Gamer4 in! Well, here I am, writing for a fandom I don't usually write for- with me, it's usually all about video games. Huh, that's probably why they call me Gamer4. Well, that, and I like the number 4. Anyways, here I am, writing for Neon Genesis Evangelion once more- and my first non-crossover, at that. This idea entered my head the other night, and, once an idea is in my head, I cannot kill it- it must be written. Hopefully, you guys can enjoy it, and if not, maybe you can at least get a chuckle or two out of it. Failing that... I don't know, I want to write something clever here, but nothing's coming. Let's just get to the story.
Disclaimer: Aside from the obvious disclaiming of Neon Genesis Evangelion, the idea for this story came from a place that I'll note at the end. Why? Because... reasons. I'm sure there's a reason for it somewhere, but heck if I know where.
Once Upon an Evangelion
Nighttime, Tokyo-3, go! Misato Katsuragi was currently staggering down the sidewalk, making her way back to her apartment. The world around her seemed to be heaving like the deck of a ship. It had been... a wild night. And, given that she was, after all, Misato Katsuragi, not a woman known for her opposition to strong drink, that was saying something. All she wanted to do was get home and sleep this off.
Finally, she arrived at the building itself, and spent the next several moments struggling not to fall asleep while waiting for, or while riding up in, the elevator. She'd considered simply taking the stairs, but they'd seemed to stretch out for several hundred thousand miles when she'd approached them, prompting her to give them up as a bad job.
Next challenge- trying to unlock her door. She spent a great deal of time running her card through the scanner, getting more and more frustrated with each successive failure before finally realizing that the card she was using was the joker from a Batman-themed deck of playing cards. Strange, she didn't recall picking anything like that up. Then again, she didn't recall ever picking up the traffic cone she was currently wearing on her head, either. It had been a strange night all around. Shaking her head, she produced another card, and made sure to examine it closely before attempting the scanner again. After several moments, she gave a satisfied nod, confirming that this was, indeed, the card she needed, and ran it through the scanner. It seemed that the beep the machine gave was much louder than necessary, but she was satisfied nonetheless as the door unlocked for her.
More staggering as she made her way across the living room. She'd half-hoped that her two charges, Shinji and Asuka, would still be up- with dinner- but, unfortunately, the evidence didn't seem to bear that out. Well, she didn't intend to try to make dinner herself- the last time she'd attempted to cook while drunk stood out vividly in her mind- so she decided, on the whole, it would be best to just go straight to bed. She wasn't anticipating the headache she'd have on waking up...
Finally, she collapsed in her bed. Ah, blessed warmth...
She would gladly have passed out right there, but a sudden noise demanded her attention. Creaking her eyes open, she gazed around at the darkened room. What was that? There was a strange rustling and thumping coming from somewhere nearby, accompanied- so it seemed- by muffled voices. Misato blinked- were there robbers in the apartment she'd failed to notice? She cast her mind back to her trek through the place- she didn't recall any prior signs that the apartment had been broken into...
Leaning up in bed a little, she listened intently, trying to pinpoint where the noise was coming from. Strange... if she didn't know better, she'd have said that it was coming from the walls...
Noises... walls... her mind cast around until she recalled a book she'd once read on the subject by some American author from the early 1900s. "I- I'm tireda dese muddafuddin' rats in dese mudderfuddin' walls!" she cried, standing up with no small degree of difficulty. Her judgement clouded, she reached for a nearby baseball bat. Strange, she didn't recall having a baseball bat in her room- but then again, she didn't recall the shoehorn she'd found tucked in one of her socks earlier that night, either. Shaking it off, she steadily approached the wall the noises seemed to be loudest on. Straining her ears, she could, indeed, hear some muffled voices. Finally, she reached out and knocked on the wall three times. *Knock, knock, knock.*
For a moment, the noises ceased, bringing the lavender-haired major relief, until- *Knock, knock, knock.*
"It- it's answering!" she gasped.
More muffled voices, rustling, and the thumping abruptly increased in intensity, until the wall cracked open to reveal...
Misato blinked, rubbed her eyes, and blinked again. No good, they were still there. She pinched herself, wondering if she'd passed out after all. No, it hurt, this was really happening...
"Move over, you pervert! Stop trying to take advantage of the situation!"
"I'm not- I don't like this any more than you do, you know!"
"Ikari-kun, if you could kindly shift your weight a bit... I am finding it increasingly uncomfortable in here..."
Revealed by the hole in the wall were three teenagers, crammed together in the small frame. Blinking, Misato recognized them as the three pilots employed by NERV- Shinji Ikari and Asuka Langley Soryu, her own charges, along with the blue-haired, enigmatic Rei Ayanami.
"Wh- wha- whaaaa?" she stammered out, collapsing onto her bed, sitting up and simply staring at the newfound hole in the wall with the three pilots stuck inside.
Finally, Shinji managed to focus on her. "Oh, Misato! Guys, this is Misato's room!"
"Good!" Asuka affirmed, glaring at everyone present. "Hurry up, Misato, get us out of here!"
Misato shook her head, trying to clear it. She'd seen some strange things before, but this about trumped all. "Wha- how'd... what?"
"Please, Misato?" Shinji asked, looking desperate. "We've been stuck in here for a while, it's getting really uncomfortable!"
"I am inclined to agree with Ikari-kun's sentiment," Rei put in. "Exiting this wall would be most desirable."
"Why don't you just say 'Can you get us out of this freaking wall?!'" Asuka asked, spinning on Rei. "Do you have to be so freaking formal about everything?!"
"See what we have been putting up with?" Rei added as an aside to Misato.
Over Asuka's yells of outrage, Misato finally asked the obvious question: "What are you doing in my wall?"
"Does it really matter?" Asuka shouted. "Just hurry up and get us out of here!"
"Now, now, Pilot Soryu," Rei shook her head, "Major Katsuragi does deserve an explanation. We did just come out of her wall. If she desires to know how we came to be here, it is her right to know."
Asuka gave an angry grumble. "And how do you feel about this, Third Child?!" she growled, turning to Shinji.
Shinji gulped under Asuka's furious gaze. "Well... I know I'd like to know what was going on, if I was in her place..."
Asuka gave an exaggerated sigh. "You would side with Wondergirl, wouldn't you? Oh, alright, then, I'll tell her how we got here..."
Misato gave a small smile as she leaned back in her bed. This situation was strange, true, but she'd never yet had a situation like this that she couldn't turn into fuel for later teasing- and any stories she heard right now would just make it better.
"Perhaps it would be better if Ikari-kun or I were to tell the story," Rei objected, looking somewhat skeptical.
"You have something to say, Wondergirl?" Asuka growled back at her. "Well, too bad! I'll tell her the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!"
Turning back to Misato, she announced, "Alright, it all started earlier this morning..."
XXXX
Asuka awoke to a bright beam of sunlight streaming through her window and onto her face. "Ah, what a wonderful day," she smiled, stretching. "Nothing could ever go wrong on a day like today!"
Unfortunately, the red-haired goddess's good mood wasn't destined to last, as a loud whining noise filtered through the apartment- "Asuka! Asuka! I need help!"
Asuka gave a sigh as she rose up from her bed and stepped through her door and into the apartment's main hallway. "I swear, how does that boy function without me?" she wondered out loud, shrugging as she stepped into the kitchen.
In the kitchen, Shinji was running around, dressed only in an oversized diaper as he struggled with the pans that that morning's breakfast of eggs and bacon were cooking in. The smell rising from them indicated that either they were burning, or were being made with rancid ingredients. Taking another smell, Asuka concluded that it was both. "Ugh, how did you mess up such a simple breakfast, baka?" she asked.
Shinji looked down at the ground, his heel tracing a circle in shame. "Sorry, Ms. Soryu..."
"Honestly, just when I thought nothing would ever get worse than Misato's cooking," Asuka shook her head. "Well, I guess there's just no helping it. Step aside, let me show you how it's done."
Shinji looked up in hope as Asuka casually tossed the ruined breakfast in the trash, and began preparing it herself.
A few moments later, Asuka was sliding some golden eggs and delicious, savory-looking bacon onto plates for both herself and Shinji. "Gee, thanks for saving me again, Ms. Soryu," Shinji said, smiling as he took a bite. "Great breakfast, like always."
"When will you learn that I'm the best?" Asuka shrugged, smiling. "Hurry up and eat, then go get dressed, why don't you, Third Child? You don't want to go to school in just your diaper- again."
As Shinji fervently shook his head no, there was a knock at the door. Four knocks, to be exact, followed by a grating, monotone, "Ikari-kun?" Another four knocks, and the voice came again. "Ikari-kun?" Four knocks. "Ikari-kun?"
Asuka sighed. "Oh, great, it's her..."
"Can you answer the door for me, Ms. Soryu?" Shinji asked, trembling from behind the chair where he'd abruptly taken up refuge. "She scares me."
"Scares everyone," Asuka muttered. "Well, I'd better let her in before she frightens any other small children..."
Sure enough, at the door was Rei Ayanami, who, for some reason, was simply a robot that one might see in an old B-movie, with a blue wig and dressed in the school uniform. Even after Asuka had opened the door, she continued her knock-four-times before calling out "Ikari-kun" routine. She only ceased when Asuka reached out and grabbed her hand.
"Another glitch in your system, wondergirl?" Asuka asked in the most condescending voice imaginable.
... "Ikari-kun?"
Asuka sighed. "What did you come over here for?"
"I was told to report that we have emergency sync tests today," Rei explained in that same grating, monotone voice. "We are to report there instead of to the school building."
Asuka gave an exaggerated sigh. "Ah, another place that can't function without me. Well, if I must grace them with my presence, I suppose I must."
XXXX
It was a little later that the three children were walking down the street, with Rei taking up the rear in a strange, robotic gait. Shinji cuddled up to Asuka as close as he dared, casting nervous looks back at the android. Asuka looked disgruntled at this, but, being the merciful person she was, allowed it in acceptance that Shinji would hardly be able to function any other way.
Their walk was only interrupted when Toji happened to come riding by on a bicycle, bearing the strange appearance of someone whose DNA had been fused with that of a monkey. "Hey, Ms. Soryu, how's it going?" he asked. "And Shinji," he added as an afterthought.
"Oh, nothing much, we're just going to NERV for some emergency sync tests," Asuka shrugged. Abruptly, she straightened her back, glancing off to the side in apparent shock. "Oh, Hikari, what are you doing without your clothes on?!"
Toji swerved to the side when he heard this, just in time to crash into the Reibot. Asuka gave a small chuckle. "Serves you right, you pervert," she smirked as she continued leading Shinji on.
Toji chuckled from the ground. "Oh, I see, good one, Ms. Soryu! I'm such an idiot!"
Meanwhile, the Reibot rose to her feet and continued staggering after the others, now muttering, "Error, error, error..."
XXXX
Later, the children had all donned their plugsuits, and were preparing to climb into the entry plugs from which the tests would be conducted. However, there seemed to be a delay of some kind, as no matter how long they stood there, the doors didn't open. Finally, seeing that Shinji was getting worried to the point of wetting himself again, Asuka took the initiative and went off to find Ritsuko.
She found the blond scientist looking like she was on the verge of having a seizure. "What's wrong?" she demanded. "Why can't we just get these stupid tests going already?"
"Oh, Asuka!" Ritsuko sobbed, grabbing the front of Asuka's suit and sobbing into it. "I... I can't get back to the future!"
Abruptly, they both looked up at the sound of someone clearing their throat. A mysterious, disembodied voice muttered, "Er... wrong anime."
"Oh," Ritsuko muttered, shaking her head. "Er... what I meant to say was, I can't get the Evangelions to start up!"
"What?" Asuka asked, raising an eyebrow. "How? You've never had any problems with them before..."
"I don't get it! No matter how many times I go over it, it doesn't make sense!"
Asuka casually pushed Ritsuko out of the way and examined the monitors. Smiling, she snapped her fingers. "Ah, I see. Silly Ritsuko, you've obviously forgotten to triangulate the square volume of the circumference's hypotenuse, preventing you from reversing the polarity of the proton beam, causing a blockage in the phase distortion grid!"
Ritsuko re-examined the computer. "Oh, you're right!"
"Of course I am," Asuka grinned, preening.
"How silly of me! You're a genius, Asuka!" With that, Ritsuko flipped around and began kowtowing. "Not worthy! Not worthy!"
XXXX
"Okay, okay, okay, enough of that!" Shinji interrupted Asuka's fantasy. "That's not how it happened at all!"
Still wrestling with her partying-induced headache, Misato nodded. "Reckless exaggeration- Ritsuko would never forget to triangulate... the... er... oh, my head..."
"Even I find this version of events to be nothing less than cockamamie," Rei put in. It was difficult to tell, but an onlooker might say she had an... annoyed look in her eyes.
Misato gave a chuckle. "Oh, Rei, such foul language!"
Everyone stared at her for a moment before Asuka turned, looking displeased, to the other two. "Oh, and I suppose you two have such a better explanation?"
"It would not exactly be difficult to formulate one," Rei nodded.
"What she said," Shinji muttered. "Diapers? Monkeys? Really?"
"Well, come on, then, J. K. Freaking Rowling! You tell the dang story!" Asuka growled.
"Gladly!" Shinji yelled back, fire in his eyes. "Now, the only things we need to remember from her story are that she made breakfast, then Rei came over to pick us up for the tests. So, picking up from where Asuka... um... left off..."
XXXX
The three children sat on a bench in NERV headquarters, already dressed in their plug suits, waiting for the command to board their Evangelions. "It's been a while," Shinji noted.
"A while since what?!" Asuka suddenly perked up, glaring at him. "Are you trying to say something, Third Child?"
"Not really," Shinji spoke quickly, his eyes widening. "I was just pointing out that-"
"I'll have you know I've got plenty of men in this city just lining up to ask me out," Asuka continued raging, completely deaf to Shinji's stutters.
"I never said-"
"Just remember that when you're at home alone every single night, and-"
"ASUKA! I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT THAT!" Shinji suddenly burst out.
"What the-" Asuka gasped, turning to stare at him.
"Sorry," Shinji quickly amended, "but I was just pointing out that it's been a while since we started waiting here, and they still haven't called us for the sync tests."
"Oh," Asuka grunted, not looking embarrassed at all. "Well, you could have said so sooner!"
"Sorry," Shinji muttered.
Abruptly, Rei rose up, standing between her fellow pilots. "I ask that you leave Ikari-kun alone, Pilot Soryu."
"Oh, and why should I, first child?" Asuka said scathingly. "What, you think I'm going to take the advice of a doll like you?"
Rei was on the point of retaliating when Shinji gave a sudden gasp. "Dad!"
Everyone spun to see none other than Gendo Ikari, commander of NERV, making his way down the hall. He stopped in front of them, a warm grin on his face. "Hello, children!"
"Hello, commander!" Rei piped up, showing one of those rare smiles she only seemed to show around Shinji's father.
"Hi, Mr. Ikari," Asuka said, looking somewhat off-put.
"Hey, Dad!" Shinji said happily.
"Rei, Shinji!" Gendo nodded at each one individually. He looked much less enthusiastic as he added, "Asuka." The enthusiasm returned as he knelt down next to them. "So, son, what you been up to lately?"
"Oh, nothing much, Dad," Shinji admitted.
"Well, glad to hear it. I'm having Misato keep a close watch on your report card- I know you won't disappoint me, right? That would be bad."
All three children shivered as Gendo straightened up, assuming the intimidating pose he was known for. Abruptly, he gave a chuckle, making it clear that it was okay to laugh.
"Anyways, do you happen to know what's going on with the tests?" Shinji asked.
"Tests?" Gendo wondered out loud, straightening up and stroking his beard. "Tests... oh, tests! Well, Ritsuko called in sick earlier today, and I'm going to go have surgery on my hand- it's been aching a lot lately- so we're going to have to call the tests off. I guess you kids are okay to go home."
"Alright, Dad," Shinji nodded, standing up.
"You mean we came all the way down here for nothing?!" Asuka asked, her teeth beginning to grit.
Ignoring her, Gendo returned his attention to his son. "You know, son, it's been a while since we had some good old-fashioned father-son bonding time. What say we go fishing this Saturday, then I teach you how to throw a baseball?"
"That sounds great, Dad!" Shinji nodded enthusiastically.
As Gendo set off back down the hall, the warm smile staying on his face, Rei gazed at Shinji with a certain amount of jealousy. "The commander seems to truly care for you."
"Yeah, well, he is my Dad, after all," Shinji smiled. "And then, there's me, the-"
Abruptly, his voice changed dramatically. "-stupid perverted baka, with the brain of a bug and not enough muscle mass to lift a paper towl! Gee, I wish I had half as much talent in my whole body as Asuka has in just her pinky!"
XXXX
Shinji froze, turning to glare at the second child, who had just butted into his story. "Was that really necessary?"
"Of course it was," Asuka replied scathingly. "And you said my story was ridiculous? Please."
Rei, meanwhile, was processing her thoughts, quietly staring off into the distance. As she did, Misato leaned back, her eyes half-closed. "Oh, come on, guys, pick up the pace! It's late, I've got a headache, and I just know I'm gonna have a heck of a hangover tomorrow, so do you mind finishing this story already? And try to spice it up a bit- maybe throw in some pirates, and ninjas, and ninja pirates, and ninja pirate zombie robots..."
Asuka probably would be raging more if her arms weren't pinned to her sides by the wall. As it was, all she could do was mutter, "That's it, you're on strict prohibition after this."
Abruptly, Rei spoke up. "Having analyzed the data from Pilot Soryu and Ikari-kun's versions of the story, I believe I have found the way to tell the story with equal believability."
Everyone turned to her in surprise. "Oh, so now Wondergirl wants to tell the story!" Asuka grumbled. "Well, this oughtta be good!"
Shinji and Misato, meanwhile, gave a sigh of relief. Surely Rei, of all people, could be counted on to tell the story quickly, concisely, and without bias. "Alright, Rei, what really happened?" Misato asked.
"Picking up from where Ikari-kun left off, as we left the Nerv building..." Rei began. Abruptly, her voice took a much more dramatic turn. "Little did our pilots know that, at that very moment, the remnants of Asuka's attempts at breakfast-making were setting in motion the events that would lead to hours of discomfort..."
XXXX
Pen-Pen the warm-water penguin came waddling into the kitchen, looking for something to eat. Looking around, he was disappointed to find nothing but the remnants of the breakfast Asuka had prepared earlier that morning. Well, he shrugged, it might not be the boy's cooking, but he had to eat something. And so, he clambered up and swallowed a beak-ful of the oddly glowing eggs and bacon. Suddenly, the poor penguin felt pain wrack his body. He fell backwards, letting out a cry as his body began to mutate...
XXXX
Meanwhile, the three pilots were on their way back to their respective homes. Shinji and Rei were looking disgruntled, the cause of which was easily identifiable if one examined the redhead behind them. Asuka was still complaining about the tests' cancellation. "Blah, blah, blah, yak yak yak, blah blah, whine, complain complain complain, drivel drivel, drivel!" she was raging.
"Does she ever turn off?" Rei asked of Shinji.
"You have no idea. You don't have to live with her," Shinji muttered.
Upon hearing this, Asuka only increased her complaints. "Blah blah blahdiddy blah! YAP!"
"Okay, okay, we get it!" Rei muttered, hands over her ears.
"I need a drink," Shinji muttered, producing a bottle of water from his pocket. "Thirsty, Rei?"
"Quite parched, thank you," Rei nodded. After Shinji had taken a drink, she reached out to accept the bottle from him, only for Asuka to rush forward, glaring daggers at both of them as she knocked the bottle to the ground.
"Grumble grumble, drivel, drivel, whine!" she objected.
"What are you talking about? It was just a bottle of water!"
"Yappity yap yap!"
As the two continued to argue the point, Rei turned and bent down to pick up the fallen bottle. As she approached it, she noticed abnormal ripples spreading across it. "Shinji... come look at this." She raised her hand and beckoned him over.
Both of other children looked up from their debate and came over. Upon seeing it, Asuka's eyes closed halfway and she muttered, "Blah. Yap yap complain."
"It's not the water... it's what it's doing."
Shinji leaned forward and noticed the ripples as well. "Huh. You know, this reminds me of that one movie. The one with the big lizards..."
"Yappity blah blah?" Asuka suggested.
"No, there was more than one..." Shinji mused. "Oh, right, Cretaceous Drive!"
"I have never heard of such a movie. Are you sure you don't mean Triassic Way?" Rei interjected.
"Whine complain complain moan moan moan moan."
"Asuka!" Shinji gasped, hand over his mouth. "Don't actually say the right name! You want to get us sued?"
"Blah blah."
Abruptly, their attention was drawn by the storm of people tearing past them. Most were screaming. There was Toji on his bike, screaming, "Get out of here, guys!"
Shortly behind him was Kensuke, giving weak chuckles as he pointed his camera behind him, trying to film whatever they were running away from.
"What's got them worked up?" Shinji wondered.
Asuka mused on this along with the others for a while, until her eyes were suddenly replaced with hearts. "Blah, drivel!" she gasped, and rushed towards where everyone else was running away from. Shinji and Rei glanced at each other, shrugged, and followed.
Far behind the rest of the runners was, sure enough, Ryoji Kaji, in all his unshaven splendor. When they found him, Asuka had tackled him, nuzzling him affectionately. "Blahdiddy blah yap," she purred.
"Alright, alright, that's enough, get off, we have to run!" Kaji grunted as he pushed Asuka away.
"Moany moany complain!" Asuka objected, looking up with crushed eyes.
"Sorry, but we have to get out of here! Haven't you heard? There's some sort of-"
Abruptly, a large avian foot fell out of the sky, crushing Kaji in an instant. Everyone looked up in surprise to see Pen-Pen, grown to gigantic proportions, glaring down at them all. "WAAAAAAARK!" came his war cry.
"We should run," Shinji noted, his finger in the air.
"Agreed," Rei nodded, and the two grabbed Asuka, turned tail, and ran. Pen-Pen lumbered along behind, letting out periodic warks.
"Split up!" Shinji cried quickly. "We have to find somewhere to hide!"
The three did so, Shinji and Rei heading to the right and left. However, Pen-Pen noticed, and let out two louder-than-usual "WAAAAARK!"s, causing the building Rei was heading for to become a herring, and the building Shinji was attempting to hide behind to become a haddock.
"What the-" both children gasped, falling backwards and returning to Asuka, who was still standing in the middle of the street.
Asuka, however, wasn't planning on running. She turned around and raised her fist against the penguin. "Blahdiddy blah blah yappity yap!" she cried out in anger.
Pen-Pen considered her for a moment, then leaned back his head, coughing up the end of a large Gatling gun aiming right down at them. With some more coughing, it began to rapidly fire upon them... herring. That exploded upon contact with the ground.
"Rei," Shinji noted tentatively, "you're story's getting weird."
Somehow, these were the words needed for Rei to activate her hidden power. She stood up as clouds began to gather above her in a cyclone. "By the power of Grayskull!" she called out, glaring down the wicked avian. "I have... the POOOWEEEEEER!"
A bolt of lightning crashed down on her, and she rushed to her fellow pilots, grabbing them and taking flight, soaring around Pen-Pen like a fly around a cat.
"I don't know what's going on anymore!" Shinji cried, covering his eyes to block out the view from so high up in the air.
"Blah blah!" Asuka concurred.
However, their escape was short-lived, as Pen-Pen's flailing beak managed to strike them out of the air, bringing them crashing to the ground.
All three of the children were looking disgruntled now as they forced themselves to their feet. Looking over, Rei saw a blond woman in a scientist's uniform nearby. "Dr. Akagi?" she gasped.
Dr. Akagi looked up and rushed over. "Oh, it's you three! Look, I have the weapon that can stop him, but I can only trust it to you three!"
She passed a gun of some kind to Rei. "What is this?" Rei asked, looking surprised.
"It's a-" Dr. Akagi started to explain, only for an exploding herring to slam into her back, which, naturally, turned her into a herring as well, leaving the three pilots running for their lives as Pen-Pen tracked them down once more.
"Okay, how are we going to figure out what that thing is?" Shinji asked.
"I don't know, but Dr. Akagi sacrificed her life to get it to us- we mustn't let it go to waste," Rei noted solemnly.
"Blah blah blah blah, whine whine whine, complain!" Asuka interjected, trying to grab the gun. For a moment, the three of them fumbled around with it, until it suddenly fired upon them, shrinking them down to no larger than mice.
"Oh, great, it was a shrink ray," Shinji muttered.
"We can no longer operate it," Rei noted, gazing up at the now colossal weapon next to them. "Recommend evasive action."
The ground was beginning to tremble as they looked up and saw Pen-Pen approaching, giving a threatening "Waaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrk."
"Mmm-hmmm," Shinji nodded. "I must run away, I must run away, I must run away!"
The three children turned and ran to a nearby building, which they entered through a mouse hole.
XXXX
"A few minutes later, however, the shrink effect wore off, leading us to expand to our normal sizes within the walls," Rei was wrapping up. "And thus, our current predicament. The End."
Shinji and Asuka had both left their lower jaws on the floor a while back. Rei... what really lies in that head of yours? Shinji wondered to himself.
Asuka's thoughts were less complementary- and less silent. "I got a cramp listening to you!" she raged. "What kind of story was that?!"
"One of equal validity to yours," Rei fired back, her voice returning to its usual monotone.
Shinji and Asuka blinked. Was Rei... mocking them?
Asuka shook it off. She'd be ready to complain about it later, but for now, she wanted out of this wall. "So, there's your story... I guess... now how about getting us out of here, Misato?"
Silence. "Misato?" Shinji asked, looking up.
As it turned out, Misato had passed out at last, leaning against the head of her bed and snoring loudly. Now that they focused on it, they had to wonder how they'd failed to notice before.
Asuka's rage steadily built up and boiled over. "Way to go, Rowling!" she said scathingly to Rei, wrestling against the confines of the wall in an effort to smack her upside the head. "It was your part that put her to sleep!"
"So... what do we do now?" Shinji asked, sounding nervous.
"Attempt to wake her?" Rei suggested.
Shinji and Asuka exchanged a look- if there was one thing they'd learned from their time here, it was that Misato didn't awaken from these alcohol-induced sleeps lightly.
"Wark, wark, wark, wark..." came a noise from the hall. The three suddenly looked up with rapt attention as Pen-Pen came sidling into the room. He gave a shocked "WARK!" as he noticed them in the wall.
"Oh, hey, Pen-Pen!" Shinji said quickly. "Could you be a friend and wake up Misato for us? We really need to get out of this wall!"
Pen-Pen titled his head questioningly.
"Oh, let me guess," Asuka sighed. "You want to know how we got here, don't you?"
A confirmation "Wark."
Asuka heaved yet another exaggerated sigh. "Well, how about I tell you, then? It all started this morning..."
Shinji and Rei cringed, throwing a glance at each other that conveyed the exact same idea. It's a never-ending story...
XXXX
You know, it's times like this that I wonder what the heck I just wrote. Then I look over, see how late it is, and decide to just sleep on it a bit. Anyways, if anyone hasn't guessed yet, yes, this story is based on an episode of that one show that used to be on Cartoon Network, Ed, Edd, n' Eddy. Anybody else ever watch that? No? Well, it was a large part of my childhood, so I thought I'd do it a little tribute. The specific episode? Once Upon an Ed. Ah. Anyways, like I said, it's really late, I really need to get some sleep, so it's time for me to say: please R&R, constructive criticism embraced, flames not so much, Gamer4 out!