Title: Pravocadive
Author: Reija Linn (T'Reija)
Email/Feedback: theganan@gmx.de or thiari@theganan.de
Archive: Azkaban's Lair, ff-net. Others please ask beforehand and leave the full header intact.
Originally posted: SBRL list
Pairing: Sirius/Remus, James/Lily
Rating: [PG] for mild swearing
Summary: Sirius is being a prat about James' and Lily's new relationship. Remus wants to find out why.
Spoilers: Haven't read the books? Do so. Right away. Do not eat, sleep or pause until you're finished. Then come back.
Warnings: male/male sexuality and/or relationship(s) featured within. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. Simple really, though seemingly not simple enough for some dim witted clots out there.
Legal disclaimer: I never have, nor ever will, owned the rights to the setting of the Harry Potter books or the characters featured within. The use of said settings and characters by me is for non-commercial purposes only and does not mean to infringe upon the given legal rights that belong to Ms. J.K.Rowling and those she has associated them with.
Notes: In response to the following challenge spoken by Sytherinette on hpslash:
Oh, oh.. I wanna thow something in. A challenge to a... well... Challenge. Have some one eating an Avocado then have some one point out that the Word "Avocado" is the Aztec word for "testicle" and/or someone's motto being "Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it."
PRAVOCADIVE
By T'Reija (September 2001)
He could no longer look at this. It was simply pathetic. James and his new girlfriend, sitting in the corner of the Gryffindor common room, chattering, flirting unabashedly. And eating a half-peeled Avocado with a spoon. Yes, *one* spoon. Two people.
It had been going on for four months now. James didn't even have any time left for them anymore. Ever since the head girl Lily Evans from Ravenclaw and he had started dating. James was either over in the Ravenclaw dormitory now (bad), or he brought Lily here (worse). It wasn't that he, Sirius, didn't like the bird. She was okay, she was *fine*. It was just that...
Well, being honest with himself, Sirius couldn't actually find a reason for not liking her. But every time he saw the both of them together, he got the sudden urge to jump up and do something incredibly stupid. Just to spite James. Which was exactly what he was going to do now.
He bade his time, waiting until James dipped the spoon into the fruit and then lifted it to his mouth, trying to look oh-so-extremely sexy while eating it.
"Did you know that Avocado is the Aztec word for 'testicle'?" he asked Remus and Peter sweetly, though he made sure it was loud enough for James to hear.
'Ha, goal achieved' he mentally grinned to himself, as James, no longer looking even remotely sexy, spluttered out pieces of Avocado onto his lap, as the rest of the fruit slipped out of his hand. Pity it wasn't her lap, though.
Well, at least the girl seemed to have good humour, for she was barely containing outright laughter behind small chuckles, while Prongs cast a multitude of dirty looks in his direction.
"Sirius Black, you know what?" he finally said, grinning. "You are a sick, bloody bastard."
"I'll let you know that I happen to think I'm the sanest person present. Ever heard this philosophy, Potter: 'Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.' Now, with you, Remus *and* Peter for friends, I don't think I need to worry."
Moony was chuckling beside him, while Prongs shot him an amused smirk.
"What? I meant that in total earnest!"
Even Peter joined the laughter with a squeaky giggling noise.
"Arghhh, you are all just so... arghhh. I'm going to the library. Perhaps I can get some work done there without all the... the... *schmaltz* in the air."
And Sirius packed his books and left.
"Gosh!" James exclaimed (while still picking tiny spits of Avocado from his lap) "Aren't *we* in a good mood today. He got his monthly's, or what?"
"He's probably just jealous..." Peter chimed in. James grinned, unbelieving.
"What, jealous of me? I don't think so. Don't reckon Lily's his type, anyway. Not because you're not lovely, though."
"Perhaps he's jealous of Lily?" Remus grinned. Peter's eyes widened as he finally figured out what Remus had wanted to say.
James (who had gotten it much earlier than Peter) was laughing. "I and Sirius? Not in a hundred years. Besides, we all know that there's only one chap ole' Padfoot fancies..."
Remus turned red at this, and Peter's eyes widened even more. "You know that's just fooling around, James. He doesn't mean it. I mean, it's not like he doesn't still date a different girl each week."
"You know, I really think *that's* just fooling around, though. And he hasn't really been dating for a while now, has he... I've *never* in my life seen Sirius work that much for school, and I don't believe him if he says it's because our NEWTs are coming up... you know he always was a natural with everything. Probably knows the whole transfiguration book by heart now... And the only one better in Potions is Snape, yet he's brooding over his Potions book as if desperate..."
"That can mean anything, Prongs. Don't think it has anything to do with me..."
"Ah, my friend, but Sirius has one problem. He really, really hates loosing. He'll go on any dare, because he's arrogant enough to be sure he's going to win... and with love, now, even a dip stick as Padfoot knows that you can't count on winning in *love*. So he doesn't dare. Won't stop him from taunting, though. Guess he's just looking for a sign. You know he can be dense, sometimes."
Remus sighed. Ever since he'd told his friends he wasn't really interested in girls, and thought he was gay, Sirius had been putting on a show of casting him seductive looks or speaking with innuendo. Though, when he came to think about it, he hadn't done that, too, for... well, a couple of months or so. Hm.
Maybe he should have a talk with Sirius after all.
***
"Hey there, you still doing potions?" Remus whispered, trying not to provoke the librarians wrath. Sirius flinched, and Remus got the distinct impression that he hadn't been reading about potions at all.
"Bollocks, Moony, do you have to creep up on me like that?"
"Sorry. So, what are *you* brooding about?"
"Brooding? Me? How d'you get that idea? I'm just studying for our Potions exam..."
"Uh-hu, right. With a book that's upside down."
"Darn you, Moony. I just wanted a little bit of piece and quiet... can't seem to get that in the common room."
Uh-oh. Sirius going defensive was almost as pleasant as swimming with a bunch of Lobalugs. "That's what I came to talk to you about," Remus finally said, gently. "You know, I don't think you're really being fair. James doesn't want to loose your friendship, but he doesn't want to loose Lily either. Your pranks were funny in the beginning, but I think you're overdoing it a little now. You don't really blame them for being *happy*, do you?"
"Of course not," Sirius mumbled.
"Wormtail thinks you're jealous."
"Wormy's a fruitcake."
"Prongs agrees with him."
"Then Prongs is nutters, too."
"Are you?"
"What?"
"Jealous?"
Sirius laughed, though a little too loud for it to be honest. The librarian shot him a warning look. "Jealous? Of whom? D'you think I fancy his bir... I mean, Lily? Or is James the lucky one?"
Remus blushed a little at that, and not only because Sirius seemed to know what they had been speculating before, whether bantering or for real. "We haven't quite decided yet. Honestly, it's just... I mean, you've been acting strange ever since they started seeing each other. You haven't been dating since around then, and you're working more than in seven years of Hogwart's put together."
Sirius sighed dramatically. "Oh, and that's a foul-proof sign that I'm head-over-heels in love with James? Wouldn't you be the more likely candidate for that, fruit?"
It wasn't meant as an insult, Remus knew it was just Sirius bitching... but there was only so much he would take of that. "Shut up, idiot. I don't think you even know what love means."
Sirius opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. They sat there in silence for a minute or two (the librarian was really pleased), then Remus got up, shrugging.
"I just thought I'd tell you that I think you're being a bloody moron. 'cause I always thought all of us were real friends, and real friends are glad for each other when they find some happiness."
With that, Remus turned towards the door, but stopped when he heard his name called out.
"Ey, Moony... I do, you know. Know, I mean."
Remus turned slowly, ignoring the disapproving glance Madam Pince gave them. Sirius had moved towards him, a seriousness in his eyes that was really rare with him.
"You know you're being a bloody moron?"
"Yeah, that too. And... well, and the other thing. You said. You know. But it's not James."
"So," Remus said, in a very soft voice, "you *are* jealous."
Sirius actually looked a tiny bit remorseful as he admitted, "Guess I am. It's just, you know, we're almost finished at Hogwarts, only three more months to go, and I'm... well, I guess I'm just afraid we'll... well, drift apart, or something. James has Lily, and I guess that's pretty serious, and... well... I guess that's something I'd like to have, and don't. So I haven't been taking it all too well. I'll apologize to Prongs, okay?"
"Okay." Remus smiled kindly. "So who's the lucky if ignorant one?"
Sirius flinched ever so slightly, but Remus noted, especially since his friend *never* flinched. "Moony, you really don't want to know."
The smaller boy tilted his head, still smiling. "Try me."
"No, I don't think I will." Ever, Sirius silently added.
Remus reach forward to slightly touch the other boy's cheek with his fingertips. Sirius closed his eyes and gulped audibly.
"Pity," Remus whispered, then brushed his lips against his friend's ever so slightly.
The moment was broken by Madam Pince's shrill voice. "Well, I *never*..."
Hurriedly, Sirius packed his books together, and they left the library together, both smiling.
THE END
Author: Reija Linn (T'Reija)
Email/Feedback: theganan@gmx.de or thiari@theganan.de
Archive: Azkaban's Lair, ff-net. Others please ask beforehand and leave the full header intact.
Originally posted: SBRL list
Pairing: Sirius/Remus, James/Lily
Rating: [PG] for mild swearing
Summary: Sirius is being a prat about James' and Lily's new relationship. Remus wants to find out why.
Spoilers: Haven't read the books? Do so. Right away. Do not eat, sleep or pause until you're finished. Then come back.
Warnings: male/male sexuality and/or relationship(s) featured within. Don't like, don't read, don't flame. Simple really, though seemingly not simple enough for some dim witted clots out there.
Legal disclaimer: I never have, nor ever will, owned the rights to the setting of the Harry Potter books or the characters featured within. The use of said settings and characters by me is for non-commercial purposes only and does not mean to infringe upon the given legal rights that belong to Ms. J.K.Rowling and those she has associated them with.
Notes: In response to the following challenge spoken by Sytherinette on hpslash:
Oh, oh.. I wanna thow something in. A challenge to a... well... Challenge. Have some one eating an Avocado then have some one point out that the Word "Avocado" is the Aztec word for "testicle" and/or someone's motto being "Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it."
PRAVOCADIVE
By T'Reija (September 2001)
He could no longer look at this. It was simply pathetic. James and his new girlfriend, sitting in the corner of the Gryffindor common room, chattering, flirting unabashedly. And eating a half-peeled Avocado with a spoon. Yes, *one* spoon. Two people.
It had been going on for four months now. James didn't even have any time left for them anymore. Ever since the head girl Lily Evans from Ravenclaw and he had started dating. James was either over in the Ravenclaw dormitory now (bad), or he brought Lily here (worse). It wasn't that he, Sirius, didn't like the bird. She was okay, she was *fine*. It was just that...
Well, being honest with himself, Sirius couldn't actually find a reason for not liking her. But every time he saw the both of them together, he got the sudden urge to jump up and do something incredibly stupid. Just to spite James. Which was exactly what he was going to do now.
He bade his time, waiting until James dipped the spoon into the fruit and then lifted it to his mouth, trying to look oh-so-extremely sexy while eating it.
"Did you know that Avocado is the Aztec word for 'testicle'?" he asked Remus and Peter sweetly, though he made sure it was loud enough for James to hear.
'Ha, goal achieved' he mentally grinned to himself, as James, no longer looking even remotely sexy, spluttered out pieces of Avocado onto his lap, as the rest of the fruit slipped out of his hand. Pity it wasn't her lap, though.
Well, at least the girl seemed to have good humour, for she was barely containing outright laughter behind small chuckles, while Prongs cast a multitude of dirty looks in his direction.
"Sirius Black, you know what?" he finally said, grinning. "You are a sick, bloody bastard."
"I'll let you know that I happen to think I'm the sanest person present. Ever heard this philosophy, Potter: 'Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check three friends. If they're OK, you're it.' Now, with you, Remus *and* Peter for friends, I don't think I need to worry."
Moony was chuckling beside him, while Prongs shot him an amused smirk.
"What? I meant that in total earnest!"
Even Peter joined the laughter with a squeaky giggling noise.
"Arghhh, you are all just so... arghhh. I'm going to the library. Perhaps I can get some work done there without all the... the... *schmaltz* in the air."
And Sirius packed his books and left.
"Gosh!" James exclaimed (while still picking tiny spits of Avocado from his lap) "Aren't *we* in a good mood today. He got his monthly's, or what?"
"He's probably just jealous..." Peter chimed in. James grinned, unbelieving.
"What, jealous of me? I don't think so. Don't reckon Lily's his type, anyway. Not because you're not lovely, though."
"Perhaps he's jealous of Lily?" Remus grinned. Peter's eyes widened as he finally figured out what Remus had wanted to say.
James (who had gotten it much earlier than Peter) was laughing. "I and Sirius? Not in a hundred years. Besides, we all know that there's only one chap ole' Padfoot fancies..."
Remus turned red at this, and Peter's eyes widened even more. "You know that's just fooling around, James. He doesn't mean it. I mean, it's not like he doesn't still date a different girl each week."
"You know, I really think *that's* just fooling around, though. And he hasn't really been dating for a while now, has he... I've *never* in my life seen Sirius work that much for school, and I don't believe him if he says it's because our NEWTs are coming up... you know he always was a natural with everything. Probably knows the whole transfiguration book by heart now... And the only one better in Potions is Snape, yet he's brooding over his Potions book as if desperate..."
"That can mean anything, Prongs. Don't think it has anything to do with me..."
"Ah, my friend, but Sirius has one problem. He really, really hates loosing. He'll go on any dare, because he's arrogant enough to be sure he's going to win... and with love, now, even a dip stick as Padfoot knows that you can't count on winning in *love*. So he doesn't dare. Won't stop him from taunting, though. Guess he's just looking for a sign. You know he can be dense, sometimes."
Remus sighed. Ever since he'd told his friends he wasn't really interested in girls, and thought he was gay, Sirius had been putting on a show of casting him seductive looks or speaking with innuendo. Though, when he came to think about it, he hadn't done that, too, for... well, a couple of months or so. Hm.
Maybe he should have a talk with Sirius after all.
***
"Hey there, you still doing potions?" Remus whispered, trying not to provoke the librarians wrath. Sirius flinched, and Remus got the distinct impression that he hadn't been reading about potions at all.
"Bollocks, Moony, do you have to creep up on me like that?"
"Sorry. So, what are *you* brooding about?"
"Brooding? Me? How d'you get that idea? I'm just studying for our Potions exam..."
"Uh-hu, right. With a book that's upside down."
"Darn you, Moony. I just wanted a little bit of piece and quiet... can't seem to get that in the common room."
Uh-oh. Sirius going defensive was almost as pleasant as swimming with a bunch of Lobalugs. "That's what I came to talk to you about," Remus finally said, gently. "You know, I don't think you're really being fair. James doesn't want to loose your friendship, but he doesn't want to loose Lily either. Your pranks were funny in the beginning, but I think you're overdoing it a little now. You don't really blame them for being *happy*, do you?"
"Of course not," Sirius mumbled.
"Wormtail thinks you're jealous."
"Wormy's a fruitcake."
"Prongs agrees with him."
"Then Prongs is nutters, too."
"Are you?"
"What?"
"Jealous?"
Sirius laughed, though a little too loud for it to be honest. The librarian shot him a warning look. "Jealous? Of whom? D'you think I fancy his bir... I mean, Lily? Or is James the lucky one?"
Remus blushed a little at that, and not only because Sirius seemed to know what they had been speculating before, whether bantering or for real. "We haven't quite decided yet. Honestly, it's just... I mean, you've been acting strange ever since they started seeing each other. You haven't been dating since around then, and you're working more than in seven years of Hogwart's put together."
Sirius sighed dramatically. "Oh, and that's a foul-proof sign that I'm head-over-heels in love with James? Wouldn't you be the more likely candidate for that, fruit?"
It wasn't meant as an insult, Remus knew it was just Sirius bitching... but there was only so much he would take of that. "Shut up, idiot. I don't think you even know what love means."
Sirius opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again. They sat there in silence for a minute or two (the librarian was really pleased), then Remus got up, shrugging.
"I just thought I'd tell you that I think you're being a bloody moron. 'cause I always thought all of us were real friends, and real friends are glad for each other when they find some happiness."
With that, Remus turned towards the door, but stopped when he heard his name called out.
"Ey, Moony... I do, you know. Know, I mean."
Remus turned slowly, ignoring the disapproving glance Madam Pince gave them. Sirius had moved towards him, a seriousness in his eyes that was really rare with him.
"You know you're being a bloody moron?"
"Yeah, that too. And... well, and the other thing. You said. You know. But it's not James."
"So," Remus said, in a very soft voice, "you *are* jealous."
Sirius actually looked a tiny bit remorseful as he admitted, "Guess I am. It's just, you know, we're almost finished at Hogwarts, only three more months to go, and I'm... well, I guess I'm just afraid we'll... well, drift apart, or something. James has Lily, and I guess that's pretty serious, and... well... I guess that's something I'd like to have, and don't. So I haven't been taking it all too well. I'll apologize to Prongs, okay?"
"Okay." Remus smiled kindly. "So who's the lucky if ignorant one?"
Sirius flinched ever so slightly, but Remus noted, especially since his friend *never* flinched. "Moony, you really don't want to know."
The smaller boy tilted his head, still smiling. "Try me."
"No, I don't think I will." Ever, Sirius silently added.
Remus reach forward to slightly touch the other boy's cheek with his fingertips. Sirius closed his eyes and gulped audibly.
"Pity," Remus whispered, then brushed his lips against his friend's ever so slightly.
The moment was broken by Madam Pince's shrill voice. "Well, I *never*..."
Hurriedly, Sirius packed his books together, and they left the library together, both smiling.
THE END