THE TRUTH 'BOUT DAINE
Disclaimer: You didn't think the characters are mine did you? You did? Aaaww that's so sweet!
A/N: if you wanna flame me go ahead I don't give a damn, but please bare in mind it's my first fic and you don't wanna scare me off do you?
Hope Ur sayin' no! ;)
'Pas dat Dutch' (explicit) by Missy Elliot (changed some words)
" Drrrrrrrrr"
Numair Salmalín woke so suddenly that he hit the somethin hard that was over the bed
"Kiiit!" He groaned whiningly to the baby dragon that was on the floor beside the bed.
Kit appeared to be kicking the bed! Numair shook his head and stretched and yawned. He was shocked to see that Daine had already woken up before him that he thought he was late. Again he hit his head in his hurry to wake up. " Ouch, what is that thing any way" Numair asked aloud. He got up to see; to his utter amazement he saw it was a long metal pole. He was so amazed that he stepped over skimpy looking breast bands and about 20 or so revealing dresses that no self-respecting lady would ever wear on his way without noticing
He saw a note stuck on the door.
It read (in pink):
To Numy (huh?)
I've gone to work you know, the second one
Any way baby (huh?) I've left out your brekky
You should learn how to cook you know, save me a lot of time it would. (I have!)
Betta go baby wouldn't wanna be late entertaining people would I?
Byeeee kisses and hugs.
XXX
Numair sniffed the page smells nice he thought.
Since when did Daine call him Numy and baby? And since when did she entertain people? Ukh he thought, this was too much he was starting to get a headache.
On his way to the castle Numair noticed people giving him weird looks and some even looked disgusted. At one point he sniffed at his armpits to see if that was it. It wasn't.
It was when he reached the castle however that he found out.
"No way, no way" Numair shouted incredulously. " Daine is not a prostitute!"
She was, it turned out, a prostitute.
Numair stalked right up to Daine who was wearing a tight black leather dress that barely covered her breasts. Before he reached her he saw a heart-breaking scene, Daine kissing a man.
"Daine!" he shouted put that man do-" Numair gasped as the couple turned and he saw "Jon?"
That, was when everything went black, he had fainted!
" Get up idiot, why d'ya always faint like that? Gods you're so embarrassing"
Daine face came into view.
" Daine?" asked Numair
" Naah ya don't say!" she replied sarcastically
" Huh? What's goin' on, since when do you wear lip paint?
"Man does this guy ever just shut up?" she asked the crowd " anyway so Jon-"
Numair leapt up and punched Jon squarely on his handsome nose.
The crowd gasped
"Wassa ma'a with you?" asked a drunk, "ya can' go round punchin' the king, Ge' 'im boys!
A crowd of queer looking men stepped out of the crowd, took one look at Numair and retreated.
"Figures," said the man, "Never ask gay men for help."
Daine slapped Numair hard across the face.
"That was for Jon," she said
She slapped him again and shrugged.
"That was coz I don like ya embarrassin' me."
"Daine?" asked a whimpering Jon, "Look at my nose! Who's going to sleep with me?"
He burst in to tears. Everybody glared at Numair, except for the queer men who were too busy checking him out.
Numair looked uncomfortably at Jon.
"Er-s-sorry about that Jon." He said looking down at his feet.
"I don't forgive you!" replied Jon simply.
"What?" Numair asked.
"Grovel."
"No-no, forget it."
"Grovel Numair!" said Daine warningly.
"Or what? Jon will beat me up?" he asked daringly, "Come on then, give me your best shot!"
He started circling the floor.
"Don't be so stupid" Daine spat, "if you don't grovel, then you… er… you wont get any action tonight!"
"What! That's not fair," he wailed.
Daine knew what they had been planning and she knew that Numair had been looking forward to this for months and it wasn't really fair to take it away. Maybe she should say it was joke…
Aaahh who was she kidding!
"Come on then Numy," she said, "Grovel!"
Numair sighed and got on his knees, and grovelled… And grovelled… Aand grovelled.
Half an hour later (when Jon had finally gotten over the thrill) Numair stood up rubbing his knees.
As soon as Numair finished stretching one of the gay men stepped forward.
"Willard!" said a thrilled looking Daine. "I think I'm the happiest girl alive!"
"Oh me too!" he replied clutching his heart. "I think my crush is comin on to me,"
" Oh, soo..."
Willard whispered something in her ear and her eyes grew wide.
" Oh yeah!"
" Oh what?" asked Numair
" Come on, announce me!" she said completely ignoring Numair.
" Oh what!" he shouted at their retreated backs.
Daine and Willard made their way towards the stage grinning evilly. Numair was rather worried about what they might be up to but trusted Daine enough to not think about it too much.
"Lords and Ladies please give it up for Veralidaine Sarrasri!" everyone cheered as Daine stepped on the stage.
"I wonder what she's going to do…" mused Numair.
"Who cares? I just hope she's good." Replied Jon.
"Sshh, she's going to start," said Numair.
[Spoken] Listen up everyone
We have been just informed that there's an unknown virus that is attacking all clubs
Symptoms have been said to be heavy breathin, wild dancin, coughin'
So when you hear da sound [beat]
Run for cover mothafucker
"Where did she learn to swear like that?" asked Numair horrified
"You call that singing?" asked the drunk sneering.
"Are you insulting my Wild mage?" demanded Jon.
"Calm down Jon," said Numair. "You don't want what happened last time to repeat itself." Jon froze then he put on a big smile.
"No, we wouldn't want that to happen at all."
[Pass That Dutch x8]
Misdemeanour on da floor
Pretty boy here I come
Pumps in the bum make u wanna hurt somethin
I can take ur man; I don't have to sex em
Hang em out the window, call me Michael Jackson("who?")
I'm a pain in your rectum
I am that bitch all slept on
Heavy hitter rhymes betta call me re-run
Hey, hey, hey I'm what's happenin
"I didn't know Daine was such a good dancer," said Numair in a shocked voice. "How could she keep something like from me?" his bottom lip quivered. Jon patted him on the back while secretly thinking the same.
A man came up to them and said,
"Hey you Numair?" (Numair nodded) "I've a message for you from Daine, She says she will…." he whispered in his ear and his face immediately brightened up.
"Oh boy!" he said looking like a little boy who'd been told midwinter had come early. Jon looked at the man.
"Did she really…?" he asked.
"No," he replied keeping her voice down so Numair wouldn't hear. "I just thought he needed cheering up."
"He won't be happy if he discovers that you lied." Jon commented. He just shrugged.
" He'll probably never see me again," he replied
"What did you say to him?" asked a woman. He told her and watched her eyes widen. She suddenly grinned.
"Say how about we…"
"Later," He said mischievously. Her grin had now become a smirk.
"Do you mind?" growled Jon. "Some of us are trying to listen."
"And now to get my drink (that's right)
Shake your ass to da sink (that's right)
Mr. mose on da beat (that's right)
Puttin' down for da streets (that's right)"
"Say Jonathon?" said a bystander. "You wouldn't mind if I borrowed her would you? We don't have many entertainers who are such wonderful dancers or who can sing so well."
"No!" said Numair. "She's mine!"
"Oh yeah?" said the man standing up. "I'll fight you for her. Come on! Put 'em up!" He started circling the table fists held up. "Scared are you? Come on you coward!" Numair stood up and punched him hard and the man landed on the ground. He immediately burst into tears.
"You hit me!" he wailed large teardrops falling down his face. "What did I ever do to you!?!"
Numair blinked. Was the man actually crying? It looked like it. He reached down and gingerly patted him on the back.
"It's alright…I'm sorry…er… please don't cry." The man sniffled and nodded. Numair sat down in his chair as far away from him as possible. Jon looked as though he was about to burst out laughing.
[Chorus]
Pass that Dutch x4
(Pass that Dutch) C'mon pass the Dutch baby
Shake shake shake your stuff away
Pass that Dutch x4
Pop dat, pop dat, jiggle dat fat
Don't stop gettin 'til your clothes get wet
Numba one, drums go bump, bump, bump
This beat here will make you hump, pump, jump
If you's a fat one
Put your clothes back on
Before you start puttin potholes in my lawn
Oh my god, show my lawd
I'm under attack like my name is mortal
I am the lighting bolt from the gods to Tortall
And I can write a song sicker than Jeffrey john
(I hope he's not one of her lovers, thought Numair worriedly)
Who caused me alarm?
Breakin my bow, you will hear viper arm
I've been a superstar since daddy king was raw
I'm live on stage c'mon and give me some applause
(Applause) thank you, oh thank you, you all are so wonderful
"I know I am." Said Jon.
"Jon, you weren't even clapping." Said Numair warily
"So? What's that got to do with anything?" he asked. He just shook his head.
"Never mind Jon." he turned his head to the man. "Better now?"
[Chorus]
Listen up mothafuckers
You have 5 seconds to catch your breath
5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Pop dat, pop dat, make dat money
Just keep it goin' like the energizer bunny
Shake that, shake that, move it all around
Spank that, yank that, Dutch back now
Freak him, freak her, whateva your choice
Then come the judge, I came to get you moist
Scream.... then my voice is lost
Can I get a ride on a white horse?
[Chorus]
Pop dat
Pass the Dutch baby
Jiggle dat fat
Back at the house Daine became her normal self. Numair was starting to get a headache; maybe it was because he hit his head severely on the door? He didn't know.
There was a knock on the door and a smug looking Jon walked in.
" You know, when people knock on the door they normally wait for someone to open it," said Numair irritated.
"Yes, I know," retorted Jon, "but you see I'm the king.
" So Jon, back for more?" asked Daine flirtily selectively ignoring Numair.
She opened her mouth to flirt some more but she saw Thayet and smoothly changed it to-
"Jon, have you signed that letter I gave you?"
He looked puzzled but then he saw Thayet too and said,
"Er yes, yes of course it's in my chamber."
Then he looked over to the side where Thayet stood. He pretended to look shocked.
"Thayet! What brings you here to this dump I mean place?"
That earned him a dirty look from Numair.
"Oh never mind that Jon!" said Thayet as she ran over to Daine. She seemed out of breath as though she'd been running.
"Daine you've got to get out of here now!" she said urgently.
"W-why?" asked Daine confused."
"Well there this brothel at near the dancing dove, and well someone, I cant identify him for obvious reasons, thought that he recognised you!" Thayet replied.
"What that's ridiculous!" fumed Numair convincingly.
"I know and that's what I said to George!" Thayet stopped and realised too late what she had done.
"Did I just say that out loud?" she asked anxiously.
She saw five heads nodding. Wait five?
Oh no they're here! Thayet thought. Before she could say anything though one of the officers stepped forward.
"Veralidaine Sarrasri you are under arrest, you have the right to remain silent and-"
"What I can't go to prison! They shave your head and-" realisation dawned on her.
"Oh my god," she said, " I'm gonna be someone's bald bitch!"
" Jon, do something you idiot!" Shouted Numair.
"What!" Jon seemed to have been flirting with the girls outside the window. With a slap from Thayet he was back in the room.
After Jon had straightened everything out (with help from Thayet, no that's a lie, with a lot of help from Thayet.) everyone left Numair caught Daine rush from the chamber and he followed her. He saw her rush into the toilet and she left the door open so he peered in and saw her vomiting. This was the 10th time in three days, could she be- no-no she couldn't, could she…?
*********
Is Daine really pregnant? And if so is it Numy's? or is just an upset stomach, find out in the next chap, that if I get enough reviews! (Hint, hint!) Any advice or help will be much appreciated.
Toodles!
****AISHA*****