Baby Finn and Mommy Rachel

Summary: After receiving a knock to the head, Finn wakes up and believes that he's four years old. Depression ripples through McKinley High, in sadness for its damaged hero. Finchel, serious crack, one-shot.

Characters/pairings: Finn Hudson/Rachel Berry, other New Directions members, Will Schuester, Emma Pillsbury, David Dawson (OC), Sue Sylvester, Principal Figgins, Carole Hudson, other original characters.

Author's note: Oh, Glee crack plot bunnies, you know little of how much you mess up my mental health. LOL. This follows along the same timeline as my fic "Emotional Connections", and you might find that it helps to read that one first.

Warnings/spoilers: Crack, very angsty bits, damaged!shirtless!Finn, weepy!Mommy!Rachel, mild sexual references, Sylar residing in Dave's head, more crack. No spoilers.

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, Heroes inspired stuff, the recycled joke from The IT Crowd, nor the songs referenced. You thought that I owned Glee, which is nice of you, but sadly, no…*sad, dreamy sigh*.

MR. SCHUE: So here's an update. Finn scored three touchdowns. He felt good and there was a lot of celebration...

FINN: Go McKinley Titans! Woohoo! [He blows a kiss to Rachel sitting in the stands. She giggles, "catches" the kiss and plants it on her cheek.]

MR. SCHUE: ...Sue won yet another trophy, and she had no more room to display it...

SUE [holding trophy]: When you're as brilliant as me, running out of trophy shelf space is the most I have to worry about...and that is how Sue sees it.

MR. SCHUE: ...Quinn has really nice hair. It can't be said enough...

QUINN: I now do shampoo commercials. I love my life. :-)

MR. SCHUE: ...and that's what you missed on...GLEE. [School bell rings.]

Rachel watched her boyfriend, Finn, tear up the football field and score another touchdown. She cheered proudly. That was her Finn - athletic, kind hearted, good looking, funny, sweet, a great singer and dancer, and ooh. Yes, that was how she best described Finn - ooh.

A shocked gasp from the people around her snapped Rachel out of her dreamy state. When she looked back to the field, she saw a scene from her worst nightmare. Finn was lying, unmoving, with his helmet a couple of feet away. "Finn!" Rachel shrieked, and ran onto the filed, as if in slow motion. Pushing her way through the pack of footballers, she kneeled next to her boyfriend's still unmoving form. He was still breathing, at least. She stood up and rounded angrily on the footballers.

'Okay, who did this to him?' she demanded. None of them owned up. Her eyes looked ready to commit murder in front of everyone. 'I will see you all afterwards,' she growled, and resumed kneeling next to Finn. 'Finn, can you hear me? Please wake up!' His eyes fluttered opened, and he grinned. 'Sunshine Corazon,' he said, and blacked out again. Rachel stiffened at the mention of her rival's name. This was not good.

A stretcher was brought in, and Finn was swiftly whisked away. The crowd watched on silently. The Titans lost the game, but that did not matter to Rachel, or anyone else for that matter. What did matter was that Finn would be okay. In the school's medical room, Nurse Bee-Bee examined a still unconscious Finn carefully, while Rachel watched, sickened with worry. Suddenly, Finn's eyes opened slowly. Rachel squeezed his hand. 'Finn?'

'Mommy.' Finn smiled, as he said this in a little boy's voice. Rachel was a little confused, but was glad that Finn was awake again. 'Oh, Finn, you're okay!'

'Of course I'm okay, Mommy.' Finn looked around the room. 'Why is there a nurse here? Am I in trouble?' He was still talking in that voice, and he looked afraid. Rachel's concern grew by the second. 'Finn, how old are you?'

'I'm four years old. I can count to four. One, two, three, four!"

Rachel stared, her mouth opened in horror. Her worst nightmare was not watching Finn get injured while playing sports, it was what was happening right now.

Carole Hudson came to collect Finn, but he didn't even recognize her as his Mom. 'You're not my Mom, Rachel is.' No amount of coaxing would convince him otherwise. It was eventually decided that Finn stay with Rachel for the night while things were being sort out. Luckily, Carole liked Rachel, and trusted her implicitly with Finn's safety.

Finn fell asleep during the drive to Rachel's home. She gently woke him up once she had parked, and walked him up the stairs to his bedroom. She was scared that he would injure himself further if she left his sight. He slept safely in her queen sized bed. She lay next to him and eventually did the same.

When she woke next to a shirtless Finn (as in Finn Hudson, not some random guy from Finland; that would just be disturbing) the next morning, Rachel almost freaked out. Had she really done the nasty with her boyfriend in her own bed last night? Then she remembered what actually happened, and breathed a small sigh of relief. She rubbed Finn's arm gently. 'Finn, dear, wake up.'

Finn opened his eyes. Sweeping aside some dirty thoughts that inconveniently entered her head at that moment, Rachel asked, 'How old are you?'

'I'm four. One, two, three, four.'

Rachel sighed dejectedly. 'Wrong answer. You're sixteen.' She got out of bed, helped Finn to get dressed, and made pancakes for breakfast. Fortunately, four-year-old Finn enjoyed her pancakes as much as sixteen-year-old Finn.

Carole came around and dropped off Finn's clothing, and other essentials. Like before, the boy didn't recognize his own Mom. It was Saturday, so thank goodness that it was not a school day. Rachel spent all weekend trying to snap Finn out of it, but with no luck. She showed Finn photos of them doing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff (it's not what you think - get your minds out of the gutter, people) and glee club candid shots. Finn stared at them blankly, then demanded to hold Mr. Squiggles, Rachel's teddy bear. She played her recordings of them singing together, and the boy fell asleep.

Come Monday, Rachel felt depressed. She had however, found a song that Finn liked and had arranged for it to be performed at glee club, mitigating her angst somewhat. She didn't want to take Finn to school, but she couldn't leave Finn alone so there wasn't a choice. Anyhow, glee club was having an emergency meeting today. Rachel hoped it would help to make Finn better.

The Glee clubbers gave Finn funny looks, as he played with Mr. Squiggles. 'I've tried everything,' Rachel wailed.

'He's a four-year-old,' Brittany commented. 'I've made out with him, and now I feel like a Peter File.'

'I think you mean pedophile,' Artie said.

'Shut it, Wheels,' Santana growled, putting a comforting arm around Brittany.

'No, you shut it, Santana,' Artie retorted.

All at once, arguments broke out between the glee club members. Mr. Schue had to yell to make himself heard. 'Time out, everyone! We are on the same side, so let's figure out how to help Finn.'

'There are things that he likes,' Rachel said with a wry smile. 'Mr. Squiggles for one. My hair. Also, The Sound of Music.' Kurt looked up in interest. 'To demonstrate, I have arranged a number,' Rachel continued.

'Oh no, please, don't let this happen,' Puck moaned, and buried his head in his hands.

Rachel led Finn in front of the group and band started to play. 'High on the hill was a lonely goatherd,' Rachel sang.

'Lay-ee-ho-lay-ee-ho-lay-ee-hoo', Finn sang in his high pitched, four-year-old voice.

'Loud was the voice of the lonely goatherd.'

'Lay-ee-ho-lay-ee-ho-doo-loo.'

Most of the glee club blocked their ears and tried to find a happy place, while Finn and Rachel continued to sing, oblivious to the distress they were causing. Even Mr. Schue watched with an expression of terror. Only Kurt joined in the singing.

Mr. Schue stood up once the song had finished, and said, 'Rachel, I need to be honest with you. Singing that song with Finn, and treating him like a little child is not helping.'

'Mr. Schue is right,' Mercedes chimed in. 'With a four-year-old as our male lead singer, we'll be laughing stock of the competition. I want my Mama.'

'Without Finn's brilliant wheelchair pushing skills, I won't be able to get around the football field. The Titans will become a giant ball of suck again,' Artie cried.

'He's so cute,' Brittany commented, motioning to Finn. 'Do we get to keep him?'

Mr. Schue heard a bell ring. He had to check that it was in fact not the fire alarm, but an alarm bell sounding in his head. If Finn didn't get back to normal very soon, McKinley's football team and glee club would be finished.

'I'm sorry,' Rachel said, breaking into Mr. Schue's thoughts. 'You guys are right. Let's get Finn to become a teenager again.'

They all sang improvised songs like, "Finn, you're sixteen, sweet sixteen, so please snap out of it", but this just sent the boy to sleep. So much for that, then.

Rachel had to stay with the Finn the rest of the morning, because he ran around the school hallways as if playing a merry game, posing a hazard to himself and everyone around him. She chided him as a mother would scold a child, and for all intents and purposes, they had a mother-son relationship right now. Eventually, Rachel dragged Finn to Emma Pillsbury's office during lunchtime. Emma watched with concern as Finn drew a picture of children playing, using crayons.

'Finn,' Emma said. Finn looked up. 'I like your hair, Miss,' he said. 'Have you met my Mommy before? Her name is Rachel. She has lovely hair too.'

'Thank you, dear. I have met your Mommy before, but her name is Carole. You're sixteen, Finn, and Rachel is your girlfriend. Rachel is the same age as you.'

'Everyone keeps saying that, but they are wrong! Rachel is my Mommy!' Finn began bawling. Rachel embraced him, quieting him down.

'I'm sorry,' Emma said, morosely.

'No, don't be,' Rachel replied just as morosely. 'Thank you for trying.' Rachel and Finn left the office quickly. Will Schuester entered and Emma rushed over to him for a hug. 'Oh, that poor child. How could this happen to Finn, of all people?' Emma asked, emotionally. 'I don't know,' Will said, feeling helpless.

Rachel got special permission from Principal Figgins to take Finn home, since high school was no place for a sixteen-year-old who believed he was actually four-years- old. Figgins told her that she could be absent from school for as much time as was needed to get Finn better, and promised to arrange for her coursework to be mailed to her, since he's awesome like that.

Rachel flew to Detroit to meet with Dr. Edmund Schnitzelback, one of the country's leading psychiatrists. The school felt obliged to fund the trip, since Finn's accident happened on the school grounds. Try as he might, Dr. Schnitzelback could do nothing to help Finn get back to normal. 'Everything I have tried has not worked,' Dr. Schnitzelback said, gravely. 'I'm sorry for your loss.'

Rachel stood up, and gazed levelly at him. 'Finn is not dead. I will get my boyfriend back, or my name is not Rachel Maria Berry!' Rachel's two Dads had loved The Sound of Music, hence her middle name.

Safely back at home, Rachel looked at Finn sadly. 'I'm sorry, Finn. I don't know what I can do to help you.'

'Would it help if we sang about our favorite things?'

Rachel doubted this, but still joined Finn in singing about raindrops on roses, whiskers on kittens, snowflakes and wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings. She did feel better, but not for long, since she and everyone else wanted the Finn that they knew and loved to come back.

Rachel and Finn sat on the front lawn that night. The girl looked upwards and said to anyone who would listen, 'Please help Finn. He made a mistake, by forgetting to fasten the strap on his helmet. It won't happen again. He's a good person, so please make him sixteen again. I can't marry a four-year-old. I just can't. Oh God, please, no-' Her voice broke, and she sobbed into Finn's chest. Now it was Rachel's turn to lie like a child in Finn's arms. 'Don't cry, Mommy. It'll be okay.' Finn said soothingly, and held her gently. He didn't understand what Rachel was saying, but he knew when his Mommy was in torment. They fell asleep on the lawn, wrapped in a blanket.

A depression descended on the school, like a thunderstorm. The football team and glee club were feeling flat without Finn, and glee club even missed Rachel too. The younger students who looked up to Finn felt lost without their school hero's presence.

'Explain to me why you think I can do anything to help,' Dave Dawson said to Will Schuester, raising an eyebrow. They were in Will's office, with Rachel and Finn. 'I mean, I really do wanna help,' Dave continued, 'But I'm not a brain specialist or anything.'

'You met Finn just before his accident,' Rachel explained. 'We thought that if you were around him, we could trigger a memory.'

'Okay,' Dave said, uncertainly, but he was going to do all he could to help anyway. He felt that he owed it to Finn for causing conflict between Rachel and Finn, after his duet with the girl, even if he didn't mean to cause the conflict.

'Hi Finn,' Dave said.

'Hi, Mr. Dawson.' Will, Dave and Rachel shared hopeful looks.

'So, you do remember me,' Dave remarked.

'Oh yes! You sang with my Mommy.'

'At least we know he's not fully brain damaged,' said Dave. 'He still has some accurate recollection. Hmm. Give me you hands, kiddo.'

Finn obediently held out his hands, which were bigger than Dave's. Dave took his hands and studied it carefully, like he was trying to read the boy's future. Something happened to Dave at that instant. The being that called himself Sylar, which resided in a deep recess of Dave's mind, activated his clairsentience ability. This was the ability to learn an object or subject's history, just by touching it. Dave sensed that the hands had gripped footballs as firmly as an ancient warrior would grip a spear, and that those same hands had held Rachel with the softness of a young man in love.

Dave rose to his feet slowly, and said, 'Finn, I'm going to look inside your brain.' Will and Rachel gave him a funny look.

'You're going to cut my head open?' Finn asked, and shrank into his chair. Dave said, 'No, I'm going to hold your head in my hands. It's a gift that I have. I'm a friend of Rachel's. I'm your friend too, Finn.'

Finn looked at Rachel, who smiled at him reassuringly, even if she didn't understand what was going on. 'Okay,' said Finn. Dave positioned a chair so that he was facing Finn, who was also seated. Putting his hands on the boy's head, he surrendered himself to Sylar, who had another ability to know how things worked, including the human brain. After much searching, he located the damaged pieces of Finn's brain, and tried desperately to mend the broken pieces. He fell just short each time.

He stood up, and exclaimed, 'I almost got there. I need help from another person, and there is only one woman who can do this.'

'Who?' Will and Rachel asked together, fearing the answer.

'Sue Sylvester. Wait here.' Dave rushed out the door, leaving Will and Rachel to share an incredulous look.

Fifteen minutes later, Dave returned with Sue. 'Your little doggy Dave wouldn't stop hounding me, William,' Sue spat. 'All this nonsense about me knowing how everything in the school works. I should have Figgins ban the lot of you from setting foot on school grounds again.'

'Please, Sue, put aside your ill feelings and help Finn. You're his last hope.'

'On one condition - that ten percent of glee club's budget is given to the Cheerios.'

'Sue, glee club is struggling enough financially,' Will protested. 'I can only give three percent.'

'Five percent,' Sue said, because she did feel slightly sorry for glee club, against her will. Also, her Cheerios squad were performing with less enthusiasm without football hero Finn in action, not that Will had to know that.

'Deal,' Will said.

'Good. Now, you and Miss Dingleberry will leave. I'm distracted by both of your luxurious heads of hair.' Dave nodded, and Will and Rachel left to wait outside, shutting the door behind them.

Dave showed Sue where to position her hand on Finn's head and repeated the process. He located the damaged area of Finn's brain, and gave it an almighty push. 'We're almost there, Sue! Concentrate on fitting the puzzle together.' Dave heard an audible series of clicks. It was done. Sweat covered both of his and Sue's foreheads.

'Dave? Coach Sylvester? What happened?' Finn asked.

Rachel paced. 'They've been in there for ages,' she muttered. As if on cue, the door opened, and Dave emerged with Sue. 'It's done,' Sue said without emotion. 'Go kiss your boyfriend.'

Rachel ran into the office. 'Finn!'

'Rachel!'

'Is you really you? Are you back to normal again?'

'Yep, I sure am. I'm sixteen-' He was interrupted by Rachel, who had begun to snog the life out of him. When she finally paused to take a breath, she warned, 'Don't you ever do that to me again.'

'Wouldn't dream of it,' Finn replied immediately, because he wanted to get back to kissing and fondling Rachel, oh yes please.

'Thank you both,' Will said, shaking Dave and Sue's hands.

'I'm glad that my brilliant services came in useful,' Sue said. She had a new respect for Dave. 'Now, if you'll excuse me gentlemen, I must get back to my office and polish my trophies.'

The next day...

It was two weeks since Finn's accident. Principal Figgins addressed the school assembly. 'Good news, everyone. Finn Hudson is back to normal. He's sixteen again.' Finn, standing to the right of him, waved to the assembly, which was met with rapturous cheering.

'Thank you all for your patience during this difficult period for the school,' Figgins continued. 'I would like to thank the people on my left in particular. Rachel Berry, for taking care of Finn.'

Rachel flashed a blinding smile, which dazzled the entire assembly. They clapped, politely.

'Dave Dawson, for helping to fix Finn's brain.' There was applause. 'He has been rewarded with a year's supply of You-Tunes vouchers.' Dave grinned. You could never have enough You-Tunes vouchers.

'Finally, Sue Sylvester for also helping to fix Finn's brain, and for being the most valuable teacher at the school. Give it up for Coach Sylvester!' The assembly erupted into wild cheering, for Sue would expect nothing less.

'Glee club has prepared a special number to celebrate Finn's full recovery. Make some noise!' Figgins and the teachers sat down, and glee club got into position. They performed "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba. The whole school had been knocked down, in a metaphorical sense, but it got up again. The school sang and danced along.

Before each football match, Finn made doubly sure that his helmet was secured. He didn't get seriously hurt after that.

Rachel hid the photo album she had made, titled, 'Four-year-old Finn'. Nobody ever found out about the photos, and Rachel took them out now and again to cackle with evil delight. It was kind of funny, now that she looked back at it.

With much gleefulness all around, they all lived happily ever after.

The End

Don't read too much into anything in this fic. It was just cuteness that popped into my head. I hope you enjoyed reading this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please review.