A/N: This was initially posted as a hayffie one shot in Chap 252 of the Ballad titled How To Ruin A Date; A Guide By Haymitch Abernathy. However, since I've had several requests for there to be a second part, I obliged and wrote it which is why I started it as a new and separate story.
For those who have not read the original one-shot, this is based on a post on facebook I had on how to ruin a date in four words. So this is for flutteringphalanges whose words were - "Nice Dress, Not Yours." It is a modern au where Haymitch and Effie had never met before until the fateful date.
Chapter One: How To Ruin a Date; A Guide By Haymitch Abernathy
Turning off the ignition, Haymitch alighted and slammed the truck door.
For a moment, he stood at the parking lot, looking at the restaurant with a hand on his hip. He had no knowledge of this place and had not bothered to look it up. Peeta had entered the coordinates into his phone so all he had done was to follow the directions in his GPS, and it had led him here.
It was an atrocity.
Capitol was exactly the sort of place one would go to impress. The exterior was lighted up brightly so much so that his eyes were hurting just by looking at it. The place was posh, expensive and classy, and therefore, very much not his scene.
Personally, he preferred the diner. The greasy food, the beer and his favourite whiskey was comforting to him.
It was clear that in his plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up his arms, his jeans and scuffed boots, he was not dressed appropriately. It mattered little to him. He didn't want to be here in the first place. He was doing this to shut the kids.
As he drew nearer, he began to notice the odd looks given his way which of course, he ignored. People staring and talking about him had not bothered him before and it was not going to bother him now.
"Haymitch Abernathy," he told the man waiting to check the reservation list.
He was given a quick judgmental glance and for a second, Haymitch hoped that he would be turned away but that did not happen.
How disappointing.
Haymitch followed the man into the restaurant and was shown to his table where a woman was already sitting.
She definitely belonged in this place with her yellow dress which shimmered lightly under the lights. It complimented her honey blonde hair that she tied into a loose chignon. Her back was to him and as he walked towards her, he took in the sight of her; the delicate curve of her neck, the gold bangle adorning her wrist which was resting at the edge of the table and the smooth, endless legs crossed underneath.
What was it that Finnick had said about her? As beautiful as a precious jewel... He was about to find out if Finnick was overselling her qualities.
Without a greeting or introducing himself, Haymitch pulled out the chair and dropped into it, startling her in the process.
He stared and didn't take his eyes off her. Finnick was right. She was a beauty and so very clearly out of his league. If it wasn't for Finnick, Jo and the kids meddling, he doubt she would give him the time of day should he ever approach her.
"You are Haymitch, I presume," she said in a clipped tone, clearly annoyed. "You are late. It is bad manners to keep a lady waiting for a first date."
First date, he scoffed.
This was anything but.
"Nice dress," he remarked, making sure to keep his tone indifferent, almost lazy and then he let his gaze slid over to the woman on their left, on purpose.
"Oh, thank - "
"Not yours," he finished with a smirk when he caught her stare. "What's the matter, sweetheart? Never not been second best in a room?"
"My name is Effie, not sweetheart," she pursed her lips. "Are you always this rude?"
"Since birth," he answered with careless shrug.
"Such a shame," she remarked and gestured at his face. "You are not half bad… if one were to discount your appalling clothes. Of course, I have seen better from others."
If she meant for him to take offense, she was mistaken because he smirked. Effie was clearly going for the 'eye for an eye' route – an insult for the way he presented himself for the gibe on her dress.
They were off to a good start, he thought, and she had not even properly introduced herself.
"I bet they were all out to please you. If you think I'm gonna be that way, you're wrong," he told her and lifted the menu in front of him so that it blocked her face.
Placing their order was the easy part. It was what came after that was not. Waiting for their food was difficult because this was when people usually pass the time with mindless chatter and small talks all in a bid to get to know each other.
Effie was no different.
Sipping her wine, she said, "Finnick told me that you have a store in – "
"You're actually pretty fuckin' hot," he made that observation and leaned back in his seat to let his eyes roamed over her. "How do you like it? You like it rough or ….? Hell, sweetheart, now I'm curious, which position makes you climax hard? What blows your mind? I'm a guy so sex's important to me."
Effie gaped at him. Her mouth fell open slightly at the audacity of his question and his forwardness especially since they had only just met.
The crudeness in which he had asked those questions was not something any woman wanted to hear during a first date but he was doing it on purpose. He wanted something to show the kids that they should stay out of his business. Despite them being insistent that he should give this a try, he had no inclination for this to lead anywhere.
She inhaled deeply and he didn't need to have known her long for him to know that she was trying to remain calm.
"How long had it been since you went on a date?"
What she was trying to imply was not lost on him – he was terrible at this.
"I don't date," he told her the first truthful thing about him. "I go to bars and let the drinks do the rest. How 'bout we skip dinner and get to the best part?"
She ignored his question. Instead, she narrowed her eyes at him.
"Tell me, Haymitch, why did you agree to this?" she gestured at the space between them.
"Got nothin' to do tonight, so why not?"
"That's it? You are here to fill the time?"
"Yeah, 'cause I'm certainly ain't here for the wine," he tapped the glass. "Maybe… I'm here to get lucky. So, what do you say? There's a motel not far from here."
She stood up abruptly and flushed a little when the scraping of her chair drew the attention of other nearby patrons in the restaurant.
"I do not know the kind of information our mutual friend, Finnick, have been telling you about me but let me just make it clear to you, Haymitch, that I am not the kind of woman to sleep with a man on a first date, and certainly not with someone as rude and uncivilised as you."
"That's a shame," he mocked. "We could have had a fun night between the sheets. I could have shown you a good time, loosen you up a bit."
He supposed it was his attitude or perhaps, she simply had enough because she grabbed her purse and stormed out. Haymitch chuckled quietly to himself. Leaning to his side, he watched her walk away and wondered if she would trip on that ridiculously high heel in her hurry to get away from him.
They didn't even make it through the first course. The kids would be in an uproar if he were to tell them what transpired tonight.
He left some money on the table and made his way out.
Effie was outside, lingering by the sidewalk as she ran her hands up and down her arms to ward off the chill.
"Waitin' for something?"
She squeaked in surprised and then moved a step away from him, as if being near him would tarnish her reputation.
"Yes," she answered tersely. "I called Uber for a car so it should be here any moment."
Haymitch grabbed her wrist and brought it up to his face to get a look at her phone. The map was on the screen and it was tracking the journey of the car.
"It's ten minutes away," he called out her lie.
She pulled her hand away with a glare.
"Get in the truck," he jerked his head towards where he had parked it earlier. "I'll send you home."
"I don't think you heard me. I am not that sort of - "
"Yeah, yeah, I know," he raised both hands defensively. He softened his voice and for once since they met, he made sure not to be antagonising towards her. "I'm just gonna send you home, alright? I won't try to get you naked and into your bed."
She seemed to contemplate her options, her gaze dropping to her phone and then to him and the truck.
"It's the least I can do after I ruined your night. Come on, gentleman's honour," he grinned, putting his palm on his chest where his heart would be. "I'll send you home safely."
"You are anything but a gentleman. I will have you know that I have a pepper spray in my purse and the authorities on speed dial. So don't you try anything funny, Haymitch."
"Yeah, okay, got it," he nodded seriously. "I'm not going to hurt you, Effie."
Perhaps it was because he was not actively trying to sabotage anything now that the date was over so the ride home was surprisingly amicable and even if there were a few disagreements, they managed a civil conversation. Mostly, Effie did the talking while he listened.
He learnt that she had been in attendance at Finnick's wedding a year ago. He didn't notice her. It was difficult to when both him and Johanna was more interested with what they had to offer at the open bar. He also learnt that she visited little Finn once a month and doted on the boy. Again, he had never crossed paths with her when he visited which was rare but it happened.
Effie had heard of Katniss and Peeta from Finnick and Annie, but had never met them just as she had never met him until today.
"So…." he started once his truck was in her driveway. He glanced in her direction. "Brought you back safe like I said, didn't I?"
"Thank you," she afforded him a smile and he liked the sight of it. She alighted, closed the door and stooped a little to talk to him through the unwind truck window. "You don't have to call me. Let's not see each other again… Not in this capacity at least."
He couldn't help a chuckle.
"Yeah," he nodded. "Good luck in the dating scene, sweetheart. Maybe the next one won't be such an asshole to you like I was, yeah?"
"I'm glad you realised your own horrible behaviour."
"I had something to prove," he shrugged, finally admitting that reason to her. "You can tell Finnick, who will tell the kids, that tonight was a disaster. Do me a solid and tell him you don't to see me again, alright? That's the only way the kids won't insist on setting me on a date again."
She paused and blinked at him as the realisation set in.
"You were doing it on purpose…" she breathed.
It was the look on her face that made him feel a twinge of regret.
"Yeah, look, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I ain't... I'm not someone you want to have a commitment with. I'm not good with…. It's better this way."
"Very well," she nodded even if she did not understand it.
"You look - " he paused. "You're gorgeous and that's a … That dress suits you," he muttered. "You didn't deserve what happened tonight."
Effie stepped back so he could drive off. "Goodbye."
"Yeah… Goodnight."