Like usual I was woken up at 5AM by my arguing parents, I got out my crappy old iPod and put the earphones in my ears and turned the volume up as high as it would go, laid back down and shut my eyes.

After 20 minutes of attempting to get back to sleep, I got out my Dad's playboy's (which I stole from him, he'll be pissed when he finds out,) and gazed at the topless women.

I know what you're thinking PERVERT! Well that's me, Kenny McCormick, the pervert, the womanizer, blah blah blah! I love girls, well their looks anyway, I don't really care about personalities that much, just as long as I get some action! *winks*

I'll admit it, I'm a man-slut, I love sex as much as Cartman loves cake - but under all that, deep down, I just want someone to love, to be in a long relationship, with no cheating, just me and her. I wish!

I lost my virginity when I was only 10 years old, it was to some desperate 16 year old, she was a ugly bitch, but her titties were fucking huge! It didn't last that long, probably about 5 minutes, in a bush in some field…

4 years on from that, I regret it and I'm not proud about it but its happened now, can't turn back time so yeah.

I want to stop being a man-slut but whenever I meet a decent girl, she'll just sleep with me then leave me, thinking, "Oh its only Kenny! It doesn't matter! He's a man-slut, its not like he has feelings!"

I bet that's what goes on in their heads.

Later that morning, at school I was sat staring into space like I usually do when I heard Cartman say something to Stan…

"Hey Stan have you seen that new girl? She is HOT!" Cartman said.

"No I haven't, and I don't care if she is hot or not as I only have eyes for Kyle," Stan replied and kissed Kyle on the cheek, which made Kyle blush. They have been dating for about a year now, after finally admitting they had feelings for each other after all these years, and now they are happily in love.

I sat up and turned around to Cartman, "Hot new girl!" I asked.

"Was I talking to you, poor boy?" Cartman rudely asked rhetorically.

"Fuck you fat ass! Now tell me, what does she look like?" I asked.

"She's quite short, slim-"

"Everyone is slim compared to you!" Kyle snorted.

"Shut up Kyle you stupid Jew!" Cartman yelled at Kyle, then he turned to me again, "Blonde hair, blue eyes-"

"Nazi." Kyle coughed, Stan and I laughed.

"Ay! You wait till I come to power, Jew!" Cartman shouted.

Kyle just rolled his eyes at him.

Mr Garrison walked in, "Okay settle down, children. Right okay, children, today we have a new student, her name is Kelly."

I sat up straight, could this be the girl Cartman was on about? Then the door opened, and the most beautiful girl in the world stepped in, this was the girl Cartman was talking about.

"Hello, Kelly. Okay, sit down next to Kenny, he's the little bastard in the orange hoodie." I ditched the parka years ago for an ordinary hoodie, which actually showed by face and people can now understand me when I talk!

Kelly sat down next to me, "Hello." she smiled at me.

I found myself going red, "Hey."

"KENNY MCCORMICK! YOU PAY ATTENTION RIGHT NOW YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" he yelled at me, I groaned, this was going to be a long-ass lesson.

Finally the bell went for break.

"Kenny? You coming?" Stan asked.

"Um, I'll see you guys in a bit… need to do something first…" I said, nodding to Kelly.

"Okay then." Stan said, and held Kyle's hand, whilst Cartman was muttering something about fags.

I walked up to Kelly, "Hey sexy." I grinned at her.

Kelly turned to me, blushing slightly, "Oh! Hi, Kenny is it?"

"That's Mr Sexy to you!" I winked, then I noticed how low cut her t-shirt was, so low you could see her cleavage, my eyes where drawn to them, wondering what they looked like without her bra on…

"Excuse me, but my eyes are up here," she pointed to her eyes, "Not there!" she pointed to her boobs.

"So you doing anything Friday night?" I grinned at her, putting a hand on her arm.

She moved her arm away, "Yes I am actually."

"Where? I might see you then you can come back to my place, because you are so beautiful."

"Where you're not, you fucking pervert!" she yelled in my face, before running away.

Great! I blew it! I had to be so perverted didn't I? Oh for fucks sake! I've probably ruined it now!

Great.