Something To Sleep To
Summary: Spike's POV on Smashed, and their "relationship". Lyrics by Michelle Branch.
Rating: Mature
Disclaimer: I own nothing, don't sue.
We were fighting. God how I'd missed fighting her. Dancing with her. I kept throwing insults at her to piss her off. To make her fight harder, with passion. Like I do. We were so absorbed in it, I didn't realize what was going on 'til I was inside of her. We fit together perfectly, and she met me thrust for thrust. It just seemed natural, like an extension of the battle.
I don't know how I became this masochistic - probably all those years with Darla, Dru and Angelus, or maybe it's a vampire thing - but sex is so much better when it hurts. Emotionally and physically. This was both. It was amazing. We went for hours, and I don't know how many times we came. I still have bruises, but I had no idea how much it could hurt until she woke up.
She's his yellow brick road
Leading him on
And letting him go as far
as she lets him go
Going down to nowhere
She puts on her make-up
The same way she did yesterday
Hoping everything's the same
But everything has changed
The disgust and contempt in her eyes cut me to the bone, put me in more pain than her fists could ever cause. It was almost worse than her death- almost. To loose her, to live in a world where she wasn't, was the worst thing I'd ever had to endure, but to finally have what I wanted for so long and have her dismiss it as a mistake, it came close.
In my mind
Everything we did was right
Open your eyes, I'll still be by your side
How could I ever have been so blind?
You give me something to sleep to
at night
Then it just kept coming. More and more "meaningless" sex. At first I thought it would be enough, that she didn't have to love me, but I was wrong. For a few hours, I got to see the real Buffy, the woman she'd become, that not even her friends got to see. I got to touch her, got to make her feel. And then it would end. And she'd go, and not say a word, not look back, until something else happened that she needed an escape from.
He wakes up to the sound
So scared that she's leaving
He wishes she were still
asleep next to him
Hoping she will change
It was stupid to think she'd ever change, that one morning she would just stay, and let me tell her I love 'er, and maybe, just maybe, say it back. But I should've known that moments like that, moments of pure poetry, don't exist. They were William's bloody dream.
In my mind
Everything we did was right
Open your eyes, I'll still be by your side
How could I ever have been so blind?
You give me something to sleep to
at night
You give me something to sleep to
And all I know is
You give me something to dream to when I'm all alone and blue
Don't leave me now
Don't leave me now
I've never been loved y'know. Love's bitch for more than 120 years, and never once has it been returned. But I can't bloody help it - every time I see my Slayer I fall pathetically in love all over again. 'Cause the thing is, I only know how to love one way. Completely. Unconditionally. So no matter how many times my un-beating heart gets broken, I come back for more like an abused puppy, not knowing if I'll be petted or kicked, but wanting that attention anyways.
Don't leave me now
Don't leave me now
Don't leave me now
Don't leave me now
Don't leave me now
Don't leave me now
In my mind
Everything we did was right
Open your eyes, I'll still be by your side
How could I ever have been so blind?
You give me something to sleep to
So it continues. We'll shag, and she'll toddle off back to her friends and her life, and I'll break one more time. I tried to end it, so that maybe it wouldn't hurt so bad, but it didn't work. It'll never end until she decides it will because it's better for me than nothing. We can't be friends now, and she doesn't love me, but for a few hours, I can have her, I can have something to sleep to.
Something to sleep to
Something to sleep to at night