A/N: A bunch of silly one shots surrounding my headcannon that Cap really could lift Mjölnir but he didn't want to upset Thor. Inspired by a ton of tumblr posts. Spoilers for Age of Ultron for those of you who haven't seen it yet. In this fic, I'm pretending that Thor stayed at Clint's house for a night like the team did before taking off to find Selvig. Also, in the second to last section, Tony and Thor was visiting from their respective homes and in the last section, Thor was still there. Disclaimer: I own none of the Avengers *glances sideways at Captain America* Darn.

Steve held up his hands placatingly as the others members of his team urged him on. Mjölnir, Thor's hammer rested upon the table gleaming in the light.

He clasped the handle and braced himself for it to stay, he was surprised when he felt it shift easily. In fact, he could pick it up right now.

Thor though, was glaring at the shifting hammer with a betrayed expression... And Steve could not do that to his friend.

He let the handle slip and he pretended he couldn't lift the thing. He felt he put up a very good display, straining and then laughing it off. Thor was confidently smiling now and Steve grinned.

Thor was fine.

######Most American Things: Eagles, Bacon, Steve######

The night after Ultron's rampage, the team was recuperating at Clint's house. It was still strange, Clint had a wife and kids?! Somehow, he wasn't that surprised- now that he thought about it, Clint was great with kids.

Steve was glad that Clint had a home and stability.

Everyone was asleep and rest as usual eluded the Captain. He was quiet when he walked through the house. He was intending to head outside when he saw Mjölnir on the table.

Steve was curious though, he wondered if he would still be able to lift it or if he'd been imagining it last time. It felt like that night had been years ago.

He grabbed the handle and lifted the hammer off of the table. His eyes widened as he held it. The hammer was perfectly balanced in his hands.

He really shouldn't tell Thor about this. He carefully placed the Asgardian's weapon back on the table.

"Don't tell Thor... Please?" Steve whispered to the object. He felt a little silly talking to the hammer but the sheer power he had felt thrumming through it convinced him that it wasn't as much if an inanimate object was it appeared to be.

He could've sworn he heard an answering thrum.

######Cheeseburgers, Freedom, Doughnuts, More Bacon######

Steve resisted the urge to grin as he heard JARVIS/Not JARVIS discussing the weight and balance of the Asgardian's hammer.

He wondered if he joined the discussion that they would figure it out. He wasn't one for flashy shows- Stark would've done that. In fact he wasn't sure why the hammer had deemed him "worthy."

After all, he was just a kid from Brooklyn.

######Apple Pie, Baseball, Rednecks and Hillbillies, Southern Accents######

Tony was puzzled, he kept finding the Cap asleep on the couch. Nearly ever morning, he'd the epitome of American values crashed on the couch after clearly watching him go to his room in Stark tower.

Tony had given Cap a room for a reason.

The billionaire shrugged and went into the kitchen to grab his morning caffeine, before burying himself in the lab. Tony wasn't one to talk, really, he'd just spent the night working on one of his projects.

Steve was awakened by clattering in the kitchen. That would be Tony getting coffee before he returned to the basement. Tony really needed to get more sleep.

The super soldier rubbed his eyes, he was usually the first one up- because of his dreams. Steve had meant to go out to the balcony. But Thor had left his hammer out, again.

That thing, he swore was alive, somehow. He never understood modern technology away. JARVIS had been a talking and thinking machine.

The hammer was something different, something older. He'd sat next to it and almost immediately fell into a dreamless sleep. A sleep filled with soft humming, a sound that chased the nightmares away.

Steve shook his thoughts away before he touched the handle of the hammer which throbbed in reply. He stared at the metal weapon with awe and childlike wonder before shaking his head and getting up.

He didn't notice Thor frowning thoughtfully from the hallway.

######Red, White, Blue, Country Songs, & Dukes of Hazzard######

Steve threw his shield and elbowed one of the aliens in the face before reaching out his arm, waiting for his shield to bounce back into his hand. Mjölnir landed in his grip instead.

The Captain was a bit surprised when he knocked the aliens head in with a hammer instead of his shield.

Thor shrugged when he saw the Captain looking at his hammer in surprise. The Asgardian picked up the Captain's shield and smashed an attacking alien's head in.

Thor shouted across the battlefield, "Well done my colorful friend! Mjölnir has chosen a worthy wielder!"

Thor wasn't used to holding the shield, he held it awkwardly but he slew a lot of the creatures before speaking again, "This shield does much damage! I like it! Another!"

Steve stood holding the hammer loosely in his grasp looking at his Norse friend quizzically, they had destroyed all the aliens in this part of the city.

Thor threw the shield and Steve sighed as he watched it bounce wildly away before speaking into his comm link, "Have we cleared the city?"

"Sure thing, Cap, holy- !" Clint's response was cut off by Stark releasing a bloodcurdling scream.

Steve winced, he could hear the scream and shattering of something important from the distance as well as the comm. It looked like his shield had stopped bouncing.

######BONUS TIDBIT! YAY!######

The avengers sat around the avengers building, relaxing after their latest battle. The visiting Thor was watching Natasha use the blender with an avid expression as Clint giggled in the background. Rhodey and Sam were talking about their experiences with Tony and the Cap. Steve was sketching something in his notebook, shield resting on his legs.

They all looked up as they heard shouting from the elevator.

Fury stormed in his face the very epitome of annoyance and frustration.

"I told you they needed the push!"

"But they were in mint condition!"

The Clint, Natasha, Thor, and Steve stared as Fury grabbed the file he accidentally forgot the last time he was here. The reason they were staring was that a very much alive Coulson was arguing with him.

The agent seemed to notice them and stopped talking for a minute to say, "Hi guys," before continuing to quarrel about his precious trading cards Fury had ruined.

The two left the building, leaving the Avengers speechless.

The Scarlet Witch walked in, staring after the arguing pair before noticing her teammates startled expressions.

She raised an eyebrow and asked quizzically, "What?"