Hello all! I am a huge-imosso fan of the Georgia Nicolson books and find them to be the funniest books I've ever read. It's only just occured to me that there would be fan fiction about them. This is set after Love is Many Trousered Thing but I must explain something. It has been a long time since I've read the book and I sort of forget what happened. All I remember is Georgia was suddenly faced with three possible boyfriends; Dave the Laugh, Masimo and Robbie. For all I know, by the end of LIAMTT, Georgia could be going out with one of those three. But I am pretending that by the end of the 7th book she has yet to choose a boyfriend and that the summer holidays are just about to begin. I am going to read the 7th book again soon but it is currently checked out at the library. So forgive me for any mistakes I make with the time line etc.

Disclaimer: I do not own a single thing.

A Note from Georgia

Hello mes petites idiots. I mean this with the uttermost love, affection, adoration etc. etc. My apologies but you would most likely call people idiots if someone (i.e. the general population) has informed me that you OFTEN WONDER ABOUT THE MEANING OF THE WORD SNOGGING. Yes, I tell you. This is true.

Alrighty, let me flip through the maze that is my mind and see what sentances I have used with the word snogging in them. Ho hum pig's bum I an unable to find any. But let's take one I probably use often. "The Sex God snogged me to within an inch of my life." Let us think about this logically (hahahahah vair funny coming from me.) The Sex God is Robbie, who is my boyfriend. When we snog, what in the name of Jas' Giant Pantaloons did you think we were doing? Did you think the Sex God was perhaps teaching me the ways of people from Hamburger-a-gogo land? Or that maybe we were doing voo doo rituals to cast evil spells on Wet Lindsay?

Ho ho I wish we were. But the point is, snogging means kiss. 'Making out' as you Americans apparantly call it. My mad Mutti often says "How did you make out at school love?" You poor Americans. You must be scarred for life if your parents are always asking how you made out at school.

So that is just something I felt needed clearing up. Oh ho once again I have included a first rate translation type thingeymeding at the back of my new lurrvely diary for all you deprived English speaking type chaps.

Lots of luurve,

Georgia

July 1st

As it is almost the end of my dreadful hellhole-ish school term Slim has given us another one of her grand lectures. "Girls," She bellowed, her chins going utterly jelloid. "Ladies, settle down, settle down." She went on like this for about thirty eight years before she stopped. It was a pity really, I was falling asleep to her little tune of "settle down ladies, please settle down." Quite relaxing. Especially when you live in a mad loon-filled place such as I do. Last night Libby burst into my room at about two in the morning bellowing random things at the top of her little lungs.

"Tosser Gingey! TOOSSERR!!! AnGUUS! SEX BUM Gingey SEEEX BUUUM!"

I tried to awaken my dear Mutti and Vati to inform them that their youngest offspring officially speaks the language of porn but they would have nothing to do with me at such late hours in the night.

Anyway. It was quite rude of Ms. Jelloid Chins to deprive me of much needed sleep so what happened next was really bound to happen. I felt a burst of energenosity come along. I bounced my knees around and tapped my feet quite happily as two happy things for a few seconds but I soon grew bored. "Pst Jas," I stage whispered (I am a master at stage whispering.) "Jas oh pally poo. I know you hear me." Jas was ignorez vous-ing me so I had to use some more strict terms.

I poked her vair hard in the back. She nearly had a mad dither spaz. "What?"

"Hello pally wally. I am bored to le death. What shall we do? I feel a bout of disco inferno coming on and have tried to prevent it by doing a knee dance but it is not fufilling my needs. What do you suggest we do?"

Jas glared at me like two mad glaring things. Then I did a rather brilliantomossio thing by falling back into my chair and pretend Jas' evil glaring had killed me. Hahaha how I amuse myself. Slim got vair vair mad though. "Georgia Nicolson?"

"Hello," I said pleasantly.

"What do you think you're doing? Have you no respect for anyone?"

"Yes I have buckets of respect, for the entire nation. But my pal Jas here has just given me the glare of death and has forced me to tumble over into a pile of nothingness." I did a sad face in hopes I would tug at Slim's heart strings. I should have known by now that whatever heart strings Slim had were long ago broken off by too many cheeseburgers.

Anyway, the short and short of it is that I now have three days detention. Jas gets none. That is the way of le monde, as you will see. Although Slim is as dim as a very dim thing, she is apparantly becoming less dim because she called up mes parents and told them I had detention. Where normally I would just tell them I was staying late at Jas's house. They were unhappyily under the moon.

"Georgia Nicolson what do you think you're doing?" It sounded like Slim all over again. "Why can't you just be half normal for once?"

Cheers Vati. This coming from a man who is most likely a transvesite and Loon of all Loons, with his clown car and mustache.

8:39

I have three gorgeousimissio boys to choose from. All three are practically Sex Gods and would win an Olympic Sex God Event, if there were such a thing. Perhaps I should invent one. Anyway. Here are my three boys, which are causing me to be on the rack of lurve.

Dave the Laugh

Robbie, the first and true Sex God

Masimo who is vair vair Sex Godly.

I suppose I should be full of wisdomosity and try to be logical. I have been struck with a brilliant idea. I shall make a list. Hoho how I am smart. If only Slim could see me now.

Robbie: Will one day become a world famous pop star (probably anyway.) Is an uber Sex God and gives me the Call of the Horn when I see him. Is an excellent person and I am usually able to ignore the fact that he once dated Wet Lindsay. Is a vair excellentomundo singer and makes me swoon like my Muti at Dr. Gillhooley.

Dave the Laugh: Poor Dave. People only ever call him Dave the Laugh. I wonder what would happen if Dave suddenly got very depressed and serious. People could hardly call him Dave the Laugh. Perhaps they would have to call him Dave the Unlaugh. Or plain Dave. Anyway. Is an excellent nip libbler and my besty boy friend. Which would make it weird if we broke up but Hell's Bells we have split up as much as two celebrity couples who split up lots so I suppose it couldn't get any stranger. Is a good laugh, obviously.

Masimo: Oh Masimo. Is foreign and therefore already vair desirable. Is about as good looking as two greatly good looking things. Gives me the Call of the Horn as well. Is also a first rate singer and could sing the pants off a.. person who sings with their pants on. Masimo is very kind, considerate etc. as are most foreign people.. or so I imagine them to be.

I bet call-me-Arnold would say "Ask yourself what would Jesus do?" I don't think Jesus would go out with three gorgy boys for starters. So thanks a lot Arnold, that was vair helpful. Not.

But, being serious here it is a hard choice to make. I have got three lovely boys in front of me. All of them are practically screaming, "Pick me Oh Gorgeous One." I bet in the ancient years of my Mutti and Vati, everyone just went around dating everyone. You could probably have seven hundred different boyfriends at once. Perhaps I will join up to become a.. whatsit. Pyligmist. Only instead of all the men going around havivng buckets of wives, I would have tons of boyfriends. That would be le dream. And as soon as I got tired of one I would just say, "Oi you get lost." And instead of being down in the lurve dumps for ages, I would just turn to another gorgeous boyfriend and call, "Oi you get over here!" Hoho I quite fancy that idea. I shall call up my besty pall Jas and see what she thinks of this marvy idea.

9:25

Rang Jas. Her mum answered the phone. "Hello, may I speak with Jas?"

"Georgia?"

No, I thought, it is the Prime Minister calling wishing to borrow some of your cheese. "Yes, it is I Georgia."

"Hang on a second, I'll get Jas for you. JAAS!" Her mother absoloutely bellowed.

"Hello. Georgia?"

"Yes."

"Hi."

"Bonjour mon petite idiot who gives me le glare and also le detention."

"That wasn't my fault. You shouldn't have fallen back in the first place, you know what Slim's like."

"I am going to pretend I have not heard you and will proceed on with the conversation."

"I'm just trying to help you Gee!"

"Well don't."

It was vair silent. "Jas?"

"Yes?"

"What in the name of your giant knicker's are you doing? Shaving your legs perhaps?"

"No. I'm not helping you."

She is absolutely and utter-omundo bonkers. She is more bonkers than my entire Loon filled house combined. "I have been struck with a flash of genuis my dear Jas."

"Hm. That's nice."

"It is actually. You are aware of my problemo with the Sex Gods?"

There was a silence in which Jas hummed a strange tune. "I think I've heard you mention it a few times," she said.

"Harhar you crack me up Jaso. But I know what I shall do. I will become a plygimist and have boyfriends coming out my shower hose!"

"Why would you want that?" Jas asked in a very confused voice.

"Want what?" I sniped.

"Boys coming out of your shower hose. That would be quite unforunate while you were showering and whatnot."

"Jas it is a metaphor whatsit. I don't really want boys coming out of my shower hose. But I shall have all three Sex Gods as boyfriends and when they find out I shall just cry hoho boys I am a plygimist argue with that!"

"And then what do you expect them to do? Scurry back up your shower hose and say, Lovely Georgia!"

Jas frightens me sometimes. She honestly does.

July 3rd

6:43

My detentions have been utter crap. Why can't my school just be normal and make me sit in a room with the Bummer twins and do homework? But no I am forced to help Elvis clean the bloody toilets. Elvis has a mega-grudge against me and is probably counting down the days till I graduate. I tried to tell Slim that it is utter child abuse but she would have none of it. I wonder if I could call a hotline.

I am currently at my kitchen table, trying desperately to get Libby into her pajamas. My Loon parents are out for the night, down at the bar with Uncle Eddie. Libby is pretending she is a donkey and is hee-hawing all over the place. Why couldn't she be like a normal child and play at being a ballerina or a cat? "Libbs look. Your jimjams are lovely."

"Donkeys don't HEE HAAAW wear jimjams HEEE Gingey HAAAW."

"Well you are a very special donkey."

"Nooo HEEHAWAHAHAH." She said like a mad thing.

I am surprised I have lasted this long in a house like this.

7:50

Victory. Forty million years later, I managed to lure Libby into her jimjams by putting 'donkey' treats from the kitchen to her bedroom. The donkey treats are in fact raisins, but as she is Libby, she was quite content to believe she was a real donkey, eating real donkey treats. I was sitting happily on the couch eating a Jammy Dodger when the doorbell rang. I was deciding that I would just pretend no one was home but I heard a voice calling that sounded eerily like the Sex God. "Georgie? Are you home?"

"Yees. Who is it?" I asked, the picture of glaciosity.

"It is Robbie."

"Oh. Robbie! Come in!" I was so flustered I couldn't even remember that I had no lippy or mascara on, it having all run off during my mad chase after Libby and my little dinner of Jammy Dodgers. The door opened and there was his Sex God in full Sex God-liness. "Phwoar." Ohmygod. I am a perv on wheels, going Phwoar to the first boy I see.

"Why hello little gorgeous. Look I've been wanting to come around for ages but I was afraid that I might walk in and see you with.."

"Dave the Laugh?"

"Yes. Or Mamiso."

"Well no worries there!" I smacked him harder than I meant to on the back and he looked slightly pained.

"So you're not.."

"Seeing anyone? No. No I am not. I am going to though, as soon as I make up my mind. I was going to flip a coin but there are three of you and two side to a coin.. they should have a three sided coin." I trilled. Shut up brain!

"Yes well that would certainly make things easier. But I was just hoping that you might have made your mind up by now?"

"Not not yet. I'm sorry Robbie. I really am, I want to choose but I just don't know which one of you to choose."

"Maybe this will help you make up your mind." And he leaned in and kissed me (!!!!!!) There was a slight draw back to this because at that very moment Libby threw herself at Robbie.

"TOOSSER!! DON'T EAT MY GINGEY!!!!!!!!!!" She screamed, violently pounding Robbie in the chest.