Billy Loomis vs. Death
This is a little single chapter crossover that I wrote. Enjoy!
The sun shone down on the cemetery. But a tree covered Billy Loomis's grave, so he was in the shade. A little bird did a poopy on his head stone. It ran down it slowly, a bit like yogurt down someone's lap. The wind swept past, making the trees rustle. A hand burst out from the ground, and then another. A head came up to, followed by a body. Billy Loomis had returned from the grave. He laughed out loud, but his throat was dry so it only sounded like a cow trying to reach top C. He coughed, and then walked on through the graves. He sang 'I'm Every Woman' as he ran (don't ask me why). When he got to the end, he realised that he needed a dump. (If you'd been dead for 8 years, you'd need one to). Panicking, he ran into the church and let her rip in the holy water. He breathed out a sigh of relief then continued on his adventures. He walked a couple of miles to the main-road, and then hitched a ride to Woodsboro. When he got there he discovered things where different; Randy was dead, they'd made a film about his life and the video store no longer had a horror section (DUH DUH DUH!). After getting over those tragedies, he set out to kill Sidney Prescott. On the way to her house (he didn't know that she no longer lived there) Death spoke to him:
"Billy Loomis!" its voice boomed, "it was ME who raised you from the grave."
"Really? Wow!" Billy squealed excitedly.
"Yes, but you will not be able to kill Sidney Prescott"
"Why not?" Billy asked.
"Because it is not in your destiny"
"Ah, who needs destiny?"
"BUT! I will make an exception if you beat my challenges!"
"Go on then, whatever"
"Okay, first, you must fight my KUNG-FO CAMEL!"
With that, a large (rather feisty looking) camel magically appeared before Billy. It preformed some kung-fo moves in front of Billy, before donkey- kicking him into a nearby bush.
"Unfair!" moaned Billy, "he's stronger"
"I know! Ha ha ha!" Billy decided to beat the kung-fo camel, so he stood up and brushed the thorns out of his ass. Then he got out his trusty knife and stabbed the camel! "Moooooo" groaned the camel, before it slumped over in a heap and died.
"Okay, so you beat the first test, but the next is harder!" proclaimed Death.
Next Death sent down a terrible creature. Barbra Streisand!!!! Billy shrieked in terror. He tried to cover his ears, but it was to late! She started singing. Birds fell out of trees, rabbits hid and even more lemmings committed suicide than usual. Still trying to cover his ears; Billy got and his gun and shot her. The racket stopped and the world was at peace once more.
"Okay, here is your third and final test! You will not out live this one! " Billy dreaded what was coming next. As he stood there, the ground began to shake. He turned to see hundreds of mongooses charging toward him! They swamped over him, completely blocking his vision. He tried to fight them off, but it was no use. They kept coming and coming and in the end he gave up and let them bite him. Then fortune glanced his way. He spotted a random grenade on the forest floor. He fought through the mongooses and picked it up. He pulled the pin out and shoved it into the nearest mongooses open mouth. Then he ran for his life, not looking back. He heard the explosion behind him just before the force pushed him over. When he got up again, all the mongooses were dead.
"Yay!" Billy cheered.
"No!" shouted Death, "that's not fair!"
"I won fair and square!" Billy boasted
"Hang on! I'm death! I can do what ever I like! Sucker!"
Billy screamed (screamed! Scream! Get it? Aww never mind) in terror as a lightning bolt struck the tree next to him. It set on fire and toppled over, falling on Billy. He managed to climb out, with only a few burns. Billy ran for his life down the road. He saw Sidney's house and ran for it, knife at the ready. He never saw the bus coming the other way. It took the police 5 hours to scrape him off the road. Bastard.
Apologies for the extreme Barbra Streisand bashing in this story. I have nothing against her, its just fun to bash her sometimes.
This is a little single chapter crossover that I wrote. Enjoy!
The sun shone down on the cemetery. But a tree covered Billy Loomis's grave, so he was in the shade. A little bird did a poopy on his head stone. It ran down it slowly, a bit like yogurt down someone's lap. The wind swept past, making the trees rustle. A hand burst out from the ground, and then another. A head came up to, followed by a body. Billy Loomis had returned from the grave. He laughed out loud, but his throat was dry so it only sounded like a cow trying to reach top C. He coughed, and then walked on through the graves. He sang 'I'm Every Woman' as he ran (don't ask me why). When he got to the end, he realised that he needed a dump. (If you'd been dead for 8 years, you'd need one to). Panicking, he ran into the church and let her rip in the holy water. He breathed out a sigh of relief then continued on his adventures. He walked a couple of miles to the main-road, and then hitched a ride to Woodsboro. When he got there he discovered things where different; Randy was dead, they'd made a film about his life and the video store no longer had a horror section (DUH DUH DUH!). After getting over those tragedies, he set out to kill Sidney Prescott. On the way to her house (he didn't know that she no longer lived there) Death spoke to him:
"Billy Loomis!" its voice boomed, "it was ME who raised you from the grave."
"Really? Wow!" Billy squealed excitedly.
"Yes, but you will not be able to kill Sidney Prescott"
"Why not?" Billy asked.
"Because it is not in your destiny"
"Ah, who needs destiny?"
"BUT! I will make an exception if you beat my challenges!"
"Go on then, whatever"
"Okay, first, you must fight my KUNG-FO CAMEL!"
With that, a large (rather feisty looking) camel magically appeared before Billy. It preformed some kung-fo moves in front of Billy, before donkey- kicking him into a nearby bush.
"Unfair!" moaned Billy, "he's stronger"
"I know! Ha ha ha!" Billy decided to beat the kung-fo camel, so he stood up and brushed the thorns out of his ass. Then he got out his trusty knife and stabbed the camel! "Moooooo" groaned the camel, before it slumped over in a heap and died.
"Okay, so you beat the first test, but the next is harder!" proclaimed Death.
Next Death sent down a terrible creature. Barbra Streisand!!!! Billy shrieked in terror. He tried to cover his ears, but it was to late! She started singing. Birds fell out of trees, rabbits hid and even more lemmings committed suicide than usual. Still trying to cover his ears; Billy got and his gun and shot her. The racket stopped and the world was at peace once more.
"Okay, here is your third and final test! You will not out live this one! " Billy dreaded what was coming next. As he stood there, the ground began to shake. He turned to see hundreds of mongooses charging toward him! They swamped over him, completely blocking his vision. He tried to fight them off, but it was no use. They kept coming and coming and in the end he gave up and let them bite him. Then fortune glanced his way. He spotted a random grenade on the forest floor. He fought through the mongooses and picked it up. He pulled the pin out and shoved it into the nearest mongooses open mouth. Then he ran for his life, not looking back. He heard the explosion behind him just before the force pushed him over. When he got up again, all the mongooses were dead.
"Yay!" Billy cheered.
"No!" shouted Death, "that's not fair!"
"I won fair and square!" Billy boasted
"Hang on! I'm death! I can do what ever I like! Sucker!"
Billy screamed (screamed! Scream! Get it? Aww never mind) in terror as a lightning bolt struck the tree next to him. It set on fire and toppled over, falling on Billy. He managed to climb out, with only a few burns. Billy ran for his life down the road. He saw Sidney's house and ran for it, knife at the ready. He never saw the bus coming the other way. It took the police 5 hours to scrape him off the road. Bastard.
Apologies for the extreme Barbra Streisand bashing in this story. I have nothing against her, its just fun to bash her sometimes.