I listened to the familiar clacking sounds of high-heeled shoes on the metal floor. I had never felt so relieved to hear that annoying sound. Why was she still here? I leaned my head back over the top of the couch and looked down the hallway. There she was, making her way towards the living space. Her sunglasses were pushed up against the bridge of her nose, keeping her eyes covered. Her small mouth was set in a straight line. I stayed sitting on the couch when she walked into the room.
Staring ahead, I waited for her to talk. A minute passed and still nothing. I wanted to ask her why she was still here but that felt a little mean.
"Why won't you say anything?" she asked. Her voice was low and dull. I had never heard her talk like that before. It unnerved me.
"What do you want from me?" I asked. I stuffed my hand into my right pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes. Sticking one in the corner of my mouth, I was about to light it when she walked up to me and slapped the cigarette away from my lips.
"What the fuck was that for?!" I asked, my eyes wide and startled.
"You don't even care. You've been his partner for how long and you don't even…" she drifted off. At least her voice raised a little. That monotonous shit was scaring me.
"What do you want me to do, huh? He's already fucking…" Now I'm drifting off, oh fuck. I can't actually say it. I turned away from her and tried to put all of my attention on the wall over there.
She pulled her glasses away from her face and put them down on the table next to the couch. She stepped closer to me; her legs barely touched my bent knees. I twisted my head forward, startled by the contact. Her bloodshot eyes stared down into mine, perhaps even through me. She was crying but her eyes were dry. A silent sorrow without tears.
"What should I –" I started to say but she stopped me by leaning down and kissing me. Her lips were chapped but so soft. I tried to push her away once but it failed and I didn't really care. She crawled onto the couch and sat down in my lap, her mouth hot and wet against my own. Her hips rocked back and forth and I moaned helplessly.
Her hands quickly found my belt and undid my pants, pulling them down to my knees. I was in her before I had time to think. She folded her arms around my neck and let her head drop next to my face. She gasped against my ear as she moved and I listened. She was saying his name over and over again. My throat closed and I realized I was crying. I thrust up into her roughly, my hands clamped down on either side of her hips. She said his name again and louder. My hands moved up to her back and pressed her against my chest.
After we both finished, she kept her arms around my shoulders and cried. Breath escaped her lips in high-pitched sobs and I could feel hot tears against my cheek. What were we supposed to do now? He was gone and we were still here.
What were we supposed to do now?