But my heart is with you
"You're going to hell?" Asked Mary Margaret, giving David a side glance. "I'm getting him back. This isn't fair to Killian, Gold tricked him" I explained, then said quietly "You two share a heart, we will too"
"It could work" said Regina, her arm round Henry. At least she has faith, she believes in me, she always has. I shook my head slightly; I couldn't think of her now, not when Hook needed me, I had to stay focus no matter what.
I left the room, leaving my parents to make their arrangements for Neal, but really I just had to get away. How was I going to keep this up? The pretence couldn't go on, Hook would know the truth the moment it didn't work, not the whole truth, but still. I can't give him my heart when it's with another, but he doesn't deserve his fate.
I remember the day he said I was his happy ending, it seemed so long ago. Words didn't seem to exist anymore, or at least none came to mind. I kissed him, I couldn't bring myself to say he wasn't mine.
Then there was her, the one who never gave up on me, even in darkness. It hurt me more than I could ever say when she felt unloved, that no one would ever love her. God, I wanted to be her happy ending. She wouldn't listen, I knew she'd be loved when I myself loved her, but I couldn't tell her. I can think "I wouldn't hurt her like that" as much as I want, she would never feel that way about me. She'd never love me when she loves another.
This is why I couldn't tell Hook. The pain, the horrible and intense pain it caused me, he didn't deserve to feel that way. He should be happy. Maybe one day it'll pass, I'd tell myself, maybe I'll love him back. Maybe. But denial got me nothing but false hope.
There was a knock at the door. "Henry?" I called out hopefully; he always knew just how to make me smile, especially when I needed it most. "No, it's me". Regina. Excitement and fear stirred in my stomach, I felt ready to explode with emotion. "It's open" I croaked out. She came and sat by me, brushing her dark hair from her eyes. "You sure you're up for this Swan?" I sighed and shook my head "I…I don't know". Regina looked confused "What do you mean 'you don't know'? I was expecting a hope speech if I'm honest, going to hell doesn't exactly sound like a barrel of laughs so…" She trailed off. "You sounded so sure before, what changed?"
"Nothing…I just couldn't keep it up any more" I couldn't even be bothered to lie to her anymore. What was the point? She'd find out soon enough.
"Swan? What aren't you telling me" She'd stood up now, moving around me to get a better look at my face. My secrets wouldn't be hidden there; I'd kept them for too long.
"We can't share a heart, it wouldn't work…it's not…it's not true love Regina" I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I'd never imagined saying these words, telling her everything, but it felt so good. I didn't stop.
"I didn't want to lie to him I didn't want for him to be lost again when he'd found happiness. He deserves it, he deserves a happy ending…but mine isn't with him Regina and I…I can't do this anymore!"
"Swan" Regina prompted "Just say it, you can trust me"
"It's you Regina, it's always been you, okay?! I love you!" I cried out. I'd wanted to say that for as long as I felt it.
She looked….no…shocked wasn't the word. Scared, confused, unsure of how to continue. For the first time for as long as I've known her, she was speechless. She backed away, hands grasping for the door; she was going to leave me, leave me like everyone else had. "No! Regina wait! Please!" I cried out, but she was gone and I was left with nothing but my own tears as I slid down the wall behind me. So much for a happy ending.