Dan could hear his heart beating rapidly in his chest. He wasn't aware of anything else around him. Nothing else seemed to really matter, except for the computer screen in front of him and the loud thump-thump-thump in heart echoing up into his skull. The video had taken a long time to plan, record, edit and then process, but finally it was ready to be uploaded. Thousands of people were going to see it within seconds of Dan clicking that upload button. If he clicked that button, his whole life was going to change forever, and he couldn't figure out whether it would be the making of him or whether he would see his career crash and burn.
Of course, it wasn't just his career this would impact. This would affect Phil too. Dan felt his chest swell as he thought of his dorky boyfriend. He loved the man, they'd been dating for years now, but the rest of the world hadn't known. And they'd liked that. It had been just Dan and Phil and no one else, they hadn't even told their families in case they accidentally let something slip. Phil didn't have as many subscribers as Dan, there were a lot of people that only liked Dan and didn't like Phil. Dan couldn't help but think that Phil was going to come out of this worse than he would. Phil was currently sat in the living room downstairs, waiting for Dan to upload the video and then support the younger man as much as Dan needed it, even if Phil needed it too.
The video was explaining their relationship to the world. They had decided to finally tell the world of their relationship as it was beginning to get more and more difficult to hide. When they had first started dating, they were both two little English youtubers that a handful of people had heard of. Now they had a book, and a worldwide tour, and huge fan base. Everywhere they went, they would bump into fans, people that knew them and have what little privacy they had would be ripped away from them again. They never got any time alone when they left the apartment and people were always asking if Phan was true, they were always pushing their noses in where they weren't wanted. And even though they had both always kept there cool when asked and hadn't got annoyed at a single fan yet, they wanted their privacy back.
Dan clicked upload.
There, it was done. Dan could feel his mind about to go into overdrive as he sat back and stared at the screen. In the hopes of avoiding a break down, he forced himself up and travelled through the flat until he found Phil, curled up on the sofa staring at a blank TV. Stepping closer to him, Phil looked up, nerves written all over his face. Silently, Dan moved across the room and curled himself into Phil's side as the latter put his arm around him and pulled him close, pressing a small light kiss to his temple. Both men now sat in silence staring at the blank TV screen. Nothing needed to be said. They both knew the other so well they knew what they were thinking, and what they needed to help get them both threw this.
Phil's phone on the table began to buzz violently and Dan's did the same in his pocket. They both looked at each other, worry etched on their faces and sat still until Phil broke the silence.
"Turn our phones off?" His voice shook as he spoke but his eyes didn't leave Dan's for a second. Dan nodded in response. Almost simultaneously, they both reached for the phones and held the off button until the screen went dark, not daring to look at any notifications in the process. The silence shortly became deafening and gave them both the illusion of drowning in their own thoughts so Dan grabbed the TV remote and quickly turned it on, leaving it on whatever channel came on first (ITV, Jeremy Kyle) .
They both sat there, watching some random guy fail his lie detector results and his girlfriend leave him as the sunset outside. The programme change but neither of them really noticed. Outside was pitch dark and the clock said almost 1am before either of them moved again. Neither of them wanted anything to eat, it felt like their insides were tying themselves into knots over how anxious they were.
"Bedtime?" Dan whispered as they both began to get up. This time it was Phil's turn to just nod in response as both men headed towards Dan's room after taking each other's hand.
Phil curled up under Dan's duvet as the latter put his pyjamas on and joined him. They huddled up together, wrapping their arms around one another as Dan placed his head on Phil's chest. Phil's eyes began to get heavy as he lay there cuddling Dan and soon he couldn't keep himself awake any longer. He whispered a 'Goodnight' to Dan, pressed a kiss to his forehead and began to drift off the sleep, knowing the Dan was going to awake for hours yet.