"
Gill's smile was cheeky. "Maybe. I could call it 'The Lesbian Victory of WPC Dodson'." Julie laughed, but in the next moment Gill looked earnest again. "I think I need you take over now, though, because I've no idea what happens next."
"I can do that," Julie whispered, and urged Gill back onto the bed again. When she'd settled, Julie reached for the waistband of her knickers, waiting for Gill to lift her hips before she tugged them off. She dropped them over the side of the bed and caught Gill's ankles, sliding her hands up over calves to grip Gill's bent knees, tugging them apart a little and trailing her fingers over the crease at the back. She looked at Gill over the top of them, enjoying the sight of her naked and sprawling. The only part of her that was still put together was the braid stretched out across the pillow, and even that was messy now. Julie felt a small pang of regret that she'd not pulled it out - she would have loved to tangle her fingers in Gill's hair, see it all spread out underneath her - but she suspected that would have been far more of an ordeal than getting the pants off, what with the teasing and that glittery pink thing.
"Now," she said,"do you want to know how it feels to have a woman go down on you?"
Julie was really only asking as a matter of form - a kind of foreplay, even. She expected an enthusiastic yes, but although Gill's hips writhed, she shook her head a moment later. "I'd feel bad. I think I'll fall asleep about thirty seconds after I come, tonight. Can we do something more mutual?"
Julie smiled. Her first instinct was to say it didn't matter, that she didn't care, but it obviously mattered to Gill, and however it was worded, a no was a no. She let go of Gill's legs and climbed her again, this time sliding one knee between hers. "All right," she whispered, capturing Gill's mouth again. "I'll take watching you come instead."
Julie's arm went about Gill's waist and she pulled Gill with her as she rolled onto her side, tangling their legs together and hitching Gill's up so it rested across her thigh. "How's this?" she asked, letting her fingers trail over Gill's breast and across her stomach, then down to tease against her inner thighs.
"Mm, good," Gill answered, smiling, letting her own hand find its way. "I want to touch you."
Gill's cunt was hot and slick under Julie's fingers, and she watched Gill's jaw loosen and her lips part as she stroked, spreading her wet. Julie's throat made a low rumbling groan when she felt Gill's fingers making a similar exploration, and Gill smiled, answering with her own.
"God, yes," Gill whispered when Julie slipped a finger inside her, following it shortly with a second, and a moment later Gill's fingers followed suit. "It's the same but different, doing this to somebody else," she breathed.
"Oh, very descriptive," Julie murmured, smirking, but then Gill crooked her fingers and took the breath right out of her.
They lost their words in sighs, in action and feeling. Hips jerked and thighs strained open wider as their hands worked. Julie stretched her neck forward, mouthing inarticulately at Gill's skin wherever she could reach - jaw, throat, shoulder. She could feel her own heat building, ached for it, the release of a whole night's tension, but she wanted to see Gill, fought off the fog and concentrated on her movements. She increased her pace and curled her hand up, grinding the heel of her palm into Gill and listening as her breath grew ragged. Gill's mouth was open, eyelids fluttering and face flushed red. The movement of her hand had become erratic, but she kept trying valiantly, so Julie searched for and found her voice.
"Let go," she whispered. "It's okay. Let me see you come." She curled her fingers for emphasis.
Gill's rhythm faltered as she gave herself away to feeling. Julie pushed her further, murmuring encouragement, and then she was there, cresting, clenching tight around Julie's fingers, thighs shaking. The lines of her throat went taut and her breath shuddered in through parted lips, eyelashes fluttering and looking blissful and lost.
Julie brought her back, waited until Gill's eyelids flickered open again before she stopped the movement of her hand. "You're gorgeous when you come," she said, slick fingers settling against Gill's thigh.
Gill's smile was long and lazy, but after a moment it dimmed. "You didn't," she whispered, her disappointment obvious.
Julie's shoulder twitched. "It's okay. I mean, if you're tired, it's not the most important thing in the world to me." She hoped that she and Gill had had enough conversations about the various shapes of lesbian desire that she knew Julie meant exactly what she said - she was neither trying to discourage Gill from touching her, nor would she be especially bothered if an orgasm didn't happen.
But Gill's sense of reciprocal fairness was a little too strong. "Well, I said we had thirty seconds," she murmured, smiling and giving herself a shake, "but I think I can manage a little longer than that. I am not," she urged Julie onto her back, rolled so she was on top of her, "going to to remember that I went to bed with a woman for the first time and then fell asleep before she got off."
Julie's head fell back against the pillow as she surrendered to Gill, and she let out a little breath of laughter. "Well, all right then. I'm at your mercy."
And oh, what a place to be. The image of Gill spread out on her bed was one Julie had imagined many times, but she'd never considered what it might be like to have Gill hovering over her. She was glorious, tiny and wicked, all collarbones and devious smile. Her hand slid over Julie's stomach and down to cup her mound, and she slipped two fingers into Julie again without preamble. Her movements were more confident now, steady and precise, and when she bent her head to close her mouth over Julie's nipple, Julie arched up off the bed, hand flailing up to curl around the headboard and give herself an anchor point, closing her eyes and finally, finally letting herself focus on sensation.
She could feel the tail of Gill's braid tickling her chest, could feel those demanding lips sucking on her breast. Gill's fingers, hot, pressed against her abdomen, holding her writhing body down. Julie dug her heels into the duvet, spreading herself wider, heard her voice urging Gill deeper, hissing approval. Her body sung with need, thrummed, and she begged for more. Gill's other hand slid down, thumb finding Julie's clit and rubbing circles, and Julie knew what Gill meant about being light-headed then, because she was spinning, arching her neck back against the pillow in a futile quest for clarity. It was gone, all of it, and Julie shook, gasping Gill's name as she came, begging incoherently.
It was quiet, after. Blood pounded in Julie's ears, and as it faded it left a profound silence. She opened heavily eyelids, found Gill looking at her. She was still wearing a smile but it was smaller than earlier, awed and proud, and Julie let go of the headboard and reached for her, tugging her down. Gill flopped beside her and Julie tossed a leg over her, a half-roll all she could manage. Her arm fell lazily across Gill's middle, and they just lay there for a while, recovering their minds and their breath.
Eventually, Gill spoke. "You're gorgeous when you come, too, you know." She said it quietly, like she'd been trying to think of her own description for a while but had been unable to come up with one, and Julie smiled.
"It's quite something, isn't it," she said, "watching a woman have an orgasm? Not that I've seen a bloke have one, but I'm told they make pretty stupid faces."
Gill chuckled. "Mm, they do." Silence fell again, for a few moments, and Gill's voice was even quieter when she spoke again. "We should get under the covers. It's been more than thirty seconds. I'm going to pass out soon."
"Mm," Julie agreed, feeling the night, the exertion and the alcohol dragging her toward sleep as well. She didn't move, though, tugged Gill closer, then reached back to grab the edge of the duvet and pull it around them like a cocoon.
"That's a fucking terrible idea," Gill said, even as she reached for the edge on her side and yanked it over to complete the nest. "We're going to wake up freezing."
"Probably," Julie agreed, but for the time being they were warm and sated and tangled up with each other, and neither of them lasted another minute.
oOo
Julie woke to the sound of her bedroom door closing and the clink of ceramic being set down on her bedside table. She groaned, cracking her eyes open and finding the duvet over her head. She was under the covers, but she couldn't for the life of her remember how she'd got beneath them. Flailing a hand up, Julie tugged the duvet down to find Gill standing beside the bed, wearing her dressing gown and looking tiny in it, having just set two steaming mugs on the stand.
"Morning," Gill said, voice soft. "Tea?"
Julie didn't know if she could speak yet, but she nodded weakly, pushing herself up to sit and gratefully reaching out for the mug when Gill handed it to her. She curled her fingers around it, let the steam waft over her face for a moment before she took a sip. Gill crawled back into the bed and picked her own mug up off the stand.
"You made," Julie started, but found her voice hadn't quite arrived yet. "I should've," she managed a moment later.
Gill laughed. "Don't be daft. We both know you're useless in the morning." Julie couldn't argue with that, literally couldn't. She took another sip of her tea instead, and Gill filled the silence. "I met Mary. She showed me where the tea things were. She's going to lend me some clothes, too, so I don't have to put those leather pants back on. Useful woman, your flatmate."
Julie smiled, nodded. Tea half gone, she felt her faculties returning. "We didn't wake her up last night, I hope."
"She didn't say, but she seemed chipper, so I can't imagine we kept her awake. We weren't that noisy." Gill's smile was conspiratorial.
There was a tap on Julie's door, then the woman herself called out: "Are you two decent in there?"
Julie tugged the duvet up over her chest. "Come in!"
Mary poked her head round the door as if she was still worried she might see a stray nipple, then pushed it open fully once she established that they were, in fact, covered up.
"I see you roused the bear," she said to Gill, glancing in Julie's direction.
"Mm, just needed a little honey," Gill replied, smiling.
Mary had a bundle of clothes in her arms, set them down on the foot of Julie's bed. "There's jeans and a jumper," she said. "I hope they'll fit. Better than having to roll the hems up if you borrow this one's things, anyway." She glanced slyly at Julie again.
"Thanks," Gill and Julie said at once, and Mary laughed.
"No problem. Just give them back to Julie whenever. If I don't see you back here, that is." She made for the door with a twinkling smile. "Oh, and I put your keys in the kitchen, Jules, in case you're looking for them." With that, she departed, closing the door behind her.
Julie and Gill were silent for a few moments, and then Julie looked down at her teacup and said, "I think she heard us," and Gill burst out laughing. Julie was laughing too, then, right down to her belly, and it took both of them some time to recover.
The laughter faded to silence, and Julie drained her tea, then stared at the dregs in the cup for a while, turning them this way and that. This was more comfortable than some of the mornings after in Julie's history, but it was one all the same, and if she was honest, this one meant more than most.
Eventually, she spoke. "So, will I? See you here again?" Her chest felt tight all of a sudden. She glanced up at Gill, trying not to look too hopeful, but she must have failed, if the pained expression on Gill's face was any indication.
"Slap, I..." She looked down into her own mug, then back up at Julie again. Her eyes were sad. "I didn't realise that was what you wanted," she whispered.
The tightness dropped, became a heavy disappointed thing in her stomach. She took a breath. "It's okay. Hoping's not expecting." She set the hand holding the mug down on her knee, sighed.
Gill reached out to touch her hand. "I'm sorry," she said, and Julie looked up at her again. "If I'd known you were hoping for more, I wouldn't have complicated things. I had a really good time," she offered a smile, "but I'm not... I don't think I could have a relationship with a woman, and I wouldn't want to pretend like I could and then let you down later."
Julie nodded. "I get it. You can't help who you are any more than I can."
Gill watched her, eyes large and earnest. "I didn't ruin our friendship, did I?"
Julie smiled, shook her head. "No. I had a good time, too, and I can take it as it was. Just..." And here she hesitated, torn between what she wanted and what she knew she needed to say.
"Mm?" Gill prompted, arching an eyebrow.
"We probably shouldn't let it happen again," Julie said. It felt rather like shooting herself in the foot, saying that, but she knew it was right. She could have a bit of fun, was happy to have been Gill's with-a-woman experience, but she wasn't prepared to be an ongoing experiment.
"Okay," Gill said, nodding. "Agreed."
Gill looked at Julie and Julie looked at her, and though the ache didn't quite go away, it felt okay. They'd make it through this.
"So," Julie said, when they'd let the moment pass, "do you want breakfast? I should probably make Mary something if she spent all night listening to me have sex. You up for some anatomically-correct-heart shaped pancakes? I'm pretty sure we've got a mould somewhere. She can study while she eats."
"All right, yeah," Gill said, laughing, and Julie knew they'd be okay.