1x20 - the moment Caitlin sees Harrison's dead body lying on the ground, everything changes. (using the deleted scene for 1x20).

"You never cease to impress me, Caitlin".

Those words would probably forever haunt her, she thought as she watched him drive away in his electric wheelchair. She'd lied to him smoothly when he'd asked what they were doing, coming up with a plausible lucid dream theory and she impressed him again. It was all it took – just say the first thing that came to her mind. And he was never impressed.

Now she couldn't reconcile Reverse Flash with this doctor, the man she'd actually fallen for, the one she'd had a crush on even when Ronnie came into the picture and one she thought she could never have… And she was wrong. So, so, so wrong. He'd been distant at first, yes, and he treated her with respect and yes, surprising kindness when it came to his employees, but that was it. She never fooled herself that her feelings would be reciprocated and she simply wanted to be happy. So yes, she did choose Ronnie. But Harrison was always on her mind and that was her worst and darkest secret.

She remembered how when she and Cisco remained by his side, he offered her a way out, putting up a good word with the university so they would take her in, guide her further, make her into the brilliant and accomplished scientist she was always meant to become in his eyes. She declined. She didn't even have to think about it. He once again told her that she never ceased to impress him, but the look on his face… She could swear there was more, a slight realization dawning on him when she so blatantly said you still need me. She did her best to keep her poker face, to not reveal any feelings. She still didn't think he could love her back, didn't fool herself that she could be the one person who'd open his heart again after Tess Morgan's death. Still, she wished he'd known how much she cared, how much she felt, that him being in that wheelchair now – that it didn't change anything. He was still the same man to her, even if a pariah. He was the man she loved and she would always love.

Yes, Caitlin Snow thought so even now as they were preparing the trap for Reverse Flash. A part of her still chose to believe that he'd kept her on distance for so long because he wanted to spare her, because he truly cared for her and didn't want her alone to suffer. It was stupid. Her mind was probably clouded by the feelings she still harbored, especially now that all the barriers were dropped, after they actually kissed. Or maybe, knowing his plan now and the fact that he'd always watched them, maybe he risked that short – but what and amazing and knee buckling - kiss, because he knew there would never be another chance.

He didn't want to play with her heart, but in the end he couldn't help it. And she let him, because she'd been so in love with him for such a long time.

Was she, still?

She wasn't sure.

Or maybe she didn't want to think about it because she was scared of the answer.

Things happened so fast after that.

Cisco was in trouble. Barry ran over there. Joe started shooting and…

Before Caitlin knew it, she was entering the room, seeing Harrison's dead body on the ground and feeling as though her own heart stopped. She couldn't take it. She started suffocating. It was all too much. She couldn't… wouldn't… accept that the man she'd loved for so long was just… that he was…

Everything inside of her screamed NO when she got to her knees, pressing her shaky hand to his throat, her heart faltering when she sensed no pulse. There was no life left in this body.

"He's dead," she informed in a surprisingly calm and cold voice, probably already building a wall inside of her, separating her from all those treacherous feelings, hardening herself.

Because she couldn't handle the heartbreak. Not now. Not again. Not among her so-called friends who in the end knew nothing about her and had no idea about her and Harrison.

And Harrison was…

Suddenly, Caitlin stood still, her whole body warming up, her heart beating faster, an overwhelming sense of happiness spreading all over her chest. She could hear his voice. He turned out to be all right and on the roof, having sent Hannibal in disguise to trick them.

He was always one step ahead.

And the worst part was that she so didn't care for anything anymore.

She just didn't fucking care.

All her life she did the right thing. She kept her feelings for her boss to herself. She decided to marry Ronnie, to have a normal life - which now she saw would be miserable, by the way; lacking any real passion. She tried to be loyal to her friends. She tried to always do the right thing, to be the good doctor she'd been trained to be, but…

She was all alone. She did have Barry and Cisco, yes, but they didn't know everything about her and she was sure they'd never look at her the same way if they did. Her father was dead. Her mother couldn't care less.

In the end, all Caitlin really had was Harrison Wells or maybe Eobard Thawne. It didn't seem to matter anymore. He understood her. He knew and saw her true potential from the beginning. He was the one man she couldn't imagine her life without, what just happened proving that.

Within a matter of one terrifying and excruciating minute, she lost him forever and got him back.

She was done playing it safe and good.

The problem was that she had no idea how to find him.

Once the team finally dispersed, she just grabbed her coat and left the Labs, biding the building her final goodbye, not even feeling sorry about what she was leaving behind.

She was looking forward to her future by the side of the man she wanted.

The question was how to find him.

In the end, she didn't even have to wander in the streets for long, suddenly feeling the all-so-familiar whoosh of air. At first she was actually scared it was Barry again, following her and trying to stop her, trying to keep her from what she wanted.

Only no. The man wore a yellow suit. Reverse Flash. Harrison.

"Should a beautiful woman as yourself be wandering the streets alone at night?" he asked in this intense, powerful voice she loved so much before he reached to his cowl and took it off, revealing the familiar face, the blinding blue eyes and messy hair. The last was a slight surprise since as a doctor at S.T.A.R. Labs, his hair was always perfect. She had to admit she liked it more this way, all winded and sticking out in different directions. It made him even more sexy.

"Why? I have two speedsters at my disposal if anyone cared to attack me," she answered him with a shrug.

He narrowed his eyes, but the amusement was clear on his face.

"What are you doing here, Caitlin?"

"I wanted you to show up."

"Why?"

"Because…" she started and came to a sudden stop, his eyes being all too much as he was staring at her with such intensity and… Was that hope? She wondered. Did he hope for more? "Because I just want you," she finally confessed, everything else be damned.

The change was instant. Yet, he reigned in his emotions, warning her, "Don't say that unless you truly mean it."

"I do," she assured him, looking him in the eyes briefly, seeing nothing but them as though they were the most shining stars in the sky.

He smiled for a briefest of second and then he was suddenly there, right by her side, almost shaking with intensity, with emotions as he grabbed her face and placed a hard kiss on her lips, plundering the inside until there was no breath left in her.

"Good," he whispered against them in the end and took her with him, superspeeding to God knew where, but she didn't care. Her heart was finally at peace, the ache disappearing, replaced by happiness and the feeling of true belonging. Because they did. Somehow they did.