Notes:
Pairing: Roman Reigns x Reader / Joe Anoa'i x Reader
Warnings: angst, some fluff
Originally published here: post/169659971816/whataya-want-from-me-songfic-roman-reigns-x
P!nk - Whataya want from me
The song used for this SongFic was Whataya want from me by P!nk. Since I'm not allowed to post the lyrics here, please look them up accordingly. :-)
"What is it Y/N? I don't know what to do. Seriously, no matter what I'm doing it seems as if it's wrong all the damn time. What do you actually want from me?", Joe wanted to know from you, his voice louder than he wanted it to be. You looked at your boyfriend, not really knowing how to respond as anger and fear were occupying your mind. You had only started dating six months ago and kept arguing for most of the time. You knew that you didn't make it easy for him, often bitching about things no one else would care about. But the truth was… You were afraid. Your last relationship wasn't easy with your ex being an abusive asshole. Not that he would have beaten you up or something like that but he was abusing you verbally. And sometimes words could hurt more than actions. No matter what you did, there was always a reason for him to complain, even about the tiniest of things, like his coffee not being hot enough or the apartment not being clean enough. You couldn't even count how often you have heard that you're too dumb to make anything right or that you were just worthless with regard to anything you were doing. And that left a huge scar on your soul. Something only your best friend knew about. You didn't have the guts to tell Joe anything about that, being afraid that he would call you weak.
You knew that he was different but opening up to him was something you just couldn't do. You actually preferred to build a wall around you, rather cussing him out for his actions than admitting any of your fears. "Come on babe talk to me.", Joe tried again, giving you enough time to answer. You couldn't help but tear up a little bit. You knew that the relationship between the two of you was new although you had known him for quite some time already. But truth was that you loved the man in front of you more than anything else. And you were plain scared that you would push him away by acting like an ice queen, all because you didn't want him to know about your past relationship.
"Hey it's okay baby", your boyfriend said before taking a closer step to you, wrapping his arms around your silhouette and pressing you to his chest. You wanted to break free but you couldn't. You were tired of holding it back, of going through those words that hurt so much again and again. You needed him, you needed his arms around you, you needed him to just be there. And most of all – and you realized that more in that moment than ever before – you needed to be honest with him. But in exactly that moment you couldn't. Right now you just wanted to feel safe in his arms and to let your emotions, that had been bottled up for so long, out. That's why you wrapped your arms around Joe's body, burying your face in his strong chest, not saying a word.
You didn't want to but you couldn't hold back your tears for much longer so you just gave in. You cried over all of those words that cut through you like knives making you feel like you were nothing. And although Joe didn't know what bothered you, he intentionally did the right thing. He hold you close, gently rubbing over your back before getting his hand up to caress the back of your head while softly mumbling: "It's okay sweetheart, whatever bothers you let it out. I'm here to listen if you want to open up to me." You slightly nodded your head although you were not being able to talk since you were sobbing uncontrollably, hugging him even tighter.
And once again you asked yourself what you had done to deserve such a wonderful man by your side. You knew that he could never hurt you the way your ex did and that was worth so much more than you could have ever expected.
It took you couple of minutes until you calmed down so far that you could loosen the hug in order to look up at Joe's face. Strains of tears were still running down your cheek. Joe wiped them away with one of his thumbs before he wanted to know fully concerned: "What's bothering you babe? I really want to help you, I really do. But you need to let me in." You nodded your head, softly whispering: "I know that I have to. And I would have already if it wasn't that hard."
"Is it something I have said or done?", Joe asked, carefully rubbing your cheek as you leaned in closer into the soft touch of his hand. "No it's nothing you have done. You are perfectly fine, this one is only on me.", you whispered. As you could see the confused look on his face you took a deep breath, gathering all your courage, before you tried to explain: "Listen babe, no one else knows. I mean sure Y/BFF/N does, but she is practically the only one. Before we started dating I was in a relationship that was not exactly healthy."
You could tell that Joe wanted to interrupt you hence why you silenced him right away by laying your index finger over his mouth, saying: "No please just listen. It's more than hard already. My ex… he didn't beat me up or something like that but he understood how he could cause me even more pain with what he was saying. I can't even tell you how often I have heard that I should be glad that I'm with him because I couldn't do better due to what a failure in life I was. This was during a time where I already felt insecure and… well… I guess I believed him, took everything he said by heart. It's just…" You took another deep breath before continuing: "I have listened to that for over a year. I started to believe every word he was saying and those words have left more scars on my soul that I ever wanted to admit."
You almost lost yourself in those beautiful brown eyes that not only showed so much compassion but also flickers of anger that appeared here and there. You shrugged your shoulders as you sadly added: "He messed me up, I guess. And I'm so sorry that you have to deal with it now."
„Don't you ever be sorry for what you had to go through babe. That guy is an absolute asshole and deserves the living shit being beaten out of him. If you just give me his address I can take care of that asap.", Joe groaned while the grip of his hands around your shoulders slightly tightened. You had to crack a smile as you were listening to his words. No matter how bad you felt, Joe always knew how to make you feel better. And him not making fun of you for taking everything that had happened by heart but rather understanding you, made you love him even more. „That's sweet but I rather not visit you in jail once you were down with him", you smiled up at him before you added: „Listen hun, I know that I'm not the easiest person around but I'm trying. If you can give me some time I'm pretty sure that I can work it out. If you can't or don't want to, I can understand. It would hurt seeing you end things but I could understand it." You had to stop yourself from tearing up again.
Joe was slightly shaking his head before he gave you a heartwarming smile. „I will give you all the time in the world that you need baby girl. I want you to know that I will never hurt you, neither physically nor emotionally. I want us to have a great future together, build on trust and mutual respect. I love you and nothing in this world can or will change that. I'm just asking you for one thing…", he said. You looked up at him questioningly as you wanted to know: „Sure what is it?"
He leaned down and gave you a soft kiss that you instantly could have gotten lost into. When he broke it he looked you deep in the eyes and said: „Whenever you feel terrible or your past comes to haunt you, just tell me right away. I will make sure to show you that none of this is true baby girl." His voice was deep and raspy, sending shivers down your spine. And you knew that he was not lying. He would definitely do anything to show you how much you meant to him. „I will, I can promise you that. I love you", you smiled before sealing your promise with another kiss that Joe gladly responded to.