_Appr. Words Cntd. 2,300
2013,
Disposable Copy
KICK-ASS vs. SCOTT PILGRIM
by
Mark Walter Meredith
Scott Pilgrim; Ramona Flowers: we, Judy, and Wallace Wells: also Kim Pine and Knives Chau stood in the middle of the street before the restaurant/comic shop as David Lizewski (Kick-Ass) and Mindy Hit-Girl crossed the street: cross wise both groups meeting each other half-way. He held Pilgrim's hand out to shake Kick's hand and David Lizewski had shaken his hand: accepting his hand in friendship.
Kim Pine said, let's cross the rest of the road so that we can eat at the comic book shop. That's where we agreed to meet anyways: we all crossed the rest of the way across the street between each of the cars slowing down to let us pass. Kim Pine ordered some cake because she found out they served it in with the coffee they sold.
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David Lizewski ordered a cappuccino with pastry too: because he was somewhat hungry and his father didn't count cappuccinos as coffee. Anyway, don't young kids drink caffeinated cola any-way? Dave Lizewski's parents used to ordered two fried eggs and bacon, chopping the bacon strips in rectangle pieces and picking at them.
Pilgrim got a fillet of fish sandwich; the rest of us didn't really order anything: Pilgrim said, congratulations on getting your own Capcom versus Kick Ass video game, bud: you deserve it: from all of the fights you had to go through to become famous over night:
David Lizewski answered, yeah: well: according to you Pilgrim: you only heard about it from a Japanese computer programmer at a party who got too drunk. Anyway didn't you say: weren't you the one that told me that the programmer on business trip told you they field tested and Capcom wasn't releasing it:
_ _Pilgrim replied, yeah: but you are still famous enough to get your own video game, right?! I'm glad Cap did try and make a Kick-Ass video game because when I heard about it I knew you were in the same universe as me. I called information and asked if there was a Dave Lizewski in this city and there was!
Then I called you up and you set up this meeting at this comic shop and I thought, the same comic store in the movie: this is perfect: I was all, 'We're all going on: road trip': everyone was in the room: and for no reason everyone said spontaneously all at once road trip!_
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_ Kick said, I still can't believe that you know my identity from reading a graphic novel series about me: but who cares: I've always wanted to meet a comic character and it's Pilgrim himself for Christ's sake:
Pilgrim said: yeah: and I've always wanted to meet Kick. Maybe from here I will check up on Westchester County: see if there's a Xavier's Institute for Higher Learning. I could pretend to be a mutant and get a tour of the School for Gifted Youngsters by pretending to want to enroll.
_David Lizewski said, yeah: and I'm glad it's not like one of those Marvel team-ups where the first time two comic book superheroes meet the two comic book characters end up fighting the first time:
_ _Pilgrim replied, ya: I could just imagine a Marvel type team up where Kick falls for Flowers and Pilgrim fights him! That'd be so dumb a story:
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Dave Lizewski then said, "Yep: that'd be stupid, all right-y: Why would I initiate a romance with this young woman Flowers anyway? Flowers is too old to like Dave Lizewski so why would Kick start to like her:it would be stupid: that story":
Flowers said, what if Flowers initiated the relationship: would that make sense if the story was like this: would the story be more real that way: _
_ _ _Kick replied, uh: what:
_ Pilgrim said, hey: what're you tryin' t' say? _
_ _ _Flowers said: am not saying anything. I'm just saying that I happen to think Dave Lizewski is just some kinda' hot some sort a' that's all.
Pilgrim exclaimed, Flowers: (!): how can you say that?! How could you do that, Flowers, especially in front of me:
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_ _ She looked at Pilgrim who was shocked and every body else stared, was stock still: as Flowers replied, what Pilgrim, (?) you had known when you started dating me that I have some kind of a thing for bad-boys, right:
Dave Lizewski replied, uh: you think I'm hot, really? _
_ _ _Flowers answered, yeah, I mean: how you were bloodied up and said on the Internet clip, I'm Kick: that Kick beats up criminals: it's hot, right: don't you all agree? Doesn't any one agree with me?
Pilgrim said, Flowers (?!) how could you:
She replied, it's my decision if I want to be attracted to someone or not. This is just like the time I told you I don't like your band. The fact I don't like your band is just an opinion. You cannot control my mind.
I have free will you know, Pilgrim. The fact that I don't like yer band is just an opinion like how I'm attracted to Kick. My opinion is nothing t' be offended about. We can disagree and still coexist.
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Kim Pine then also said, it's hard to be criticized: but Flowers happens to be right. Flowers don't have to agree with everything you believe.
_Pilgrim was angry because of this that had just been said: and he had looked away toward the wall beyond the boxes of comic books and stared angrily at it for a long time. Flowers glanced at him angrily because Pilgrim was staring away from Flowers at the wall: angry as usual. Then Flowers noticed Dave Lizewski was staring at her in awe because of what Flowers had just said about her being attracted to Dave Lizewski. Flowers gave a look to Dave Lizewski as if she were amused by the undignified, wide-eyed stare Dave Lizewski was giving Flowers because hecouldn't believe that an attractive older woman thought he were sexy.
Flowers started leading Dave Lizewski on by giving him a come hither look.
_ _ Dave Lizewski was staring out of the corner of Dave Lizewski's eyes at Flowers as if Dave Lizewski couldn't believe what was going on: she had given him one of those Janet Jackson Poetic Justice The Movie: upper boob touches to Flower's own self through her own purple shirt.
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Pilgrim was still in a bad mood: staring at the blank wall.
_ _ _Flowers suddenly began stretching Flowers' arms up while Pilgrim wasn't looking and straightening her posture while Flowers stretched like she had just woken up: so that her chest looked more impressive: and Dave Lizewski was falling for it hook-line and-sinker. Dave Lizewski was staring at Flowers' breasts through her purple shirt with Kick's jaw hitting the table. Every-body else at the table besides that two and Pilgrim looking away, were looking at one-an-other as if to say to one another, uh oh. Every body else was giving each other glances as if we all were asking each other, uh: is this really happening?
Flowers was putting her arms down and began to look at Dave Lizewski from out of the corners of her eyes flirtatiously and began sighing and taking deep, cleansing breaths as if she were trying to not be so angry: but she was doing it only to make Flowers' rack look bigger obviously. He was trying to be not so obvious about looking directly at Flowers! And Dave Lizewski was trying to only look out of his peripheral vision but he couldn't believe what she was doing: feeling sexy must've been getting herself turned on: because Flowers suddenly said, Pilgrim, Knives: move down you guys: it's getting hot in here and I can't breathe. I'm going to go outside and get a breath of fresh air.
Pilgrim was still facing the same way and even crossed his arms, sulking.
After Knives and Pilgrim slid down the booth seat Flowers slid out and stood up to walk away brushing Flowers' thigh against Kick's shoulder slowly on purpose on her way out. Dave Lizewski's eyes suddenly bulged for seemingly no reason and he suddenly said; I'm going too. I'm going outside for a breast of fresh air. I mean a breath of fresh air. Flowers then walked in front and past the display window next to the booth.
Then he walked out of the chimed comic book shop door and walked past the display window trying to look like Dave Lizewski was casually walking into the alley for, no reason. Everybody besides Pilgrim was looking at each another as if to say, they aren't going to: are they:
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Suddenly Pilgrim was looking down at the ground at his feet angrily and he looked like Pilgrim had just thought of something and looked up at the ceiling in shock and said, wait-a-minute: Pilgrim swung his upper body around, looking out the booth's big window.Pilgrim looked into the bulging, guilty eyes of Dave Lizewski still walking slowly past the booth's big window.
He spun Pilgrim's upper body around again and suddenly his spine straightened like an exclamation point had been transplanted with his spine. Pilgrim suddenly looked up again even higher than before at the ceiling right above his head as if he were trying to think. Then just as suddenly there was a cloud of dust where Pilgrim had once been sitting. Everybody had their eyes glued to him to see what happened next as all their eyes followed Pilgrim's running form.
The next thing we saw was Pilgrim rounding the turn next to the door and running out the comic-book shop door. The next thing we knew we were slowly stumbling into the entrance in the alley like we were magnetically and slowly drawn to Flowers and Pilgrim's juicy piece of soon-to is gossip. At the same time: the group was afraid to go into the entrance of the alley because the friends were afraid of impeding on Kick's relations. Pilgrim slowly treads into and down the alley as if he were discovering some alley/cave and exploring it.
Wallace Wells, Knives, Mindy Hit Girl, Neil, Kim Pine, and Judy could hear down the alley, touch my boob. Here it is.
I love you: I love: be my girl: be my girl: be my girlfriend: bemy girl friend!
O-my-God-this-isso-exciting-I cannot believe we're going to come at the same time: oh, that's good yeah:
Aaughguuh: will you be my girl:
Oogh, give me a minute to compose myself:
So wha da ya say will you be my girl:
Um, yeah, OK.
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Suddenly down the alley: Pilgrim said, Flowers: what the fuck are you doing: you're supposed to be my girl: for the love of baby Jesus!
Flowers replied, I'm sorry, Pilgrim. I'm sorry. It's just I always wanted t' have sex with Kick just once. It was just, you were in a bad mood again and you are always so controlling of my life: you were angry with me again: I just wanted to feel loved just now.
Flowers slumped forward upon the rail they built there, next to the back door of the comic shop.
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Dave Lizewski replied to this by saying, only once: but you're my girlfriend now: you're supposed to be the one who has sex with me, right:
_ Kick said, what about all the stuff you said about you being my partner?!?_
_ _ _Flowers slumped back against the sidewall of the comic shop and said, o ug. Um, you have to give a woman a little time after she cums to sit there for a while and compose herself, come back to reality. That's just how God created our bodies and brains. I didn't know!
What I was saying: I told you to give me a minute. However, you didn't listen: I was kind of caught up in the moment and said that to get you to give me a minute: I was lost in the moment! Moreover, thought that was the truth but I was too hasty: I'm still in a relationship with Pilgrim: I don't want ta' end that: I mean: you know, right Kick?
Kick replied by crying out, so you're going to break it off, our relationship:
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_Pilgrim yelled, Ex-boy-friends! I hate ex boy friends! I hate ex boy friends! You: me: in the street!
We are going to have it out: right now:
The End
_Approx Count 300
2013,
Disposable Copy
AFTER-WORDS?!
by
Mark Walt Meredith
That is the end of that act of the story so far. Do you think that's the end of the life of this main character: not necessarily: if you don't want it to be: then write me a note about how you want to see the next chapter in the story of this main character's life: what happens next: who knows what. Happens: inspire one by putting a review: tell me what you want to be happening in the story, next. OK: OK: Perhaps I'll write the next chapter very soon from now:
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