~*~... Heaven Knows ...~*~
by: say-chan
~*~... silent assassin ...~*~
pairing: Koshino / Kourin
genre: hopefully a tearjerker, angst
inspiration: Daijoubu from Boys Be, I Wish & Inoru Aishiteru from Fushigi Yuugi, Carry On from Hunter X Hunter (OAV) and Scarlet from Ayashi no Ceres
Spoiler: This is so crappy. I mean it.
Synopses: Fame, fortune, glory. One thing a geek like her could never have. But why is the world so cruel to her? Why are her loved ones so hard to reach? But it was proved wrong... Everything changed.**Kourin: Is fate playing with my destiny? Or is my destiny supposed to be ruined by fate?**
Disclaimer: Slam Dunk belongs to Takehito Inoue and those songs above belong to their respective animes. [pic]
~*~ ... Prologue - Memories ...~*~
** Kourin **
Damn this god-forsaken life. Ever since this day started, I'm feeling so much pain. Whenever I open my eyes to a new day, I feel so weak and useless to almost--- everything. And to everyone.
I didn't know how God has forsaken me like this. No memory's left in my nerves--- my veins. Like pain, confusion and agony drained every single drop of it. All I know-- or even remember is that my father died in that stupid civil war and my mother was re-married, found a new life in Hokkaido and left me alone here with my grandfather in Kanagawa. That's that. All I could remember. That's what's left in my memory. That's all I know of my past.
My mother left me, that's so clear. Damn it. I don't know why my life's just like this. Every time I wake up in the morning and go to school, I feel like hell. All the teasing and taunting--- it's--- it's just--- everywhere I look. Everything's just not new--- to me. Everything's just fine. But don't blame me. Now--- But now--- It just simply gets to me. Those sinister looks in their eyes as I pass by the hallways just--- make my heart melt like shit. I hate this stupid life. I--- hate it!
Since what happened to me, I had been so alone. An orphan. Yes, I had been taunted and laughed at since kindergarten until middle school. I was hoping to have a new life--- a new identity when I reached the gates of Ryonan high school. But no... I was wrong...
Nothing changed. The teasing and taunting of the people I knew and once wrecked my life with terror. The people I knew who had so much hatred buried in the depths of their hearts for me. Those people who covered my soul with such thick layers of fear and animosity. Those people who filled my mind despises and nothing but pure malice. Nothing--- nothing changed.
There was so much pain and agony. There was so much suffering. There was so much--- sadness--- so much that I couldn't take it no more. I just couldn't understand why. Why was I feeling this much hatred? As if everyone wants me to disappear at the mere sound of my voice. That made me so--- weak--- so--- feeble. I just--- can't go on with this kind of life revolving around me. Like everyone hates me. Like everyone's life was better without mine.
I wanted to kill myself. I wanted myself to disappear at this very minute. But why does God give this life to me and when I want it no more, I couldn't--- I just couldn't take it back to Him. Why? Why can't He just take my life just now? So everyone's life can be a whole lot better? Why? So that I wouldn't be a nuisance to my caring grandfather who I feel is the last person who even cares for me. So that he wouldn't worry about me crying all night when I return from that hell they call school.
So--- I could join my father in the world of the Spirits. So I could be happy. But it seems like even God doesn't want me there. It seems like even God wants me to suffer these kind of things. Maybe He wants me here. To be a walking wanderer of Ningenkai. To be despised at by the next generation to come.
I admit. It really gets to me. I even ask myself some really stupid questions. Why does it have to be this way? Why do I have to experience this much pain and hatred? Why does everything feel so--- so unreal? Why does everything just go against my will? Why? Why does it have to me who's got to be hurt in the end? Why do I have to live this tormented life? Why me?
A/N: Prologue... I think it has to be confusion the title, I mean. I wrote this when I was so confused about my 'sad and tormented' life. But it's really true. I mean it. I'm feeling this way. Sorry if I exaggerated. Reviews badly needed... [pic]
by: say-chan
~*~... silent assassin ...~*~
pairing: Koshino / Kourin
genre: hopefully a tearjerker, angst
inspiration: Daijoubu from Boys Be, I Wish & Inoru Aishiteru from Fushigi Yuugi, Carry On from Hunter X Hunter (OAV) and Scarlet from Ayashi no Ceres
Spoiler: This is so crappy. I mean it.
Synopses: Fame, fortune, glory. One thing a geek like her could never have. But why is the world so cruel to her? Why are her loved ones so hard to reach? But it was proved wrong... Everything changed.**Kourin: Is fate playing with my destiny? Or is my destiny supposed to be ruined by fate?**
Disclaimer: Slam Dunk belongs to Takehito Inoue and those songs above belong to their respective animes. [pic]
~*~ ... Prologue - Memories ...~*~
** Kourin **
Damn this god-forsaken life. Ever since this day started, I'm feeling so much pain. Whenever I open my eyes to a new day, I feel so weak and useless to almost--- everything. And to everyone.
I didn't know how God has forsaken me like this. No memory's left in my nerves--- my veins. Like pain, confusion and agony drained every single drop of it. All I know-- or even remember is that my father died in that stupid civil war and my mother was re-married, found a new life in Hokkaido and left me alone here with my grandfather in Kanagawa. That's that. All I could remember. That's what's left in my memory. That's all I know of my past.
My mother left me, that's so clear. Damn it. I don't know why my life's just like this. Every time I wake up in the morning and go to school, I feel like hell. All the teasing and taunting--- it's--- it's just--- everywhere I look. Everything's just not new--- to me. Everything's just fine. But don't blame me. Now--- But now--- It just simply gets to me. Those sinister looks in their eyes as I pass by the hallways just--- make my heart melt like shit. I hate this stupid life. I--- hate it!
Since what happened to me, I had been so alone. An orphan. Yes, I had been taunted and laughed at since kindergarten until middle school. I was hoping to have a new life--- a new identity when I reached the gates of Ryonan high school. But no... I was wrong...
Nothing changed. The teasing and taunting of the people I knew and once wrecked my life with terror. The people I knew who had so much hatred buried in the depths of their hearts for me. Those people who covered my soul with such thick layers of fear and animosity. Those people who filled my mind despises and nothing but pure malice. Nothing--- nothing changed.
There was so much pain and agony. There was so much suffering. There was so much--- sadness--- so much that I couldn't take it no more. I just couldn't understand why. Why was I feeling this much hatred? As if everyone wants me to disappear at the mere sound of my voice. That made me so--- weak--- so--- feeble. I just--- can't go on with this kind of life revolving around me. Like everyone hates me. Like everyone's life was better without mine.
I wanted to kill myself. I wanted myself to disappear at this very minute. But why does God give this life to me and when I want it no more, I couldn't--- I just couldn't take it back to Him. Why? Why can't He just take my life just now? So everyone's life can be a whole lot better? Why? So that I wouldn't be a nuisance to my caring grandfather who I feel is the last person who even cares for me. So that he wouldn't worry about me crying all night when I return from that hell they call school.
So--- I could join my father in the world of the Spirits. So I could be happy. But it seems like even God doesn't want me there. It seems like even God wants me to suffer these kind of things. Maybe He wants me here. To be a walking wanderer of Ningenkai. To be despised at by the next generation to come.
I admit. It really gets to me. I even ask myself some really stupid questions. Why does it have to be this way? Why do I have to experience this much pain and hatred? Why does everything feel so--- so unreal? Why does everything just go against my will? Why? Why does it have to me who's got to be hurt in the end? Why do I have to live this tormented life? Why me?
A/N: Prologue... I think it has to be confusion the title, I mean. I wrote this when I was so confused about my 'sad and tormented' life. But it's really true. I mean it. I'm feeling this way. Sorry if I exaggerated. Reviews badly needed... [pic]