So, I Don't Know If This Is Only Going To Be A Shortie. I Might Write It Was AU. Bella/Jacob Story, But I Still Don't Know. We'll See.
Anyways, The Characters In This Shortie Are Not Mine, They Belong To Stephenie Meyers. =)
Torn
It's raining again, but yet again when wasn't it. Life in Forks has become a reflection of my own life. Plain, dull and boring. The cloudy weather reminds me of the overcast in my heart. Sooner or later I would go insane, just lose whatever sanity I have left. It's been 4 weeks, 3 days, 8 and a half hours and roughly 27-wait make that 28 minutes since he left me. And life as I once knew it is was slipping from my fingertips.
Rene has threaten to come up here and get me. I figure that in about a week Phil will be flying somewhere new and she'll forget all about me. Everyone forgets in the end. Charlie looks at me with concerning eyes when we have dinner, I mostly think it's because of the knife I have in hand. He must think I'm suicidal. Even in this state of mind I don't think I could handle watching the blood drain from my veins.
Even though it has only been a bit over a month, it has felt like years have past since I last saw his face. Years since I last heard his voice, and slowly I am forgetting what he truly sounds like. Come on Bella, concentrate really hard on the sound of his voice. The voice of an angel, the voice that made your knees weak. Remember the different shades he's eyes would change, from the onyx to light honey. The eyes that would peirce your soul and take your very breathe away.
It feels like my heart is in my throat and it has become difficult to breathe. But it will leave soon just like he did. I'm sitting on my window still looking out into the forest. I can see my reflection on the glass. I don't look like myself. My skin has become paler then it once was. Underneath my eyes there are dark purple bags. I don't care about put any effort into being presentable. All I have to worry about is finishing school, which is seven agonizing month ahead.
My social life was no more, when school is finished I come straight home. Come home do my homework and cook dinner, Eat with Charlie, talk about nothing and then take a shower, Fall asleep and repeat it all over again the next day. My life was a routine, nothing unexpected happened. Nothing that I deeply desired happened. I drive to school, and park where he use to park his volvo. Everyday, I expected him to show up. When he doesn't, I go inside. I set myself up for failure everyday, and everyday I get disappointed.
At lunch I sit with Angela, Ben, and Mike. Jessica and her group sit with us too, but after a while they stopped trying to have a conversation with me. Angela, Ben and Mike have been really good to me, they understand they can't push change upon me. They see that I am broken and they are trying to help, but they know it will take time.
"Time will heal all wounds", that saying is total bullshit. When your wounds are so deep you lose track of time, you feel like a little period of time has extended itself on for years. Even when your wounds are healed there will always be a scar to remind you of what you went through. A constant reminder of the pain you had to live through at the roughest point in your life. The saying should be " Time will heal your wounds eventually but look out you'll always have a scar!"
Rene's threat become a reality about four days after she called me. She came to Forks while I was at school and started packing my things. When I got home, she had everything by the door.
"Come on Bella, The sun will do you a lot of good. I've missed you." she tried reaching for my hand, "Come home."
My blood started boiling, my face became heated. My body was shaking wildly as I screamed, "I AM HOME!" I grabbed the closet box near me, and run upstairs with it. I started unpacking, my hand were not cooperating with me due to all the shaking.
"Now listen to me Isabella Swan, You are coming with me! This is not your home, you belong in Phoenix with me. Just look at yourself. You don't belong here!" she ripped the shirt I had in my hand.
Alice bought me that shirt over the summer, at first I didn't like it. I didn't think it was my style, but Alice has a way of convincing people and it was Edward's favourite color on me.
"You ripped my shirt! You just ripped it! How dear you come here and try to take me away? This is my home now. You can't make me leave!" I screamed as ran downstairs to grab another box. Charlie was standing near the boxes and when he saw me approach he block my way.
"Isabella Marie Swan, don't scream at your mother." He said looking down, as he tried keeping me away from the boxes.
"Rene, you can't make me leave. It was my choice to come here, it will be me who decides when I leave. Charlie, you need me here. You can't even cook, you might end up in the hospital." I was pacing back and forth at this point. My voice was cracking, and the tears where running freely from my eyes. "You can't make me leave. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME LEAVE."
I fell onto my knees and I rap my arms around my stomach. I feel like I am bearing torn apart. I repeatedly shake my head back and forth, and whisper over and over "I need to stay here. This is my home."
Rene comes and takes me in her arms, and rocks me back and forth. This is the mostly motherly think I ever remember her doing. She strokes my hairs and says, "Bella, hunny you need to calm down."
"I will only calm down if I stay here. I need to stay here."
"Bella, he's not coming back," she whispers.
I get up, and grab a box and it takes all I have in me to respond, "He might."
I can see the pain in Rene's eyes as she gets up. She doesn't say anything, but she grabs the box in my hand and takes it upstairs. Thankfully she only packed three boxes and I grabbed the last box. I see Charlie in the corner, his hands in his hair. He's bent forward, and at that moment he seemed much older then he really was. I feel bad that I put both of them through this. When I got upstairs Rene was already sorting through my cloths and putting some away. She didn't hear me when I came in, and was a little taken back when she saw me hanging around my door.
"Bella you scared me," she said putting a hand over her heart, "I really wish you would reconsider."
"Mom, don't even start. I want to stay here. This is my home. I'm not like you. Forks has become a part of who I am. Even if...h-he's not here anymore." I walk up next to her, "I can put everything away. I really want to sleep now."
She gives me a gentle kiss on the forehead and walks out of my room.
That night, my dream was more vivid then it had been in days. I dreamt that the Cullen's had returned. I was about 50 years old, and they look even more beautiful then ever. Alice was the first to visit me.
"Bella? You aged beautifully. You still dress horribly though," She smiled, but she knew what I wanted to hear. There was great sadness in her eyes.
"Alice, where's Edward?" I asked, as calm as I could.
"He told me not to say anything."
"Why not Alice? I'm capable to handle anything. I am a grown women after all. After all these years, he still can't trust me can he?"
"He still is very stubborn, you've got that part right."
"Alice, please tell me."
And then she disappered and all I heard was laughing. They were laughing at me, They never loved me. I was the stupid human girl that fell in love with vampire. I was just a form of entertainment for them. I was nothing but a joke.
I woke up screaming, my forehead was glazed with sweat and it felt like my heart was beating out of my chest. I grabbed my blanket and wrapped it tight around me. I tried calming my breathing, but it didn't work. My hands were shaking and tears were running freely down my cheeks. That's how I fell asleep that night, I cried.