Family Feud
Part 1: Wet and Wild with Water Balloons

"VAN!" Billie's obnoxious voice boomed through the Candy Store.

"I didn't do anything!" he yelled back even though he knew it was a lie. Van held back his laughter when he noticed she had booted up her computer and found the nice little wallpaper he had placed on her desktop.

"What the hell is this?" Billie asked as she pointed to her screen, which showed two girls in a lip lock.

"I don't… know…" Van replied, trying to hold back his laughter, but was unable to. He burst as she glared back at him.

Billie knew he had hacked into her computer yet again, and this time, he was going to pay for it. She also knew Van had a habit of doing these things. She had to think real hard about what she was gonna do to him this time. Finally, it hit her… her stun gun!

'Oh, perfect,' Billie thought, a sly smile coming across her face as she reached into her back pocket while Van continued to laugh as if he would fall over any time soon. She pulled the little device out of her pocket, turning it to the lowest setting (she didn't want to hurt him too much, but just enough to make him remember).

Billie walked up to Van, the stun gun behind her back. He was laughing so hard he didn't even notice her approach. Billie pulled out the stun gun and shocked him on the arm.

"OWWWWWWW!" Van cried pitifully, his wail resonating throughout the entire building when he felt the electrical current running through his arm. "That's not funny," he yelled catching his breath "It hurt!"

"Well, maybe you'll remember that the next time you want to do something this stupid again," Billie said with a snicker. "Now, get this shit off my computer!" she ordered.

Van rubbed his arm as he clicked a couple of different icons to set the screen back to its default setting, then quickly scurried away from Billie, realizing she was still armed and dangerous. But this wasn't the end of it. He had another little trick up his sleeve to get her back for the shock in the arm.

"Deaq, give me a hand," Van said once he found his partner in the lounge relaxing on the sofa.

"Van, what are you doing?" Deaq questioned when he pulled a pack of balloons out of his pants' pocket and threw them to him. "Water balloons? What happened with you and Billie this time?"

"She shocked me, in both senses of the word," Van answered as he grabbed a handful of the balloons and began to fill them at the sink with several different things: water, whipped cream, and soap. Boy, Billie was in for one hell of a surprise.

Deaq shook his head, but this idea was intriguing. He followed Van's lead and began filling his own set of balloons. After having finished the entire bag, they placed them in a box for safe keeping, just to make sure Billie didn't find them and use them for her own purposes.

"So, what's with the water balloons?" Deaq asked as he gently placed the last balloon down on top of the other forty-nine.

"Billie's gonna get it today," Van replied as he picked up the box and carried it upstairs to the second floor theater seats. He picked the perfect location, one without a car in the way and stood there looking down at Deaq. "This is perfect!" he exclaimed.

"Van, you'd better be ready for consequences when this little plan of yours is put into play," Deaq warned.

"I'll cross that bridge when I get to it," Van replied as he came back downstairs.

"VAN! DEAQ! Get you asses over here!" Billie hollered, her voice echoing through the Candy Store.

"We didn't do anything!" they both replied in unison as they began to walk towards the originating point of the sound. Billie was standing at the entrance, the keys to her Mercedes in her hand with a scowl on her face.

"Capt. Perish gave us a quick bust over at the marina. Some little shit is trying to smuggle pot into the country again," she informed them, quickly turning and heading out.

Van rolled his eyes, remembering the last time he made a bust at the marina. It wasn't a pleasant experience. After all, he was almost turned into a woman. Van cringed at the thought, pushing it to the back of his mind. He grabbed his keys and proceeded to the marina with Deaq, hoping that he could leave the speedboat incident behind once and for all.

The water balloons would have to wait until later.

*~*~*

Van and Deaq walked into the Candy Store followed by Billie. The bust had gone well. As Billie walked into her office to do paper work, Van ran up to the second floor where the balloons were stashed. "Okay, Deaq, you gotta get her out of her office and into the spot," he said.

"How in the hell am I supposed to do that?" Deaq whispered loudly from the first floor.

"I don't know, I didn't think that far ahead. I'm sure you can figure something out. Now go!" Van replied. Deaq looked up at his partner and flipped him the bird as he walked towards Billie's office.

Deaq nervously walked into Billie's office, regretting that he had agreed to do this with Van. "Hey, Billie," he said, trying to get her attention away from the paperwork and keep her out of Van's line of sight all at once.

"What?" she retorted, not looking up.

"Could you come here for a second? I think there's something wrong with one of the cars," Deaq replied.

"Get Van, he's the resident mechanic," Billie flatly answered as she continued to scribble things down in her reports.

"Even when it's your car?" he asked, quickly getting her attention.

"What's wrong with my car?" she questioned, getting up from her seat and following him into the showroom.

Van peeked out from his hiding place on the second floor to see that Deaq had successfully gotten Billie to follow him out of her office. They were quickly approaching the designated area when he picked up his first balloon, making sure it was filled with only water. He wanted to surprise her before he got into the major stuff. When Deaq had Billie positioned right where Van wanted her, he poked his head over the rail and dropped the balloon.

Billie felt something hit her head then explode, water quickly soaking her dark hair and white shirt as she screamed, "HEY!" and looked up. Van dropped another balloon, hitting her in the face this time. In almost that exact second, Deaq walked up behind her and planted a balloon square in her ass. Billie screamed and ran behind a car, which was where she found Deaq's stash of balloons. 'Oh, you're gonna get it now,' she said to herself and peeked up to throw a balloon at Van, who had made his way downstairs with his arms full of balloons.

He ducked and sang, "HA HA! You missed me!" as he threw another balloon, which missed his target and hit the hood of the car. Billie moved out from behind it and found Deaq standing unprotected. She snuck up behind him and threw her balloon, hitting him in the neck.

"Son of a BITCH!" Deaq yelled as he ducked her second shot and dove behind another car where Van had conveniently positioned himself with his stack of balloons. He handed Deaq one filled with cream.

"On the count of three, we strike. Okay? One… Two… THREE!" Van and Deaq jumped out from behind the car, surprising Billie enough to make her freeze. Both balloons hit her in the face, covering her with cream. Billie stood there, dumbfounded, as she wiped her face, the whipped cream stinging her eyes and filling her mouth. Oh, she was pissed now!

"YOUR ASSES ARE MINE!" she bellowed, grabbing two balloons as the pair tried to stop laughing and dodge her. She hit Van with a soap balloon and Deaq with a cream balloon. But her assault didn't stop there. Billie grabbed a slew of balloons and ran upstairs where she knew she could easily hit them without fear of being hit back. But even as she tried to dodge Van and Deaq's several throws, she was still hit with the occasional soap or cream balloon.

"Victory is mine!" Billie yelled at the top of her lungs when she realized Van and Deaq had run out of balloons and started pelting them with hers. Oh, she got them good, to say the least. By the time she reached her last balloon, Van had taken off her soaking shirt and threw it to the floor, his body slicked with a mix of whipped cream, soap, and water. Deaq, on the other hand, had retreated, hiding behind a car and praying that she was done with him.

Billie focused on Van, who was still panting from the excursion. She walked back downstairs, her last soap filled balloon rolling around in her hand. "Now I've got you where I want you," she told him with a mischievous and almost devilish look in her eyes.

Billie approached Van with the balloon in hand. He stood up straight and started laughing. "Okay, you win!" he said hoping she wouldn't get him.

"I win after I bean you with this!" she exclaimed. Van slowly backed away and put his hands up.

"I give up," he was still laughing. Billie advanced on him causing Van to walk faster. She started to wind up to make her last throw. Van turned around and ran. "Deaq! She's gonna get me! Hit her, will ya!" Van yelled as her ran around the showroom with Billie following him.

Deaq stood up from his hiding place to watch. Billie had Van trapped between two cars. She laughed and threw her final soapy balloon. He dunked in time to avoid it, but as he stood up again, he saw the mortified expression on Billie's face. He turned around to find Captain Perish standing behind him, his face dripping with soap as he tried to wipe it off without getting it all over himself.

"Um…" Billie stammered, trying to figure out what she was going to say next. Perish looked like he was going to walk over to her and ring her neck. "There's a really good explanation for this…"

"There had better be!" he almost yelled, making his way towards her. Billie swallowed, hard. She was in deep shit. But as soon as Perish was finished with her, Van and Deaq would suffer for her misfortune. Just how was she gonna make them pay this time?

Part 2: The Shaving Cream Fiasco