Prologue - Blank Page
This will probably not come as a surprise to you, but I do not remember the first time we met.
It is probably for the better, too. I figure anyone who remembers their birth would be traumatized for the rest of their life.
I bet a lot of people would not believe that you were at my birth. They call you a monster and - if I may be so frank - they are right.
Now, I know for a fact that you are not a family man and yet you were there. You told me off it yourself, I remember that quite clearly. You even said you had been ever so proud, ever so happy.
I am not sure if that was a lie. You lied quite a lot, you know, and it is close to impossible figuring out what little truth there was in your words. Still, I kind of hope what you told me was not a lie. It would be nice if you actually cared for me, though you never cared for anyone else.
I cared for you, despite everything.
I do not remember my mother, either, and you never talked about her. Sometimes, I would overhear people whisper - "just like her mother" as well as "nothing like her at all" - and I will probably never know which of those is true.
Here is something that I do remember: the first time someone told me about you. You will probably hate this, but it was Professor Dumbledore. I hear they usually send McGonagall to tell Muggles about magic and how their children are wizards. Maybe she refused to tell me - I have the suspicion that she did not want me at Hogwarts at all. (That changed quite quickly, because, let me tell you, I was a good student. Almost the best.)
Of course, I might always have been a special case. Does that make it better for you?
The point is: Dumbledore told me about you, right after handing me the letter that turned my life around. I remember the grave expression he wore and how his sparkling eyes had dimmed.
"Listen, child," he had said. "There is something else."
It's still ringing in my ears how I asked him, after he told me of you, if that was all that there was to know. He said yes and it was a lie. Lying is not a thing only evil people do.
I remember being crushed - after all, I had always imagined a hero, someone who had abandoned me for a noble cause but still loved me very much. One would think that my stay in the orphanage would have better prepared me for disappointments.
He had told me of your indiscretions and your delusions of grandeur and the fact that you tried to murder a boy who was just about as old as me.
Have you thought of me that night you went to Godric's Hollow? I never got to ask you, but I like to think - and I know this is only in my mind and you probably did not have a single thought like it - that you stopped for a second and thought about how it could very well be your own daughter sitting in front of you.
Did you hesitate, when you pointed your wand at Harry? I like to think you snapped yourself out of it, knowing that you would come home to your daughter; your precious daughter that you loved ever so much. I want to think you were sorry when you could not come back to me.
Not that it would have changed anything - sorry or not sorry, they had to send me away, put me in that orphanage.
At least, I think you did not want that for me. It happened to me, the same as it happened to you and I think it made you angry. You never said (of course you did not), but there was that look in your eyes when I told you.
It was not all bad, you know? I have heard stories of you as a child and you were not very nice.
Okay, you know what? Let's be honest here - you were an absolute arse, and to what end?
You made a very commonplace mistake - a lot of villains do that. You make people fear you and bow before you in their fright and anguish. Some you may have gained because you are an apt liar and these idiots would follow anyone who claimed to have the heritage we have.
True loyalty - the kind that comes from friendship, from admiration, from mutual respect - was never something that you inspired.
People betray you regularly and they search for loopholes in your orders, because no one (expect maybe Bellatrix, but she has always been barking mad) actually wants to follow you. Not anymore.
You wanted to be King of the World. I do not know what you wanted with me, given your perceived immortality and what not - marry me off? To whom and why? Or maybe, you wanted me to rule by your side, to be the pretty princess at your side, the daughter full of admiration.
I was never meant to be your princess. I am something much better. I am Queen under the Lake.