Author's Note: I uploaded chapters four and five of Big News and ten other one shots to make up for my long absence. I hate being busy with RL. T_T Anyway, enjoy this crack. Yes, it's crack. And please, don't forget to review! No flames but critique's are welcomed!
Pairing(s): AmericaxEngland / AlfredxArthur
Genre(s): Humor
Warning(s): Crack, Sexual Themes, Shounen-Ai, Human Names
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction by a fan for fans. This has no relation to the real countries and its people. Hetalia Axis Powers rightfully belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya. Google/Google Chrome, Firefox, Thunderbird and Opera belong to their rightful owners.
"Password Error"
Alfred F. Jones was standing behind Arthur Kirkland in the Briton's study room. They had been in the room for almost two hours and Alfred was nearly about to go nuts.
"Alfred, there's no sound!" Arthur complained. "The bloody contraption is broken!"
Alfred let out a near-hissing sigh and forced himself to calm down. This was his brilliant idea, after all. But by God, must he accuse the computer to be broken all the time?
"You have to put the volume on first." Alfred said with a little irritation in his voice. Then he pointed the volume bar on the monitor, "See? It's set to zero."
With a pout and his thick brows furrowing, Arthur grabbed the mouse and increased the volume to 100. God Save The Queen, the anthem, blasted from the larger than life speakers that Alfred insisted was necessary for all computers.
Alfred wanted to groan and slap his forehead as Arthur grinned, pleased with his country's song echoing around the house.
"All right, you got the music – now, let's start with getting you an e-mail account so we can chat." Alfred said, five seconds into the song, "Go open chrome."
"What?"
"Chrome, y'know, google?" Alfred replied, struggling to keep his voice levelled. Arthur would have his head if he'd talk to the Brit disrespectfully. Normally, the American didn't mind Arthur blowing his head off, but Alfred was in a hurry to catch that Hero Marathon on TV and Arthur was slower than a snail when it came to computers.
"You mean the one with the fox?"
"No, that's firefox."
"The bird?"
"That's thunderbird!"
"The icon with the O?"
"Dammit, that's Opera!"
"Don't use that tone with me, you git!"
Oh, God, kill me now. Alfred groaned.
"Forget it! We're returning this bloody piece of crap back to the shop!" Arthur hissed and felt like kicking the machine but he kicked the desk instead.
"Jesus!" Alfred gasped, grabbing onto the table to steady it. "Calm down, Artie!"
"This is clearly a waste of my time!" Arthur crossed his arms, "If you want to talk to me while your over at your country, then give me a bloody call on the mobile!"
Alfred frowned, this was what he hoped wouldn't happen. "International calls are so expensive!"
Arthur's chin lifted up to the air, indicating he couldn't care less. But he very well knew how expensive their phone bills have gotten recently and it wasn't going to do their countries any good.
"Come on, you know the big man ain't happy about last month's phone bill." Alfred said, referring to last week's incident with his boss. "I don't have unlimited minutes for international calls any more and he's got my phone wired! Or may be you want the big man and the entire secret service to listen to your moaning on the phone?"
Arthur's ears turned red the instant it was mentioned. Damned Alfred and his sexy accents.
"And it won't be long 'till your stuffy Prime Minister hears of this, too! Heck, the Queen might get a wiff of this and imagine how that's gonna turn out!"
"Fine!" Arthur gasped out and hunched over the computer once more. There was no way he was going to let Alfred's boss or anyone else hear their embarrassing phone conversations. "So, which one of these is chroogle?"
Alfred slapped himself on the forehead, it was going to be a longer day. God save him.
Nearly about two hours later, Arthur was finally filling out his e-mail sign-up form while Alfred finally let out a relieved huff, he was going to make it in time for that marathon!
"What do I do next?" Arthur asked, finished with filling in his name.
"Now, you think up of a user name." Alfred said, calmer than he had been two hours ago. "That's the name that appears when you chat or send e-mails. You can't change it ever so think of something awesome! Like what I did with mine!"
Arthur cocked an eyebrow at the grinning American, "What is your user name?"
"theawesomehero," Alfred proudly grinned, "Awesome, huh?"
Arthur felt his eye twitch. That was not awesome but he didn't have the heart to trample down Alfred's happiness since the guy was finally grinning. Hell, two hours ago, Alfred looked like he was ready to murder someone.
"Right." Arthur muttered and faced the monitor.
"I knew you'd think so!" Alfred chuckled, "All right, Artie, type in that user name and we're gonna be done!"
"All right, give me a moment to think up of one." Arthur said and his almighty brows furrowed.
"Take your time." Alfred grinned, knowing Arthur would take only a couple minutes to decide.
Alfred was ready to commit murder. For the love of... it took Arthur two damned hours to think of a damned user name! He missed the first movie of the marathon!
"What do I have to do next?" Arthur asked with a grin, he was so proud of the user name he thought of.
Alfred wanted to smack that grin off Arthur's face but he controlled himself. If he did do it, he'd waste time listening to Arthur's yelling.
"Alfred, what do I do next?" Arthur asked, this time looking up at the American.
"Type in a password." Alfred grumbled, clearly no longer in the mood. "Type anything in."
Arthur turned back to the monitor. Great, Alfred was pissed again and Arthur swore he did nothing-
His green eyes were stuck looking at the time on the monitor. More than six hours passed since Alfred assembled the computer in the study.
No wonder he's pissed.
Arthur frowned, did he really spend most of the day doing nothing? Alfred was standing there beside him the whole time and they did nothing? Good God. That was an amazing miracle! Usually, their hands were all over each other.
Then the idea came to him. Oh, this is sure to lighten his mood.
"I got it!" Arthur cheered and began to type in his password but at the same time making sure that Alfred was looking as he typed slowly.
P E N I S
Alfred blinked, realizing what Arthur typed down. A small smile tugged at his lips as Arthur pressed the Enter key. The page quickly loaded to the next and Alfred couldn't help but laugh as Arthur stared at the monitor only to glare at it seconds later.
Password Error. Too short.
"Stop laughing, you git!" Arthur huffed at Alfred then glared back at the computer, "Useless junk!"
Arthur had stood up, ready to kick the computer dead when Alfred pushed him back down on the chair and turned the chair so they could face each other.
"You're a pain in the ass, y'know?" Alfred grinned as he placed his hands on the chair's armrest, trapping Arthur there.
"Up your ass." Arthur grumbled before yanking Alfred down to kiss him.
The End
Author's Note: UKUS? USUK? I don't know either. O_O But either way is fine with me. Lol. This was based off a joke my younger cousin didn't understand and asked me to explain it. O_o
Please don't forget to review, dear readers! No flames but critique's are a-ok!