A/N This had been in my mind for some time now, scribbled on pieces of paper at work. It's a nice little one shot tragedy based on Quinns point of view. As always I don't own Glee, any of the characters or anything like that. The only thing I own is this story line written below. If I did own Glee I'd have Quinn going to prom with Rachel and Jessie wouldn't be in the show.
When it's all said and done what will you really remember of this life I've lead? The cheerleader who was too chicken shit to come forward when the opportunity presented itself. Or will you remember that I tried and finally got the harassment of the blue members topped. It doesn't much matter in the long run does it, cause the ending is stll the same. Despite all the smiles, laughter, there was the bullet that stopped everything.
He wasn't someone I recognized right away, and maybe that's part of it why it happened. All I saw was the flash from the end of the gun. I remember the pain I felt that was more intense than anything I've ever felt in my short life. The look on my friends faces as first I fell to the ground then they did. Still have no idea why they didn't shot Brittney and aimed so true to Santana. Well that's not true, Brittney never hurt anyone directly like Santana did. It was all over so fast, the guy fled after unloading the gun. News channels would say later he had been a student at the high school who Puck had thrown in the dumpster daily. That was a good enough explanation for them why he had had more bullets in him than we had. What didn't make sense was why he was dead, why Santana was dead and I had to still be alive, why Brittney was still alive.
Later my mother would say that Santana had stepped in front of me when she saw the gun and had been credited with saving my life. No one thought anything of the fact she hadn't jumped in front of Brittney, she must have know Brittney would be safe. That news just makes me miss her that much more because when you get down to it, despite the bitch she was on the outside, Santana was a true friend. Those are hard to come by to begin with, but once you hit high school they're even harder to keep. I keep catching myself dialing their numbers before I realize they won't pick up. This is getting harder and harder without them and I'm thankful for whatever Brittney to be spared because to have to go through this alone I don't think I would still be here. But both of us aren't stupid in thinking we're enough for each other to survive. We're just enough to maybe start to think about healing.
Going back to school was being shot all over again when we passed by the spot it all had happened. The students had put flowers and candles all up, even though the display extended into half the hallway no one seemed bothered by the slowing of traffic as everyone allowed themselves to be a little bit late for classes so the shrine that needed to still be there was there. Brittney sees one photo on the locker of her in Santana's arms and burst into tears, I held her but found myself unable to cry. The tears won't come at all and I'm left feeling almost paralyzed as I sit on the ground holding Brittney with my good arm, the non-shot one. There was no point to this, none, what the fucking hell good is this? I tell Brittney I have to go and we walk to the auditorium, hopefully no one will be there and we can just sit there until the final bell rings. But as we enter the auditorium I see a figure sitting in front, it gets up and I immediately know it's Finn. Brittney rushes to him, he opens his arms to her as I continue to stand, frozen. I keep forgetting he lost his best friend too, I realize I haven't even thought about calling him and immediately think I'm a horrible friend. Finn notices me just standing there and breaks his hug with Brittney to walk up to me and give me a hug. God I missed him, why the hell does it take something this drastic to make you miss a friend even if is a former lover.
The final bell rings and I along with Finn and Brittney make my way to Glee for the first time since the shooting. Mr. Shue is out of his element as he looks at Brittney and me, speechless except for tears. He tries to say in a tone of Santana that we all just need to keep going but the forcefulness just isn't there. No one's hearts are in the music and it turns into a counseling session instead. I can't do this yet, it hurts every time anyone says sorry, let alone even try to talk about the event. I just stare forward unable to do anything beyond nod, which every one takes as me simply being in shock still. It's only you, Rachel, taking my hand in yours that gets me to finally cry. In everything I forgot about you, the reason I came back to school at all. You're still here, still alive. Santana and Puck are dead, but you, Rachel, are still alive. I've got to remember that, I've still got a reason for living.