Releasing Inner Demons
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS or any of the characters associated or mentioned in this story. CBS and Paramount own everything but the plot. I own the plot and the words written in this story.
Author's Note: Hellloooo. Back again with another ONE-SHOT. But I've had to split it into two parts, because it's so long. Hope you guys like this one. And I should warn you guys, I'm not the quickest at updating. So be aware. Anyway... this is part one. Enjoy :)
Summary: Everyone has secrets. Everyone has some things they don't want the world to see, that they just want to stay hidden. Some people hide behind a mask every day. Some people bury their emotions so deep to never reveal those things that caused them so much pain. But every now and then, secrets are revealed...
"Doesn't everyone have something they're afraid of?"
The Major Case Response Team at NCIS looked at the man who stood before them, a look of dread on their faces. They were not looking forward to this. But they never did when it came to their mandatory psychological evaluations.
There had been many psychologists that had performed these evaluations at the NCIS headquarters who hadn't particularly enjoyed it either, especially when it came to evaluating a certain team – Gibbs' team. They were a difficult team to deal with for many reasons. And anyone that worked with them knew that.
Some psychologists said it was because they tried to avoid their evaluations at all cost, many of them being irritated by the lack of straight answers they received when they did manage to get a hold of the team. And many of them were concerned about this team's wellbeing. They were worried they were traumatized by events that had happened in some of their lives, particularly Gibbs and Tony's. They worried the results of these events interfered with their ability to do their jobs. Some of them even worried they shouldn't still be a team. And they were all quite aware rules had been bended for this team a many number of times over the years.
But then there were the psychologists who were fascinated by Gibbs' team. They were intrigued and wanted to attempt to understand them. They were interested in knowing how they worked and what made them tick. Although they knew they were a complicated team to understand, many of them were well aware that this team wasn't just a team, that they were a family. They watched out for each other. They did whatever they could to protect each other. They didn't care of the consequences if a situation were to arise when one of them was injured or sick or in trouble. They had each other's six. And many of these psychologists respected them for that. But they still had their problems, just like any family.
But this particular psychologist hadn't quite made his mind up yet. All he knew was that this team was going to be difficult to evaluate. Difficult but interesting.
"Special Agent Gibbs, you will be first." Dr. Michael Hanson spoke in a serious tone as he stood in front of the former marine.
"You are all to cooperate this time." Director Vance spoke from beside the doctor, eyeing each member of the team, clearly there to make sure they didn't try to avoid the evaluations this time. "Including you Agent Gibbs."
Gibbs starred back at his boss for a moment, standing straight with his arms at his sides. "Director." He spoke with a slight nod. With that, he followed the psychologist out of the bullpen.
Director Vance looked at the three remaining team members before walking round to the stairs that would lead him to his office. Once he was up the stairs and in his office, completely out of site, Tony and McGee shared a look.
"This is bad." Tony spoke.
McGee nodded slightly from his desk. "You worried Tony?"
He scoffed. "Worried? Nah, I'll pass with flying colors. I meant the boss man. He was first, and he's not got his morning coffee." He cringed.
"You're the one with the deep seeded psychological problems Tony. You should be worried more about yourself."
"Deep seeded psychological problems? I'll have you know I've passed every single one of those evaluations."
"Yeah, through your charm."
Tony opened his mouth to say something but Bishop interrupted him before he had the chance. "How bad could it be?"
Tony and McGee looked at each other before turning their attention back to the blonde. "Tell her McGee."
"A lot of the psychologists report that we're too unstable to do our jobs."
"Unstable?"
"Oh no, not just unstable. Difficult. They always save our team until last." Tony remarked. "Couldn't think why though." He muttered.
"Yeah and some have recommended to the Director we should be split into different teams." McGee added.
"That bad huh?" Bishop replied.
"Hey, but to be fair, that shrink needed some help of her own, remember McGee?" Tony exclaimed as he turned towards the man in his chair.
"Yeah and afterwards, I recall her wanting to sleep with you, right before she was dragged out by security."
"Well, who could blame her? Have you seen how attractive I am?" He smirked, raising his hands up in the air, gesturing to himself. "And did you see how hot she was?"
"Yeah no wonder you were attracted to her. She was messed up." McGee paused for a moment as he pretended to think. "Come to think of it, she would have been perfect for you. You always go for the messed up ones."
Tony was hurt by that comment but he didn't show it, not even the slightest. "Hey, not every woman I've been with was messed up." He said defensively.
"Name one Tony."
Tony didn't respond as he began thinking of the one woman who had been perfect for him, smiling ever so slightly. Oh how he missed Ziva at times. Sometimes it didn't feel real that that the desk belong to her anymore, but to Bishop instead. He loved having Bishop on the team but she just wasn't Ziva. He shook the thought out of his head and he looked at McGee as he heard McGee speak.
"See, he can't even name one."
"I can so!" He exclaimed in a childish tone. He hesitated as he thought about some of the women he had been with over the years. 'Maybe he's got a point.' He thought to himself silently. There was no way he was prepared to let McGee know that he thought the nerd was right however. He'd never live it down.
"Really Tony? You can't think of one? Okay, so what about that woman you had to get a restraining order on?" McGee questioned.
"Oh yeah, what was her name again?" Tony thought aloud.
"And what about that one who tied you up?"
"You were tied up?" Bishop spoke, a little surprised.
"Long story." Tony answered her.
"How about that transsexual you tongued?" McGee continued.
'Should have known he'd bring up that again.' He thought to himself.
"And what about Jeanne Benoit?"
Tony's head snapped towards him at that one, a saddened and hurt look spreading across his face instantly. There was no hiding that comment had struck a nerve in Tony. "Don't talk about her. She wasn't messed up…just hurt…" He trailed off as he began thinking about her, not wanting to go there but it was too late.
"She accused you of murdering her father."
"I said. Don't. Talk. About. Her." He hissed, anger evident in his voice. "Ever." That was one relationship that he still couldn't talk about, even after all the years. And Tony knew it would always be a subject that would cause him too much hurt. He would simply continue to push it to the back of his mind and bury it deep down, just like he did with many other subjects of conversation that caused him pain. After all, he had spent years and years perfecting that as a skill. He had made the mistake of falling for Jeanne Benoit when he had been undercover. He had let her see that vulnerable side of him. A side of him he always did his best to keep hidden from the rest of the world. The majority of people that had met him believed what they first saw when they looked at him – that he was a class clown who was too immature to being working at a Federal Agency, that he chased every woman in a skirt who he could sleep with, who only cared about movies and pulling pranks. But that was all he allowed those people to see. They only saw what was on the surface. The majority of it was all just an act. And there were only a few people Tony had allowed to see the real him. The few people he trusted his life with, to always have his six. And those were the few people that knew his behaviour was an act.
Bishop noticed the look on Tony's face but she didn't say anything. McGee was taken aback slightly by the tone in Tony's voice. He knew he had struck a nerve in him. He saw the hurt in Tony's expression through his eyes and he felt guilty.
Tony tried to push the thought of Jeanne into the back of his mind for the time being, not wanting to think about her and the pain he had caused her.
"But you won't have any problems passing. It's Prince Charming over here who just barely passes because he actually is unstable." McGee said to Bishop with a smirk in a humorous tone, trying to lighten the mood again and an attempt to ignore the guilt he was now feeling in his gut.
Bishop chuckled slightly.
Tony sent a death glare to McGee. If only looks could kill. But it wasn't the look that had been on his face moments before. It was now a much lighter and playful look. It was that look that they were well used of over the years. A look that meant he was planning something sneaky. "Don't you forget McNerd, I know things." He wagged a finger in the air as he looked at McGee.
McGee just rolled his eyes before returning his attention back to his computer screen. He inwardly smiled to himself, figuring his changing of the subject had worked. And seeing that familiar look on Tony's face helped to ease the guilt in McGee's stomach. And even he knew Tony was probably planning on super-gluing his fingers to his keyboard again or some prank like that, it made him feel better.
But as Tony stared at his computer screen, he couldn't ignore that memory as it filled his mind once again - the memory of the day when Jeanne and him had ended it on such bad terms, knowing that the simple word of 'no' he had last spoke to her with had caused so much pain to both of them. But as his thoughts drifted to the special people in his life who had been there when he had needed them, it helped him to forget. And when his thoughts focused on one person in particular, all the pain was forgotten and the memory was lost deep within the back of his mind once again. And although he missed her, he at least had the special memory of how things had ended between Ziva and him and he couldn't help but smile a little again. And he hoped someday in the future, they would meet again. And he held onto that.
Gibbs stepped back into the bullpen, followed by the psychologist who looked more than irritated. Gibbs however somehow looked sort of pleased. "Grab your gear, we're heading to Quantico." He said as he headed over to his desk, pulling out his gun and slipping it into his holster.
Tony, Bishop and McGee quickly stood up, grabbing their gear and they quickly followed behind Gibbs to the elevator, leaving the psychologist standing there less than amused. "We'll continue this when you get back Agent Gibbs." He called.
Gibbs smiled slightly as he stepped into the elevator, followed by his team and the doors quickly closed.
"Lucky we got a case huh boss." Tony said with a smile.
"Yah think DiNozzo?" Gibbs glared at him for a moment.
"You think the boss made sure we got a case to get him out of his evaluation?" Bishop asked as she pulled her cap over her head, after tying her hair back in a bun.
Tony and McGee looked at her. "Of course he did Probie." Tony answered. "Gibbs always gets out of evaluations. He's spent years perfecting the skill."
"Just like you. You never let anyone inside your head." McGee remarked.
Tony turned his head towards McGee as he slipped his own cap over his head. "You wouldn't want to know what goes on in my head McGoo."
"We pretty much already know what goes on in your head Tony." McGee rolled his eyes.
"Yeah it's all movies, women, sex and sports." Bishop added with a chuckle.
"What more could a guy want?" He shrugged as he pulled a pair of blue booties over his shoes from the back of the NCIS truck. They had just arrived at the crime scene and were quite aware they would be entering a bloody scene. "Twenty bucks says the shrink didn't get nothing out of Gibbs."
"Thirty bucks says he did." Bishop replied.
"Oh you're on." Tony smirked, already knowing he had won the bet, and he walked on ahead to enter the crime scene, slipping a pair of gloves over his hands, disappearing into the small apartment building that was the location of their crime scene.
"You've got no chance on that bet you know." McGee spoke as he and Bishop trailed behind the Senior Field Agent. "Gibbs has never been evaluated long enough to talk."
"How does he pass then?" She questioned.
"No one knows, except for Tony." He said with a shrug. With that, the two entered the front door of the house.
All of the NCIS team stepped out of the elevator and into the bullpen, all except for Gibbs who had decided to go and get more coffee after they had finished processing the crime scene. The three remaining team members strode over to their desks, settling down their backpacks as they got to work, already aware of the first thing they needed to do to begin solving the case.
"Where's Special Agent Gibbs?" A voice questioned as the man entered the bullpen, standing by Tony's desk.
Tony looked up at the man and he frowned, seeing the psychologist standing there. "He went to get coffee."
"Coffee? Is he aware his evaluation has barely begun?"
"If you want to deal with Gibbs without his coffee, it's your funeral." Tony replied, waving his arms in the air.
The man glared at him for a moment. "When will he back?"
"Whenever he gets his coffee. He could be awhile." He smirked.
"Very well. I'll just talk to you in the meantime Agent DiNozzo."
The smirk faded from Tony's face immediately and he cringed. The look didn't go amiss to the psychologist however. McGee chuckled. "Can't we do this later? I've got work to do and-" Tony was interrupted.
"I'm sure these two very capable agents can do whatever is necessary until you get back." He looked at McGee and Bishop as he spoke. "Come with me."
Tony stood from his desk, still frowning and he began following the doctor up to the conference room, dreading this. But if he had it his way, he would be at his desk in half an hour tops. He just had to play his cards right. And he knew it wasn't going to be difficult. There was no way he was going to let any doctor who didn't even know him inside of his head. His frown turned into a smile knowing exactly how he was going to handle this.
"Special Agent DiNozzo, care to take a seat?" The psychologist as he sat down at the large conference table, opening his file and picking up a pen.
"That's Very Special Agent DiNozzo to you doc." Tony said with a smile, sitting down in a chair directly opposite to the doctor, pulling himself in further to the desk. He rested his arms on the table. "I didn't quite catch your name this morning doc."
"Dr. Michael Hanson."
"Well Doctor Michael. So what do you want to know about me? I'm sure all the great stuff's in my personnel file there." Tony spoke, his eyes glancing at the file that lay beside the Doctor's note pad.
"I've skimmed a few details."
"Anything interesting?"
"How long have you been a Senior Field Agent?" Dr. Hanson asked, ignoring Tony's question. He knew this man in front of him was going to be difficult to evaluate. He knew he was up for a challenge, knowing he was skilled at avoiding giving straight answers and opening up.
"Thirteen years but you already know that because it's in my file." He interlinked his fingers on top of the table.
"It also says you were offered the position to lead your own team seven years ago in Rota, Spain. The position which you turned down to stay here on the Major Case Response Team working underneath Agent Gibbs. I understand having the opportunity to lead your own team doesn't occur very often. Did you understand this opportunity would be unlikely to come around for several more years, if again?"
"Wasn't the right time." He shrugged.
"You didn't feel ready to lead your own team."
"Like I said, it wasn't the right time."
The doctor scribbled some notes down on his pad of paper. "If you were offered the opportunity again tomorrow, would you take it?" He looked up at Tony.
"Tough question. I'd have to get back to you on that." Tony pointed a finger. He decided it was the right time to put his plan in action and step it up a notch.
Dr. Hanson wrote more notes down, noting that there was already the lack of presence of straight answers. He knew this was going to take awhile. "Agent DiNozzo, I've been told you like to hide behind humor. Why is that?"
"Hiding with humor? I definitely enjoy making people laugh and lightening the mood but hiding behind jokes? That's not me. What would I have to hide? I'm an open book." Tony answered with a chuckle, his voice dripping with sarcasm, all to well knowing it was a lie.
"Perhaps you are afraid."
"Doesn't everybody have something they're afraid of?"
"What are you afraid of Agent DiNozzo?"
"Please, call me Tony."
"Okay, Tony. And you can stop avoiding the question. What are you afraid of?"
"Who said I was afraid?"
"Everybody has something they're afraid of, like you just said."
"Maybe I'm not so comfortable around needles and rats. Maybe I'm not a huge fan of dirt and germs. But they aren't exactly worth wasting time in an evaluation."
"Smart answers Tony. It is clear this is not your first evaluation."
"Well, you know, after being a Senior Field Agent for over thirteen years, you pick up a few things."
"I believe you had a near death experience several years ago?"
"Haven't all federal agents at some point in their lives?"
"Many have but I am particularly referring to yours Agent DiNozzo."
Tony chuckled. "It seems you have forgot my first name. Which near death experience are you referring to doctor?"
"It says here in your file that nine years ago, you were exposed to Pneumonic Plague because of a letter you opened."
"Oh that near death experience. I wasn't sure to which you were referring. Been through that many. Although, I learnt a lot from that experience. I learnt to definitely avoid needles, rats, opening unpersonalised SWAK letters, dirt and germs, the odd biological attack. You know, the usual. Mind, nearly cost me my life, what with my own young and carefree attitude I had back then. Ah the good old days." He smiled to himself, pretending to be thinking about the past for a moment. "But hey, we all make mistakes, right doc?" He added, looking back at the psychologist.
"You can drop the sarcasm Agent DiNozzo. We are not here to play games which I know is something you are very good at."
"Why not? Games are fun."
"Because we do not have time for games. The sooner you start playing straight with me, the quicker you get back to work."
"And you get to poke the inside of all my brain and write it down? Fun. Fun. Fun." He scoffed. "But you'd love that fun right?"
He ignored his question, knowing it was rhetorical. "You're enjoying this aren't you Agent DiNozzo?"
"I'm disappointed doc." Tony shook his head. "Aren't you bored with the titles?"
"How about you answer my questions with actual answers I can write down, and then I'll go back to calling you Tony."
"How about we cut straight to the chase and you just call me Tony again? Because otherwise, it's just going to be a long day for the both of us." He smiled smugly and he crossed his arms over his chest, sitting back in the chair, kicking his feet out underneath the table.
"I'm sure you do not have a whole day to waste. I do not think Agent Gibbs would be pleased with that."
"It's been thirteen years doc. He's used to it. He'd be more pissed that you kept me in here, away from my desk for so long." The grin never faded from his face.
"Who's problem would that be?"
"Yours." He paused. "You know, I've been known to keep this up for days, weeks even. I'm very good at this you know. An expert even. Ask anyone. They'll tell yah."
"I am quite aware of your reluctance to share any personal information Agent DiNozzo. I am also quite aware that, like Special Agent Gibbs, you have somehow managed to pass each psychological evaluation in the past, without actually talking."
"Ah but you're wrong doc. I am talking."
"That you are."
"And this aint even me at my best talking either. Like, I talk way more than this on a good day. Ask anyone, they'll tell yah. People can get very irritated by it, or so I've been told. They find it very annoying when I go on and on and on and on, especially Gibbs. Oh he hates it when I don't know when to shut up. It drives him crazy." He rested his elbows on the table in front of him, resting his head into his hands with another smirk as he spoke. "And FYI, I just thought I'd let you know I'm not the biggest fan of head doctors."
"And why is that?"
"Why? Isn't it obvious? You guys get a real kick out of this don't you?"
"Out of what?"
"This. Getting inside of people's heads. You just love what makes our brains tick right?"
"And what makes you 'tick' Agent DiNozzo?"
"Ah wouldn't you like to know doc." He smiled. "I must be making you tick right? I mean, what with not being able to break me and all."
The doctor smiled a little at the man. He was definitely intrigued by this man who sat opposite to him. He wanted to know more about him. But he knew he had to patient. He looked at Tony for a few seconds, thinking of the right words. "You are a definitely an intelligent man, but yet an interesting challenge. You are very skilled at this."
"Had years of practise."
"Do you trust anyone?"
"Trust is an interesting word, don't yah think?"
Dr. Hanson scribbled something down on his notepad. Tony lifted his head closer as he tried to have a little peak at what the doctor was writing but he couldn't quite see. "Anything interesting there doc?"
The doctor looked up as he focused his attention back on the agent. "Ah yes, I've been informed you are quite an inquisitive person."
"Curious, not inquisitive. It's my job to be curious, makes me a better investigator." Just then, one of his cell phones began ringing. He took out his phone and he saw it was Gibbs. He looked at the psychologist. "Gotta take this. It's the boss man."
He gestured for Tony to take the call.
Tony accepted the call and he held the phone to his ear. "Yeah boss?"
"Need you down here."
"On it boss." As quick as the phone call came, it was ended and Tony put his phone back away. He looked at the doctor, standing up from the conference table. "Duty calls Doctor Michael. Boss needs me."
"By all means, go ahead."
He headed over to the door and opened it. "Great chat." He smiled back at the man.
"It has only just begun Special Agent DiNozzo."
"I look forward to it doc." With that, Tony headed out of the room, leaving the psychologist sitting there with an intrigued look on his face. He was definitely fascinated by the man. He was very curious to dig deeper during their next conversation.
Hope you guys enjoyed part 1. Keep an eye out for the second and final part coming soon. And don't forget to review. Let me know what you guys thought. Your opinions really matter to me. But that's all for now folks :)