In many ways, the two were polar opposites. They always had been.
While Craig Tucker was cynical, stoic, and often cold around strangers, Clyde Donovan was sensitive, kind to anyone, and entirely too emotional. Clyde couldn't recall seeing his friend cry. Ever. Craig had probably seen Clyde cry at least twice a month since elementary school.
Craig dealt with his anger and sadness internally. By the time his friends usually learned about these emotions, they had long passed. When Clyde was upset, all of town basically knew within an hour.
Craig could not have cared less about sports. He'd rather break his own leg than to be forced to participate in one. Clyde was by no means a stereotypical jock, but enjoyed watching sports like football and playing them with his average-sized friend group. It kept him in shape and blew off pent-up steam.
Craig was factual. He didn't deal with bullshit. In English class, deep discussions on "What does poetry mean?" or "How can writing help us convey our emotions?" made him fall right to sleep. He preferred things with straight forward sets of rules, such as math. Clyde was entirely in tune during these same kinds of English lectures. Although he had his air-headed moments with science, math, and everyday things in general at times, the brunette was great at putting his thoughts down in his class papers. He got teary-eyed over the in class reading of "Invictus" by William Henley and was forever thankful that nobody had noticed.
Conveying emotions in a way other than embarrassing himself with crying was relieving. He kept his ramblings hidden in a journal and he imagined that Craig needed to try it. He imagined no one - not even Craig - could bottle up feelings entirely... It just couldn't be healthy. Still, keeping a diary- Fuck, no. It wasn't a gay-ass diary. A journal. Keeping a journal full of badly written poetry and day-to-day ramblings was pretty lame, Clyde imagined. It wasn't something he wanted to admit to even his closest friend.
Anyway, these were only a few of their differences.
If there was one thing they shared above their love for food, horrible jokes, video games, and hilariously lame, "dank" memes, it was their need for routine.
Both of them hated change. Chaos. In a town like South Park that is constantly crawling in it, they clung to any balance they could find.
They found this balance - this unchanging routine - in each other. They both wanted to spend time with one another on set days each week, with no other plans able to interrupt their own. They needed to sit at the same table, in the same seats, with the same people. This was why Craig Tucker and Clyde Donovan clicked. As the people and world around them changed, they stayed the same together. The only thing that grew aside from their bodies was their silent, unaccepted dependence on one another.
However, nothing stays the same completely. Change- No. Shit happens.
They'd made it under a set routine up - managed to avoid change - until senior year. The end of high school brings inevitable changes in itself, of course. College... Finding jobs... The dreaded, "What are you going to be when you grow up?" question from Grammy.
They were already dreading the end of the year, but graduation proved to be the least drastic change about to take place.
When a simple conversation turned in to a simple request, which then turned in to... Well, a massive change. A flat-out rapture in routine.
It arguably started right when Craig showed up at Clyde's house, just as he did every Friday evening. Everything was exactly the same as it had always been; Craig had brought over a few extra PS4 games, stopped and grabbed a quick, cheap pizza from Little Caesar's, and banged loudly on the Donovan residence's front door with his foot until Clyde's father showed him inside. No other plans could really interrupt their Friday nights. They'd rather stay in and be lame, boring assholes. Not attend any cliche high school party.
Clyde had seemed a little off when Craig first entered his room, but the noirette didn't think much of how he'd just been staring pensively out of his window; his friend was a spacey kid in general. They simply demolished the entire pizza and settled down in to a few different video games. After a while, when it had grown dark outside, Clyde was scrolling through his phone while Craig played GTA solo.
"Are you still planning on doing that summer job or whatever?" Clyde had asked at one point, simply to break a fairly comfortable silence.
"Mom's been bitching at me to get one, so yeah."
A loud explosion blared from a TV speaker.
"Did you fill out the application?"
"Not yet. I think Kevin's gonna put in a good word for me."
Clyde nodded and slurped loudly on his watered-down cup of cola.
"Well, it sounds like a pretty fun job though, dude. Maybe your pale ass will actually get a tan."
"It's an indoor water park, dumbass."
They snickered in unison. Just when Clyde figured that comfortable silence was about to settle between them once again, Craig's voice rose up.
"How are you and Bebe doing?"
Clyde's eyes rested on his best friend, swirling with a mixture of confusion and striking hazel. It was completely out-of-character for Craig to show interest in Clyde's helpless romantic endeavors. He'd always listen to Clyde's ramblings, but never pressed for more.
He'd begrudgingly let Clyde cry on his shoulder on numerous occasions over girls, though.
The raven-haired boy glanced back at him before looking back at the television nonchalantly.
"What, dude? I was trying to be friendly," he muttered while mashing his PS4 controller. The sound of gunshots and a single explosion came from the speakers, but Clyde did not look back to watch the havoc taking place in GTA 5.
"Ha, I can see that. It threw me off," Clyde finally hummed. He placed his phone down at his side.
He watched the noirette roll his eyes before he continued to speak.
"We're doing great... Uh, she..." The brunette trailed off, effectively capturing Craig's attention.
"Eh? What? Did she finally say yes to going out with you?"
"She told me her parents are going to be out of town tomorrow and that I should stay over... Haha, she kind of implied we'd finally-"
A whistle cut Clyde off, but the tone that followed was ironically flat. "Clyde's finally gonna get some. About fucking time she stopped leading you on."
"Ha, yeah..."
The game paused.
"So why do you look so torn up about it then? Shouldn't we be celebrating for you or something?"
"I'm nervous, duh!"
"Aw, how sweet. I'm gonna puke."
"Dude, shut up," Clyde laughed, shoving his friend's shoulder. After earning a shove back, he looked at his shoes and added, "Well, it's just that she's done it before and I-"
"Wow, really? Bebe's had sex before? Pure little Bebe?" Craig's voice dripped with sarcasm.
"Craig," Clyde muttered seriously. His brows knitted together. "She isn't a slut, okay? Stop calling her one. She's only been with two other people. That's less than you."
"Are you implying I'm a slut?" Craig shot back, unaffected by his friend's jab. "Do you have some kind of reason to be asking me about this instead of Token or Jimmy? You said I give shitty advice with this kind of stuff, right?"
"Well, you do."
Craig hadn't been in a committed relationship since Tweek cut off whatever weird-ass, long-term thing they had going. That was back during freshman year. They were still close friends, but most people chalked it up to the fact that... Well, again: Craig never changed or matured completely. Both him and Clyde still had their childish moments that don't really ever work too well with mature relationships.
"Are you gonna spit out what were you saying before I interrupted you, or can I get back to this mission?" the raven asked, gaze flicking back to the screen.
Difference was, Clyde still tried.
"Oh, um, yeah, but" Clyde floundered. "...Don't fucking laugh. I'll kick your ass."
Craig looked smug, but nodded nonetheless. "I'll try my best."
"Well, the guys she was with before were obviously, uh, experienced... Like, how can I compete with Kenny in bed? I feel like I'll disappoint her because I'll have no idea what I'm doing, I'll probably jizz my pants in like, five seconds, and I kind of just want it to be sweet and not kinky for my first time, b-but what if she wants me to be super-"
"You shouldn't try and compare yourself to Kenny McCormick when it comes to sex," Craig hummed. His appreciative, dreamy stare in to space made Clyde cringe and punch his shoulder.
"I don't wanna know! Ugh!"
"Again, why are you asking me when I'm not even in to girls...? You could ask Token. He'd be able to give you all kinds of pointers on the lame vanilla sex you wanna have."
Clyde's face was burning. He looked at his shoes and grew strangely silent.
"...Dude," he heard Craig huff. He refused to look, but could hear him shift as he set down the controller and ran a hand through his hair. "Listen. If Bebe's really in to you, she's not going to care if you aren't perfect at first. It's kind of universally cool and flattering to know you're somebody's first time, actually. People eat that shit up. You'll get better at it the more you do it."
"It's just-" Clyde blubbered, getting emotional. Craig cringed and huffed.
"Dude, whatever you do, don't start crying when you're fucking her. Jesus..."
"I'm just- I'm not big, I'm just average, so I don't have that, and...! Like, I have this belly fat right here that she won't like and-"
"Clyde," Craig said seriously. "If you're just going to freak the fuck out about it like this, tell her you can't go tomorrow. Make up an excuse. You obviously aren't even ready."
Craig wanted to laugh at how helpless his best friend was, but figured that'd be mean by the way he was pinching his stomach with a brooding expression.
"Besides," the noirette hummed, leaning his back against the end of the bed. "It doesn't even matter if you're average. It's not like it's bad to be average. It's fucking average, not small. Knowing how to use the thing is what's important."
"But I don't know how to use it!"
"Oh my god, man. We're going in circles with this whole conversation," Craig muttered. His patience was wearing thin. It was stunning he'd already made it as long as he had without telling his friend to suck it up and go grab them more junk food. "You'll learn."
"I want to learn before tomorrow," Clyde blurted suddenly, as if that had been what he was originally trying to get out in the first place. "I just want her to be impressed and date me, dude. I don't want to cum too fast. I don't want to be so nervous that I can't even get hard. I just... I want to know what I'm doing. Or at least have a tiny idea... I don't... I don't want her to date me just because she feels sorry for me! That's all I want."
"That's all, huh?" Craig grumbled caustically. "...How are you going to do that?"
"Can you help me?" Clyde was still blurting things out desperately. "Craig, can you just please... let me fuck you so I can get it over with? Get a feel for it?"
An unsettling silence set over the room. Clyde instantly knew he should not have asked that. By the way Craig looked at him - his eyes narrowed and his brows knitted tightly together - Clyde only wanted to punch himself.
Craig was shocked and undeniably pissed off.
"Did you really just ask me that?"
Clyde felt the urge to tear up all over again. He started to stand before he could even come up with an excuse to leave the room. "Sorry, I know. I said something fucking retarded again. Forget I said anything."
Craig yanked him back down. His lips were pulled in to a tight frown.
Clyde's eyes widened. For a brief moment, he was entirely certain that his friend was about to slug him.
"Clyde, I'm your best friend. We can't just fuck each- Oh my god," the noirette huffed. He released his tight grip on the brunette's arm and buried his face in his hands. "I can't believe you'd- Would you even be able to get it up for me? I'm a guy. You know, a human with a dick? It's entirely different than Bebe."
"Well, yeah. I'm not that stupid... It's why I'm talking to you about it instead of Token, or basically any of my other friends. I wouldn't go to them for this sort of... request."
Craig blinked in confusion before hissing out, "Gee, thanks? Nice to know I'm the designated 'practice friend.'"
Another suffocating silence made Clyde scramble for the right words.
"Dude! Haha! Calm the fuck down," he blurted, putting on his most convincing grin. "I'm totally fucking with you. Oh my god, your face was priceless."
"Stop," Craig shot back shortly. He stood up, making Clyde quake with regret over the entire situation. He just wanted to cry. At the same time, he'd never wanted to not cry as he did right then, in such a painfully awkward moment that was all his fault. He didn't want to look so fucking childish.
Before he could attempt to leave the room once again, the PS4 was shut off and Craig was gone from the room.
He wiped his eyes and cursed through is teeth. For about a minute, he wondered if Craig had just left... He couldn't have though, could he? He'd left his bag.
That minute felt like an hour.
Why the hell did he say that out loud? Fuck.
"You really like her, don't you...? It's that important to you?"
Clyde jerked his hand away from his face in surprise. He hadn't even realized Craig had reentered the room, but... there he was. Standing in the doorway with a glass of water that was already halfway empty. He'd taken a few big, thoughtful gulps on the way up the stairs.
He managed to nod jerkily and blink back his tears of embarrassment.
"...Ugh. Promise me that this won't make anything awkward between us. Promise me you aren't going to blow this out of fucking proportion like you tend to do, Clyde. I'm just helping your helpless ass out, and that's all this is."
"...Nothing can make things awkward between you and me, dude," he uttered weakly with an oafish smile. Something about it seemed to strike a chord, which was reflected in then noirette's dull gray eyes. Craig hesitantly trudged over and set the glass of water beside the TV.
"Pinkie swear."
The two locked their little fingers, in the most childish form of a contract.
A/N: This was supposed to be a one-shot. God, I have NO self control. =u=
If you like it so far, be sure to leave a review! What are our favorite immature assholes about to get themselves in to? ;o