The door creaked ominously as Jake nudged it with one toe, hands occupied with balancing a heavy tray.
"Roland?"
There was nothing but silence beyond the door, blackness that stretched out far further than it should have been able to. Back towards the light in the kitchen, the radio spluttered into life, the familiar strains of 'Oh Jude' echoing around the small apartment.

"Roland?" Jake tried once more, louder this time. Silence echoed back to him from beyond the door. The young boy squared his shoulder and raised his chin, a grave expression falling over his face. He wouldn't have. He promised.
"Roland, I'm coming into your room. I have a tray," Jake told the silent room. Gingerly he began to move forward in the direction he knew the side table was, sliding his feet across the floor to move. It seemed to take forever, space warping around him to stretch this journey out until he would be nothing more than dust and bones-

Whack!
Jake bit back a yelp, hissing muffled curses at the table he had just walked into. Everything stopped for a brief moment, the universe holding its breath. He wasn't alone in the room.
"Roland? Please? It's just me," Jake said, every muscle in his body transforming to stone, a single bead of sweat rolling down his temple.

The light was blinding in his eyes, a few choice curses leaving the young boy directed at the lamp.
"You have a foul mouth Jake," Roland chuckled, the harsh electric light revealing the blooming dark purple circles under his eyes.
Jake shot back a grin, carefully sliding the tray onto the bedside table and hopping up onto the bed, Roland throwing a comforting arm and pulling him close.
"That's all your fault," Jake said, wriggling slightly to get comfortably, feeling the rise and fall of Roland's chest, the slow thump, thump, thump of his heart.
"I believe Eddie may have played a fairly significant part in that as well," Roland laughed, the sound rumbling in Jake's skull. A bark brought both of their attention to the door, Oy sitting silhouetted by the light, tail thumping against the floor.
"Good morning Oy," Roland said gravely. The dog surveyed him with uncanny intelligence, barking back a good morning before he slunk into the room, flopping down by the side of the bed.

"And to what do I owe the pleasure of you bringing me breakfast in bed as if I'm a disposed king instead of just disposed?"
"Do I have to have a reason?" Jake countered, stretching out one hand to pet Oy, the dogs tail immediately beating out a steady drumbeat on the wooden floor.
"There is always a reason little one," Roland answered, smoothing Jake's hair with his right hand. The empty spaces were fingers should have been were painful echoes, where the memory of them lay.
"Eddie and Susannah will be over soon," Jake pointed out, reaching up over his head blindly to snag a piece of charred toast.
"That they will," Roland agreed, a gentle pressure on the top of Jake's head keeping him still as the other picked up the hot mug of tea with his whole left hand.

"I start school tomorrow," Jake said, nibbling on the edge of the toast, appetite leaving him as soon as he uttered the words.
"Yes."
Silence filled the room, an almost welcoming silence as Roland waited to hear what Jake would say, hand carding through his hair over and over again.
"What happens if you aren't here when I get back?"
And there it was. The thought Jake had been carrying around like a heavy weight around his neck was out in the open. It had been slowly strangling as the day of his return to school drew closer and closer, dampening his excitement at having his family back with him.

Roland paused, mug settling back on the side table with a thunk, and Jake didn't need to look at him to know he was tapping his left hand against his mouth, reminiscent of the same motion he would make with a cigarette only a few months prior.
"I don't know how to answer that Jake," Roland said at last, remaining fingers beginning to smooth the boys hair once more.
"I am not planning on leaving, but I was not planning on going anywhere the first time."
"But you're getting help now! Will that make it different?" Jake exclaimed, twisting to stare up at Roland, the man's bright blue eyes seeming to stare straight through him.
"You have an old soul for such a young heart Jake," Roland said, a sad smile on his features.

"I want to say with all my heart that yes it is working, I will be able to tell if what I am seeing is real or if it is my mind trying play tricks on me-" Roland held up a hand to signal for silence when Jake tried to speak.
"I cannot promise that to you. I thought I knew what was real and what was not. I thought I could tell when I was awake or when I was dreaming. Walter may have done many things, but he shattered my trust in myself."
Roland's voice broke, and Jake burrowed closer, wrapping his arms around the man as if he could hold him together.
"I hurt you. I hurt others. I hurt myself. I will have to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. I will live with the fear of it happening again. That is something I must do."
Another swig of the tea, and a kiss was pressed to Jake's head, Roland pausing just to breathe and hug Jake closer.
"I will try. I am trying. That is all I can promise you Jake."

Jake was silent, curling further into Roland as the sun began to slowly peek through curtains, Oy's tail hitting against the floor every so often as Jake slowly scratched behind his ears.
"Come on then Jake. I haven't forgotten the face of my father and we have things we need to do today," Roland said finally, sensing the boy had calmed down.
"Five more minutes," Jake groaned, rolling off the other and twisting the blanket further around himself until all that could be seen was his feet sticking out of the end and a tuft of blonde hair. He heard Roland laugh seemingly from far above him and the bed shifted as the man stood up. Oy's feet clicked against the floor as the dog leapt onto the bed as soon as Roland left the room, his nose cold against Jake's scalp.
The boy laughed, wriggling away from Oy in the dark of the duvet. His own breath was warm against his face, his feet a confusing contrast of freezing as he backed off of the bed, hissing as he stumbled over his own discarded slippers.

The world seemed almost surreal like this, as if he was blindly walking through a dream. His breath was loud, damp against his face and his heart pounded in his ears. Oy bumped into his side, the dog letting out a quiet bark. The house morphed and shifted under his feet, corridors stretching out for ever, doors disappearing and reappearing from beneath his duvet covered shoulder, causing him to stagger and wobble as he made his way, sliding one foot along the floor and then the other, towards the kitchen. Roland's voice cut through the fabric swaddling, singing rich and clear in that strange old language Jake knew pieces of and seemed almost magical. The kettle whistled as the water boiled, everything blending together into a symphony of noise and life. Jake wriggled his head free and scrambled onto a kitchen chair, Roland stretching out an arm to steady the boy without looking.

"Did you eat already?" Roland asked, smoothing Jake's hair down, laughing as a single clump sprung back into its bedraggled appearance in defiance.
"I did," Jake confirmed, nodding his head towards the bowl resting on the draining board, soap suds still clinging to the outside. Roland nodded thoughtfully, turning next to Oy.
"Have you eaten yet Oy?"
The dog cocked his head as if in thought before letting out a low quiet bark, trotting over to his food bowl and sitting next to it expectantly.
"The dog is too intelligent for my liking at times," Roland muttered, ruined fingers running over the tattoo on his chest just over his heart.

"I'll do it," Jake said, unravelling himself from the duvet and pooling it on top of the kitchen counter. The floor was cold against his feet and he moved on his toes towards Oy, pausing to grab a pack of food out of one of the low cupboard. The dogs ears perked up but he remained next to the bowl, an eager look on his face.
Roland laughed, fiddling with volume on the old beat up radio on the window sill, beginning to hum along once more as he scrubbed the leftover dishes from last night. His feet stomped heavy on the floor, pounding on a drum beat only he remembered, a dance long since forgotten. Oy licked Jake's hand as the boy neared him, food mostly getting into the metal bowl and those that missed were quickly snapped up. Jake turned and watched Roland for a moment. The sun was just spilling into the room, golden light making every appear fresh and brand new, hiding away of the knocks and divots that came with second hand furniture, a frequent visitor in a wheelchair, a growing boy and a dog. Roland's face was calm and unworried, the lines that normally etched themselves across his face wiped away as he hummed and swayed. He seemed lighter without the heavy guns on his hips weighing him down as they had been when Jake met him in the burnt out wasteland of a country far from here.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Roland asked.
Jake blinked himself back into focus to see Roland smiling down at him, radio still softly playing in the background.
"Just thinking on how I met you," Jake replied.
A shadow passed over Roland's face, the man opening his mouth to speak before the sound of a car scraping along the gravel outside set Oy off barking, the dog abandoning the remnants of his food to bound away down the corridor to scrabble at the front door.
"That must be Eddie and Susannah," Roland said, drying his hands on a nearby towel before slinging it over his shoulder. Jake didn't miss how his ruined hand tapped a steady beat on his thigh, the worn patches where gun holsters had swung present on the dark jeans.

"Have you taken your tablets yet today?" Jake asked instead of the other questions slowly beginning to burn a hole in his tongue.
Roland drew in a slow, deep breath, clasping his hands together to stop the minute trembling.
"Quiet Oy," he called, swiping a bright orange pill bottle from next to the sink and tossing it to Jake with unwavering accuracy. Jake pressed down and twisted, easily breaking through the childproof lock and shook out one tablet onto his palm. A tiny powder blue tablet stared up at him, deceptively plain for something so big. He tossed it to Roland who popped it into his mouth and swallowed in one swift motion.
"That will do awful things to your throat later on," Jake warned, shaking his head at Roland in the fashion of Susannah.
"Then I will deal with it later on. Come let's go say hello."

Jake stepped back, fitting in the alcove created by high stools to allow Roland to pass in front of him. The man paused for a moment in front of his hiding spot to smooth a hand over his hair, the corner of his lip twitching as the clump of hair once again defied gravity. Oy let out another quieter bark, low and deep, the dog trying to encourage them to the door without defying Roland. The car engine hand cut out and now softer movements across the gravel could be heard, muffled voices shifting into laughter at times at the slow progress across the yard. Roland walked quietly towards the door, body shifted into that of a hunter, the soldier he had once been and always was in some part of him.
"Roland honey?"

Susannah.
"Roland, I'm stuck! Come out here and give us a hand," she called from outside. Jake looked up at Roland and saw the soldier melt away from his face, bright blue eyes shifting from hyper focused to softer, the Roland Jake normally saw. His fingers were lightning quick as he unfastened the door latches, metal hitting against each other with satisfying clunks.
"I think he's got some extra locks since last time," Eddie remarked as the door swung open revealing the grinning duo. Oy paused by the door, tail beating a steady drumbeat against the doormat as he panted in excitement. The dog turned his head to look at Jake, then look at Roland.
"Off you go," Roland said, loosely shoving his feet into the muddy boots propped by the now open door. Oy let out an excited bark and dashed across the gravel.

Susannah stretched down from her wheelchair to stroke Oy who rocketed past them both to kick up dust clouds to perform a sharp turn and return for a second attempt. Eddie bent down to scoop up the running dog, Oy immediately licking his entire face as Eddie groaned, mouth clamped firmly closed.
"Hi Jake sweetie," Susannah called, waving at Jake who was hovering in the doorway, toes curled over the bottom of the doorframe.
"Hi Susannah," Jake called, taking in the scene before him.

Susannah was effectively trapped in the middle of the yard, her wheelchair having discovered a large hole previously undiscovered during Roland's meticulous checks or during one of the long days when Jake and Oy were free to roam the countryside. Oy was looking incredibly not guilty in the middle of the situation he had made and was being cradled in Eddie's arms, the man able to hold the dog but not move Susannah and her chair and the large bag she had cradled in her lap protectively.
"Never get a boy to do a man's job," she laughed as Roland approached, hands still and motionless at his side, ignoring Eddie's muffled exclamation of 'Hey!'.
"How have you been keeping Roland?" she asked when he was close enough, stretching up to cup his face in her calloused hands, staring intently into his eyes.
"I've been well," he replied, twisting his head to press a kiss to her palms, "The boy's been looking after me."
"Good boy Jake," Susannah called over Roland's shoulder, "Between us two, our two boys won't go astray."
"I can't even argue with that," Eddie replied, placing Oy carefully back onto the floor, the dog bounding back to Jake's side as the boy pulled on his trainers, laces tangling around his fingers, "Hile Roland."
"Hile Eddie."
Susannah released him and readjusted the parcel as Roland crossed to her husband, pulling the man in for an embrace, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Eddie clung to him for a moment, eyes closed and head turned to hide his face in the taller man's neck. The two men stood, each acting as support for the other, arms bracketing out the world before they separated, turning to Susannah who opened her arms to them in greeting and a request for help.
"I would 'walk' it, but I don't want to drop the package," she said, gesturing to the heavy fabric caps over what remained of her legs.
"I'm also slightly shaken up by her doing that as we watched a horror movie the other day and she decided to forgo the chair to get a drink at three in the morning," Eddie staged whispered to Roland, shooting a wink at Jake as the boy drew near, Oy tailing at his heels.

Jake laughed, hiding his smile behind his hand as Susannah screwed her face up at him, the pretended anger ruined as she burst out laughing, Oy trotting over to sit by her feet.
"You're just weak," she said, scratching Oy behind the ears, "We all know it'll be me and Roland surviving this horror movie."
"Wounded, love, I'm wounded you think so little of me," Eddie gasped, holding one hand to his heart and pressing the other to his forehead as if he was a swooning duchess on a romance novel.
"Your reaction to me getting a drink was to scream and run into the wall," she replied in deadpan before Roland and Jake glanced at each other, both hiding grins behind their hands.
"Now, what's a girl got to do to get a lift around here?" Susannah called with a laugh and a wink, "Jake can you carry this?"
"How come you trust him with it?" Eddie complained, readying himself on one side of the chair and Roland took up the position on the other side.
"Because he's more sensible," she said bluntly, as Jake slipped his arms under the heavy base, her own hands steadying him as he lifted, staggering slightly under the weight. He turned and began to carefully make his way back to the house, sliding his feet along the gravel to create ruts, tapping his toes against the doorframe to judge the distance before he re-entered the house, arms shaking under the weight. His breath was coming in short heavy pants as he slid the bag onto the kitchen counter, his long since discarded duvet slipping off the side and landing on the floor.

"I missed this house," Susannah sighed as she wheeled her way to the kitchen, expertly navigating past the furniture, pushing it back into place when it blocked her way.
"I missed you both," Jake said, glancing up at her as he felt his face reflexively flush red.
"Aw, come here sweet child," Susannah said, stretching out to give Jake a hug. He went willingly, climbing onto her lap as she carded her fingers through her hair. She was strong, a solid wall of muscle where Roland was lithe and Eddie was softer. She was confident and powerful, the head held high and ready to take on whatever the world threw at her.
"We had to tie up some loose ends back in the main city with the company," Susannah said, resting her cheek on top of Jake's head, stroking Oy's face as the dog whined and tried to climb onto her chair as well.
"But you only just got here, and I'm going to have to leave tomorrow."
Jake knew he sounded like a child, but he couldn't stop his voice from catching, from the words catching in his throat as his cheeks grew hot.

Susannah felt her heart break at the boys words, tears beginning to well up in her eyes but she composed herself.
"We aren't going anywhere Jake," she whispered into his hair, rocking gently backwards and forwards, rubbing one hand on his back. She had vague recollections of her own father holding her like this, phantom memories of arms wrapping around her, a rich baritone voice mumbling meaningless nothings as she cried into his chest.
"You can't promise that," Jake mumbled, scrubbing at his eyes with one hand, the other stretching down to pet Oy, the dog whining at the foot of Susannah's chair.
Susannah glanced at the doorway, saw Eddie and Roland bracketed by the slim white frame, propped up against each other as if they were trees buffeted in a tremendous storm. Eddie looked broken, the man he had once been, a drug addict living from hour to hour, desperate for his next fix. Roland looked every bit as guilty as he ever did, a modern Atlas carrying the weight of their small families guilt firmly on his broad shoulders.
"I can promise that we will try. I'm sorry that I can't offer anything more certain."
"You deserve better than that Jake, but that's all we can give," Eddie said from the door, voice hushed.
"I know, I won't ask for more but that doesn't stop me from wanting," Jake said, raising his head to prop his chin on Susannah's shoulder, watery eyes fixed on the two men. Roland stared at the distance between them, mind wavering between the boy in front of him and the boy he had once been, before he crossed to them in two quick strides, falling to his knees and wrapping his arms around them, resting his head on Jake's shoulder. Eddie joined them, half leaning on the arm of Susannah's chair to wrap his arms around the group.
"We are the ka-tet of thirteen. We will get through this together Jake," Eddie said, pressing a kiss to the top of Susannah's head. Jake hiccuped softly, wriggling back to give the group a watery smile.
"What are we doing today then?" he asked, wrapping one hand around Roland's and squeezing it in support.
"Movie and an indoor picnic before we get your things ready for school," Roland said, leaning forward to bump his forehead against Jake's.
"I'll go and get one," Jake said, disentangling himself from the hug carefully, stumbling slightly as he walked towards the back of the house, Oy loping after him, tail wagging slightly behind him.

"He's a strong boy Roland," Susannah said, cupping Roland's face and raising it to stare into his eyes.
"He'll get through this. We're all together now, nothing can stand against us," Eddie said, cracking a smile that Roland couldn't help but mimic a shadow of it, his eyes shifting to watch where Jake had vanished.
"I know," Roland answered, tipping his head to rest it further on Susannah's hand, "but I still worry."
"All parents worry before their children go to school," Eddie said, "Me and Susannah are both worried too. But he is strong enough to go through this and it will get easier."
"You are such a fountain of wisdom and sage advice today Eddie," Roland joked, carefully pushing himself back to his feet.
"What can I say, it's all this fresh country air," the man laughed, stretching across to kiss Roland on the cheek before fully standing up.

"My witty boys," Susannah laughed, shooing them away from her chair so she could begin to turn herself around, muttering curses under her breath as her chair bumped against the furniture in the tiny kitchen. Eddie and Roland moved out of her way, Eddie hopping onto the table and wrapping Jake's discarded duvet around his shoulders, letting in hang like a cape.
"Jake?" Roland called, scratching at the stubs of his right hand idly, feeling the pits and divots under his fingertips as he looked towards the strangely silent back of the house.
"I'm coming!" Jake called, his voice a bit too loud and too close to be coming from his room, silence for a few heartbeats before his footsteps echoed on the hardwood floor. He skidded into the room, having also found and pulled on a pair of socks Roland recognised as Eddie's, using the fridge door to halt his momentum.
"I was wondering where those went!" Eddie exclaimed, spying Jake's choice of footwear.
"What did you pick?" Roland asked, pushing Oy's nose out of the cupboard next to him.
Jake wordlessly held up a DVD case. The words 'Yellow Submarine' were emblazoned across the cover, a bright yellow submarine in a deep blue ocean underneath the words. The paper was warped from water damage, parts faded by the sun.
"A classic," Roland said, nodding his agreement.
"Bring the bag!" Susannah called from the sitting room, whistling for Oy to join her.
"Not you Eddie!" she added, almost as an afterthought as Eddie slipped off the counter, duvet cape firmly knotted around his cape and beginning to drag him backwards, and moved towards the bag sitting invitingly on the table.

"Wounded love, you wound me," Eddie complained, sweeping into the sitting room with his head held comically high, Susannah dissolving into helpless giggles as she caught sight of him. Jake glanced at Roland, saw the man conceal his laughter behind his ruined hand, eyes crinkling with delight. In that moment, he seemed unburdened by the guilt of his past, by the burdens heaped upon his shoulders by himself, by the demons that plagued his every waking minute.
He caught Jake looking at him out of the corner of his eyes, and tilted his head in a wordless question, that simple gesture conveying everything words would and more. Jake moved forward, wrapping his arms tightly around Roland, squeezing until his arms ached, the man hugging him back just as fiercely, face buried in his hair.

"Love you Roland," Jake whispered.
"I love you too Jake," Roland replied, words more of a rumble beneath his cheek, a kiss pressed to the top of his head.
"Can we have popcorn?"
"Cake is in the bag!"